Keeping My Athlete Motivated

[LostinCheerMom]

Hello all. My daughter has been cheering for a few seasons now and last season she moved up to allstar from prep. Totally different to say the least well her two man stunt had a bobble and the team took 2nd. Afterwards I give her the "its ok it was a mistake" mommy speech. The coach speaks to them as a team and says it was a small issue but overall the team did well and should be proud. THEN we head to the car and a parent whose been there awhile and is more comfortable giving her opinion says "well without that mistake we would have won jackets they needed to hit perfect, we knew it would be close but oh well" my daughter was standing there hears it all and is crushed. Other moms feel I should have addressed the parent especially since her daughter has made so many mistakes in the past, but I don't feel comfortable calling out other kids and making my daughter feel worse seeing me argue about this. Any suggestions on how to move on. The "hen pecking" really gets to me some times.

 

[CheerBank]

Now is the perfect time to teach you cp how not to behave ever, as a child or an adult! Shame on that mom. Remind cp of what the coach told them after the comp, and today is a new day.

 

[cheer25mom]

I wouldn't have been bothered by it and neither would CP at this point, after 4 seasons of allstar. We would have both acknowledged that while it may have been inappropriate to voice it, what she said was likely true. While I think that this parent saying what she did in front of your CP was totally inappropriate, the coach essentially said the same thing in a more tactful and positive way. A bobble like that from an otherwise prefect team can often be the difference between first and second, and as an athlete in a competitive sport, you have to take responsibility for the fact that your mistakes effect the whole team and work to fix them next time rather than letting it get to you. Everyone being willing to take responsibility for their own mistakes can make or break a team. My CP has been in that position. She had a tumbling collision that cost her team 1st once. It was her fault, and she owned it.

Trust me , getting into it with another parent about what they said is NOT worth the drama it creates. I watched it basically tear a gym apart. Owners were trying to police everything that came out of everyone's mouth because people were complaining and it was a hot mess. Best to just let it go and move on, and use it a teaching experience about the fact that we never know who is listening when we say things in public so we need to watch our words.

 

[CheerBank]

I wouldn't have been bothered by it and neither would CP at this point, after 4 seasons of allstar. We would have both acknowledged that while it may have been inappropriate to voice it, what she said was likely true. While I think that this parent saying what she did in front of your CP was totally inappropriate, the coach essentially said the same thing in a more tactful and positive way. A bobble like that from an otherwise prefect team can often be the difference between first and second, and as an athlete in a competitive sport, you have to take responsibility for the fact that your mistakes effect the whole team and work to fix them next time rather than letting it get to you. Everyone being willing to take responsibility for their own mistakes can make or break a team. My CP has been in that position. She had a tumbling collision that cost her team 1st once. It was her fault, and she owned it.

Trust me , getting into it with another parent about what they said is NOT worth the drama it creates. I watched it basically tear a gym apart. Owners were trying to police everything that came out of everyone's mouth because people were complaining and it was a hot mess. Best to just let it go and move on, and use it a teaching experience about the fact that we never know who is listening when we say things in public so we need to watch our words.

This is our 11th season and I would be pretty pissed if a parent said something like that in front of my kid, and I have a pretty tough skin.

Last season cp's flyer's mother blamed mine for her cp's fall and had the kids and other moms we were staying with watch the video over and over (I didn't know about this, I had gone to bed). Finally one of the other moms said something to that mom and to the other kids (who were blaming cp at that point). This was all done in an attempt to deflect the focus on her daughter, where it should have been, and not the bases. There is a huge difference between a coach calling out a mistake and the parent of another athlete; the latter is unacceptable and has nothing to do with accepting one's responsibility for what happened.

 

[cheer25mom]

This is our 11th season and I would be pretty pissed if a parent said something like that in front of my kid, and I have a pretty tough skin.

Last season cp's flyer's mother blamed mine for her cp's fall and had the kids and other moms we were staying with watch the video over and over (I didn't know about this, I had gone to bed). Finally one of the other moms said something to that mom and to the other kids (who were blaming cp at that point). This was all done in an attempt to deflect the focus on her daughter, where it should have been, and not the bases. There is a huge difference between a coach calling out a mistake and the parent of another athlete; the latter is unacceptable and has nothing to do with accepting one's responsibility for what happened.

