Mental Block

[BBinNCsMom]

Actually my daughter can be lazy, that's why I asked her if she really wants to still do this. It's expensive and if she doesn't want to do it, then I don't need to continue to be an atm for the gym. But that's not actually what upsets me about your post. I feel terrible about what I said to her And I realized it was completely the wrong thing to say. Why rub it in at this point? Yes, Shame on me. I feel very bad. Lesson learned on my part.

Edited to add that I do appreciate the feedback. It's hard to watch your kid go through a block off and on for over a year. That's why I reached out to try to learn how to handle it for her sake and try to understand if this is something she truly wants to do.



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[TheVipersMom]

Actually my daughter can be lazy, that's why I asked her if she really wants to still do this. It's expensive and if she doesn't want to do it, then I don't need to continue to be an atm for the gym. But that's not actually what upsets me about your post. I feel terrible about what I said to her And I realized it was completely the wrong thing to say. Why rub it in at this point? Yes, Shame on me. I feel very bad. Lesson learned on my part.

Edited to add that I do appreciate the feedback. It's hard to watch your kid go through a block off and on for over a year. That's why I reached out to try to learn how to handle it for her sake and try to understand if this is something she truly wants to do.



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Don't worry!

Blocks are a hard thing.

My 10 year old daughter has been through 2.

Her second one was most recently the week before summit when it started and it lasted a good month.

Complete regression almost. She went from throwing running fulls and some specialty through to full and standing thru to full to a bhs only.

She couldn't throw her tuck at the summit that she has had since the age of 6.

I told her I do not care about your full or your layout because you don't need that for your team right but it is completely ridiculous for you to be scared to throw a tuck that you have had for almost 4 years. I told her she was choosing to not throw it and that's what made me mad the most! I hated traveling to the summit for my kid to do nothing. Her strength on any team she has ever been on has been her tumbling and if she was choosing not to do the things that made her most valuable to her team than she mise well not do it at all.


I didn't mean it like that, but it was so frustrating. And although I know belittling my kid wasn't going to make her go throw her pass for me it came strictly out of frustration. Just because I don't understand what made her not tumble doesn't mean it wasn't very real to her. There was something going on inside her head that caused it, she already cried after every pass I didn't have to make her cry more on the way home.



I think you are doing the right thing by letting her be in charge on the privates and any tumbling she does. I feel like that's what helped my kid the most was allowing her to decide when she wants to tumble and if she doesn't want to that its ok. We don't do privates- my kid has generally loved her one class and doing open gym. That is where all her tumbling comes from. When she blocked I was really frustrated honestly and wanted her to quit. I can't stand to watch my kid cry and watching her cry after every pass broke my heart so I just figured my life would be easier if she would just quit!!!

So I truthfully didn't want to get up to take her to a tumble class to watch her cry so I would be like do you want to go today and she would say no.. And I would be like ok good. I didn't mention it to her because I didn't want her to do it. She managed to get one or two in there where I took her but I wouldn't stay. After several weeks of this and only like one class or open gym because we skipped all the others she started tumbling, a few more weeks go by and only a class or 2 again and now she has all her tumbling back.

In the last 2 months she has probably only tumbled what she would have normally tumbled in a 2 week period and she is tumbling every thing again.

I had a talk with her and she said tumbling is her favorite cheer related thing and she really loves it but sometimes she is really tired or sore and doesn't want to tumble but wouldn't want me to be mad or say I'm wasting my money (I say this a lot by default ) I told her I would never be mad if she doesn't want to or feel like tumbling and it's ok for her to miss. I told her I want her to communicate with me. She said she will and she has been honest with me... She has skipped a bunch of open gyms but she is actually so thrilled and happy again when she tumbles and that's how she use to be. I think she is going through body changes, and she personally has went through a lot of life changes and it's a big release for her but after all she is only 10 and I know when she couldn't tumble it wasn't because she didn't want to or didn't love it anymore. It was truly because she couldn't and she had to deal with that on her on.


Side note: she didn't throw any tumbling what so ever at tryouts... She just cried most of tryouts. They placed her on a youth 3. She was sad at first because she wanted to be on our level 5 (restricted) team so bad! However she told me the other day that she wants to be on youth 3 forever because it is so much fun and she doesn't want to be on Cobras next season even though she can throw every bit of her tumbling again.

Though I think her mind will change closer to tryouts, I'm glad she realizes what's most important and that she truly loves her team so much and she thinks it is absolutely the best fit for her.


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[oncecoolcoachnowmom]

Actually my daughter can be lazy, that's why I asked her if she really wants to still do this.

Note about asking: "Do you even want to cheer? Do you want to quit?" etc.

I will admit to having asked this in my younger coaching days trying to "motivate" kids. (Bad, I know.)

The thing is, there are kids who will tell you they "don't want to cheer anymore" or "this is boringggg" or "It's just not fun anymore" because that's easier than telling you "I can't do this and am scared I'll never get through my mental block."

 

[Keep_Believing]

A coach asked my oldest CP (has a mental block with her full) if she really wanted her full. She said yes, but my fear is bigger.

