All-Star Favoritism

catlady said:

Have you ever seen the "best" get passed up for a promotion at work, but then realize....The "best" doesn't really have the personality for the job? Or, the "best" has personal issues going on? Or, the "best" is just the "best" in their mind? Or, the "best" might be overworked and need a rest? Or, the "best" is eventually used somewhere else where their "best" is needed more? Or, the "best" attitude stinks and they don't want to reward it? Or, the "best" has discussed they might quit? Or, the "best" can't make it to work on time? ......Sometimes it's favoritism, but usually it's the entire package taken into consideration that others can't or refuse to see. Great jumps with RBF syndrome may not top very good jumps with a face that sells it for the whole team.

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Well I can tell you this my kid is on time to every practice ! She is always prepared and is always smiling ! In 3 seasons she has missed 2 practices ! The "favored" kid is always late and never prepared !! And has missed a lot of practice ! So while I'm not saying my child is the best on the team ..: she is 1 of the better athletes on the team with a much better work ethic !!

Normally, I hate given dislikes and I am expecting to receive more dislikes in the future, but the more I read these posts, I feel like it beginning to turn into bashing an athlete because of the coach' choice... It appears that this young chosen athlete's whole existence in this gym is being scrutinized and worse, we fbers are only hearing 1 side of the story.
I do not know how small your gym is, but often choice of spotlighted athletes come from more then 1 singular person, often it is 2 or more coaches or even a choreographer will make suggestions too. For example, my daughter's 1st year at her 2nd gym, the coaches typically placed their team veterans in prime spots and new comers were not spotlighted at all... However, my daughter in the dance portion was placed in the last row, but this guest choreographer knew and worked with my daughter from her 1st gym and pulled her to the front row and then the coaches decided to have the athletes tryout for center dancer, which my daughter earned this spot... So more goes into deciding who get what...imo!

I am going to tell you what you need to hear instead of what you want to hear. I completely agree with @Pebbles49 . Have some perspective. This is a cheer team for kids. Don't let this rile you up so much. If your child is upset by it, be a parent and teach her to talk to her coaches to express herself. Self advocacy is a very important life skill. Unless there is an actual safety issue, stay out of it. If the coaches respond negatively towards your child when she asks them herself, then you have some decisions to make about if this gym and team are worth your time and money. It is only August, so there is time to leave if needed.

There was definite favoritism at cp's last gym. The mom brought in several cheerleaders and did a lot of work for the gym for free so it was about $.

That situation wasn't going to change so we just accepted it. It was a life lesson to CP that life isn't fair.

Also keep in mind that your job is to watch out for your kid, and the coach's job is to watch out for the entire team. Some coaches may have extreme favorites, but for the most part, parents see favoritism when it isn't actually there. As a parent, you judge from the heart, and obviously you love your CP. But the coaches should judge from their brain and make decisions based entirely on what's best for the team. Do some coaches play favorites? Yes. Could yours be one of them? Sure.

The majority of the time, though, when parents accuse a coach of playing 'favorites', it's not true. I personally have a favorite on the high school team I coach, and not once has anyone accused her me of favoring her because I actually am much harder on her. I don't know your situation, but just keep that in mind.

Also, don't hate another kid unless they are specifically doing something to harm your kid. If you're going to be upset, be upset with the coach, not the child or parent. It's not their fault.

There might also be things going on that you might not know about. You mention that the other girl is late to practice all the time. My CP is always a little late to practice but her coaches know the reason way and have excused it. CP practices about an hour from where we live, her school has a bus that goes to the town she practices in and her dad works in the town and gets off work when practice ends. So CP rides that bus after school, a friend of mine picks her up from the bus stop and then drops her off at practice then after practice her dad picks her up, it saves us a lot of money and wear and tear on vehicles to do it this way, and her coaches agreed if she came right in, changed quickly and warmed up completely. Depending on if her bus is running on time or not by the time she gets changed and starts warming up she could be 5-15 minutes late. I've heard people complain but I ignore it, as far as I'm concerned it was cleared with her coaches and it's none of the other parents business.

