All-Star Sex Offender Arrested At Cheer Comp

[BlueCat]

I think background checks are slightly useful, but they absolutely do not replace vigilant adults (parents, other coaches, gym owners, etc) in limiting the opportunities for abuse. I am not convinced that the time, effort, and money spent on background checks might more effectively be spent in other ways. (More hours for a front desk person at all times, security cameras, etc.)

To (most importantly) stop the situations where abuse can occur AND to (secondarily) limit the situations where false accusations can be made against a coach, coaches should simply never be alone with a minor athlete. No lessons in an otherwise empty gym, no 1-on-1 social time ever, no being alone with an athlete without multiple adults and/or video surveillance as backup. Gym owners and coaches should do everything they can within reason to avoid even the appearance of impropriety. However, to be truly minimize the possibilities of issues, parents need to help also. Thinking that you "trust" a coach enough to spend time alone with your athlete is crazy. Don't do it.

 

[CheerBank]

This kinda reminds me of when I was at Cheersport Washington, D.C last season. There were two arrests made and they were targeted towards our gym, as well as a couple of others. One of the arrests were for public indecency (I think you get the picture). The second arrest was for attempted kidnapping. The man tried to grab one of the 7 year olds on our youth 2 team. All I can say is how do these people get in to these kinds of events?!?!

Anyone can get in, just pay the $20 admission charge. These people look for these kinds of events.

 

[Amy L]

Very True. What is interesting is that I have some lines that I don't even know why are there. Hugs are okay with me, provided there is respect given for a child's reaction. I'm in line with those parents who have taught their children that they do not have to give hugs, or kisses if they don't want to. But I cringe when I see even younger kids hopping on various opposite sex athletes or coaches, on their hips, legs wrapped around them etc. I almost messaged a mom I didn't know once to warn her to watch her daughter after seeing like 10 pictures of the same type of thing, even knowing that it was more imitating what they see on Instagram etc because athletes love to post pics like that with their best whatevers.

If you didn't have a location in your profile I'd swear you were talking about someone's pictures I've seen from our gym. Tons of pictures of their daughter hugging or hanging off her coaches, both male and female. Tons of them with the legs wrapped around them or giving them really close frontal hugs. Also with some of the older athletes from the gym.

Now bear in mind that I'm not one of those people who thinks there's a predator lurking around every corner. I drop and run for practices with no issues. Even for private lessons and classes I've never seen a scenario where a coach is alone with athletes at our gym. But honestly it weirds me out a little to see tons of pictures of their daughter clinging to all the coaches. Like if there's a group photo of the team, their daughter is almost always right next to the coaches and is always touching them.

They have a younger son who plays sports too and you don't ever see pictures of him being carried around by his coaches ever. Or posed where he's clinging to them. Actually I'm not sure I've ever even seen a picture of him with his coaches.

My own daughter is a young teenager and they all take bunch of pictures with friends where they are carrying each other around or hugging or posing in stunts. But I can't imagine them wanting to hang all over their coaches like that past a really young age. This family's child is probably close to 10 years old now so it seems a little old to me for a kid to want to be crawling all over adults.

Also I don't know if some of this is my issue. I'm not a hugger and I have an extreme dislike of being touched by strangers or people I'm not close to. I just have a really large personal space bubble. I don't know if the family I'm talking about just has one of those kids who is extremely of touchy-feely, or if the parent who takes those pictures actually encourages those poses. I just can't imagine encouraging my child to do that.

 

[oncecoolcoachnowmom]

If you didn't have a location in your profile I'd swear you were talking about someone's pictures I've seen from our gym. Tons of pictures of their daughter hugging or hanging off her coaches, both male and female. Tons of them with the legs wrapped around them or giving them really close frontal hugs. Also with some of the older athletes from the gym.

Now bear in mind that I'm not one of those people who thinks there's a predator lurking around every corner. I drop and run for practices with no issues. Even for private lessons and classes I've never seen a scenario where a coach is alone with athletes at our gym. But honestly it weirds me out a little to see tons of pictures of their daughter clinging to all the coaches. Like if there's a group photo of the team, their daughter is almost always right next to the coaches and is always touching them.

They have a younger son who plays sports too and you don't ever see pictures of him being carried around by his coaches ever. Or posed where he's clinging to them. Actually I'm not sure I've ever even seen a picture of him with his coaches.

My own daughter is a young teenager and they all take bunch of pictures with friends where they are carrying each other around or hugging or posing in stunts. But I can't imagine them wanting to hang all over their coaches like that past a really young age. This family's child is probably close to 10 years old now so it seems a little old to me for a kid to want to be crawling all over adults.

Also I don't know if some of this is my issue. I'm not a hugger and I have an extreme dislike of being touched by strangers or people I'm not close to. I just have a really large personal space bubble. I don't know if the family I'm talking about just has one of those kids who is extremely of touchy-feely, or if the parent who takes those pictures actually encourages those poses. I just can't imagine encouraging my child to do that.

