1st Year Cheer Dad Is This Normal?

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What everyone said about no swimming, routine changes, hair, etc are true. I do have some issues with the coaches based on what you said. There is never a good reason for any coach to tell a team at any point during a competition that they have no chance - if a team has no chance before they hit the mat that is a coaching mistake and not an athlete mistake. I also have never been a fan of the constant reminders of "you will be replaced", especially with mini and youth teams. Any "rules" such as no wearing warm-ups should be addressed with the parents prior to competitions so that the parents are aware of the expectations and can plan accordingly.
Competitive cheer is a disciplined sport/activity just as travel basketball, hockey, etc. but that doesn't mean that you and your child should be miserable and getting screamed at all the time. There are good gyms and bad gyms. Not saying you are at one or the other, but it may be wise to explore other gyms around your area before deciding to quit altogether.
 
But some of you are being harsh for no reason and need to tone it down. He is BRAND NEW to cheer and is going to mix things up/not know stuff/have questions that don't make complete sense or go against what Fierceboard thinks is ok. Give him some slack. He is reaching out for help because he thinks we can help him. So lets show him some respect and be the good wealth of knowledge and support I know we can be. Not the kingdom of snark and jumping to conclusions that I also know we can be. There I said it.

To be fair though, anyone stepping into the cheer realm would have these questions - not just engineers. Cheer is not your typical youth sport in terms of trying to understand it. An engineer and the person working at McDonald's would have an equally hard time understanding it at first.

Your post sounds very defensive towards him and I dont get why. He is "just being a dad." A lot of you previously made him sound like he was being a Suzie's Mom which I didn't get that at all. I think you guys took what he was saying about his daughter and their situation as bragging. He wasn't. In no way was he implying his daughter should be the star of the team, point jumper, dancer, flyer, etc. There's a difference. He was simply sharing what his daughter was doing in the gym and their background. Saying his "daughter is doing level 6 stunts" is not the same a saying his "daughter is doing level 6 stunts and so she should be on a worlds team and deserves a worlds ring because she is everything."

But everything he is saying and asking fits the bill of being "just a dad:. A dad whose fully interested in what his daughter is doing, a dad that's concerned for his family as well, especially after his wife was attacked by the owner. "Being a dad" can also include asking questions and trying to understand the sport his daughter is participating in. My dad did the same thing when i first started cheer, he did as much research as he could on it so he could understand it. I get no trying-to-coach-from-home vibe from his posts or spotting-his-daughter-in-the-back-yard vibe. He's just interested in the sport and wants to learn about it. He wants to see his daughter happy. He recognizes that being little may be an insecurity for her in school so he put her in an environment where being little can be a good thing. He IS "just being a dad". And a great one at that.

At the same time he's trying to figure out the sport, t seem like he is also trying to figure out if the things happening in his gym are normal. No swimming, curfew, hair/make up requirements, early meet times are normal. Attacking and accusing parents, being negative towards kids about their teams lack of success, threatening to pull kids from competing for minor things, making kids stand out in the freezing with barely any clothes are not normal. I see two sets of questions being asked at the same time.

You make it sound like he should step away from cheer and stop learning about it because "he's a dad and this is cheer and not football". I think he is doing the best thing he could possibly be doing. I admire his thirst for knowledge for his daughter. Some of you are really not putting the board's best foot forward. Again, he is new to the boards and new to cheer and he's learning. You were all new once and had the exact same questions as he did.


You're on FIRE! Newbies need to be defended sometimes. :)
 
@Littlebear12 in support of the posts where others have mentioned switching gyms, Fierceboard has a list of gyms by state you could check out. Hopefully you have options in your area.

Cheer Gyms | Fierce Board - The Voice Of Cheer

We also have an extensive list of links to competition videos that might benefit you. You could look up some of the teams from other gyms in your area. You could also check out some other level 2 teams and see what they do for fun. Just click the season and follow the link to that season's video page.