@CheerMomx1 I will let you in on a little secret I've learned in all our years at all star cheer. Worry about your own.

She doesn't need to be the favorite. Favorites sometimes fall from grace, and the outcome is not usually pleasant.

She doesn't need to be the best - but she needs to working to the best of her ability and always put in her 100%.

She doesn't need to be front and center. She needs to embrace her position and spot with all of her strengths and utilize them to make her team as strong as it can be.

Always being on time, always being prepared and rarely missing a practice are great values to instill in your child and I commend you for that. These three things you do have control over, and kudos to you for making them happen.

As long as she continues to love the sport I suggest that for your own sanity you spend less time watching practices and what other athletes are doing or not doing. The coaches are usually aware of the issues you describe. If it is not working for the team then I would hope they would fix it. If not, and if this gym and the way it handles their athletes does not meet your expectations, then maybe start looking for another. Trust me, there are plenty of gyms out there!

CheerBank said:

@CheerMomx1 I will let you in on a little secret I've learned in all our years at all star cheer. Worry about your own.

She doesn't need to be the favorite. Favorites sometimes fall from grace, and the outcome is not usually pleasant.

She doesn't need to be the best - but she needs to working to the best of her ability and always put in her 100%.

She doesn't need to be front and center. She needs to embrace her position and spot with all of her strengths and utilize them to make her team as strong as it can be.

Always being on time, always being prepared and rarely missing a practice are great values to instill in your child and I commend you for that. These three things you do have control over, and kudos to you for making them happen.

As long as she continues to love the sport I suggest that for your own sanity you spend less time watching practices and what other athletes are doing or not doing. The coaches are usually aware of the issues you describe. If it is not working for the team then I would hope they would fix it. If not, and if this gym and the way it handles their athletes does not meet your expectations, then maybe start looking for another. Trust me, there are plenty of gyms out there!

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Thank you , I am really trying to just drop off and pick up this season to avoid all of the drama.

Well I wish this was the case for this child but it isn't .. And I know this for a fact Bc she is a friend of a close friend of mine . And mother actually laughs about it all the time and how it doesn't matter !

Either let it go or go somewhere different. You don't want the bitterness to build up and eat away at you. Your CP will feel it too.

If the favoritism is detrimental to the team, I would definitely consider moving on the next season. For me personally cheerleading is far too expensive and time consuming if the commitment isn't recpocated by the gym. Meaning my child does what ask of her yet the gym doesn't (for whatever reason) put a competitive team together. I don't care if my CP team wins but I want her to be at a gym (and on a team) where winning is a possibility at every competition and not be out of it before they even compete. And I know not every parent feels that way and I completely get it.

There's been a lot of good advice given, take advantage of it.
While i know the comparison doesnt work all the way, i like to compare the favoritism within teams with the classroom. Im in education and in the classroom have been on both sides , being the favorite and watching from the sideline feeling someone else got away with murder.
Being the favorite was during 5th grade and me being the easy going student that i was and having really bonded with my teacher, i got what i asked for in certain ways, and was being judged harsher in others.
The same thing went for 7th grade (high school here). Expectations for say my behaviour were higher than for others because i was a well behaved kid.
Now being in vocational college and getting ready to graduate in january, i sometimes feel that others get away with stuff, that i dont, because my mentor will call me out on it.
I can be upset by it and it does irk me sometimes, but i wont let it eat me, because due to circumstances i may know nothing about, that other student may need the break. My needs arent the same, thus i wont get the same treatment. I could give one of my students a speech about proper ways to talk to adults if they were being rude again and having a quiet conversation with someone else about the same thing when that specific kid only rarely gets in trouble. Equal? No. Fair ? Yes, because not only are my expectations different for both students, what they need from me differs as well.
The rude kid may need me to come down on him like a ton of bricks and lots of positive reinforcement when he behaves himself, while the other just needs a conversation in order for him to get on the straight an narrow again and doesnt need the same amount of positive reinforcement.
The coach may feel that your cp is doing a good job where she is, while she may not be the point -athlete.
If she thinks its unfair she could ask. If after all the advice, you still feel the same, ask the coach to make an appointment with you and tell them your worries. Ask them if they could explain certain choices to you.
Be polite about it and not accusing.