I have a son.

No coach of my son is going to be picking him up and taking pics with him or carrying him around.

It's just not necessary.

He's also not a baby. He's 6.

I think this is more prevalent with Mini/Tiny/Youth aged girls. The whole "my little babyyyyy" thing.

Nope!

 

[catlady]

Everything is becoming so extreme in the effort to "protect" that we are taking away the human aspect of healthy relationships in the process. Kids want the hugs, high fives, fist bumps, texts and Tweets that say, "I'm so proud of you, great job tonight." The thought that people want to remove that experience from life instead of just walking into a gym and watching their child, and signing into their kids social media accounts to see what is going on is sad to me. "Trust" is the key factor in abusive relationships and "control" is the key factor in violent crimes. No one and no rule is going to protect your child like you so, if you want to protect your child, then make your presence known. Ultimately, those that are grooming your child are usually grooming you as well so, by the time you have built up the trust with ANYONE (including brothers, brothers friends, father's friends, uncles, granddads) the abuse is often going on right under your nose.

We have a lot of children out there lacking empathy, and the more we continue to remove eye to eye contact, communication and touch, it will just continue to get worse. A hug does not lead to abuse, lack of supervision does.

 

[SharkDad]

Everything is becoming so extreme in the effort to "protect" that we are taking away the human aspect of healthy relationships in the process. Kids want the hugs, high fives, fist bumps, texts and Tweets that say, "I'm so proud of you, great job tonight." The thought that people want to remove that experience from life instead of just walking into a gym and watching their child, and signing into their kids social media accounts to see what is going on is sad to me. "Trust" is the key factor in abusive relationships and "control" is the key factor in violent crimes. No one and no rule is going to protect your child like you so, if you want to protect your child, then make your presence known. Ultimately, those that are grooming your child are usually grooming you as well so, by the time you have built up the trust with ANYONE (including brothers, brothers friends, father's friends, uncles, granddads) the abuse is often going on right under your nose.

We have a lot of children out there lacking empathy, and the more we continue to remove eye to eye contact, communication and touch, it will just continue to get worse. A hug does not lead to abuse, lack of supervision does.

This is one of the most beneficial posts of this thread.

Thanks

 

[mamabear]

Everything is becoming so extreme in the effort to "protect" that we are taking away the human aspect of healthy relationships in the process. Kids want the hugs, high fives, fist bumps, texts and Tweets that say, "I'm so proud of you, great job tonight." The thought that people want to remove that experience from life instead of just walking into a gym and watching their child, and signing into their kids social media accounts to see what is going on is sad to me. "Trust" is the key factor in abusive relationships and "control" is the key factor in violent crimes. No one and no rule is going to protect your child like you so, if you want to protect your child, then make your presence known. Ultimately, those that are grooming your child are usually grooming you as well so, by the time you have built up the trust with ANYONE (including brothers, brothers friends, father's friends, uncles, granddads) the abuse is often going on right under your nose.

We have a lot of children out there lacking empathy, and the more we continue to remove eye to eye contact, communication and touch, it will just continue to get worse. A hug does not lead to abuse, lack of supervision does.

excellent post.

 

[oncecoolcoachnowmom]

Everything is becoming so extreme in the effort to "protect" that we are taking away the human aspect of healthy relationships in the process. Kids want the hugs, high fives, fist bumps, texts and Tweets that say, "I'm so proud of you, great job tonight." The thought that people want to remove that experience from life instead of just walking into a gym and watching their child, and signing into their kids social media accounts to see what is going on is sad to me. "Trust" is the key factor in abusive relationships and "control" is the key factor in violent crimes. No one and no rule is going to protect your child like you so, if you want to protect your child, then make your presence known. Ultimately, those that are grooming your child are usually grooming you as well so, by the time you have built up the trust with ANYONE (including brothers, brothers friends, father's friends, uncles, granddads) the abuse is often going on right under your nose.

We have a lot of children out there lacking empathy, and the more we continue to remove eye to eye contact, communication and touch, it will just continue to get worse. A hug does not lead to abuse, lack of supervision does.

I don't think people are saying that touch is all bad.

It's more about avoiding the appearance of impropriety and protecting yourself as a professional. Which is hard to explain if you don't work with kids.

I do agree with your post re: making your presence known.

I'm not saying you need to be Suzy's Mom and hang out of my mouth on every word and be practically on the mat every practice.

Just generally know what's going on.

People with ill intent toward kids are looking for kids whose parents are not plugged into their lives.

Example:

The parent who sends her kid with another parent every comp weekend. Like, parent drops kid with other parent and does not see the kid until she is dropped off Sunday night.

The parent who works and drops her kid at the gym from 10 am to 2 pm and uses the gym as a SITTER.

You get the idea.

 

[cheerisloving]

Example:

The parent who sends her kid with another parent every comp weekend. Like, parent drops kid with other parent and does not see the kid until she is dropped off Sunday night.

