All-Star Sensitive Subject (as A Coach)

[cheerforceone]

ok, so this is where my softie side comes out.


I have this girl, that i had to put on probation with the team, and then i kicked her off. She was starting drama with other flyers ( she wanted to be a flyer) making gossip and bla bla happen, everyone was tense. now since she has been gone practice is so smooth. BUT.... my problem , she still wants to be on the team, i dont want to bring her back, her skills are not an asset, neither is her attitude. BUT..... i feel like im giving up on a girl. and i hate that feeling. is there something that i could do with her? like a non team position i could give her? or am i being too much of a softie? has this happened to any of u other coaches?

 

[King]

Sometimes to help the other 35 people on the team one person must be hurt. That decision on the best outcome for everyone just comes from your knowledge of the situation.

 

[Cheer Observer]

Sometimes you need to make decisions and sacrifices for the benefit of the team and not one individual. Based on your comments about how things have gone at practice since you kicked her off the team I think you know you made the right decision for the team. I can understand the feeling of "giving up" on the girl but I feel you made the right decision based on the information you provided. I obviously don't know this girl but I doubt she will want a "non team" position and I feel like if you put her in that role the drama would likely get worse. I'm not sure how old this girl is but sometimes lessons like this are better taught at an young age so they know this behavior will not be accepted. If she cannot help the team with skills, her attitude is not there and she wants to cause problems I think the answer is pretty clear.

 

[quietmom]

ok, so this is where my softie side comes out.


I have this girl, that i had to put on probation with the team, and then i kicked her off. She was starting drama with other flyers ( she wanted to be a flyer) making gossip and bla bla happen, everyone was tense. now since she has been gone practice is so smooth. BUT.... my problem , she still wants to be on the team, i dont want to bring her back, her skills are not an asset, neither is her attitude. BUT..... i feel like im giving up on a girl. and i hate that feeling. is there something that i could do with her? like a non team position i could give her? or am i being too much of a softie? has this happened to any of u other coaches?

Keep her off the team this season and tell her and her family why you are doing it. Lay it all out there for them. This can be a learning opportunity for them. Tough love can be a very good thing for kids. What if you told her she could still take tumbling classes and if she worked on her attitude that next season she could try out again? If she takes the offer and works hard, welcome her back. If not, then.....well..........you get the idea.

 

[cheerforceone]

thank you everyone, and i know i am probably making the right decision, but i just would love to make everyone feel warm n fuzzy lol thats y i have additional coaches haha, i am way soft. I just wanted to see if others on here with the info provided would agree that i did the right thing. THANK YOU EVERYONE love u all

 

[catlady]

I can't speak as a coach but, I will as a parent. If it was last year and she has had a few months off the team, I would say give her another chance with a short leash for error. If it was last week and she has missed one practice, be strong and hold off. One child stirring up "junk" does a lot of damage to a team, there needs to be consequences and it is beneficial for her and the rest of the gym to see you all mean business. IMO, you can stir up just as much junk in a non team position as long as you have access to listening ears. Be strong, the rest of your team members will take notice and love you for it, as well as, they will probably think twice before opening their mouth.

 

[Tosh]

This is a tough decision and only you know the situation. None-the-less as a coach and mom, I find that giving the individual a non-team position that requires some leadership usually helps their attitude. Maybe you can try a team manager's position and see how it goes. She can be responsible for making sure all the paper work is handed out and returned, such as competition, camp regestrations, schedules, etc. This will require her to communicate to all of the girls. You will need to sit with her and let her know what your expectations are regarding her responsibilities and attitude. Impress upon her how important this position is and that you are counting on her. If this works out, then you can consider her for mat.
I am a softie as well, but I also would not want to give up on her.
Good luck and I hope it all works out.

 

[GreenStormLucy]

thank you everyone, and i know i am probably making the right decision, but i just would love to make everyone feel warm n fuzzy lol thats y i have additional coaches haha, i am way soft. I just wanted to see if others on here with the info provided would agree that i did the right thing. THANK YOU EVERYONE love u all

Did you warn her? Like: If you don´t stop doing this and this, i will have to cut you off the team?
As a coach, i have to say - if she´s causing permanent trouble, i won´t take her back, even if she had the best skills on the team.
Cheer is a team sport, you can´t just act like pop princess and everyone will do what you want. Spreading gossip and putting a bad mood on the team is just as bad as not attending to practises or not working on your skills.
I understand where you´re coming from. I always try to give girls a second chance. But i let them know, that they won´t have a responsible part in the routine, because if they don´t show that they learned from their mistakes, they will be out faster than they can put off their infinitys.
If they act better and show me that they want to be on this team (and do what is best for the team), they´ll get a chance on a position that fits their skills next season.
You have to take the consequences out of your acting, and kids are never too young to learn this.

 

[cheerforceone]

Did you warn her? Like: If you don´t stop doing this and this, i will have to cut you off the team?
As a coach, i have to say - if she´s causing permanent trouble, i won´t take her back, even if she had the best skills on the team.
Cheer is a team sport, you can´t just act like pop princess and everyone will do what you want. Spreading gossip and putting a bad mood on the team is just as bad as not attending to practises or not working on your skills.
I understand where you´re coming from. I always try to give girls a second chance. But i let them know, that they won´t have a responsible part in the routine, because if they don´t show that they learned from their mistakes, they will be out faster than they can put off their infinitys.
If they act better and show me that they want to be on this team (and do what is best for the team), they´ll get a chance on a position that fits their skills next season.
You have to take the consequences out of your acting, and kids are never too young to learn this.

yes first i gave her warnings, then put her on team probation, then kicked off. thank you for the advice

 

[GreenStormLucy]

yes first i gave her warnings, then put her on team probation, then kicked off. thank you for the advice

Oh, okay - i didn´t know the phrase "team probation", so i just did not get it right.
You were doing the right thing, stick to your guns to show the other girls that you won´t tolerate such behavior.

 

[cheerforceone]

This is a tough decision and only you know the situation. None-the-less as a coach and mom, I find that giving the individual a non-team position that requires some leadership usually helps their attitude. Maybe you can try a team manager's position and see how it goes. She can be responsible for making sure all the paper work is handed out and returned, such as competition, camp regestrations, schedules, etc. This will require her to communicate to all of the girls. You will need to sit with her and let her know what your expectations are regarding her responsibilities and attitude. Impress upon her how important this position is and that you are counting on her. If this works out, then you can consider her for mat.
I am a softie as well, but I also would not want to give up on her.
Good luck and I hope it all works out.

thank you i really like this idea i will talk it over with the team captains first and other coaches to be sure im not being over soft for the situation.

 

[cheerforceone]

so much to think about!!! being a mommy of 4 sometimes makes me see things from a diff point, but i gotta keep the COACH mind on the mat, not the mommy mind, but like i said thats y i have other coaches to help me

 

[dustinfromdiamonds]

Take into consideration what inviting her back could do to the chemistry of the team. I'd say it would be a risky move and could be detrimental to the team being strong as a unit or "family". You have to be a strong foundation under them and not question your decisions. I feel like you made the right choice, so just stay tough! Tough love is the only reason some people ever grow up.


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[5-6-7-8]

If you are looking for warm and fuzzies, you will be getting them from the remaining team / parents.

As a parent, I would have SO much respect for a coach who took the same stance. The feedback may not be as direct from the parents / athletes but I would imagine most or all feel the same way.


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[oldcheermom]

I see red flags with the team manager position, even with laying out the responsibilities. I imagine her thinking she now has power with the "manager" title no matter what you tell her. I also think, just her being present will cause tension with the team. If you want to give her chance, do it away from the team in another position.