All-Star Moving From One Well Known Gym To Another

[JMTD]

For the past several years my CP has ben cheering at a well known gym near our house. There is another well known gym just down the road. This past season was a very bad year for my CP at our current gym. They have told her things then changed at the lsat minute. Has been degrated by the coaches and told that she will never progress. Often times during tumbling classes she was screamed at. I don't mind her being fussed at and corrected but the screamng has crossed the line. She has not been to a tumbling class since January and has been taking privates from at another gym. Supposedly our current gym is going to be making some major changes to make them more competitive this year however, we were told this for the psat several years and nothig has changed. My CP actually had to compete down two levels because she was placed on a team with to many team members. She was told she was moving down because she did not have all the skills. However, there were people on the team that had less skills than she did. My question is should I feel guilty about changing gyms? Should she tryout at both gyms or just make the break?

 

[ACEDAD]

You've got to do what you feel is in the best interest of your child. Doesn't make any difference whether one, both or neither are well known.

 

[MyDaughterCheers]

Never pay someone to belittle your child. I am speaking from experience and I will say that I had no idea how much her self esteem was damaged until she was away from the situation. It took a few months and she was a different person. Looking back now, I feel so guilty that I took so long to listen to her asking to leave, and for ignoring the little voice inside me that knew she was right.

 

[JMTD]

Thanks for the help she didn't ask to leave until this season but she wanted to complete the season for the kdis on her team. She still wants to try out because she wants to prove that she can do a particular skill they said she would never get just not sure about her doing this.

 

[f5forever]

No. You should not feel guilty. Do what's best for your family/child.

 

[Angelica]

Do what makes you happy. You are investing in your child's future


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[AllstarErin]

Maybe try speaking with the coaches or owner about why you are unhappy. It seems like you have been at this one gym a while so mAybe it's just a case of them not realizing how bad it comes off. I can't imagine anyone would purposefully try and damage a child's confidence like that. That being said do still leave if you feel it's best but it would be nice to give them the opportunity to improve by telling them why.


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[SparkleSpankies]

I think you need to do what is right for your child. I also think that maybe it could be time for a change. If she would like to tryout for both gyms, I don't see why not.

I also agree to talk w/ the current gym owner and coaches as they may not be realizing what they are doing to her - even if they say they will change, they may not.

 

[Jersey Cheer Mom]

No, you should not feel guilty. Read your post and instead of cheer, substitute it for a different activity or professional you pay for services rendered. For instance, would you pay a music or art teacher to humiliate your child? Would you continue to see a doctor or dentist who disrespected or belittled you or your child? No, you'd take your business elsewhere!

Not talking about coaches getting excited and frustrated to make a point or motivate the team. Yes, I think most of the coaches yell from time to time. Some all the time. But there is a difference between yelling and belittling and humiliation. There are all types of coaches with varying styles. With all the gyms out there, you are bound to run into great coaches, good coaches, okay coaches, bad coaches and horrible coaches. The same with the gyms. You have no obligation to any gym unless you are the owner. Once the year is over, you are free to do what you like, but definitely no reason to stay and make it work if it's bad or horrible.

I agree with MyDaughterCheers, your child's self-esteem is on the line and you have no idea how bad it is right now because you are looking at it from the gym's perspective. Our daughter's are at impressionable ages. What they think about themselves now will carry over to the rest of their lives. Mom, your first priority is your child, not the gym owner, coaches or parents. I talked to a mom recently who took her daughter to counseling after a cheer season. She had internalized all the horrible things the coaches told her about herself. I stood there in tears hearing the story and it made me furious! Counseling because of cheer! That's so incredibly sad! She said her daughter cried, begged and pleaded and told her the things they were saying, but the mom wouldn't pull her out. I asked her why she stay and she said she felt guilty about leaving. Now they are at a very small gym that competes mostly locally and 1 nearby national. The daughter is extremely happy, but the mom is bitter and full of rage because she allowed her loyalty to a cheerleading gym to supersede her responsibility to protect her child.

There are a lot of gym owners and coaches on the fierceboard and they have coined the phrase 'gym hopper' if you leave a gym. Sooooooo what? Who cares what people call you? You have every right to change gyms, you don't have to have a Pulitzer-prize winning reason to leave a cheerleading gym!! My goodness! If you want to leave, leave! I meet and talk to parents at competitions and the one thing I have found is that when they have had this situation, they are much happier and glad they made the change. Don't worry about how they feel, they were not worrying about you or your daughter's feelings when they told her she would never progress.

I've been there and once again agree with MDC, you will feel much more guilt later on if you stay and realize you enabled someone to hurt your child in the name of an extra-curricular activity. Always do what's best for you and your child.

Good luck and tell your daughter I believe she can progress and do great and wonderful things, not only in cheerleading, but all throughout her life!!

God bless!!

 

[DLBlaze]

I don't think anyone could have said it better Jersey Cheer Mom! I agree 100%. I wish I had read that a couple of months ago. Do not feel guilty at all.

 

[JMTD]

We have talked to the gym director but haven't seen much change. The "owners" are never at the gym one is there only because their child cheers, the rest I wouldn't know them if they walked in off of the street. I don't mind changing gyms at all especially if its better for my cp. Thanks for all of the great advice I really appreciate it.

 

[MyDaughterCheers]

My daughter also internalized everything and I didn't even realize it until later. We thought she was just going thru puberty.


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[Jersey Cheer Mom]

My daughter also internalized everything and I didn't even realize it until later. We thought she was just going thru puberty.


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OMG, I totally understand! We want our daughters to be strong, we want them to be tough and able to overcome adversity. Sometimes it's only after we step away from a situation that we see it in it's entirety. So glad you made the right decision for your daughter.

 

[Jersey Cheer Mom]

We have talked to the gym director but haven't seen much change. The "owners" are never at the gym one is there only because their child cheers, the rest I wouldn't know them if they walked in off of the street. I don't mind changing gyms at all especially if its better for my cp. Thanks for all of the great advice I really appreciate it.

Good luck! Remember there are many moms and dads who have been down the same road. You are not alone!!

 

[MyDaughterCheers]

OMG, I totally understand! We want our daughters to be strong, we want them to be tough and able to overcome adversity. Sometimes it's only after we step away from a situation that we see it in it's entirety. So glad you made the right decision for your daughter.

Thank you. It really was the right decision for her. She was timid and wouldn't say anything but would try not to cry. That was taken as she had an attitude and so they were even meaner to her. She was ready to quit cheer completely, and we talked her into switching gyms. BEST MOVE EVER.