All-Star Really? Can't A Parent Just Be A Parent?

How involved is too involed? I think "cheer mom" alot of times comes with a negative connotation. Like I said I am involved in everything my children do. I volunteer constantly at their schools. From what I hear this time goes by so quickly and I don't want to miss any of it. If I have a question I do go directly to the owner. I will never speak ill about any coach or parent and especially not a child in the program or any program for that matter. Nor will I question "why isn't my daughter in the front, etc" I love being involved in my daughters cheer and LOVE the program she is with. So can't I be a loving cheer mom without being "that mom"

Completely agree with all of this. But I think the saddest part, for me, is that I don't trust so many of the other cheer moms. I fear that the moms that talk to me at the gym are trying to psych me or my cp out. I feel like when they ask what team she wants to be on next season, it's because they're stacking their kid up against mine. When they ask what "number" she was at tryouts, I won't tell. I don't talk to the coaches or owners, or friend them on fb, out of fear of someone saying I'm a kiss-*$$.
That's why I feel like YOU ALL are my support system. You all go through the same things I go through. You understand my love and growing knowledge of the sport. You get why I listen to cheer music and sit at practice and buy the Worlds VOD and cry at my gym's teams performances. And I know that when I see you all at comps, we'll be a big ole teal, gold/black, red/black, royal/white, silver, orange and green mess cheering on each other's kids like they were our own.

In my experience so far it takes a lot of effort to not get sucked into the stereotypical cheer mom drama. They keep trying and trying to drag me in. But I do my best. I'm there for almost all the practices because we live so far away, but I don't EVER make comments on what spot CP has, or what the other girls are doing or anything like that. It's between her and her coach. I do read the rules and I do pay attention, but I don't offer any comments on the routine unless someone asks me first. You will see me doing several heads of hair, touching up makeup, and walking around with this huge bag that has anything and everything in it, but I won't tell girls to get ready, or fix their shoes, or whatever (Senior team). So I guess I'm the most non-involved involved mom I can be.

My approach, keep away from the coaches!! LOL Seriously though, I have been a team mom for years (started with my oldest and now with my youngest) so it's kind of hard to stay away from the coaches especially when you have to work with them to keep the drama down. I don't do this to keep an 'in' with the coaches, have always done it for my own girls and their teammates. Anyway.....

Coaches and owners are going to run their program as best as they see fit. Never ask questions about routines NEVER. If you want to ask questions about your child's progression, ask to make an appointment, don't ever wait around until practice is over. They have to get to their next team or need to get home too. This shows them that you are respectful of their time schedule. If you want to give them a compliment, email them. They will be able to appreciate more if they are able to take the time to read what you are trying to relay to them in your message, but I would never try to give them 'constructive criticism'. That makes it seem like you should be coaching and the coaches aren't too fond of armchair cheer coaching, backseat cheer coaching....etc.....

Enjoy the practices, enjoy the kids progression BUT cheer for everyone!! Good example last night, our girls were practicing, we saw a girl on another team struggling through some tumbling, some of my parents noticed, started cheering her on from upstairs and gave a big woo hoo and started clapping for her when she accomplished her goal. She couldn't hear us upstairs but it brought a positive vibe in the parent room that we aren't only cheering for our own Susie's but for the rest of our cheer family.

I also think alot of the 'stereotype' that us CHEER MOMS receive is because of the big hair, makeup...you know, the glitz and glamor. I am sure pageant mom's get it worse. If these elements weren't involved, I don't think we would be clumped in these groups.

Enjoy your kids and try not to get sucked into the drama.

@CheerMomNTx - Love the whole approach - except the stay away from the coaches part -- it kinda makes me sad that they are their own little island instead of being part of a big family. I think many kids/parents/etc give a lot of time and effort and respect and faith and support to them and would like it to be more open.

As far as crticism - when I stated feedback good and bad I meant to the gym owner/etc -- I do tell a coach thank you and you are awesome for this or that when warranted but I would never walk up and say "why did you" blah blah blah --

Mamarazzi said:

Completely agree with all of this. But I think the saddest part, for me, is that I don't trust so many of the other cheer moms. I fear that the moms that talk to me at the gym are trying to psych me or my cp out. I feel like when they ask what team she wants to be on next season, it's because they're stacking their kid up against mine. When they ask what "number" she was at tryouts, I won't tell. I don't talk to the coaches or owners, or friend them on fb, out of fear of someone saying I'm a kiss-*$$.
That's why I feel like YOU ALL are my support system. You all go through the same things I go through. You understand my love and growing knowledge of the sport. You get why I listen to cheer music and sit at practice and buy the Worlds VOD and cry at my gym's teams performances. And I know that when I see you all at comps, we'll be a big ole teal, gold/black, red/black, royal/white, silver, orange and green mess cheering on each other's kids like they were our own.

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I think that is sad that you have to feel that way -- why can't we be friends on fb or in real life? Our children LOVE this sport and have a passion for it like the owners/coaches do -- heck some of us (like me) get drawn into it and find our own parental version of that passion for something that is so amazing - and honestly there are so few people that understand it that it makes sense for a gym to become a family and have friendships ---- Honestly I am getting to the point if someone wants to think I am a kiss - *$$ -- they can kiss my *$$ -- lolol

How about just be who you are and don't care what other parents or the coaches think of you...

