OT Middle School And Drinking

[Lisa Seye]

Maybe I'm just old fashioned but.... I will never be the parent who gives alcohol to a minor.

When my son was in the hospital, my daughter called and asked if she could attend an end of school party for 7th& 8th graders. Since I missed her awards and she had no one but her older brother there with her for a week ( as me and hubby stayed in the trauma unit almost two hours out of town) I decided to let her go. Yep I knew she felt neglected so I said yes. Well I probably would have said yes anyway. I knew the folks having it and there were parent chaperones there. So I felt like she would be ok.

Anyway, she finally reveals to me that some of the parents and kids were drinking. She said "mom I don't know if I should tell you this but, OK, here it is." I knew at that moment that I could not react with anger or she would never tell me anything again. She said at first she tried to give the benefit of the doubt that kids were drinking but it was obvious. She also said she tried to give the benefit of the doubt to those parents that were giving it to the kids but she heard these particular parents tell one kid who was very drunk "I'm cutting you off." Anyway she told me the names of several kids who were drinking. She did say she turned it down when offered to her and she hung out with kids who were not drinking but one of her friends tried it.

I have to say I'm glad she told me but sad that there are parents who would give alcohol to 12 and 13 year olds. I told her I was proud of her for not being a follower. I told her of things that could have happened and how those parent were not good role models. I silently thanked God she told me. But I still feel sad and angry at those parents. She begged me not to say anything to the parents or her friends because she doesnt want to be "that girl." So even tho she said no, and told me about it, she still is just a 12 year old who doesnt want everybody to "hate" her.

Would you give minors alcohol? Would you want to be the parent responsible for what might happen? How about the fact that these parents opened the door for these kids to go down this path? I just don't get it?!?!?! And I'm still pondering what to say or do as it has been several weeks since this happened.

 

[Alexx]

I'm not a parent, but my parents allowed me to drink at home when I was like 17/18. They always told me if I was at a party and drank to call them and they'd come pick up me, no questions asked. Now that I'm of age and the majority of my friends are, if I have friends over and we're drinking, everyone has to stay the night or have someone come pick them up. Uber has been a life saver when I wasn't at school and bars were not within walking distance.

 

[WinstonsGirl]

I remember my parents let my brother have a party with the football team where there was drinking. Their thinking was that kids are going to drink, so at least they would be responsibly supervised by my parents. They later thought they could get into a lot of trouble too. But, this was also high school and they didn't supply the alcohol.

Me personally, nope, I'm not giving alcohol to kids that young unless they're mine. And I don't mean lots either. I grew up in a house where we were allowed to try a sip of something, or even have a small glass of wine with special dinners as we got older, so alcohol wasn't as taboo for me. And the drinking age in Canada is lower too, than in the US. But not my kid, not my decision to give them alcohol.

Good for you for not freaking out about this. It shows your daughter that it's okay to talk to you about these things.

 

[CheerBank]

They just changed the "social host" law in our county - it is now a misdemeanor to serve alcohol to minors rather than just a violation. Which means that the police are allowed to enter the premises and question witnesses.

 

[StephlCurry]

I would personally not say anything. That will ruin that trust that your daughter put in you. Plus since you do not have the facts as to who exactly was drinking and which parents, etc. I would be inclined to just not say anything.

I would never give anybody else's child alcohol at any age under the legal age unless they were a close friend. Keep in mind that this is also not that young by any means. My daughter's best friend from first grade is like part of the family. I have allowed her and my daughter to split a wine cooler when they were 17. Her mother was aware and nobody left the house that night. I personally would never ever want to be responsible for a child having an adverse reaction.

There was a high school kid in our area that died from drinking because she was diabetic and didn't realize that whatever she was drinking would affect her blood sugar. Those kinds of things are just too much of a risk for me.

 

[catlady]

I doubt these parents are asking kids if they are currently on any meds that might interfere with alcohol. Too many kids are on allergy, anti-depressants, anxiety, ADHD, seizure, muscle pain and mood stabilizer meds. Parents that provide alcohol to minors can be charged with a misdemeanor but, if an injury or death occur, it's a felony. So not worth it, IMO.

 

[quitthedrama]

I'm pretty tolerant of drinking once kids are 18 because I don't agree with the law - if the U.S. government is going to let my nephew die for his country than they are complete buffoons for not allowing him to have a beer. I have let my oldest drink at home since she was a senior because I didn't want her to go away to college and not be educated about alcohol. I personally think teaching older kids to drink responsibly is more effective than banning it solely because 21 is the legal age, but I completely understand others have different viewpoints. However middle school is way too young - that just seems completely irresponsible to me for a parent to allow it.

