All-Star Disrespectful Consequences?

[rdavis4]

From the psych-101 course I did in college: positive reinforcement is usually more powerful than punishment, especially in children.

If you constantly give negative consequences for any kind of bad behavior, it's true that kids will eventually learn not to do those things. And doling out a healthy dose of push-ups for misbehaving is sure to help train 'em. But what is even better is rewarding positive behavior when it comes.

So if Susie complains constantly, and you're always telling her to drop and give you five, you do need to really reward her when she finally does something right. Otherwise she'll just get used to the push-ups, her arms will get hella strong, but she won't really learn what kind of behavior you expect from her. It's not going to disadvantage the kids that always behave well, as long as you're consistent in your punishments and rewards.

I teach second graders and it's much more powerful for me to praise the ones doing well than punish the ones off task. I use an app called class dojo and students earn points throughout the day. Sometimes if they are all talking, I give a random point to myself (they don't know I have myself set up as a student) and as soon as they hear that positive ding, they all stop talking and get super focused because they want a point too.

 

[JayySoFierce]

Honestly, pick out the bad apples and have a sit down with them and talk. Make sure you have your facts and evidence on each athlete if they try to argue back. A lot of times, some girls don't realize they're giving you attitude. It took me almost an entire season to realize one of my athletes who ALWAYS rolled her eyes and looked miserable, to talk to her mom and she said "She's always like that, talk to her for a few minutes and she'll fix it" Surprisingly, it worked. Miscommunication can cause many unnecessary distractions and problems.

 

[catlady]

Some kids have been beaten down to the point, they feel they are incapable of meeting expectations and they have stopped trying. Think in terms of the parent that does their kids first grade science fair project, or makes or remakes their bed because it doesn't look perfect, or makes excuses for sub-par behavior. Or, think in terms of the parent that is so disengaged they have no expectations at all. Translation in a kids mind, I'm not capable of those things or I'm just not worth the time.

Sit those few down individually, tell them your expectations, consequences and stick to them. Do not back off discipline because, more than likely, you will be the first to follow through. Discipline should go something like this: You rolled your eyes, 20 back burpees, and if you roll them again, I'll keep adding 10. When they're done, walk up to them, look them in the eye and stress, "What you do matters and until you believe that, I'll keep reminding you until you recognize how important you are, not only to this team but, life in general." It's a rare individual that doesn't want to live up to the expectations of those that believe in them.

 

[oncecoolcoachnowmom]

Most of you folks know what I do in my day job.

In my cheer life, I am the least Mary Poppins coach you will ever meet.

However, I have learned that there are kids with very little control. Like, yes some kids are just Brittany McBrattersons who are entitled.

But some of my athletes/students are dealing with things that are beyond their control, even in my super suburban district, my kids have:

*ADHD or other behavioral issues.
*Parents losing jobs.
*Parents divorcing.
*Parents stressed about money and even affording cheer.
*Parental expectations (ex: mommy wanting you to go to Brown like your sister when you are very much an average student.)
*Moms pushing and being Suzy's Mom in cheer or other activities.
*Kids with siblings in rehab or dead from heroin and/or pills.

Why does that matter?

Because for some, cheer is their only outlet for a ton of frustrations.

So they get disrespectful with you.

Nothing personal but you just happen to be there and cheer represents a situation they can control.

Am I saying let them? No.

But focus on increasing the behaviors you WANT. Not punishing the stuff you don't.

It is hard to recognize a kid who is rude to you and be positive toward them but realize that you may be the only positive reinforcement they get ALL DAY.

 

[catlady]

Sorry for the double post, but I do feel this is worth sharing. My oldest has a medical issue and there was a patient advocate (child psychologist) in the office that interacted with the kids and parents all day while they received treatments. She taught kids how to live while they were sick and how to die if they were terminal. Her instructions to us parents remained the same no matter how sick they were, they needed love, a positive environment, purpose, boundaries, and discipline. They provided tutors for the kids (even the ones they knew had a matter of weeks) and told them "No cancer card for you. You will vomit, work hard and be great."

Whether a parent, teacher or coach, our job remains constant, and it is to teach kids how to weather the storm as well as the calm days. Situations, illnesses, and disabilities do not prevent kids from being great, kind, self controlled and respectful. We have to stop providing excuses and start expecting greatness. The article below is about the office:

http://www.bizjournals.com/stlouis/stories/2004/10/25/focus11.html