All-Star How Do I Tell A Girl She Can't Fly This Year?

[nicole demick]

So I'm in a very precarious position. How do I go about telling a girl on my team (without hurting feelings or upsetting anyone) that unfortunately she cannot fly this year. She is a good flyer, but she is our biggest flyer. By no means is she fat or anything like that, she's just "too big to fly". She flew last year, but her bases were our two strongest girls and they both graduated. Our team this year is much smaller size-wise and we just don't have the strength to get her in the air. HELP!!

 

[retiredl5cheer]

Have a private meeting with her and explain what you just told us. Hopefully she understands.

 

[blunchin]

ask PA. she'll crush your dream and will sleep good about it. just make sure to tell her she still has many options to fly: southwest, us airways, jetblue...

 

[AllHeartxo3]

I would just do it privately. Nothing is worse when you're expecting to fly and your coach is calling out assignments and puts you as a spot or a base you have no idea why. It's going to hurt but she'll understand.

 

[cheerinfo]

I can tell you that it may not be as bad as you think. My youngest daughter ONLY flew for the first 7 years she cheered. Last year, she flew in the pyramid, but based everything else on a level 5 team due to change in personnel and some struggling in certain areas. She LOVED it. She says she loves basing so much more than flying. Now, she is a SMALL base, granted, but she loved it, learned quickly. There was no meeting or anything, the coach just made the decision that would best serve the team. So the girl may not take it as hard as you think. As a coach, it is your decision for the team, not just one person. If she loves cheering, she will accept it, embrace and try to be the best base she can be! Sometimes the best bases/back spots used to be flyers. They understand the whole stunt and can relate well to their flyer.

 

[nicole demick]

Thanks everyone for the input. I'm gonna meet with her and her mom and talk to them about it. I'll let ya know how it goes

 

[sun77]

For my CP I'd appreciate the approach of "we're going to try different things and see what works best." Obviously you already know that her basing will work best, but it puts a positive spin on the change.

 

[wcsstilldeath]

This is such a delicate subject. Be very careful though, we dont want any more negative body images because they think they are too big in general. Just explain to her that this year the team is made up of younger, smaller girls but in the future she may be able to fly again.

 

[notimeforthat]

I would also point out that being able to base makes her more versitile... If you have a small sr 5 you only have 5 spots open for flyers. If you are a flyer and a base you have 15 spots open. It may help her next year to make a team she might like to be on!

 

[socratesofcheer]

@nicole demick
1. If you have a meeting to discuss a potential problem, then you are recognizing there is a problem
2. Do you have a meeting every time you make a base a flyer or move someone from the front row to the third row?
3. Be matter of fact and do wants best for the team, if she's mad that she's not flying she's clearly not there for the team's success.

 

[NJ Coach]

I would probably include something about needing her strength on the ground to help the team. This year, her strength is needed to base, last year it was needed to fly. I find that if I spin a negative thing into a semi postive one, it goes a lot further.

 

[cheerinfo]

I agree with socratesofcheer. Like I said, my daughter had this done with her last year...and it was done only a short time before their first competition, she had been flying all summer and a good part of the fall in ALL stunts and baskets and pyramids. We had a change in personnel, and the alternate was a flyer. My daughter was not necessarily the "biggest" flyer, but she sure is built like a $h!t brickhouse! The coach knew she was struggling a bit flying as well, and recognized that she is very strong, particularly in her upper body. So he tried her basing (still flew in pyramid, but that was it)...and she LOVED it and experience great success, as did her team...they went undefeated as a level 5 team all season (had to brag a LITTLE lol). I think as a coach, where you put kids is part of coaching. You do not need to have a meeting about a position changing. Behavioral problems, dedication problems, in danger of being kicked off the team problems, attendance problems...YES, have a one-on-one meeting. For decisions concerning the whole team and their success...you do what you gotta do. If you make an issue out of it, there is an issue. If you don't, and you just do what you feel is right, then there may be no need for discussion at all. The kid might be TOTALLY fine with it. And if the KID is fine with it...the parent SHOULD also be fine with it. Did I love watching my child in the air?? Sure, I take great pride in her abilities. Do i love watching her any less as a base? Not at all. And she is enjoying it just as much...probably a whole lot more actually. You do your job as coach. If they want to talk to you AFTER you make the change, so be it. But holding a "summit" before making that switch just seems silly...to me at least.

 

[newcheerdad]

@nicole demick
1. If you have a meeting to discuss a potential problem, then you are recognizing there is a problem
2. Do you have a meeting every time you make a base a flyer or move someone from the front row to the third row?
3. Be matter of fact and do wants best for the team, if she's mad that she's not flying she's clearly not there for the team's success.

Agree completely. It's not as if you're kicking her off the team or making her drop a level. Just changing her position on the team. The more "matter of fact" you handle it, the less likely it is to cause an issue.

You only need a private meeting if the athlete handles it badly, in which case there might be bigger issues than just basing vs. flying going on.

 

[MyDaughterCheers]

As the mother of a flyer, I disagree that you shouldn't talk to her about why she is being moved. Moving someone from the first row to the third is, in my opinion, much different than taking a long-time flyer and moving her to a base. Not that there is anything wrong with doing that, but I think this is a delicate situation. I say that because my daughter's team this year has some very young girls on it and they are flyers, as is she. However, she is 5' and 100 lbs. They are 4.8 and 60 pounds. She is 15 and they are 11. She is already feeling that she is "fat" and too big to fly. If her coach just moved her and didn't say anything to her, it would just confirm her negative feelings.

I think it goes a long way in being a good and nurturing coach to take a few minutes and talk to a kid when you know a change you make is going to be huge and impact them a great deal.

 

[carolinagirl823]

I definitely think that you need to talk to her and explain the situation. If this had happened to me when I was cheering, then I would be devastated and would think it was because either 1. I was "too fat" to fly or 2. I had done something wrong and getting moved was like a punishment.

It is not a matter of someone being a bad sport and not wanting what is best for the team. It is about trying to avoid hurting feelings and embarrassing an athlete that is caught off guard by this.