Coach Made Freshman "co-captain"!!!!!

[2017supermom]

When I say the coach has made my daughter feel depressed its because she's yelling and cursing at them saying they're not good enough because they don't look and move like the freshman co captain. She's constantly putting them down for things they can't control like how much $ was raised at a fundraiser. The co captain has more family/ friends support than the other girls. Don't put them down because they don't have a support system like the freshman. They have no control over that! Seems like she's just being a bully and its not OK if my daughter is sinking into a depression over this. Being a bully coach is not OK.

 

[Charolais]

My daughter is a junior in HS. She's been cheering all 3 years. Last year the coach didn't pick a Captain or Co- captain but this year its obvious this new freshman is either a relative or close friend of of hers because she's automatically become the coach's "favorite". Bragging about everything she does and making the other girls feel bad saying they're not as good as her in anything they do! Which is BS and very hurtful to the other girls.My daughter has become very depressed and uninterested in anything since the coach has started acting like a b****.Her spirit is broken and I'm upset that the coach has caused her to feel this way. Anyway she didn't have Captain try outs. She just picked her 2 favorites which of course one was the new freshman! This doesn't seem fair at all. I'm not a petty parent but a freshman just joining the squad being allowed to punish the other girls who've been cheering for years just doesn't sit well with me. Am I being too sensitive or should I speak up about this?

You are being too sensitive and you should not speak with the coach. This is not your battle to fight. Focus on helping your daughter deal with this situation. Be the voice of reason and don't buy into the hysteria. If your daughter does not want to accept the status quo, she can speak with the coach to understand how the captain and co-captain were selected. She can also speak with the coach to understand the role of the captain and co-captain. Your daughter is in the driver's seat and has control over what she will and won't do this school cheer season. If your daughter is unwilling to accept the explanation and unwilling to work with the co-captain, then maybe she should sit out this season. As a parent, use these circumstances as a teaching moment.

 

[quitthedrama]

I can complain if I want to!This is a discussion forum! If u have a problem with me complaining keep scrolling and don't bother replying.

No problems here - only observations. Sounds like your definition of a discussion forum is only receiving responses from those who agree or support you. Hope your daughter can make the most out of her season.

 

[Charolais]

When I say the coach has made my daughter feel depressed its because she's yelling and cursing at them saying they're not good enough because they don't look and move like the freshman co captain. She's constantly putting them down for things they can't control like how much $ was raised at a fundraiser. The co captain has more family/ friends support than the other girls. Don't put them down because they don't have a support system like the freshman. They have no control over that! Seems like she's just being a bully and its not OK if my daughter is sinking into a depression over this. Being a bully coach is not OK.

I don't condone a coach swearing at kids, but yelling is a tool used by coaches. Pointing out proper technique is another tool employed by coaches.

You are taking everything your daughter says as true with no filter. If school cheer is the source of your daughter's depression, she could use some coping skills. If you cannot provide those coping skills, then seek professional help.

 

[ScottyB]

My daughter is a junior in HS. She's been cheering all 3 years. Last year the coach didn't pick a Captain or Co- captain but this year its obvious this new freshman is either a relative or close friend of of hers because she's automatically become the coach's "favorite". Bragging about everything she does and making the other girls feel bad saying they're not as good as her in anything they do! Which is BS and very hurtful to the other girls.My daughter has become very depressed and uninterested in anything since the coach has started acting like a b****.Her spirit is broken and I'm upset that the coach has caused her to feel this way. Anyway she didn't have Captain try outs. She just picked her 2 favorites which of course one was the new freshman! This doesn't seem fair at all. I'm not a petty parent but a freshman just joining the squad being allowed to punish the other girls who've been cheering for years just doesn't sit well with me. Am I being too sensitive or should I speak up about this?

You need to have your daughter address this with the coach in person and via email (so its written down), not you. She needs to express the way she feels, if she truly is depressed and uninterested in cheering based on these actions.

You raising the flag will only create drama.

 

[Andrea]

When I say the coach has made my daughter feel depressed its because she's yelling and cursing at them saying they're not good enough because they don't look and move like the freshman co captain. She's constantly putting them down for things they can't control like how much $ was raised at a fundraiser. The co captain has more family/ friends support than the other girls. Don't put them down because they don't have a support system like the freshman. They have no control over that! Seems like she's just being a bully and its not OK if my daughter is sinking into a depression over this. Being a bully coach is not OK.

My daughter will be a Junior and had a very difficult HS cheer coach her first two years, so I can sympathize. Like other comments, I'd encourage your daughter to talk to the coach first at a time when emotions won't be running high and separate from the rest of the team. If that doesn't work, you could contact the coach, but you need to try to have an open mind. Your daughter will have her own side to the story and she could be telling the truth as she interprets it, but the coach may have a very different viewpoint. Do you know other squad parents? I've found talking with parents I trust to be very helpful to gauge whether my daughter is overreacting to a situation or interpreting it incorrectly. I don't suggest that as an excuse for everyone to bash on the coach and the freshman co-captain, but it helps to know if others are feeling the same way.