When I first moved to T&S ALL the coaches thought I was "one of those parents". I was intense, pushed my kids HARD and had my nose stuck to the glass any moment I could. 4 years later I am STILL that way. Any time I get to watch a practice I watch with intensity. I analyze everything my kids do, good and bad. I talk to them about it in the car or at home and make suggestions on what they can do better. I ALSO love to watch the other kids on their teams improve and gain new skills. I celebrate with them, and pat them on the back when they're having a bad day. I get excited to see all the groups hitting their stunt sequence, etc. etc. etc. Now those same coaches who thought I was a crazy cheer mom are my friends, co-workers, and sisters/brothers. They love me for me (I think, lol). I am a great coach AND a crazy cheer mom. I won't change who I am to make anyone like me better.

mommy2mygirls said:

@CheerMomNTx - Love the whole approach - except the stay away from the coaches part -- it kinda makes me sad that they are their own little island instead of being part of a big family. I think many kids/parents/etc give a lot of time and effort and respect and faith and support to them and would like it to be more open.

As far as crticism - when I stated feedback good and bad I meant to the gym owner/etc -- I do tell a coach thank you and you are awesome for this or that when warranted but I would never walk up and say "why did you" blah blah blah --

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I just think there is a time and place to talk to them, not when they are coaching teams. That is their 'work' time. If they have time to 'chat' with you after practice then that is great, but definately don't make it a habit. I have seen the 'stalker' parent who always has something to say and you definitely don't want to be THAT parent.

Amen!!!
I love the sport and when my CP tells me something she is/was excited about I like actually knowing what she's talking about. I have never punished her for not getting a skill or said harsh things about her or even worse about someone else’s child (heard plenty) while I sat and watched all the practices, I was just amazed how hard they worked and loved watching it all come together. And I feel I have answered this question a thousand times...No I was not a cheerleader or coach, never wanted to be and I'm not living my cheer dreams through my child. I love football too and believe me I never wanted to play that either, sometimes a fan is just a fan!! I have 2 children 1 doesn't cheer and I am equally involved in his life too. I have been lucky enough to have had the time to volunteer at their schools and be as much of a part of their whole lives as possible, hopefully knowing where the line is so they have a life of their own- as I do. Luckily my CP knows why I'm there and that is all that really matters. But I have felt your frustration. I don't ask why other parents don't want to know more. You can still love and support your child and not like the sport, why is it so hard to believe that some parents actually do love and support their child and love the sport?

BlueCat said:

The running joke in our circle is that every parent starts their conversation with "Just so you know, I'm NOT one of THOSE parents, but . . . "

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AMEN!!!!!

I Mean For Me, You Really Can NOT Tell The Difference Sometimes. You Have Parents That Start Off EXACTLY Like Your Describing....They Could Be Happy For A Long Period Of Time....But One Day, Something (Whatever It Is In Their Opinion) Goes Wrong And They Turn To The Dark Side. And Since You Already Kinda Have Those "Scary Mom" Qualities Before, Parents Immediately Fit The Bill. Honestly, I Think It's Awesome When A Parent Takes Interests And Is Active In Their Childrens Activities, HOWEVER, If You Are Paying For A Service In A Gym....Let The Professionals Do What They Are Supposed To Do. And It's Ok To Ask Questions Without Trying To Dictate. The Trick Is, Make Sure Your Athlete Is In A Facility Where The Services You Are Paying For, Matches Your Expectations For Your Athlete From The Start...(Even Though We All Know Some Parents Are Just Crazy And Will Be Scary Anyway After Researching Beforehand.) (¬.¬)

I'm done adjusting my Cheer Momness to try to fit in to what I SHOULD be. I'm a great Mom. Faaaarr from perfect, but I do my best. I want to be involved in my childrens' lives. I want to know what they are doing and how they are feeling. I know that I'm not their friend. I'm their Mom. I will get to know the coaches that are coaching my child. I need to feel comfortable with the people that my kids look up to and spend A LOT of time with. Sometimes I will sit and watch practice. Sometimes I won't. If there is something that my cp is excited to show me, I will go out of my way to watch her.

Unfortunately there are some mean people that will stab you in the back in a second. (Learned that one recently.) There are Moms that live through their kids. There are Moms that are SUPER competitive. There are Moms that will do anything so that Suzie can fly. I could go on and on and on. I think over all most cheer Moms are good people. I believe that MOST want their kids to be happy. I think that most of us just want our kids to do their best at the sport they love. As I've said here many, many times...It's the few that ruin it for the majority.

BlueCat said:

The running joke in our circle is that every parent starts their conversation with "Just so you know, I'm NOT one of THOSE parents, but . . . "

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Got an email yesterday that just laid out on the line... The reason line read "I guess I'm one of THOSE cheer moms now...". Got a good laugh from that one!

Mclovin said:

How about just be who you are and don't care what other parents or the coaches think of you...

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Thank You! I watch my child carefully, I ask her to show me what she learned and what she enjoyed about practice. I do push my child hard, but she will push herself even harder. I talk to all my children exactly the same. I have been through countless sports and have been just as involved with my children in all of them. I am crazy curious and will always ask questions to FIND OUT THE ANSWER!!! It is never a dig, it is never me being sneaky. I did it with ballet, tap, jazz, Irish dance, soccer, baseball, track and now cheerleading. I will always be that parent that gets up before the sun to huddle around a heater at a soccer field or baseball field or track meet or to get to the cheer venue on time. That is just who I am, love me or hate me, I stopped caring about the other parents opinions.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with talking to the coaches, watching practices or getting involved with your CP's sport that they love so much. I am a cheer dad and I am at a lot of practices, the parent meetings and I am also invloved with the booster club. I have not missed a single competition in the 6 years my girls have been cheering and I am proud of that! My girls know that I love them and support them 100% and that is more important to me than what anyone else thinks about me. I think it's a very small percentage of cheer parents that give the rest of us a bad rap, especially the ones who are always complaining to the coaches about what team "Susie" should be on and sitting together at the gym talking about other people's children, and not in a positive way. Mommy2mygirls, it sounds like you are doing a great job, keep doing what you're doing and don't worry about the haters!