Cheer Media Wiki | Fierce Board - The Voice Of Cheer

Some of the rules you have said the coaches have seem like little red flags to me. And the scare tactics. Your coaches kind of seem like they aren't good quality coaches. I'm not sure if its a matter of ego or not knowing enough about cheer. A quality coach would never make your daughter practice with strep - at most they'd have her sit out to watch so she can keep up with any changes made until she is back to health. (I can't imagine practicing with strep. Just existing with strep is bad enough.)
 
Welcome! Don't let us scare you. We've BTDT. We're snarky. And we've been punk'd so were skeptical of newcomers sometimes.

My CP has never been asked to take her warmup off until she was inside the venue - usually in the team room right before warmup.

You get used to the hair & makeup. It was my least favorite part until my gym went with more subtle styles. Some gyms are more excessive than others and the requirements seem to change every year even within the same gym. Stage lights wash complexions out so adding some color to your CP's face is good.

Take a peek at the hotel pool during a competition weekend. You will see 12,000 kids crammed into a tiny pool stunting right next to the side waiting for a head to be cracked open. No thank you.

It's fun to travel for competitions, but remember the focus is competition not a vacation. They spend 6-15 hrs a week to prepare to compete not to sightsee. It may work out that you can add a little sightseeing in as well, but not always.

Balance is everything. Educate yourself, but don't let it consume you or it will suck the joy out of it for you and your CP.

Balance classes for what works best for CP not just because Susie is doing it so you think CP should too. Too much too soon will lead to burnout. I think the class load may be excessive for an 11yo, but I don't know how your CP feels about it. Focus on 1-2 classes that will help her weaker areas so she will be a more well rounded cheerleader. She may want to be in the gym 5 days a week this month and only 3 days next month and in a couple months back to 5 days. Listen to her. Let her have an input into how much she's in the gym.

Committing to any activity requires sacrifices whether it's cheer, football, scouts, etc. Throw more kids into the mix and your conflicts multiply. I like my kids to support each other, but they also made commitments to their respective teams/activities. My son will have to miss his sister performing at Summit in April if he qualifies for the state forensics competition. Stinks, but that's life.

Cheer is a more dynamic sport. Last minute practices aren't "common" per se, but they aren't unheard of either. Look at it this way, the kids are working really hard to put their best performance out on the mat. Sometimes they need an extra practice or two to make changes or give them a chance to work on a skill that was added or changed. If that will help them to raise their score (or avoid a deduction) then you should be happy your coach cares that much. We don't get charged for extra practices. The coach probably thought they had Sat free too.

Early report times stink. They'll help you appreciate the later report times more. Lol Find a morning routine that works for your family and remember they don't last forever.

Cheer is a unique sport. You'll learn to like some aspects and dislike others. If your CP likes cheer learn to ignore or deal with the things you don't like and focus on the positives. You'll both enjoy the sport more!
 
Still trying to figure out why she's taking a hand spring class AND a tuck class. Shouldn't she master the handspring before she moves on to tucks? Cancel the tuck class. And if she really is doing tucks consistently, cancel the hand spring class and let her polish that up in regular tumbling classes. Matter of fact I would cancel everything except cheer practice and regular tumbling for now. But that's me.
 
Just want to throw out this idea about the warm ups, because I know that my instructions to kids have been misunderstood in the past (although I have gotten better about trying to anticipate and prevent misunderstandings).

As a coach, there is no way that I want to carry around 20 sets of warm ups as we are getting ready to go on stage. I could see myself saying, in my younger days before I learned to anticipate how my words may be misunderstood, something like "hey, your parents need to stick around and take your warm ups and bags once we get inside, because I can't carry them all. If they want to leave you with me right now, they better take your stuff right now." The last part would have been said with the intention of giving parents an option, so I'm not seen as a total jerk, but with the hope that they would wait around until we were able to go inside. Inevitably, some parents would take that to mean "take the warm ups now! Make the children freeze!" when that wasn't the intention. I learned to never give parents an option like that, that could be turned into something that could be seen as not in the best interests of the kids. Not that parents are trying to see the worst in the coach, but let's be honest, early competition mornings are rough on everyone, and it is easy to kind of amp up the drama if you're already feeling like you're not having the greatest time at the competition. I learned that every option I offer parents must always be 100% in the best interest of the kids, not something that may be more convenient for parents. You can't go wrong putting the kids first, even if it does make some parents angry.

