Mean Moms, You Can't Sit With Us

Discussion in 'Allstar Cheerleading' started by Lisa Seye, Dec 4, 2018.

  1. Lisa Seye

    Lisa Seye I'm an announcer on CBS for Worlds (or should be)

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    MEAN MOMS, you can't sit with us.

    Sometimes cheer moms can be more clique-ish than the athletes. Not all, but a handful. It's definitely understandable that it is awkward for new people to get to know each other and it may take a while for new parents to a gym and gym veterans to mesh and feel comfortable with one another. There's nothing wrong with feeling awkward on both sides of that situation. However, some moms (or dads) seem to take satisfaction in being snarky to the new cheer parents to the gym or team. Have you ever had someone be snarky to you no matter how you approached them or tried to fit in with them? Whatever you say or talk about they find some derogatory remark in reply?

    Whether you are the new parent, or the veteran, try to remember that we are all here for the same reason, our child's cheer and their team. She (or he) is part of a team, and believe it or not, parents are an extended part of that team. All kinds of personalities get thrown together and you can't expect to like everyone, but you should be expected to treat each other respectfully for the good of the team. There is no reason grown adults are unable to be civil to one another, other than someone refuses to try the mature path.

    If you find yourself in this situation, there are a number of ways to handle it. Remember that each person may handle it or react to your efforts to solve it differently based on the personalities involved and the culture of the gym. These are a few approaches:

    1. Say something to the snarky parent to try and work it out. Don't be confrontational though. No one responds well to that.
    2. Say something to the team mom either for advice or intervention.
    3. Say something to the gym owner.
    4. Try to ignore the snarky parent, maybe they will stop after a while as it may be their way of testing you. Maybe they won't stop because it's possible they are bullies (remember bullies sometimes continue bullying into adulthood) and they enjoy excluding other parents. If they won't stop, then use other options listed.
    5. Ask advice from others, but not every. single. person. in the gym. Try not to be gossipy or complaining. No one wants cheer momma drama.
    6. Important! Coaches do not want to be involved and really don't have the time as they are focused on making the team as successful as possible. Try your best not to involve the coaches in cheer momma drama. Gym owners or managers should be your go to. Unless the gym has specifically told you to go to coaches first (my guess is that gyms would ask you to go to the team mom first).
    7. You can always drop and run. Don't stay and watch practice if necessary. Go do something fun for you while your athlete is at practice. That's a guarantee that you won't get involved in drama.
    8. Vent to a friend if needed but still be respectful.
    9. Hang in there for the season. It will be over before you know it. ALWAYS be positive around your athlete.
    10. Finally, if you are that mom or dad, stop it. Its ugly.

    Yes there are times that you will have to be in the same room as THAT mom. These options may or may not work in all situations.

    What are some things that you have done that have worked for you if you have experienced this, whether it was being excluded or being treated in a snarky way?

     
  2. OzCheerleader87

    OzCheerleader87 I'm new. Don't Hurt Me

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    Funnily enough, my old gym's owners were like this with my parents......
    I'm not sure if it was because I'm an adult athlete or if it was just how they chose to act, but in my whole year with that gym they never acknowledged my parents once at any showcases or competitions. Needless to say, I didn't stay with them beyond that year and have since found a gym that is far more welcoming to me and my family.
     
  3. oncecoolcoachnowmom

    oncecoolcoachnowmom Bestest Newbie '14

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    Unpopular opinion: you are under no obligation to socialize or otherwise interact with other parents at your child's gym just because they cheer there.
     
  4. CheerBank

    CheerBank Slow your roll, Sparkle.

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    A - flipping - men!
     
  5. JerseyGirl112

    JerseyGirl112 I make my own voiceovers

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    Counterpoint- my mom was that lady when I cheered. She hated 'cheer moms', refused to call herself one for the 10 years I cheered, refused to socialize with other parents, and removed herself pretty much completely besides taking me to and from practices and performances. This was completely her right and perogative. As an adult I get it. But as a kid I didn't. As a result of her choices, when I was an athlete my relationship with the girls on my team ALWAYS suffered. The women didn't know my mom, and so I wasn't invited to team bonding events, spirit events, or sleepovers. My mother isolated herself and I, as her child, followed suit. I was always the weird, awkward, left out kid. And ALL I wanted was to cheer and have friends and be included. At 9, it made no sense to me why every other mom was always there for their kids and mine wasn't. By 13, I just figured that there was something wrong with me for liking cheer because my mom hated it so much. The social part of my cheerleading experience was incredibly difficult and detrimental to me and the reason why I stopped after my freshman year of HS.

    I don't blame my mom for removing herself from the Drama, but choosing to not interact at all with the parents of those girls DID affect me greatly, and she and I both acknowledged it later in life. As a kid it really hurt me and I always wished she would have just tried. If not to be friends with the moms, then to at least take some of the advice from above and try to be cordial for my sake.

    Just another perspective from a 23 year old whose cheer career was kind of ruined by cheer mama drama. And on another note- every single one your CP's is so lucky to have your unconditional support in pursuing this sport. It's something that strikes me every time I'm on here. What I would have done for a parent that was willing to drive me 30 minutes to an AS Gym, or even just stay and support me through a practice- well I cant even imagine.
     
  6. oncecoolcoachnowmom

    oncecoolcoachnowmom Bestest Newbie '14

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    This is sad but it begs another question.