The parent who works and drops her kid at the gym from 10 am to 2 pm and uses the gym as a SITTER.

You get the idea.

Or for older athlete whose parent doesn't support them in cheer, may feel like they don't have that adult role model in their life.

 

[oncecoolcoachnowmom]

^^^Yes! That too.

To take this a step further, I know parents work and can't always drive kids from place to place.

But let me tell you, everybody's mom/dad/auntie isn't someone you want driving your kid to practice every day for two hours each way.

Too many folks will ask any mom/dad to take their kid to practice every week not knowing anything about them or if anyone is actually staying to keep an eye on them (if kid is younger.)

See also: every mom/dad/auntie isn't someone you want chaperoning your kid when you can't come to a comp.

There are people who have their kid staying with different parent rooms every comp because they can't be there. Or don't want to come. But make sure you know who your kid is sleeping in a hotel room with.

 

[GreenStormLucy]

I'm not a very physical person, like hugs and all that is not my thing, but when one of my athletes (i coach peewee and junior teams) wants to hug me out of joy because they got a new skill, they hit a great routine or at awards, i will let them.
But it's a short hug, like great job, proud of you, you are amazing. I don't like photos of myself so i don't take many photos with athletes.

But what i do while coaching is to touch the athlete in drills, not to touch them, but maybe to show them where i want them to put their shoulders, where their arms need to be, how to squeeze and sometimes to have their full attention (like hand on the shoulder). When i'm spotting tumbling and still explaining or watching someone else doing drills (in open tumbling i'm often the only coach with 15 to 30 athletes) because i want to give a correction, i hold the athlete that i'm spotting by the wrist so they don't throw the skill before i'm not fully focused on them. This is an advice i got from a friend of mine who is a great coach and has been for many years. It works for us, but doesn't necessarly work for everyone.

But, fact is: If a parent ever told me he/she is not comfortable with how i handle things or i would feel that an athlete is not okay with it, i would stop. I totally understand this because i'm a mom, my daughter is a cheerleader since she was little and if i would have ever been uncomfortable with the way a coach was interacting with her, i would have told him/her and explain why. Glad that never happened, but at camps i'm always watching all of my athletes, not just my daughter, to see if someone isn't okay with the way the staff is coaching or spotting.

The sad thing is, it's more often the "i trust him/her" person than the "obvious" creepy person - so as much as i love the camp staff we are going to or the coaches i bring in, i will never stop being lion mom coach and watch after every athlete like i watch after my daughter.

Yesterday we had parents meeting and as i told the parents that the kids aren't even allowed to go to the bathroom alone at comps (peewee or junior, you go with a teammate), they were a little irritated. I had to explain that it's not because actually something happened, but because we just want to make sure we do everything to avoid risky situations.

 

[Beans100]

I agree that supervision is a part of it, but it's the whole thing. I had a helicopter mom who was all over all of my business. And guess what, it didn't prevent anything. In fact, it made me afraid of my mom. As a kid, I didn't tell my parents anything. We rarely had meaningful discussions and I never felt that I could tell them the things that were bothering me. (Things have changed. Family therapy = life saver)

As others have alluded to, I think communication is a big part of the solution. As parents, you have to have a trusting relationship with your child/ children. They have to truly believe that they can come to you no matter what and that you won't judge them because of their mistakes/problems. I think if I had felt comfortable enough with my mom, the problem wouldn't have lasted as long as it did. But, I was more afraid of being a disappointment than I was afraid of being abused.

I'd also say, it's not just adults who are the problem. While I believe my abuser was old enough to right from wrong, he was probably only 15 at the time and therefore, still a minor.

 

[Michael White]

Just to echo what some of the parents have said, the comfort level with a coach comes down to the parent and child. My parents taught me at an early age of who was allowed to touch me, or see me in certain states of dress. My father is very active but before we gave rides, he made sure parents knew. I wasn't even allowed to do sleepovers as kid unless it was with a known family friend.

I had a close relationship to my HS coach and her husband who coaches other sports in our school. They've taken me home, they've given me hugs. I've spent entire days with her, and they've been over my house. Granted, my brother and their oldest daughter are good friends but I didn't develop this relationship until later on. But I'm not the only kid who has done this. I think it makes sense to keep an eye on situations when your child is younger, but as they get older they should know right and wrong. It doesn't mean you stop paying attention but you have to trust they will come to you if something isn't right.

Sorry about my fat fingers, definitely didn't mean to dislike this!

 

[cheerisloving]

Sorry about my fat fingers, definitely didn't mean to dislike this!

I figured I thought this was pretty non-controversial post lol

 

[GreatWhite92]

Working in an underprivileged elementary school this is my rule....If they come up to me and wrap there arms around me, I'll give them a quick hug, if they do not, they get a wave and a smile. I would never ever ever instigate a hug though.


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