High School Believing In Me, As Well As Themselves

[EWalsh1029]

So as some of you may know, I'm coaching at a new HS this year. The girls have been great and have so much potential, but I'm having a hard time getting them to believe in themselves, and the coaches.

They lost their old coach for reasons Im not aware of, I'm a new coach in a group of girls and parents who loved the old coach. It's hard getting them (the parents mostly) to accept me because I'm a young coach, only 23. I feel they look down on me even more so now that, along with losing their coach, under my coaching the girls also lost their league title this past week. Its as though in constantly being compared.

Half the reason i feel so is that I'm pushing their limits this season - they plateaued with the old coach and now I'm pushing them to gain higher skills (full ups, layouts, tucks). With this, they aren't hitting picture perfect cookie cutter routines that they did last year. Last year they went to invitationals with little to no competition and always won. This year as well as pushing their limits, I'm sending them to invitationals where they competed against high top teams they would see at regionals and states if we make it.

Has anyone ever been in this situation? I cut down the competition team and one of the parents said it was because I was "incapable of coaching the girls" ... That really hurt :/. Gotta love HS cheer parents..

I know that if the girls believed in themselves they could be amazing! I've tried everything I could think of, inspirational poems, each girl writing something great about their teammate, speeches, and such. But they just don't seem to believe they can be great? Sunday is their regional competition and I know if they do not get a bid to states (like they did last year with their old coach because their were more spots open for their division - not because they qualified by score) I will once again be compared to the old coach and looked down on. I want these girls to truly shine out their on Sunday but I'm not sure how I can make them believe they CAN shine. Any suggestions ? Any fun or motivational ideas other than what I have done ? ANY help, kind words, or motivation would be greatly appreciated. These parents really have me in the slumps!

 

[cheer25mom]

Don't take crap from toxic parents. Set ground rules that do not allow for gossip. Tell them that if they have an issue, they need to speak to you about it directly. Have a meeting with athletes and parents and say everything you just told us, including the fact that you are pushing them BECAUSE they are capable of more. Let them know that their score wasn't good enough and they qualified by default last year and that won't be the case this year. Maybe that will motivate them.

 

[quitthedrama]

I disagree with it being the kids and parents that are the only issues. It sounds like you made a lot of changes and the athletes and parents are dealing with "too much too soon". It may have been better to set goals at the beginning of the season and work on new skills but put the solid skills in the competition routine. Also, communication is key. I'm not saying you haven't, but a team meeting now and then involving parents to just communicate expectations and current information is so helpful, especially for a new coach. Do you have a facebook page that you allow parents on? I have zero clue what goes on with my CP's high school team. I know the OOA for regionals because I am smart enough to look on the governing body's website - the coach would never even consider letting the parents know. Involve your team in their success instead of just giving them all of these tasks to do. Ask them how they think they can be successful. Ask them what made them successful in the past - just because you are new doesn't mean you have to change everything. I think you are likely an excellent coach and it is clear you care about your team and want them to be successful. You may have to compromise a bit for the first couple of seasons to achieve that success. Good luck!

 

[EWalsh1029]

I disagree with it being the kids and parents that are the only issues. It sounds like you made a lot of changes and the athletes and parents are dealing with "too much too soon". It may have been better to set goals at the beginning of the season and work on new skills but put the solid skills in the competition routine. Also, communication is key. I'm not saying you haven't, but a team meeting now and then involving parents to just communicate expectations and current information is so helpful, especially for a new coach. Do you have a facebook page that you allow parents on? I have zero clue what goes on with my CP's high school team. I know the OOA for regionals because I am smart enough to look on the governing body's website - the coach would never even consider letting the parents know. Involve your team in their success instead of just giving them all of these tasks to do. Ask them how they think they can be successful. Ask them what made them successful in the past - just because you are new doesn't mean you have to change everything. I think you are likely an excellent coach and it is clear you care about your team and want them to be successful. You may have to compromise a bit for the first couple of seasons to achieve that success. Good luck!

I'm definitely not saying it's the kids or parents, I'm just wishing there was a way the parents (some not all) would be more accepting to the change. It's as though they are battling back in hopes of getting the old coach back.