I'm not saying that this is what definitely happened here - the coach may indeed have forced all the kids to remove warm ups prior to entering the building for some reason. I'm just offering a possible alternative.
 
What everyone said about no swimming, routine changes, hair, etc are true. I do have some issues with the coaches based on what you said. There is never a good reason for any coach to tell a team at any point during a competition that they have no chance - if a team has no chance before they hit the mat that is a coaching mistake and not an athlete mistake. I also have never been a fan of the constant reminders of "you will be replaced", especially with mini and youth teams. Any "rules" such as no wearing warm-ups should be addressed with the parents prior to competitions so that the parents are aware of the expectations and can plan accordingly.
Competitive cheer is a disciplined sport/activity just as travel basketball, hockey, etc. but that doesn't mean that you and your child should be miserable and getting screamed at all the time. There are good gyms and bad gyms. Not saying you are at one or the other, but it may be wise to explore other gyms around your area before deciding to quit altogether.

Thanks for the pep talk :)

The more I think about our time in cheer the more in focus it becomes.
It is sort of like seeing more details of a car crash 2 days later.
My daughter has been hit a few times by other girls, and not by accident. One girl in particular has a problem controlling her emotions. The team was lining up for last Sundays performance my CP brushed the shoulder of this other girl. The girl’s response was to elbow my CP hard in the stomach. The coach saw it and got onto the girl for it. I tried to down play the event to smooth over ruffled feathers. The sad part is I actual like the girl and her parents that did that. She is a sweet girl and very talented (she is the team’s best tumbler) she just can’t control her emotions. My daughter asked to be moved to youth 1 team. I asked her if she would miss her team mates She said she was only friends with 4 of them and one she named I thought was regularly rude and mean to her. There is quite a developmental difference between an 8 year olds and a 12 year olds. I find this a peculiar sport that allows kids in 3rd grade to work as a team with Middle school kids. I do want to thank you all again for all your help .

Just a dad looking out for his only daughter
 
The age/level struggle is a big issue too. Age levels are generally 2 year spans. However, except for senior level, there isn't a min age only a max age to be on a level. Balancing age, skills, size, and maturity to build a competitive team is very difficult.

The smaller the gym the harder it is to keep kids in their age division and match their skills. My CP has only been in her age appropriate division 2 of her 8 years of cheering.

I don't expect her to be friends with her whole team. I expect her to find a couple of kids she likes and be nice to the rest. As long as no one is mean or introducing inappropriate stuff to her (more of a problem with young kids on senior teams) then I'm happy.
 
@Littlebear12 ...

Some thoughts for you. My daughter is 10. She's on one of the most elite youth teams in this country. It's called Cheer Extreme Youth Elite. They are a youth level 5 team. Look them up on YouTube if you're interested. I've been in this game for a while now. We started in a small regional gym and did little competitions where we had to be up at 4am and 5 years later, here we are. It's been a long road though. We paid a lot of dues to get here and learned some tough lessons along the way. I've walked the path you're walking now. Take the advice of the good people here (just as I once did) and CTFD.

First of all, my kid was doing all that partner stunting back in her level 2 days as well. Rewinds, front handspring ups, etc. She was killing it! Totally ready for the college team at 7! You know where it landed her in level 5? Side base land. Now maybe if she were trying out for TGLC or Claw 6 or even the U of Louisville coed team, someone would be impressed. But she was 7, couldn't use those skills, and no one cared.

My daughter has taken a billion tumbling classes, private lessons, and clinics. Worked with a million different coaches from tumble whisperers to cheerlebrities to screamers and everyone in between.

She's missed birthday parties, field trips, family vacations, lazy Saturdays. It's ok. It's her passion. She chooses this life and she's happiest in her nfinities.

