All-Star End Of The Season: How To Exit And Leave Your Gym Gracefully

[AnotherCheerMom]

I think that logistically for most 12 month programs, it would be hard to "just go". Our gym does not have a break at all. So what would you do? Just stop coming when it was time for the contract to renew? If you just stop coming to the gym, they will eventually call you and you will have that conversation anyway.

Now compare this to dance programs we have been involved in over the years. There is an official ending to the season and a short break. For various reasons we have decided not too return to a studio ( multiple kids, different dance styles offered , distance etc) and in those cases we just didn't register the following session. No drama, we didn't inform anyone, we just stopped.

There ARE cheer gyms that operate like many dance studio's do in terms of taking a break between seasons, but I think that they are few and far between.

I hear you that the lack of a break makes it a bit different. The article recommended that you should tell the coaches/owner in person, but my point is that this is not always the right path. Depending on the sophistication of the owner/coach this can backfire and sometimes it's better and creates less drama if you just quietly leave in between seasons, no matter how small that break may be.

 

[alpaca]

I don't know about that. I think what the departing family did, and what people THINK they did, are two different things. It certainly was in our experience.

I had a conversation about this today.

CP is considering taking a break from AS cheer. She is at the top of the range for a junior team, and the majority of the team she has been placed on for next season has been created with mostly girls at the bottom of the age range. Essentially three 13/14 year old backs with the rest 8-10 year old bases and flyers. It wont be a good fit socially for her. As an 8th grader, she just doesn't want to spend that much time on a team with 3rd -5th graders.

If she leaves, I KNOW that people at the gym will say it's because she didn't make a higher level team. But the concern is about age and all the social aspect that go along with it, not skill level.

eta: change a word

 

[cheermomforever]

I had a conversation about this today.

CP is considering taking a break from AS cheer. She is at the top of the range for a junior team, and the majority of the team she has been placed on for next season has been created with mostly girls at the bottom of the age range. Essentially three 13/14 year old bases with the rest 8-10 year old bases and flyers. It wont be a good fit socially for her. As an 8th grader, she just doesn't want to spend that much time on a team with 3rd -5th graders.

If she leaves, I KNOW that people at the gym will say it's because she didn't make a higher level team. But the concern is about age and all the social aspect that go along with it, not skill level.

If she still loves cheer, have her voice her concern to her coach and c what they say. Maybe try for a month and c how it goes. But let the coach know how's she's feeling.

 

[CheerBank]

I had a conversation about this today.

CP is considering taking a break from AS cheer. She is at the top of the range for a junior team, and the majority of the team she has been placed on for next season has been created with mostly girls at the bottom of the age range. Essentially three 13/14 year old backs with the rest 8-10 year old bases and flyers. It wont be a good fit socially for her. As an 8th grader, she just doesn't want to spend that much time on a team with 3rd -5th graders.

If she leaves, I KNOW that people at the gym will say it's because she didn't make a higher level team. But the concern is about age and all the social aspect that go along with it, not skill level.

eta: change a word

My cp was on a junior team from 5th grade through 9th grade when she aged out. In 8th and 9th grades though she was also on a higher level senior team. Does your gym maybe have a senior team she could crossover to?

 

[alpaca]

My cp was on a junior team from 5th grade through 9th grade when she aged out. In 8th and 9th grades though she was also on a higher level senior team. Does your gym maybe have a senior team she could crossover to?

This option isn't available. There is only 1 senior team and it is full based on the results of try-outs. And that's why I know that people will get the wrong idea. CP could have been placed on the senior team, but wasn't. And the issue isn't the level of the team, or the name junior vs senior, but rather the lack of girls her own age.

 

[CheerBank]

This option isn't available. There is only 1 senior team and it is full based on the results of try-outs. And that's why I know that people will get the wrong idea. CP could have been placed on the senior team, but wasn't. And the issue isn't the level of the team, or the name junior vs senior, but rather the lack of girls her own age.

I definity understand that - junior age for some smaller gyms can be hard because the age range is so wide and there is such a difference between an elementary and a late middle or early high school aged girl. Our last gym before our current one was great because cp's junior team was primarily made up of girls her age/grade. Can she take on the role as a leader on her team along with the other 3-4 girls her age? Or is there another gym option for you to look into?