I've kept everything the same for them; traditions, cheers, uniforms, how they do everything, they're VERY involved because they know how the teams works better than I do at the moment. The only thing that has changed is practice schedule, and what they perform (because they can do it). They are talented and skilled, they just aren't used to the "umph" of this routine. We set skills/goals at the beginning of the season, we achieved those goals, and they hit it at practice, which you would think make them confident - but out at competition it's never like it is at practice, that's why I want to find a way (other than all the ones Ives tried) to make these girls see and believe in themselves.

I communicate all information via e-mail - sent out the OOA for our regional competition the day it came out. And we have had meetings (some parents don't show up). Most parents have been very impressed with communication skills thus far.

I know I can't make everyone happy, but I wish I could - I'm a people pleaser! What it comes down to, is that I just want these girls to believe in themselves and see how talented they are, how much potential they have (which I hope they can do this weekend at regionals!). I know I can't please all parents, I just wish that some of them weren't as harsh as they are - but Ive been around the HS cheer block and know how a hen protects their eggs! Thankfully it isn't ALL the parents, and more than half have been very accepting, but those few that aren't always find a way to dig the knife a little deeper whenever they can.

Do you happen to be from MA? You mentioned regionals and MA has regionals this weekend !

 

[quitthedrama]

Yes I am from Mass. If you have done all that then you are doing things right. You are spot on when you say you can't please everyone - no one can. Focus on those that are positive and good luck at Regionals!

Fierceboard: where discussions become popularity contests

 

[EWalsh1029]

Yes I am from Mass. If you have done all that then you are doing things right. You are spot on when you say you can't please everyone - no one can. Focus on those that are positive and good luck at Regionals!

Fierceboard: where discussions become popularity contests

You too!

 

[MHSCheercoach]

So as some of you may know, I'm coaching at a new HS this year. The girls have been great and have so much potential, but I'm having a hard time getting them to believe in themselves, and the coaches.

They lost their old coach for reasons Im not aware of, I'm a new coach in a group of girls and parents who loved the old coach. It's hard getting them (the parents mostly) to accept me because I'm a young coach, only 23. I feel they look down on me even more so now that, along with losing their coach, under my coaching the girls also lost their league title this past week. Its as though in constantly being compared.

Half the reason i feel so is that I'm pushing their limits this season - they plateaued with the old coach and now I'm pushing them to gain higher skills (full ups, layouts, tucks). With this, they aren't hitting picture perfect cookie cutter routines that they did last year. Last year they went to invitationals with little to no competition and always won. This year as well as pushing their limits, I'm sending them to invitationals where they competed against high top teams they would see at regionals and states if we make it.

Has anyone ever been in this situation? I cut down the competition team and one of the parents said it was because I was "incapable of coaching the girls" ... That really hurt :/. Gotta love HS cheer parents..

I know that if the girls believed in themselves they could be amazing! I've tried everything I could think of, inspirational poems, each girl writing something great about their teammate, speeches, and such. But they just don't seem to believe they can be great? Sunday is their regional competition and I know if they do not get a bid to states (like they did last year with their old coach because their were more spots open for their division - not because they qualified by score) I will once again be compared to the old coach and looked down on. I want these girls to truly shine out their on Sunday but I'm not sure how I can make them believe they CAN shine. Any suggestions ? Any fun or motivational ideas other than what I have done ? ANY help, kind words, or motivation would be greatly appreciated. These parents really have me in the slumps!

No matter what, you will have those who don't like the changes you are making, despite them being the best for the team. I had a team with amazing potential, but they simply didn't believe either. I sat them down the week of competition and told them this "I've given you a winning routine, we've practiced it until you know it forwards and backwards in your sleep. I've told you what to work on and what needs to happen. You are MORE than capable of doing this routine and winning, but right now I'm the only one who seems to want that to happen. You can't just WANT IT at competition, you have to WANT IT at practice, at home, at school. That's the difference between those who compete and those who compete to win." (I remember this because one of the girls recorded it, she thought it would be one of those epic moments) I told them if they didn't want to push themselves, work harder, and buy into the team, then to tell me now and I'd pull them from competition. I got a little mean with them, but they needed to hear it. They thought that simply going through the motions was good enough and it wasn't.

As far as some parents and girls not believing in you, you'll have that. Perhaps some do what the old coach back, but it's not like you came in there and pushed out the old coach, you simply wanted to come in and continue down the path where the old coach had them. But new coaches means some changes. You are pushing their boundaries because you know they can be better, but you have to ask them... Do you want to be better? Sounds like a dumb question I know, but I had a squad tell me they were fine with just looking cute on the sidelines. That's so against my nature, but I gave them what they wanted. We didn't do the normal extra dances for homecoming or tipoff or senior night. We didn't do hard or even showy floor cheers. Thankfully, the majority of that squad graduated or didn't try back out (they cited it was too hard, haha) and I have a much better, albeit smaller squad now that wants to be awesome.

