Is Cea Over?

Discussion in 'Allstar Cheerleading' started by DonePaying4Cheer, Feb 18, 2021.

  1. SL&AM

    SL&AM Slow your roll, Sparkle.

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    Filing this under why I hate Twitter. It’s really hard to follow and jump around to put the pieces together.


    I have no horse in this race or this industry, I’m simply on the side of the abused. Just stating for the record.
     
  2. SL&AM

    SL&AM Slow your roll, Sparkle.

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    This is a tricky one. Given the time elapse, some gain more confidence to speak with time and unfortunately, the more time passes the less likely there is evidence for a conviction. The way the US Justice System handles rape cases is still largely barbaric. I’m a full adult and a mother with a lifetime of trauma that has built the thickest skin and I’m not even sure I would go through the process if I were in that situation. I can’t image putting a teenager through it when they’re already mentally fragile.

    Also, as the #metoo movement has evolved, talking about rape has become easier. There is less victim blaming then there once was and survivors are more likely to be believed. I am a survivor of sexual assault. I was 15 and the boy was a neighbor. I was silenced and degraded and even though I had evidence on my skirt I was told to wash it and never speak of it again. I was told to shut up by my mother, my teachers, my dance coach and my friends. In 2021, I don’t think I would have faced the same treatment and that has given power to girls to speak their truth. It’s also 100% easier to type this out then it would be for me to say what I just typed if we were face to face.
     
  3. Kiermyc

    Kiermyc They call me Susie

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    I’m so sorry that you went through that. So although I agree with most you said and disagree with some. Out of respect for you and the pain you’ve shared I wouldn’t want to dispute with you. I just feel there has to be a better way then anon dm with confessions on Twitter. Where anyone can literally type up anything.
     
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  4. SL&AM

    SL&AM Slow your roll, Sparkle.

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    I appreciate your choice and know that I do also agree with you. I want these abusers and predators arrested and held liable for their crimes. Like I said previously, I don’t have all of the answers but I know things need to change. Our kids, as a generation, deserve better.
     
  5. cupieqt

    cupieqt Person everyone wants to meet this season National Champion

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    So what’s the end game here? It’s a Twitter storm that carries over to the FBd and on to FBk and then what?
    I appreciate reading everyone’s input and experiences but where does it go from here? It’s good that it’s getting talked about but I feel like the talk is not helping anyone.
    Just wondering what’s next and if anyone has any idea where it might actually be headed...if anywhere.
     
  6. Knowcheering

    Knowcheering I Fierce Board instead of work/study

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    This message board is far more mature and sane than Twitter, especially now that it's far less active here than it has been in the past. There aren't many children here, and for the most part, people are respectful. Message boards usually have human moderators, whereas Twitter doesn't (they use shoddy Artificial Intelligence instead), and people feel like they can say anything on there. It's a weird environment where 13 year olds are interacting with adults, and it can get ugly quickly. It's the opposite of real life, where little kids would obviously not be in the same social circles as moms. And let's face it, people like drama. A lot of people are interested in this story not because they really care, but because it's entertaining. A coach fighting with a teenage former athlete? Get out the popcorn emoji.

    People can write/vent on Twitter all they want, but it doesn't do much good. As you said, there's a lot of trolling and pettiness there. I can't help but think if a child was sexually abused, opening up to an actual therapist would be way healthier than opening up to cheer anons on an app, but that's just me. I wouldn't want my child subjected to that app at all. Even when other kids post the positive experiences they've had at that gym (which they're entitled to do, and it's natural for people to come to the defense of something they love), it might feel triggering for a child who experienced the opposite. This gym has several locations that aren't linked to each other that literally have nothing to do with this, so of course kids are going to defend their gym when they see a #ceaisover hashtag everywhere.

    Also, no, the police aren't going to care if a coach screamed at a kid or kicked them off the cheer team, etc, but they will likely listen if you say your child was sexually abused. Hopefully SafeSport continues to grow and becomes a more effective avenue to deal with things like this, where kids/parents can feel safe coming forward, because Twitter to me is not it.