 

[catlady]

Your daughter is a Jr in HS, empower her. Running laps, being cursed or yelled at as a group, being told they're not as good as ____, and being told they didn't collect enough money are not pleasant, but it's not bullying. We only confirm our kids worst fears of inadequacy by making them victims or telling them they're being bullied when people are unpleasant. Unless she has a mental or physical condition, she's not in danger. This is real life and she will encounter unfair situations and people in power that are difficult throughout her lifetime. She can choose to confront the coach (as @ScottyB said, by email), choose to remove herself from the situation, or choose to accept her circumstances, be positive and focus on what she enjoys. Even if she doesn't like her choices, it is making her realize she has control of how she is going to deal with the circumstances. She's got this, give her the tools and be amazed.

 

[alpaca]

Your daughter is a Jr in HS, empower her. Running laps, being cursed or yelled at as a group, being told they're not as good as ____, and being told they didn't collect enough money are not pleasant, but it's not bullying. We only confirm our kids worst fears of inadequacy by making them victims or telling them they're being bullied when people are unpleasant. Unless she has a mental or physical condition, she's not in danger. This is real life and she will encounter unfair situations and people in power that are difficult throughout her lifetime. She can choose to confront the coach (as @ScottyB said, by email), choose to remove herself from the situation, or choose to accept her circumstances, be positive and focus on what she enjoys. Even if she doesn't like her choices, it is making her realize she has control of how she is going to deal with the circumstances. She's got this, give her the tools and be amazed.

catlady is my spirit animal

 

[Pebbles49]

Wow @2017supermom, after reading your posts and all the unfair things that are happening on this cheer squad, I will be the first to suggest pulling my daughter off this team and allowing it to implode from within, which I believe will happen...Matter of fact, I really do not understand how an incoming freshman is allowed to walk on a varsity squad and have such a position in the first place, usually, the incoming students are learning the dynamics of the group and tbh, it is an accomplishment to even make the varsity squad, which my daughter, as a freshman, only a total of 2 freshmen made the team and she was the only freshmen to make All American, out of a total 6 athletes... So, imo, most coaches will not open any titles on first year cheerleaders on the squad they have enough to deal with in a brand new school.....Furthermore, It is hard to imagine 1 person on a cheer squad having so much power and to top it off, this freshman does not have any redeemable cheer skills to earn this power.
I wonder, what responsibility the cheer captain has on this squad and why this co-captain is allowed to singularly issue punishments, this seems to be out of order and I imagine the other girls should be upset too... why not suggest to your daughter to gather other people on the squad and voice their opposition to what is happening... I still believe there is power when going in to speak in numbers... jmo! Good Luck!

 

[2017supermom]

Wow @2017supermom, after reading your posts and all the unfair things that are happening on this cheer squad, I will be the first to suggest pulling my daughter off this team and allowing it to implode from within, which I believe will happen...Matter of fact, I really do not understand how an incoming freshman is allowed to walk on a varsity squad and have such a position in the first place, usually, the incoming students are learning the dynamics of the group and tbh, it is an accomplishment to even make the varsity squad, which my daughter, as a freshman, only a total of 2 freshmen made the team and she was the only freshmen to make All American, out of a total 6 athletes... So, imo, most coaches will not open any titles on first year cheerleaders on the squad they have enough to deal with in a brand new school.....Furthermore, It is hard to imagine 1 person on a cheer squad having so much power and to top it off, this freshman does not have any redeemable cheer skills to earn this power.
I wonder, what responsibility the cheer captain has on this squad and why this co-captain is allowed to singularly issue punishments, this seems to be out of order and I imagine the other girls should be upset too... why not suggest to your daughter to gather other people on the squad and voice their opposition to what is happening... I still believe there is power when going in to speak in numbers... jmo! Good Luck!

 

[2017supermom]

I totally agree!!! The majority of the girls are upset about this freshman co-captain. They talk amongst each other about their frustration but they're afraid to discuss this with the coach because she's so mean and they're afraid they'll be kicked off the squad but if they all stick together like u said they may actually get something done but if not I'm seriously thinking about pulling my daughter off because it's not worth it! I'd hate for my daughter to try to harm herself because of the severe depression caused by a mean, unfair, bullying coach. Thanks for replying!

 

[mamabear]

The severity of the situation keeps escalating with each of your posts. If you think this situation is this potentially damaging to your child, you need to take more action than posting about it on a message board


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[BeckyySueWho]

If your daughter's depression has gotten to the point that you feel her next step is self-harm, please (if you haven't already) get her help.

Her mental health should be priority number one, not Cheerleading. If you truly and wholeheartedly feel that her depression is solely linked to the way that she is treated by her coach, you are doing her a disservice by keeping her on that team.

As someone who works in behavioral health and with teenage girls, I implore you to address what is most important here.