 

[cupieqt]

Very good article. I agree with a lot of these points. My only addition, is that Cheer is a business. Families pay a lot for a service. At the end of the year if a family wants to leave; just go. There is no need to tell the owners or coaches. I have seen this back-fire because the owners/coaches go on the whole "loyalty" rant. I agree that nothing should be said during the season though!

I actually included that in the article but it was cut. I wholeheartedly agree that there's not necessarily a need for an exit interview. Once you've fulfilled your commitment, you're done and free to choose whatever you like.

I think mostly this is for kids that may have been at the gym for longer than a year or two. Established, personal relationships with those coaches deserves at least a heads up.

 

[AnotherCheerMom]

I actually included that in the article but it was cut. I wholeheartedly agree that there's not necessarily a need for an exit interview. Once you've fulfilled your commitment, you're done and free to choose whatever you like.

I think mostly this is for kids that may have been at the gym for longer than a year or two. Established, personal relationships with those coaches deserves at least a heads up.

I agree, it is hard to part with people with whom you and your CP have had a good relationship, even if overall it is time to move on! Great article!

 

[mamadekenyjax]

What about when you leave a gym that goes from Large Gym to Small Gym? You've been loyal to the gym for 5 years plus, but they are going to have to move to the small gym division and you have 2 Worlds winning programs in your town within a 15 minute drive of your house? You leave and the gym is furious? They bad mouth you personally for the entire season, pictures of your daughter end up on social media in a negative light and it's a rough year socially the first year because of the torment from the old gym? Everything is great at the new gym! Does it sound like I am speaking from experience? You also paid the old gym competition fees in full and they refused to refund them. So essentially 2016-2017 you paid cheer twice.


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[alpaca]

I definity understand that - junior age for some smaller gyms can be hard because the age range is so wide and there is such a difference between an elementary and a late middle or early high school aged girl. Our last gym before our current one was great because cp's junior team was primarily made up of girls her age/grade. Can she take on the role as a leader on her team along with the other 3-4 girls her age? Or is there another gym option for you to look into?

I understand the concept of being a leader on the team, and I have seen it work before. But I don't think it would work in our situation. I have a mature 14 year old. She gets paid to babysit 8 year olds. Even in a leadership position, I think it would be very hard for her to see them as equals on a team.

There are a few options about 45 minutes away (with no traffic) in various directions. So we may look into them. But TBH, if we left and went to another gym, the rumor mill about why we were leaving would be even worse. The reason would still be the lack of an age appropriate team, but I'm sure some juicy and untrue stories would emerge.

 

[CheerBank]

I understand the concept of being a leader on the team, and I have seen it work before. But I don't think it would work in our situation. I have a mature 14 year old. She gets paid to babysit 8 year olds. Even in a leadership position, I think it would be very hard for her to see them as equals on a team.

There are a few options about 45 minutes away (with no traffic) in various directions. So we may look into them. But TBH, if we left and went to another gym, the rumor mill about why we were leaving would be even worse. The reason would still be the lack of an age appropriate team, but I'm sure some juicy and untrue stories would emerge.

We have left a few gyms and moved on. Heck, we left the state . For my daughter and our family, finding the right place for her to cheer was first and foremost. Who cares what other people have to say? What will they do, slander her on social media? Block them all the second you leave. If my child truly wanted to cheer, and was no longer happy at the current gym regardless of the reason and before the new season started, we would find another place for her to cheer. If your child simply wants to take the year off, then that is another issue albeit still valid.

 

[DonnaM]

I can understand it's hard for small gyms, but I think when an age group ends up being almost eligible to compete in a different age group, that's a problem. If only 2-3 girls on the team cannot compete in youth or mini, that's no longer a junior team. I think at that point, the gym should be honest and acknowledge the situation-and if the athletes aren't comfortable with it, suggest moving somewhere else. The same is true if the only age group team is a much higher or lower level. I think there's a point where the onus is on the gym to say "look, we really cannot offer what you need. You can either be on a team that isn't an ideal fit here, or you can look elsewhere. If you decide to go elsewhere, we'll miss you, but we understand".