Classroom/sport teams:
Equal is everyone getting the same thing.
Fair is everyone getting what they need to be successful.
We will alwys try to be fair, but it wont always feel equal.

There are so many smart moms in here giving you some really great advice.

I coach but I also have kids involved in sports. My youngest played a sport for the first time this year and took to it very well. He was always on time and he worked his little tail off. Was one of the only kids that didn't cheat his conditioning and took corrections like a champ. I made many wonderful friends on the sidelines and felt like I had hit the jackpot of coaches and parents.

Then, at the banquet, our amazing coach got up and went ON and ON about how awesome 5 or 6 of the boys on the team were. They were super talented for sure, but several had missed practices or were often late. The rest of our kids barely had their names even called. One of the assistant coaches had to step in and put an end to the endless praise just so he could quick-fire read off the rest of the roster. I was boiling on the inside.

But my kid didn't even notice. He was so excited to have his name called and he had so much fun and was all smiles. So I got over myself and CTFD'd.

Sometimes it helps if we just take our cues from the kids.

cupieqt said:

There are so many smart moms in here giving you some really great advice.

I coach but I also have kids involved in sports. My youngest played a sport for the first time this year and took to it very well. He was always on time and he worked his little tail off. Was one of the only kids that didn't cheat his conditioning and took corrections like a champ. I made many wonderful friends on the sidelines and felt like I had hit the jackpot of coaches and parents.

Then, at the banquet, our amazing coach got up and went ON and ON about how awesome 5 or 6 of the boys on the team were. They were super talented for sure, but several had missed practices or were often late. The rest of our kids barely had their names even called. One of the assistant coaches had to step in and put an end to the endless praise just so he could quick-fire read off the rest of the roster. I was boiling on the inside.

But my kid didn't even notice. He was so excited to have his name called and he had so much fun and was all smiles. So I got over myself and CTFD'd.

Sometimes it helps if we just take our cues from the kids.

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That is exactly what I'm trying to do . Thank you for this advice .

CheerBank said:

@CheerMomx1 I will let you in on a little secret I've learned in all our years at all star cheer. Worry about your own.

She doesn't need to be the favorite. Favorites sometimes fall from grace, and the outcome is not usually pleasant.

She doesn't need to be the best - but she needs to working to the best of her ability and always put in her 100%.

She doesn't need to be front and center. She needs to embrace her position and spot with all of her strengths and utilize them to make her team as strong as it can be.

Always being on time, always being prepared and rarely missing a practice are great values to instill in your child and I commend you for that. These three things you do have control over, and kudos to you for making them happen.

As long as she continues to love the sport I suggest that for your own sanity you spend less time watching practices and what other athletes are doing or not doing. The coaches are usually aware of the issues you describe. If it is not working for the team then I would hope they would fix it. If not, and if this gym and the way it handles their athletes does not meet your expectations, then maybe start looking for another. Trust me, there are plenty of gyms out there!

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This is all on point. My daughter WAS the favored one at her first gym. She really didn't get the best spots, but the coaches loved her and she could do no wrong lol. However, they favored other people by not making them pay their bills and putting that burden on all of us. THAT we could not handle and it was time to move on. There is always some slight favorites in a gym. Be it the coaches kid or the athlete who has been with the gym since tiny tots and is now a senior in HS on the Worlds Team. It's up to you and your daughter on what YOU can handle. Not everyone else.

Rule in our gym- kids ONLY speak to coaches about issues (if minor or something like this- larger issues parents are brought in). This teaches the kids so many life lessons and how to act as adults. Make eye contact. How to speak to an adult. (Not just text!) it's amazing how my 13 year old can hold a better conversation with adults than most graduates.

Decide if this gym is really for you and your daughter. Is she progressing? Does she love it? Does she hit her part of the routines?
Remember. Not about favorite Francy. Just your daughter.


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