My biggest piece of advice has to be - trust your coaches. If you can't let yourself trust them, get new ones immediately. My daughter has had some amazing coaching along the way and has been so fortunate in that respect but she has also had some really awful coaching too.. And those times that I didn't remove her from the situation sooner are some of my biggest parenting regrets. I cannot stress enough the importance of having the confidence in her coaching to be able to drop her at the gym and leave and know they are doing right by her. If she's going to have longevity in this sport, you have to let go.

If the coaches aren't giving you information you feel you can trust or you don't feel they are appropriately coaching your specific child, then you should leave. Life is too short to be anything but happy! If you don't like the practice schedule and all the makeup, find a gym with less hours that wears little or no makeup. They are definitely out there. Mine lives for this lifestyle, loves the makeup and has no problem at all getting up at 4:30 to get ready. Its not for everyone or every family though.

Good luck to you! If you end up at the one in Orlando, we will see you there!
 
@Littlebear12 ...

Some thoughts for you. My daughter is 10. She's on one of the most elite youth teams in this country. It's called Cheer Extreme Youth Elite. They are a youth level 5 team. Look them up on YouTube if you're interested. I've been in this game for a while now. We started in a small regional gym and did little competitions where we had to be up at 4am and 5 years later, here we are. It's been a long road though. We paid a lot of dues to get here and learned some tough lessons along the way. I've walked the path you're walking now. Take the advice of the good people here (just as I once did) and CTFD.

First of all, my kid was doing all that partner stunting back in her level 2 days as well. Rewinds, front handspring ups, etc. She was killing it! Totally ready for the college team at 7! You know where it landed her in level 5? Side base land. Now maybe if she were trying out for TGLC or Claw 6 or even the U of Louisville coed team, someone would be impressed. But she was 7, couldn't use those skills, and no one cared.

My daughter has taken a billion tumbling classes, private lessons, and clinics. Worked with a million different coaches from tumble whisperers to cheerlebrities to screamers and everyone in between.

She's missed birthday parties, field trips, family vacations, lazy Saturdays. It's ok. It's her passion. She chooses this life and she's happiest in her nfinities.

My biggest piece of advice has to be - trust your coaches. If you can't let yourself trust them, get new ones immediately. My daughter has had some amazing coaching along the way and has been so fortunate in that respect but she has also had some really awful coaching too.. And those times that I didn't remove her from the situation sooner are some of my biggest parenting regrets. I cannot stress enough the importance of having the confidence in her coaching to be able to drop her at the gym and leave and know they are doing right by her. If she's going to have longevity in this sport, you have to let go.

If the coaches aren't giving you information you feel you can trust or you don't feel they are appropriately coaching your specific child, then you should leave. Life is too short to be anything but happy! If you don't like the practice schedule and all the makeup, find a gym with less hours that wears little or no makeup. They are definitely out there. Mine lives for this lifestyle, loves the makeup and has no problem at all getting up at 4:30 to get ready. Its not for everyone or every family though.

Good luck to you! If you end up at the one in Orlando, we will see you there!
I love you! Wishes we could have stayed at kville and stuck with YE. But oh well. wasn't meant to be. :)
 
Welcome! Don't let us scare you. We've BTDT. We're snarky. And we've been punk'd so were skeptical of newcomers sometimes.

My CP has never been asked to take her warmup off until she was inside the venue - usually in the team room right before warmup.

You get used to the hair & makeup. It was my least favorite part until my gym went with more subtle styles. Some gyms are more excessive than others and the requirements seem to change every year even within the same gym. Stage lights wash complexions out so adding some color to your CP's face is good.

Take a peek at the hotel pool during a competition weekend. You will see 12,000 kids crammed into a tiny pool stunting right next to the side waiting for a head to be cracked open. No thank you.

It's fun to travel for competitions, but remember the focus is competition not a vacation. They spend 6-15 hrs a week to prepare to compete not to sightsee. It may work out that you can add a little sightseeing in as well, but not always.

Balance is everything. Educate yourself, but don't let it consume you or it will suck the joy out of it for you and your CP.