 

[cheermomforever]

What about when you leave a gym that goes from Large Gym to Small Gym? You've been loyal to the gym for 5 years plus, but they are going to have to move to the small gym division and you have 2 Worlds winning programs in your town within a 15 minute drive of your house? You leave and the gym is furious? They bad mouth you personally for the entire season, pictures of your daughter end up on social media in a negative light and it's a rough year socially the first year because of the torment from the old gym? Everything is great at the new gym! Does it sound like I am speaking from experience? You also paid the old gym competition fees in full and they refused to refund them. So essentially 2016-2017 you paid cheer twice.


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They they are they r the bad guys and being mean and childish! It really is sad that this does happen more than we know after an athlete leaves. Too bad that nothing can really b done if someone trash talks u in social media. I hope it has gotten better and glad new gym is working out!

 

[cheer25mom]

I think that logistically for most 12 month programs, it would be hard to "just go". Our gym does not have a break at all. So what would you do? Just stop coming when it was time for the contract to renew? If you just stop coming to the gym, they will eventually call you and you will have that conversation anyway.

Now compare this to dance programs we have been involved in over the years. There is an official ending to the season and a short break. For various reasons we have decided not too return to a studio ( multiple kids, different dance styles offered , distance etc) and in those cases we just didn't register the following session. No drama, we didn't inform anyone, we just stopped.

There ARE cheer gyms that operate like many dance studio's do in terms of taking a break between seasons, but I think that they are few and far between.

Most studios in our area operate like cheer gyms. New competition teams form a week or 2 after recital, essentially there is no break from dance, and that leads to similar situations with moving from one studio to another. I think a distinct break would make it easier.

 

[Eyes On The Prize]

What about when you leave a gym that goes from Large Gym to Small Gym? You've been loyal to the gym for 5 years plus, but they are going to have to move to the small gym division and you have 2 Worlds winning programs in your town within a 15 minute drive of your house? You leave and the gym is furious? They bad mouth you personally for the entire season, pictures of your daughter end up on social media in a negative light and it's a rough year socially the first year because of the torment from the old gym? Everything is great at the new gym! Does it sound like I am speaking from experience? You also paid the old gym competition fees in full and they refused to refund them. So essentially 2016-2017 you paid cheer twice.


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Ignore them the best you can and focus on yourself.

I had a very similar experience. I left my first gym after 8 years. Both of my parents coached there. My brother also cheered for a few years. My mom was the owners right hand (wo)man. My family was there towards the beginning when they didn't even have a gym and we were practicing in the basement of the local Boys and Girls Club. Fast forward 8 years, they established their own gym with two floors, they grew from 1 team to 5 teams, they had multiple banners hanging up on their walls, and my entire family was involved with EVERYTHING the whole time. And then it started falling apart and for a combination of reasons my mom wanted to stop coaching and I wanted to leave to go to Gym B.

My mom sent an email explaining that our family was done and that I would be cheering for Gym B the next season, who was the rival gym of Gym A. (To make it more dramatic, Gym A and Gym B were in the same building up until my last year at Gym A. Their doors were literally less than 100 steps apart, they shared a parking lot.) We were very civil about it, I remained close with my friends there throughout the summer. The gym owner though twisted the truth about what had happened and lied to everyone about how we left. A few months later, I went to a public appearance they were making at the state fair to support my remaining friends and one of my old coaches of 6 years (also the gym owners husband) started to loudly berate me before their performance and I left crying. It was a real shock to see that reaction, epecially from him, and it was very humiliating. After that, the communications from my friends ont he team stopped, I was unfriended on social media, given the cold shoulder/nasty glances from teammates who I was very close to, etc. It hurt a lot but my time at Gym B was great - my teams were great, my coaches were great, I loved it, and thats what I focused on. I got to end my cheer career the best way I could have asked for.

The more you ignore it, the faster it will go away. And the more you focus on thriving at the new gym, the better its going to feel.

PS - I'm not a person who feels the need to get back at people for things, but the best feeling after all of that was throwing my RO BHS tuck at a local competition and knowing a coach from Gym A, who told me I'd never get a RO BHS because I was too fat, was watching. And then during awards, the coaches who humiliated me and put my family through the ringer watched my team win first against a local powerhouse team, win level champions, and recieve a full paid bid to US Finals (back when it was a big deal).

I hope your daughter gets to experience something similar to that. Success is the best way to get back at them, IMO.