    Is it really necessary to exclude or only involve the children of the moms you're close with?
     
  7. oncecoolcoachnowmom

    oncecoolcoachnowmom Bestest Newbie '14

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    But also related to the above: I think you can be a supportive cheer parent without socializing in the gym.
     
  8. quitthedrama

    quitthedrama I buy my Insta followers

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    This. I've been here long enough to have learned that more often than not, parent "socializing in the gym" is not in fact socializing and is far more harmful to the team overall than it is beneficial. You can be hugely supportive of the kids without getting involved in the drama that may exist in the parent room. I've also learned that those parents who feel they have been treated unfairly by other parents have exhibited behavior that has caused people to want nothing to do with them.
     
  9. oncecoolcoachnowmom

    oncecoolcoachnowmom Bestest Newbie '14

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    ^^^This.

    This is not every mom, but most moms who are in the gym all the time (even when their child is not practicing), constantly in group chats with other moms, hanging out with other moms 24/7, are rarely there to be nice and make friends, socialize, and support the kids.

    It's not socializing, it's usually politics.

    Remember in the movie Mean Girls where they were explaining where everyone sits and who is considered cool? They are making sure they select the right "table to sit at." They are rarely trying to be welcoming to everyone or else they'd pick out a first year parent to politely chat with.

    They are in it for:

    *something for their child (they want in with the kid who is the coaches' daughter, they want to get close to the coach so Becky gets moved up to __, etc.)

    *something for themselves (Everyone has probably met at least one lady who thinks she is the coach or wants to coach or wants to be team mom, or something like that.)

    Partially why I didn't do team moms when actively coaching (school.) I did not want to create a hierarchy or reason for parents to jockey for fake importance, try to be my friend, be someone else's friend, cause drama, etc. I have always oddly found school cheer to really corner the market on parental drama moreso than all star moms, rec, etc. (at least anecdotally.)
     
  10. justpeachy

    justpeachy I'm an announcer on CBS for Worlds (or should be)

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    My personal opinion: find yourself one mom who you can chill with at practice, can tolerate sharing a hotel room with, and who you can trust not to gossip about your or your kid. She is your friend. Everyone else, be cordial, but anything more than that and you're asking for it.
     
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  11. Lisa Seye

    Lisa Seye I'm an announcer on CBS for Worlds (or should be)

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    Hence drop and run lol
     
  12. DonnaM

    DonnaM I make my own voiceovers

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    My stress level went way down when I started tutoring during practice (meeting my student at Starbucks). And no cheer mom questions dropping off to go make money vs sitting and critiquing why X’s CP can’t stay up or what the coach is doing.

    I’ve found that if I want to chat about cheer locally, the best people to do it with are cheer parents of kids NOT on CP’s current team. There are people who were super nice and supportive-until CP ended up on the same team as their daughter.
     
    Last edited: Dec 5, 2018
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  13. NikkiB

    NikkiB They call me Susie

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    My parents never socialized with other parents (with the exception of a few close friends parents that I cheered with, but also went to school with as well) and it never affected me. They never missed a competition but they tended to stay away from everybody else because they just didn't like the craziness and didn't want to be involved with the drama and honestly I don't blame them! So I totally agree... my parents were the most supportive parents ever and they never socialized in the gym.
     
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  14. MzLyn23

    MzLyn23 I think I can mix Cheer Music

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    100% agree

    1st day walking into new gym 4 years ago and I didn't know a soul. First practice met a few moms but one in particular we just clicked and not just about cheer, about life, cheer, work, family and being moms and our girls apparently had clicked from the first day... well she went from being that cheer mom i met to a cool friend to family - spending time outside of cheer, watching our families grow, etc. I use to call her my advocate/cheer lawyer for anything - if i ever had a doubt I would run it by her if it were cheer related and in life we just always called, texted, planned to meet up even when our kids were no longer on the same team etc. She's now one of my best friends (literally call her mom and dad "mom and dad" thats how close we got) and we get each other and that alone is amazing to find among the cheer drama that can be easier to see lol.

    Now that I moved out of state this season has been a little awkward for me since I haven't really clicked with anyone at our new gym but granted I'm working more hours than ever so I don't spend time at the parent room if at all but I try to chat on the group chat and try to involve myself as much as I can... this season is def different but looking forward to start traveling and maybe once my feet are planted firmly in comp season I'll make more friends but honestly doesn't bother me much lol....
     
  15. alpaca

    alpaca I named my pet Sir Fierce-a-lot

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    My parents did not socialize with the other parents at my sports when I was child and I definitely felt isolated because of it. So I make an effort to get to know some people at CP's gym/school/any other activity. YMMV.

    I would guess that I am maybe in the lobby for about a half hour a week. I use that time to touch base with people, ask if there is any news/emails that I may have missed. We don't have a viewing area so that cuts down on a lot of the drama between parents. We see the fruits of their labor at comps, but don't see the day to day work that goes on at practice, classes or privates. There are definitely people that don't like each other, but they keep it quiet. I can honestly say that I am not aware of any parents causing drama or toxic parents at the gym.

    My advice to anyone dealing with a snarky person at their gym would be to ignore this person while maintaining a neutral body language. Just play dumb like you don't know that they are being rude. They will leave you alone if they think that you are not upset by their comments or actions.
     
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