Balance classes for what works best for CP not just because Susie is doing it so you think CP should too. Too much too soon will lead to burnout. I think the class load may be excessive for an 11yo, but I don't know how your CP feels about it. Focus on 1-2 classes that will help her weaker areas so she will be a more well rounded cheerleader. She may want to be in the gym 5 days a week this month and only 3 days next month and in a couple months back to 5 days. Listen to her. Let her have an input into how much she's in the gym.

Committing to any activity requires sacrifices whether it's cheer, football, scouts, etc. Throw more kids into the mix and your conflicts multiply. I like my kids to support each other, but they also made commitments to their respective teams/activities. My son will have to miss his sister performing at Summit in April if he qualifies for the state forensics competition. Stinks, but that's life.

Cheer is a more dynamic sport. Last minute practices aren't "common" per se, but they aren't unheard of either. Look at it this way, the kids are working really hard to put their best performance out on the mat. Sometimes they need an extra practice or two to make changes or give them a chance to work on a skill that was added or changed. If that will help them to raise their score (or avoid a deduction) then you should be happy your coach cares that much. We don't get charged for extra practices. The coach probably thought they had Sat free too.

Early report times stink. They'll help you appreciate the later report times more. Lol Find a morning routine that works for your family and remember they don't last forever.

Cheer is a unique sport. You'll learn to like some aspects and dislike others. If your CP likes cheer learn to ignore or deal with the things you don't like and focus on the positives. You'll both enjoy the sport more!
How do state forensics competitions work? They sound cool!
 
How do state forensics competitions work? They sound cool!
It's our first year so I'm learning as we go. Lol Forensics is basically the speech part of speech & debate. There's several types - spontaneous, prepared, interpretive, etc. His first competition is next weekend. I know he's doing extemporaneous meaning he is given a topic and so many minutes to prepare and deliver his speech on the topic
 
Coming from a coaches perspective I am incredibly hard on my kids because it makes them develop drive that later translates to winning higher level teams down the road. Just my two cents :)
Even with the likely hood of causing early burnout in the athlete?


**please raise your hand if you're related to Jocelyn**
 
Can't seem to find the fun in competitive cheer


Is it normal to change the cheer routine every competition. Our team’s routine has been changed as with only 1 day to practice before a competition. My daughter is on a youth 2 team. This is our 1st year. The team took 1st place in the 1st and 2nd competitions but now they have taken 7th and 8th place in the last 2. The girls just don’t know what to do and it shows. The girls routine last Saturday put them in 7th place out of 10, their couch told them the judges didn’t like the routine so she is changing it and they would have a practice at the hotel, she added that she didn’t think they would improve. I told my daughter that she must have miss heard her couch, but other girls repeated what was said. Also is it normal to have 8-11year olds standing outside in freezing cold weather at 5:30am waiting to be let in to the venue so they can compete at 7am. My daughter was told they were not to wear the warm ups inside the venue and that if their parents were not there to collect their warm ups they would be left out side. I know it was cold outside that morning as there was frost on the cars. I saw girls shivering cold strip out of their warm ups outside, so it seems my daughter did not exaggerate what the coach told her. I did not let my daughter strip down outside. It was not very warm in the venue. I took her to the doctor yesterday, she is home today with strep and an ear infection, and a dislocated finger. Are 2 day competitions supposed to be fun? Getting up at 3:30am on a Sunday to do hair and makeup is not my idea of fun. Girls were told no swimming Saturday night. We spent a lot of money to travel and stay in expensive hotels to be in bed at 8:30pm in a town that is known for its weekend night life. My last question, are the girls hair and makeup being graded by the judges? The girls were told if they have any hair fly aways they would not compete. I feel a bit uncomfortable with heavy makeup on 5 year olds, my daughter is 10, it just feels a bit like a beauty pageant and less like an athletic competition.

If this is normal I am not sure this is something I want my daughter involved in.

Concerned Dad

Deleting this because I finally took the time to read all 10 pages and agree with 100% of the advice given.
 
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