I’m Sorry This Is A Downer

Discussion in 'Random' started by Sterling von Shimmer, May 23, 2019.

  1. Sterling von Shimmer

    Sterling von Shimmer I named my pet Sir Fierce-a-lot

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    My mom is dying and it came out of nowhere. She’s been sick for some time but I thought I had more time. I don’t know how to do this. Someone please help me I have no idea what to do

     
  2. Cheerfun2

    Cheerfun2 I'm an announcer on CBS for Worlds (or should be)

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    I am so very sorry. :( Do you have other family and friends to help support you and your mom during this time? I don’t think anyone really knows “what to do”...my FIL is dying and I just do what feels right in my heart. Some days I am just so, so, sad...selfishly for my children bc I want to shield them from watching their beloved grandad die, and of course for my sweet MIL and husband. Some days I am the strong one so my husband doesn’t have to be. Some days I am efficient and organized. Some days I am depressed. You can’t follow a plan...just take every day as they come and enjoy your mama. (((Hugs)))
     
  3. CLynn

    CLynn I named my pet Sir Fierce-a-lot

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    I am so so sorry. There is no guidebook on how to do it and no way that is best. Went through it with my dad and just took it as it came. I tried to be there as much as possible but with young kids was not there every minute and know that is ok. One thing that helped was having very caring nurses and good communication with them, making sure he was not suffering to the extent possible. Plainly said, it sucks.
     
  4. oncecoolcoachnowmom

    oncecoolcoachnowmom Bestest Newbie '14

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    I am so sorry.
     
  5. Lisa Seye

    Lisa Seye I'm an announcer on CBS for Worlds (or should be)

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    So sorry to hear this.
     
  6. CoachTamara

    CoachTamara Slow your roll, Sparkle.

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    Enjoy every single second you have with her and celebrate her amazing life!
    My dad died suddenly in his sleep in 2009 and the hardest part was that he was just gone. There was no goodbye or closure. It’s hard, SUPER hard but take this opportunity to make sure that if this the end, it’s the best ending to her story possible.
    Also, make sure she has a will. Death brings out the worst in families and it will be much easier if there are no questions as to what she wanted. Feel free to message me, I’m an old mom now but I’ve been there and I’m here to talk!
     
  7. catlady

    catlady Slow your roll, Sparkle.

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    I'm so sorry.
     
  8. Sterling von Shimmer

    Sterling von Shimmer I named my pet Sir Fierce-a-lot

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    Thanks everyone. I’m sorry if this isn’t the most appropriate venue for this but it’s the only message board I contribute to and it’s the reflexive place I go to when I want to talk but not with real live people. So thanks again for all the advice.

    This happened pretty suddenly. My mom’s been fighting cancer for over a year and she took a turn recently and we found out it last night it was pneumonia. So they’re treating the infection, but the bottom line is: even if she makes it through this, we cannot continue with the chemo. So we’re preparing ourselves. It should be only a few days now. I’m trying to focus on the positives — like that we get to say goodbye and that she’s safe, comfortable, and surrounded by loved ones — but F if this isn’t the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do. I’m struggling most with the day to day — like if I should leave the hospital (with my dad there), but then if I leave what do I do, and then if she passes while I’m gone will I ever forgive myself — I just have no clue what I’m doing. My family is coming together and my work has been fantastic, but I feel like I’m just lurking in this gross limbo from minute to minute.

    But thanks for the advice everyone. It’s a nice palliative to read all your kind words.
     
  9. quitthedrama

    quitthedrama I buy my Insta followers

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    You and I may not agree with things on this board, but I am so very sorry. I lost my Mom a few years ago, and it was so hard to watch her struggle at the end. But I had far more time with my Mom than you, and I can't imagine losing my Mom as a young adult. Spend every chance you can with her, but also remember that she will want you to still live your life, so if there is a time when you can't be with her and that time happens to be when she passes, do not let yourself feel guilt. She knows how much you love her! There really isn't much we can say to help ease that pain, but if there is one topic that we can all come together on and be there for one another, it is this. Please know that you have every member here thinking of you and your family!
     
  10. Sterling von Shimmer

    Sterling von Shimmer I named my pet Sir Fierce-a-lot

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    Thank you that’s so sweet. Exactly what I needed to hear.
     
  11. Mom2Cheergirls

    Mom2Cheergirls I have my own cheer message board

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    As someone who has been there (my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and died 2 months later). Be there.... spend time with her. Just love her. You just face every day, sometimes hour - moment as it comes. Once my mom passed for a while it was just breathing (except I had young children who required my love, time attention) but I relied on my husband to help me function for a while. It has been years and I talk to her all the time in my head and heart. Sometimes it still feels unreal like a bad dream but most often I look for signs of her in my world. Best advice just be there when you can and make moments and love her how she needs right now and how you need. When she is gone you need to care for yourself. Somedays just praying for peace and strength to get through the day was the only thing that worked for me - you will find your path if you listen to your heart. I am so sorry this is happening for you.
     
  12. CheerItFullOut

    CheerItFullOut When all else fails.... I shimmy

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    Very Sorry you’re going through this.
     
  13. JerseyGirl112

    JerseyGirl112 I text ACEDAD all the time

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    My mom passed from Cancer a few years ago. From your posts it seems your experience is very similar to mine. If your comfortable you can PM me and I'm happy to just be a chat buddy. I completely understand how bizarre and painful this time is, waiting for the shoe to drop. Im so very sorry for you.
     
  14. Sterling von Shimmer

    Sterling von Shimmer I named my pet Sir Fierce-a-lot

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    My mom passed today. Thanks again everyone. Your words have been so kind. She was surrounded by loved ones for the past week and we all said our goodbyes. My family has really come together during this time and her hospital room was filled with laughs and happy memories about cheer, dance, and her bratty pet rabbit. All things considered, it’s the best case scenario. People dream of passing like this — comfortable, safe, and surrounded by family — and it’s the ending she deserves even though she didn’t deserve this early end. We’re trying to focus on that. It’ll be hard now that she’s gone, but I know she’ll still make herself known whenever I think, speak, or pick out shoes (we have same cute taste and the same comical size). My family will get through it and we’ll be stronger for it. If I know anything in this uncertain time, I know that.

    So thanks again. I’ve been rereading your kind words and stories through the last few days and it’s really been a comfort. You guys are the best.
     
    Last edited: May 29, 2019
  15. LabbyGirlMOM

    LabbyGirlMOM When all else fails.... I shimmy

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    So sorry for your loss. Sending you and your family lots of hugs and love.