 

[cheerisloving]

Not a parent but a young adult. I don't drink at all but many of my friends have been drinking since 8th/9th grade. Some were allowed by their parents (one friend has European parents, so they are more flexible about drinking ages), others snuck it at parties. But this wasn't happening with my friends in middle school. By sophomore year, everyone was drinking. My parents both in authority positions were surprisingly relaxed with me going to parties with drinking because they trusted my judgement. They also didn't tell on other parents because it's not their style to be the whistle-blowing parent. Not to mention, they were kids at one point, and they preferred knowing kids were drinking at a friend's house rather than going out in the city. As I got older they told me if I did want to drink, to try it at home first so they can monitor me. But they in no ways were supplying alcohol to minors. At all. As stated already a risk.

I can say that my 18-21 year old friends have been pretty responsible about drinking-no one has a DUI, designated drivers/ubers are used heavily, no one on serious meds drinks.

 

[cheer25mom]

There are parents in my home town in serious trouble here for "open house parties" where alcohol is served. The DCF is investigating, and they will face criminal penalties. I would NEVER give alcohol to a child that isn't mine. We don't make a secret of the fact that we consume alcohol and I am not against allowing CP a small amount under my supervision in late high school, but definitely not right now as a 12 year old.


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[cheerisloving]

I'm pretty tolerant of drinking once kids are 18 because I don't agree with the law - if the U.S. government is going to let my nephew die for his country than they are complete buffoons for not allowing him to have a beer. I have let my oldest drink at home since she was a senior because I didn't want her to go away to college and not be educated about alcohol.

I have beef with the drinking age and I'm not a drinker lol. My friend from England studied here for a semester and was floored that she was legally not able to drink here. I think 18 is the best age because legally you're an adult-if you want to 'stunt' your mental growth it's your call at that point. You can serve an adult sentence, go to war, do all these things but can't consume a beverage?

And yes! The education is a big key. The advantage of a drinking age at 18 is that many 18 year olds are still in HS or living at home. Parents can better monitor their kids, or create a boundary early on. A 21 year old on their own may not think about moderation.

 

[cheermomforever]

Totally wrong to give anyone under 21 a drink except my own child. If Anything happens then I would b responsible. Having a party for middle schoolers and supplying them with drinks is asking for trouble! Good for your daughter to not only not drink but to feel comfortable enough with telling you. If you are close enough with the other parents maybe have a discussion with them?....


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[Mndl]

It boggles my mind that parents would knowingly serve alcohol to children that aren't their own. I've let my older boys try alcohol because I don't want it to be some forbidden fruit and I'd rather they learn how to drink responsibly, but their friends, no way. The legal liability is just not worth it.

 

[MakeYourMark]

I do not see the reason to give ANY child in middle school alcohol, whether they're my child or not. I didnt have any alcohol until I was 16, and that was a rarity. I'm SO GLAD I didn't start drinking as young as some people did. I honestly didn't really start drinking until I was 18 and there were way more parties. Also keep in mind that I'm from Canada so I was almost legal. Everything changes once you start going to parties and are expected to drink. People's ideas of 'fun' change. As a 13 yr old, heck even a 16 yr old, Im glad alcohol was not involved in our fun. It's stealing kid's childhoods.

 

[ErinS]

I wouldn't give a middle schooler alcohol.

If I were a parent I don't see myself giving someone else's child alcohol...or probably my own

It's interesting. At the end of May, two of my friends from high school and I went on a road trip to NOLA and we discussed an after prom Party that was thrown by one of them at her parents golf course. Seniors in high school...alcohol and weed. At the time it was nbd, but looking back at the ages of 30 we are like "wtf". Our parents knew. Her parents knew. Everyone knew. Yet we were allowed. We also discussed how the two of them (not me) were allowed to try alcohol at home. I certainly drank before college but never at home because my parents didn't drink

My sister is 9 years younger than me, and my mom allowed her to drink wine/champagne/mimosas starting her freshman year of college. Because she had two sisters 9 and 11 year older so she's been raised "older".

So yeah....no to middle schoolers drinking. No to giving other people's kids alcohol. But I don't think allowing kids to drink in a super controlled environment is the end of the world. Especially before college. Most of the people I knew that went buck wild in college were new to drinking

But also apparently a lot of the people I went to high school with have done stints in rehab and have alcohol and drug addiction problems so I could be wrong about all of this. [emoji53]


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[Beans100]

My parents started letting my brother and I drink in elementary school. We were allowed a small glass of wine or champagne or beer at a family party- basically thanksgiving, christmas, easter and the 4th of July. They never withheld alcohol from us, but they also kept very, very little in the house. If we asked, we could usually have a sip or two.

However, my parents would have flipped if another adult had given us booze without letting them know. In high school, my friends and I used to get drunk every weekend. One of my friend's parents would buy the alcohol knowing that we were going to drink it. I think she figured that we may as well be in a safe environment. We were also seniors in high school.

Because of the way I was raised with alcohol, I don't have much of a craving for it. If I go out I may have a beer or a few shots but I don't think it's that special. I think that introducing it to kids at a young age is fine as long as they understand that it's an occasional thing that has serious consequences when it is abused.