All-Star How Much Do Coaches Want To Know?

[XtremeWpg]

My 16 yo has autism (he appears high functioning but his IQ is low). I still feel like I need to explain his diagnosis to everyone I meet. I think it is unfair to the coaches not to tell them. They should be told. I think if you explain it in terms of anxiety and behaviors - how she processes the world, it would be helpful. If you know antecedents that make certain behavior occurs, that would be beneficial.
I have to be honest with you, though. If you tell them, and the coaches didn't want to know, I'd be concerned. Good luck!

Couldn't agree more! Our little girl would tell us that she felt sick every practice. What we didn't know is that the social pressures of the team were triggering her anxiety and making her feel ill. I have generalized anxiety disorder myself, so I know 100% how she was feeling. But at 7, she wasn't able to articulate it. Once we were informed, I was able to use some of what i know about myself with her and things got much better!

 

[oncecoolcoachnowmom]

I always appreciate knowing how it may manifest itself in a cheer setting so I can make sure she has thebest experience possible.

Do I need a copy of Suzie's IEP? No.

But I do need to know if (for example) Suzie will panic and complain of stomach pain whenever we do choreo because new choreo triggers her anxiety.

Or if Becky needs an outline of what is coming next at practice because she has Aspbergers and cannot handle not knowing when I'm going to ask her to go full out.

 

[Teacher Mom]

I'm also a parent of a child with ASD. DD1 is high functioning and I always let people such as coaches, teachers, camp, etc. I give them some insight and some strategies that work with her. Shes the

If anything I often get "are you sure?", "she doesn't act like she has ASD", etc. Like we'd make that up.

Seriously? I've taught people on the spectrum for over 20 years and what I've learned is none are alike. They may have similar behaviors, such as tippie-toe walking, arm flapping, etc. but be very different. People think of Rainman when they think of ASD and that is atypical.

 

[EMMbaleena]

Echoing what 99% of the posts on here have said - most coaches would absolutely want to be aware of this situation. I think it would be helpful to explain that you aren't looking for 'special treatment' for her and that she copes with most situations appropriately, it's just an occasional issue that they might notice. Perhaps you could provide a few of her triggers or coping mechanisms so they can be aware. More than likely, the coaches will be willing to work with you and set your kiddo up for success in the long term .
Good Luck - I hope she has a fantastic season!

 

[SL&AM]

Seriously? I've taught people on the spectrum for over 20 years and what I've learned is none are alike. They may have similar behaviors, such as tippie-toe walking, arm flapping, etc. but be very different. People think of Rainman when they think of ASD and that is atypical.

We get the 'Are you sure? She doesn't act Autistic' a lot too---they may see her as a little quirky and a touch OCD (which she has too), but no one ever pegs her as Autistic. I even have to remind my own family that they didn't know her as a toddler and preschooler and who they see now is a combination of the best special needs preschool teacher on the planet and hours and hours of therapies between an SLP, OT, ABA, and play counselors...etc.

Thank you to everyone who has replied. I'll definitely address it with her coach, just keep it low-key. Parents are required to attend all practices (and stay) so I'll only be an arms length away if needed.

 

[DropAndRun]

I coached an aspie for 9 years and her mother still has not told me she is one. I was pretty young when she started with me and I'm not sure I even knew what aspergers was at that time. I just knew she was different. I couldn't even tell you when I figured it out. She is an adult now. Still maybe a little different but such a cool person and so smart. She is one of, if not my favorite students of all the ones I had.

Why the mom never talked to me about her differences, I have always wondered. I think there were times that had I been more educated I could have understood her better an helped her faster, but because I never had a label for her, maybe in the long run that helped just as much. I included her and encouraged her but also let her be herself.

I'm not sure if we could go back that I'd want to know, to be honest. Could she have used a little more compassion from me in the early days when I got frustrated with her communication skills? Maybe. But I think it also helped both of us for me to just treat her like everyone else. She taught me a lot about aspergers and a lot about myself along the way.

If something becomes a big issue along the way, maybe a conversation will become necessary. Otherwise, I would probably let it be.

 

[cheerisloving]

I would tell the coaches. My mom actually has a degree in Special Education and has worked with kids who have IEPs for years. She has always stated that the 'label' is only what the parents make from it. And in some cases, they need the label to be successful. One of my former HS coaches was a Special Needs teacher and suggest that one of my friends get tested for ADHD. Her mother refused because she was afraid of what would happen with the label, so it never happened. Instead, my incredibly bright teammate struggled through school because she couldn't focus or behave.