 

[oncecoolcoachnowmom]

I had a talk with her and she said tumbling is her favorite cheer related thing and she really loves it but sometimes she is really tired or sore and doesn't want to tumble but wouldn't want me to be mad or say I'm wasting my money (I say this a lot by default ) I told her I would never be mad if she doesn't want to or feel like tumbling and it's ok for her to miss. I told her I want her to communicate with me. She said she will and she has been honest with me... She has skipped a bunch of open gyms but she is actually so thrilled and happy again when she tumbles and that's how she use to be. I think she is going through body changes, and she personally has went through a lot of life changes and it's a big release for her but after all she is only 10 and I know when she couldn't tumble it wasn't because she didn't want to or didn't love it anymore. It was truly because she couldn't and she had to deal with that on her on.

Thanks for being honest. I really do think that when you know better, you do better.

 

[BBinNCsMom]

It's so hard to know what to do. Thank you for your responses. I'm backing off and letting her take the lead on it all.

We've also been through a gym transition this year which I think has been stressful for her (although she says she loves the new gym). But it's much more intense than our previous gym which we knew going in. There is also the pressure of potentially getting cut. They are practicing with 10 kids more than we've been told they will accept with new kids showing up it seems like weekly to practice. They have 38 right now. We find out sometime in the next week the final roster.

I'm just going to take everyone's advice and back off. Thanks again.


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[oncecoolcoachnowmom]

^^^^^This is not for you in particular, but generally speaking, I don't think parents know how much they can really KILL their kid's love/enthusiasm for the sport in these tough times with the:

"Do you reallllyyyyyy want to cheer?"
"I don't spend $200/month for you to only throw a cartwheel."
"Stop being a baby and just throw it."
"if you don't throw it today, we're done."

Especially in the 10-14 year old age range. Your kid has likely been picking up skills at a regular pace from the time they started, then puberty hits and you're like "WTF?" This is also the age in which most kids decide to quit cheer for other sports/activities. If a kid is blocked, losing skills, and has a parent in their ear, it is easy for them to decide to drop it for something else.

Same is true for coaches and other folks in their ear doing the same.

 

[crazzyeyesassypants]

I've been reading this thread very closely, cp has been struggling with her tumbling since a week before try outs and it's been hard for all us to deal with it! She is the the typical teenage girl, one week I ask her how tumbling went and she almost bit my head off [emoji15] so I decided to back off and not ask her anything about it, then the following week she decided to inform me that I don't seem to care about her tumbling issues because I haven't asked how it was going for over a week[emoji16][emoji16] Man, sometimes you can't win with teenagers...


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[Cheermom1969]

I've been reading this thread very closely, cp has been struggling with her tumbling since a week before try outs and it's been hard for all us to deal with it! She is the the typical teenage girl, one week I ask her how tumbling went and she always bit my head off [emoji15] so I decided to back off and not ask her anything about it, then the following week she decided to inform me that I don't seem to care about her tumbling issues because I haven't asked how it was going for over a week[emoji16][emoji16] Man, sometimes you can't win with teenagers...


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Never. You meant you can *never* win with teenagers. lol

 

[crazzyeyesassypants]

Never. You meant you can *never* win with teenagers. lol

Thanks for letting me vent the other day about my crazy teenager and her moods! So hard what to say and do with them sometimes, I love that I've met people via Fierceboard that have gone through it already and can teach me the ropes! Thanks FierceBoard [emoji4]


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[omgitssydthekid]

^^^^^This is not for you in particular, but generally speaking, I don't think parents know how much they can really KILL their kid's love/enthusiasm for the sport in these tough times with the:

"Do you reallllyyyyyy want to cheer?"
"I don't spend $200/month for you to only throw a cartwheel."
"Stop being a baby and just throw it."
"if you don't throw it today, we're done."

Especially in the 10-14 year old age range. Your kid has likely been picking up skills at a regular pace from the time they started, then puberty hits and you're like "WTF?" This is also the age in which most kids decide to quit cheer for other sports/activities. If a kid is blocked, losing skills, and has a parent in their ear, it is easy for them to decide to drop it for something else.

Same is true for coaches and other folks in their ear doing the same.

Or my personal favorite, "I'm not paying *X amount of money* for her to be on the ground"

[emoji58] like who do they think lifts their child in the air?????



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[Payton Lewis]

Note about asking: "Do you even want to cheer? Do you want to quit?" etc.

I will admit to having asked this in my younger coaching days trying to "motivate" kids. (Bad, I know.)

The thing is, there are kids who will tell you they "don't want to cheer anymore" or "this is boringggg" or "It's just not fun anymore" because that's easier than telling you "I can't do this and am scared I'll never get through my mental block."

I've had a mental block on all backwards tumbling going on 2.5 years now I can honestly say I've said "I might as well just quit" because it's just easier than trying anymore when I have no idea how I can help myself. I don't even know what causes it.

 

[megsmom]

After 9 months, little red threw her back handspring on the floor by herself today! FINALLY!!! Now if she can get the rest of her tumbling back, she'll be good to go! Woohoo!

 

[Lisa Seye]

My cp must be having a growth spurt and a mental block. She can do a skill one day and then two days later it's gone. We were excited about her punch front to full and cartwheel full just a couple of weeks ago. Now she comes to a dead stop on her punch front. Doesn't twist on her cartwheel full. And even has issues with her running full which she has had for a year and a half. It frustrates both of us. But now I can talk to her about growing and her learning to adjust to even a half inch difference. Maybe she will stop stressing about it. I hope.

 

[Lisa Seye]

After 9 months, little red threw her back handspring on the floor by herself today! FINALLY!!! Now if she can get the rest of her tumbling back, she'll be good to go! Woohoo!

Hugs