I hope it works out, and I'm sure it will. Don't let some of the parents or cheerleaders push you out, cause most likely they will fall in line or get out, either is a plus for you and the remaining squad that wants to follow your rules, goals, and way of coaching. Focus on doing your job the best you can and if some have an issue with it then let them know you are more than happy to schedule of meeting with them and the AD to address their concerns. (Rule #1 don't have any parental or cheerleader 1 on 1 or small group meetings without the AD present, it saves your butt that way)

 

[quitthedrama]

All of this! Your second paragraph said what I was trying to say but you said it much better!

Fierceboard: where discussions become popularity contests

 

[EWalsh1029]

No matter what, you will have those who don't like the changes you are making, despite them being the best for the team. I had a team with amazing potential, but they simply didn't believe either. I sat them down the week of competition and told them this "I've given you a winning routine, we've practiced it until you know it forwards and backwards in your sleep. I've told you what to work on and what needs to happen. You are MORE than capable of doing this routine and winning, but right now I'm the only one who seems to want that to happen. You can't just WANT IT at competition, you have to WANT IT at practice, at home, at school. That's the difference between those who compete and those who compete to win." (I remember this because one of the girls recorded it, she thought it would be one of those epic moments) I told them if they didn't want to push themselves, work harder, and buy into the team, then to tell me now and I'd pull them from competition. I got a little mean with them, but they needed to hear it. They thought that simply going through the motions was good enough and it wasn't.

As far as some parents and girls not believing in you, you'll have that. Perhaps some do what the old coach back, but it's not like you came in there and pushed out the old coach, you simply wanted to come in and continue down the path where the old coach had them. But new coaches means some changes. You are pushing their boundaries because you know they can be better, but you have to ask them... Do you want to be better? Sounds like a dumb question I know, but I had a squad tell me they were fine with just looking cute on the sidelines. That's so against my nature, but I gave them what they wanted. We didn't do the normal extra dances for homecoming or tipoff or senior night. We didn't do hard or even showy floor cheers. Thankfully, the majority of that squad graduated or didn't try back out (they cited it was too hard, haha) and I have a much better, albeit smaller squad now that wants to be awesome.

I hope it works out, and I'm sure it will. Don't let some of the parents or cheerleaders push you out, cause most likely they will fall in line or get out, either is a plus for you and the remaining squad that wants to follow your rules, goals, and way of coaching. Focus on doing your job the best you can and if some have an issue with it then let them know you are more than happy to schedule of meeting with them and the AD to address their concerns. (Rule #1 don't have any parental or cheerleader 1 on 1 or small group meetings without the AD present, it saves your butt that way)

Thank you! That is just what I needed to hear (read? Lol)! Thankfully I have a very supportive AD who always backs me!

 

[jessicastuart]

MHSCheercoach took the words out of my mouth! Preach.

Keep pushing your girls, you're taking them to the next level. We all know how quickly the expectations in the cheer world change. You have to work to be a step ahead of your competition. You're catching your new team up to others and once your athletes see and understand this, it'll get easier.

I understand your position. I took over the program I once cheered for in 2010. I was 20, and I also had to deal with being looked at as a little girl. It took about a year and a half to gain the trust and respect from both my athletes and their parents. You just have to past all these different hurdles new coaches face.

 

[WIcoach]

If I didn't know any better, I would think it was me that wrote this lol. Just know that it does get better! Lean on your AD because he has your back. A lot of cheer coaches don't have that support because of the nature of our sport. Also, focus on the parents and athletes that are buying what you're selling, so to speak. Don't let yourself dwell on the negativity. They may be the loudest, but they probably represent the minority. I hope things get better for you!

 

[Official OWECheer]

If I didn't know any better, I would think it was me that wrote this lol. Just know that it does get better! Lean on your AD because he has your back. A lot of cheer coaches don't have that support because of the nature of our sport. Also, focus on the parents and athletes that are buying what you're selling, so to speak. Don't let yourself dwell on the negativity. They may be the loudest, but they probably represent the minority. I hope things get better for you!

I was going to say, her AD sounds amazing.