I didn't see it as calling out a particular child's mistake and making the child an issue. I think a passing comment, while certainly inappropriate, is different than watching a video over and over and bashing a child as a group or going to a child or parent and blaming them for a loss. She just said that without the mistake the scores would have been close. It's like saying if the team had run clean then they would be in the running. How many of us have never, ever said something similar when talking to our kid about a disappointing performance(not calling out and individual child but as a comment about the team's performance)? Getting a group together to watch a video and determine whose fault it is we lost and deflect blame is a totally different animal.

My point about accepting responsibility was only that this could be used a s a teaching moment. We don't point out other's mistakes but we take responsibility for our own. ect... Your example is a good one of how not doing this can cause problems. The flyer was unwilling to take responsibility for her mistake and was looking to blame your CP. That to me is totally different than saying "If the team hadn't had a stunt fall they had the potential to be in first."

 

[CheerBank]

I didn't see it as calling out a particular child's mistake and making the child an issue. I think a passing comment, while certainly inappropriate, is different than watching a video over and over and bashing a child as a group or going to a child or parent and blaming them for a loss. She just said that without the mistake the scores would have been close. It's like saying if the team had run clean then they would be in the running. How many of us have never, ever said something similar when talking to our kid about a disappointing performance(not calling out and individual child but as a comment about the team's performance)? Getting a group together to watch a video and determine whose fault it is we lost and deflect blame is a totally different animal.

My point about accepting responsibility was only that this could be used a s a teaching moment. We don't point out other's mistakes but we take responsibility for our own. ect... Your example is a good one of how not doing this can cause problems. The flyer was unwilling to take responsibility for her mistake and was looking to blame your CP. That to me is totally different than saying "If the team hadn't had a stunt fall they had the potential to be in first."

As per the OP, she said it in front of mom whose athlete involved in stunt fall. To me that was a pointed comment. I might have responded with "that's the nature of cheer...it can happen to any given stunt/athlete at any given time" but that appeared to be an intentional dig.

 

[cheer25mom]

As per the OP, she said it in front of mom whose athlete involved in stunt fall. To me that was a pointed comment. I might have responded with "that's the nature of cheer...it can happen to any given stunt/athlete at any given time" but that appeared to be an intentional dig.

I didn't read it that way. I read it as she overheard it walking to the car and it wasn't intended for her to hear. An intentional dig would definitely be different.

 

[LostinCheerMom]

I didn't see it as calling out a particular child's mistake and making the child an issue. I think a passing comment, while certainly inappropriate, is different than watching a video over and over and bashing a child as a group or going to a child or parent and blaming them for a loss. She just said that without the mistake the scores would have been close. It's like saying if the team had run clean then they would be in the running. How many of us have never, ever said something similar when talking to our kid about a disappointing performance(not calling out and individual child but as a comment about the team's performance)? Getting a group together to watch a video and determine whose fault it is we lost and deflect blame is a totally different animal.

My point about accepting responsibility was only that this could be used a s a teaching moment. We don't point out other's mistakes but we take responsibility for our own. ect... Your example is a good one of how not doing this can cause problems. The flyer was unwilling to take responsibility for her mistake and was looking to blame your CP. That to me is totally different than saying "If the team hadn't had a stunt fall they had the potential to be in first."

This was said towards me. We as in my daughter and I and another cheerl

As per the OP, she said it in front of mom whose athlete involved in stunt fall. To me that was a pointed comment. I might have responded with "that's the nature of cheer...it can happen to any given stunt/athlete at any given time" but that appeared to be an intentional dig.

cheer

As per the OP, she said it in front of mom whose athlete involved in stunt fall. To me that was a pointed comment. I might have responded with "that's the nature of cheer...it can happen to any given stunt/athlete at any given time" but that appeared to be an intentional dig.

I CLEARLY was and was taken as such by everyone.

 

[LostinCheerMom]

I just would like the same consideration we give when others make miatakes that's all. I tell her your are on a team let the coach address your teammates and i would not allow her to say or her me say anything like that especially in front of the child she was looking right at my daughter but everyone's different this was just my spill. We've had the video thing happen before too and I made sure my cp wasnt apart of it and openly told her we dont do that to people.