    When the former CEA parent (justpeachy) shared some of her story in this thread, it was met with compassion, support, and mature responses. She mentioned that she and her daughter had once received a tremendous amount of hate over this story, and it stemmed from a post made by a Twitter account that people had assumed was her. She said that Twitter then set out to "destroy her". That's what you deal with on Twitter. There are many keyboard warriors and tough guys, and as "catlady" mentioned, kids who enjoy the power they feel they have there.

    I saw some disturbing/insane stories, but then there are some other stories where you get the sense that there are two sides to the story, and then the truth probably falls somewhere in the middle. I saw someone blame her eating disorder and low self-esteem on cheer. But those things are often much deeper issues that go beyond the gym. Yes, there are some serious instances of emotional abuse, but then there are other kids who are equally as traumatized by any sort of yelling/criticism because of their perfectionist nature, fear of doing anything wrong, etc. Some kids need that extra push to get something out of them, but then other kids have to be coached differently (which not every coach realizes). This isn't to excuse any terrible behavior, but just an acknowledgment that all kids are different and have their own perspectives.

    And I saw someone dispute the story about the Abilities team with an explanation that sounded reasonable, and you wonder if the truth falls somewhere in the middle of that too. In conclusion, I'd much rather come to this message board than a childish app, but good for anyone who gets something positive out of Twitter.
     
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2021 at 6:29 PM
  7. justpeachy

    justpeachy I think I can mix Cheer Music

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    I agree completely- the attention to the issue on social media is good for the cause. Hopefully many have been protected from entering into similar situations, and hopefully the public attention will encourage some adults to act more adult like.

    But in the end, twitter will find a new drama tomorrow and this subject will again be forgotten. Are we going to let that happen? Do we want to see this sport return to something builds character or allow it to remain one that destroys kids frequently?

    Lasting change will come from law enforcement action, civil legal action, USASF sanctions, or national news coverage. ALL of those routes require people to come forward with some form of evidence. It's out there. Many needed some time before they were ready to deal with these issues, but they are now opening up. You might be very surprised at the names behind some of those anonymous stories put out. The conversations on Twitter encouraged the environment where people are starting to feel safe to speak, so it hasn't been a total waste. And we now have the attention of a nationwide news outlet. So that's good. But we do need more. Those people who have experiences that are reading this board now but are still afraid to come forward: you are very much needed. Pieces of incidents and small stories become whole incidents and big stories when many share the same experiences. You may feel that your contribution is insignificant, but it isn't. It's time to talk about it.
     
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2021 at 6:43 PM
  8. DonePaying4Cheer

    DonePaying4Cheer When all else fails.... I shimmy

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    Yikes! I will repeat: This generation uses social media to speak their truth. Love it or hate it its their medium of choice. Some of those kids are receiving compassion there as well.

    People always doubt kids when they recollect abuse and it amazes me. They blame the victims who were children at the time these things were happening. How can there be any ambiquity about child molestation, attempted rape, or rampant drug use? Where is the middle truth? "I copped the coke my coach snorted?" "She was (sexy, asking for it, wearing Nike pros) so the coach invited her to his room?" How does that work?

    The bottom line is coaches shouldn't throw chairs at kids, they should not call kids "stupid", they shouldn't grab kids, groom 13yo for future sexual relationships, sleep w/kids parents, sleep w/their athletes, grope kids or encourage them to use illegal substances. Those are toxic behaviors and lead to mental illness. Saying someone develops an eating disorder because the are a perfectionist & not because an adult they loved demanded perfection, is splitting hairs. People on these boards have been derided for saying some of the things those young people alleged. Is their truth somewhere in the middle?
    How sure are u that these things are complete semi-falsehoods created by easily insulted kids?
    Would you bet your minor child on it?

    This discussion we're having won't change the world. But, people are expressing opinions and opening up to each other. That's a good thing. In the same way, maybe those posts on the dreaded Twitter may draw the attention of someone who can do something definitive.