Though I need a formal diagnosis, my mom and I have both agreed that I might have an anxiety disorder, coupled with depression. Many people wouldn't know it looking at me or talking to me, but I struggle with getting out of bed or hanging out with friends. This illness has affected cheering and because I keep it to myself, I feel like no one takes it seriously. I've been struggling with this for many years before joining the team, and now I wish I would've said something from the beginning.

 

[cupieqt]

I coached minis this year. We have one child with a diagnosed anxiety issue and had experienced bullying in school as a result. The parents didn't tell us and we were left frustrated with the athlete because of her behaviour and reactions. Had we known, we could have made the adjustment to the social aspects much easier. We expected her to react the way a "normal" (I hate using the word normal, but couldn't think of anything better) 7 year old would, and she just wasn't capable.

Once the parents did tell us, we were able to adjust our approach to her feelings and reactions. She became much happier, outgoing and communicative. She began to thrive when we were able to react appropriately.

I would absolutely have a conversation with the coaches. It can change a lot of things!

Typical is the word you're looking for.

Just for future reference so you know what word to use in situations like this.

 

[cupieqt]

@SL&AM tell the coaches. They need the information. Having a conversation about it now is much better than needing a conversation about it later.

 

[AndyT_T]

I'd say mention it but keep it brief and let the coach know that you're there to support both them as a coach and your daughter.
Don't go into the past stuff or specifics in her behavior, just let them know that she high functioning and that she is excited to cheer (because she is!!).

Just my two cents! I can't imagine the stress this puts on you, especially when all you wanna do is get your kid out there having some fun!

This. We have a girl on the team this year that I am starting to realize is probably high functioning but on the autistic spectrum. I really wish I had been told earlier on so I could change how I coach to fit the way she learns.

 

[SL&AM]

This. We have a girl on the team this year that I am starting to realize is probably high functioning but on the autistic spectrum. I really wish I had been told earlier on so I could change how I coach to fit the way she learns.

Denial can be very, very strong in some parents with ASD/Aspie kids---the parents may not have withheld it on purpose, but instead, are in denial and she hasn't been officially diagnosed. In my limited experience, I've found it's often the highest functioning kids who have the most resistant parents---which is a shame tbh, because early intervention is so important.

 

[5monkeysjumping]

My younger daughter has severe receptive and expressive speech delays and some mild developmental delays (mostly due to spending her first three years in a Chinese orphanage). She is just doing a cheer class right now at our gym, but I did tell the coach what to expect. I told her that she's a great kid who is super excited to cheer like her big sister, but that she has trouble processing language. I told her what to look for (blank stare, stiff response) and that she can't understand metaphors and needs things to be concrete (like, don't say you're making a pizza when you're stretching sort of deal). So far, she's doing great! She looks a lot like a typical kid about 1 1/2-2 years younger, which is perfect in a mixed age sport like cheer. We'll just try to keep her in a place of always being the oldest on a team and she will do just fine with the younger kids.

 

[Amie815]

I would say tell them. My daughter has anxiety and OCD and I kept her coaches informed which helped them to deal with her. Knowing her struggles helped them to know when to be firm, when to let her take a breather, when to support a little more, just be able I coach her the best way possible.

 

[SL&AM]

Just a quick update-tomorrow is her first practice so I sent out a quick e-mail last night informing the coaches. I found meet and greet to be too busy to bring the topic up at without a lot of listening ears. Anyway, one of her coaches called today to thank me for letting them know and let me know her backgrounds---she is a SPED teacher in a behavioral classroom at a local elementary school so she is very well versed on the challenges my little one has.

I'm super relieved and no where near as stressed as I was. Thank you to everyone who gave me feedback, it definitely pushed me to make the best decision for her. Cheers to a good season---I'm excited to trade in being an AS Cheer Mama to a Rec Cheer Mama. Older is running her feet off so I don't expect her to return anytime soon.

 

[armycheermom]

*echoing everyone else*

My daughter has sickle cell, so it was a must for me to inform her coaches so they could know the signs to watch us for, but we both told them to not baby her or give her special treatment. My daughter has always been good at figuring out what type of pain she's dealing with and if she needs to stop or not, but letting her coaches know what she was dealing with also allowed them to look for the signs and allow her to get water, take a break, etc without it being a big deal. As a medical mom, I know we just want our kids to live "typical " lives, but the fact is they're deal with a very unique situation and need a little help every now and then. When people understand what they are dealing with they can adjust to help them out.


As far as peers go, I let my daughter decide if and when she tells her peers. She found out that her real friends don't treat her any different and understood when she had to do things a little different. It helped her realize who she should and shouldn't keep in her life.