 

[cheer25mom]

This was said towards me. We as in my daughter and I and another cheerl

cheer

I CLEARLY was and was taken as such by everyone.

Well, I am sorry I took it the wrong way, that is definitely NOT ok.

 

[MomMomMamaMom]

Hello all. My daughter has been cheering for a few seasons now and last season she moved up to allstar from prep. Totally different to say the least well her two man stunt had a bobble and the team took 2nd. Afterwards I give her the "its ok it was a mistake" mommy speech. The coach speaks to them as a team and says it was a small issue but overall the team did well and should be proud. THEN we head to the car and a parent whose been there awhile and is more comfortable giving her opinion says "well without that mistake we would have won jackets they needed to hit perfect, we knew it would be close but oh well" my daughter was standing there hears it all and is crushed. Other moms feel I should have addressed the parent especially since her daughter has made so many mistakes in the past, but I don't feel comfortable calling out other kids and making my daughter feel worse seeing me argue about this. Any suggestions on how to move on. The "hen pecking" really gets to me some times.

I commend you for choosing not to argue with the mom based in your child being there. I know it's hard not to do, and feel like you made a great choice... You can't very well tell your daughter that adults shouldn't talk about kids, and then talk about someone else's kid. It sucks that this mom did this, and I'm sorry your kiddo had to experience it. I have been guilty of both expressing my opinions about how other children performed ( not in front of the kid or to the parent, but in front of my kids) AND feeling like I needed to defend my own kid. Both worked out terribly for me, so you are ahead of the game Your CP is lucky to have you, you are setting a great example!

 

[Pebbles49]

Hello all. My daughter has been cheering for a few seasons now and last season she moved up to allstar from prep. Totally different to say the least well her two man stunt had a bobble and the team took 2nd. Afterwards I give her the "its ok it was a mistake" mommy speech. The coach speaks to them as a team and says it was a small issue but overall the team did well and should be proud. THEN we head to the car and a parent whose been there awhile and is more comfortable giving her opinion says "well without that mistake we would have won jackets they needed to hit perfect, we knew it would be close but oh well" my daughter was standing there hears it all and is crushed. Other moms feel I should have addressed the parent especially since her daughter has made so many mistakes in the past, but I don't feel comfortable calling out other kids and making my daughter feel worse seeing me argue about this. Any suggestions on how to move on. The "hen pecking" really gets to me some times.

Hey, 1st place and win, is a team's win and a 2nd place is a team's lost and 2nd place... Just like I told my daughter the first time her team lost... One person, does not make up a whole team and it is pointless to try to assign blame on 1 individual in a team sport... Tell your daughter to move on and be proud of her efforts and her team competed and lost by only a small margin...Next time, the team will win and get better each time they perform that routine...Cheer Up and ignore this STUPID, immature Mom.

 

[amy1k]

It's not the same thing, but my daughter was placing a lot of blame on herself after her stunt fell day 2 of a big competition. It's very possibly (likely, even) that her stunt falling caused them to lose out of a win and maybe even a Summit bid. I discussed her feelings with her and reminded her that it's a team. The whole team is there together. Sometimes a mistake happens. Had another stunt fallen, would she criticize that flyer or place the blame on her? Of course not. In your case, I'd deal with any feelings your daughter has about the performance that day and then remind her that sometimes even adults can be inappropriate and misguided when it comes to these things. Also, I'd steer far away from that mother. [emoji35]

 

[SL&AM]

Now is the perfect time to teach you cp how not to behave ever, as a child or an adult! Shame on that mom. Remind cp of what the coach told them after the comp, and today is a new day.

Agreed! Honestly, I would have confronted the mom on the spot and I've been in this position before so it's not a "Well if I were you," situation, it's a "This is what I did." I said flat out the team wins together and loses together and if she had an issue with their performance she should see the coach, that I was PROUD of the ENTIRE team including my CP and I walked away. My CP was 5 at the time, at 7 she still remembers this incident. Bobbles happen, this is a sport and all you can ask is that they do their best.