    Personally, I'm going to keep any eye on things to see how they play out. I pray that all of those who need help can afford it and receive it asap. I try not to judge people's truth. When they were children, their parents chose to keep these things private. But, now as adults they're speaking up. As I said before, if they're wrong, they need help & if they're right, they need help. Either way, they need help and at the very least, compassion. None of us should say how another person "should have" perceived their own experiences.
     
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2021 at 7:17 PM
  9. cupieqt

    cupieqt Person everyone wants to meet this season National Champion

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    Literally nothing surprises me in the cheer world anymore. Call me jaded but I’ve been around too long and I’ve seen and heard too much to be surprised about anything. I think the only thing that would shock me, is if anything actually came out of this besides putting the mega gyms names back in people’s mouths in the months leading up to Worlds.
     
  10. justpeachy

    justpeachy I think I can mix Cheer Music

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    Sad to say I agree
     
  11. CoachTamara

    CoachTamara Slow your roll, Sparkle.

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    Honestly, I think best case scenario is that new outlets continue looking into the mess that is USASF and something similar to USAG occurs. A new, non-biased governing body is created with people that are NOT affiliated with gyms. They don't coach, they don't judge, they don't choreograph, they are strictly there to oversee the sport and athletes. Mind blowing right? Without financial gains to be had, I would hope there would be more structure and some actual discipline for these gyms that need more than someone to "ban" them and then welcome them with open arms to worlds and/or summit and have shots with them after the competition.

    Worst case? Nothing happens. But really, it's just a matter of time. The sport cannot continue like this.
     
  12. oncecoolcoachnowmom

    oncecoolcoachnowmom Bestest Newbie '14

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    I keep saying this:

    An abuse case or suit is going to have to bankrupt/ruin a gym before anyone starts caring or changing behavior.
     
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  13. oncecoolcoachnowmom

    oncecoolcoachnowmom Bestest Newbie '14

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    Sidebar:

    It is not lost on me that right now as we are talking about someone verbally abusing kids, there is a Very Well Known Coach who has had an entire web series in which he yells, berates, swears, makes kids vomit, etc. and is largely applauded for it. Why the double standard?

    It's either okay or it's not.

    It's not "okay depending on who is doing it."
     
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2021 at 10:07 PM
  14. UCFKnights07

    UCFKnights07 Slow your roll, Sparkle.

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    sorry for my utter confusion with so many stories being put out, but what happened with the cheer abilities team...

    Also i get there are always 3 sides to every story, but we have now been exposed to so much reality tv involving kids (dance moms, smoed show, etc) its obviously no secret that full grown adults have no shame in screaming at kids and belittling them. And if they are so willing to do it on tv, or a youtube series then i can only imagine what goes on when behind closed doors. Competitive sports bring out the worst in everyone though, after 6 years of allstars, 4 years of competitive hs cheer and a multitude of years in competitive dancing as a younger kid, i can promise you while i had made some lasting friendships, and had some amazing coaches and experiences in all those years... a good handful of years i also experienced the worst in bullying within teammates, and absolute filth for some of the things ive heard come out of coaches mouths.

    this is my own personal opinion but i think your only ever gonna get one of two experiences in youth sports, a fun magical time with complete positivity for the most part and an emphasis more on team building, and excelling at skills, instilling a sense of pride when competing good or bad, etc. Or a place where the pressure to win is all that matters, and people who are willing to break kids down in order to get there..... Ive never had an in between experience between the two.... its a matter of picking one or the other, and which one you are willing to put up with.
     
  15. SL&AM

    SL&AM Slow your roll, Sparkle.

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    If we you are talking about a particular team of the blue and black variation, I am a well documented critic of the way that team is coached. I was so vocal at one point that I became a sub tweet.

    People, but parents specifically, have to get their heads out of the “this is what it takes” mentality that is so easy to fall into when you have a child in a competitive sport. My former CP jumped from competitive cheer to another competitive sport. A sport that is actually featured in the Olympics and one that hasn’t always had the best press surrounding women in the sport. When I was reading their stories it all rotated around these central thought...that competing injured, starving to stay thin and abusive coaching at the upper levels was what it took to be at the top. It’s depressing because it’s not just cheer though that is our focus here.
     
    Last edited: Feb 22, 2021 at 6:46 AM