All-Star Parents, Coaches, Athletes: What Are We Paying For?

[ICEDAD]

I do agree with everything you said, but can you elaborate on what you mean in the above statement?

I think you need to apply pressure on these kids, in the appropriate dosages, to prepare them for life. Things they will endure one their own later in life like College final exams, huge school projects, presentations in front of crowds, their first job out of college and they have a overbearing boss who puts a lot of stress on them, stress of having a family, hard economic times, etc. Having your child exposed to it little by little as they grow up will prevent them from getting slapped in the face with reality once they leave the nest. I am a huge advocate of this.

As far as the "I am and extremely hard coach." I put a lot of pressure on my athletes at practice. I believe kids are very resilient. I have had a mini level 3 team for the last 2 years. These are kids who cant count to 8 at the beginning of the year and by competition season we are doing stunts and tumbling passes that varsity girls can do. I yell, in a constructive manner, I teach them if they make a mistake the whole team suffers on the score sheet so we practice that way. (i.e.---if a girl doesnt throw her pass in a full out run thru I'll make the whole team do push ups while that girl stands up and watches. Not to torment that child but to let her actually see her team suffer for her mistake. This works wonders. I did this last year and my MINI level 3 (5-8yr old kids) dropped one time in 9 competitions last year doing high level - level 3 skills. Obviously we make it fun too but they know when its practice time---its time to go to work and its going to be a hard practice.[/quote]

As a parent, I could not agree more with this style of coaching!

 

[acxjags]

I had been with a program and loved it. I don't know why but the coaches started changing their style and safety became an issue and I had to pull my child after I had already signed up and paid lots of comp fees. I wish there was a specific contract so I could have recovered some of the money for them not fulfilling their end of the contract

Above someone mentioned they wouldn't pull their kids out of a gym mid season. I agree with that to a certain extent. If the gym is not holding up their end of the bargain then I would leave, especially if safety was an issue. Also as parents you need to tell these gym owners you need in writing if they do not hold up their end of the bargain all contracts are void. You must make sure the agreement you sign with a gym protects the gym and the parents.

 

[acxjags]

You sound like a great coach! I asked the question because we left a gym where the coaches were "hard". Unfortunately for us, hard resulted in screaming at and belittling children. Completely different from what you're saying.

Don't get me wrong---we (and I would say most coaches yell) But what you have to look at is this: Is this screaming and yelling helping my kid or is it just malicious and demoralizing. Because I yell to empower my kids.....and they only get yelled at for poor performance and the yelling is only about the poor performance. We do not allow saying---are you stupid??, you suck??, etc. I am a dad, as well as the gym owner and coach....so if someone said that to my daughter I would put them in the hospital. So I stress this to my staff that each little kid you coach has a mama bear and papa bear and the claws come out when you mess with their kids.

 

[MyDaughterCheers]

Yes, in our case, our CP was told she sucked, etc. It really hurt her self esteem and one day it hit me. Why in the world would I continue to pay to have her treated that way? She is at a gym now where yes, they yell sometimes. But it's always constructive criticism and she is always told the positives as well. I like your coaching philosophy.

 

[CheerMomNTx]

First of all, if my kids didn't cheer, they would be involved in some other type of sporting activity. I strongly believe that kids should be involved in something, but they shouldn't be stretched. My kids have learned to be team players, have been given self confidence, they are at a gym that cares for their kids, their safety and well-being.

 

[CheerMomNTx]

I do agree with everything you said, but can you elaborate on what you mean in the above statement?

As far as the "I am and extremely hard coach." I put a lot of pressure on my athletes at practice. I believe kids are very resilient. I have had a mini level 3 team for the last 2 years. These are kids who cant count to 8 at the beginning of the year and by competition season we are doing stunts and tumbling passes that varsity girls can do. I yell, in a constructive manner, I teach them if they make a mistake the whole team suffers on the score sheet so we practice that way. (i.e.---if a girl doesnt throw her pass in a full out run thru I'll make the whole team do push ups while that girl stands up and watches. Not to torment that child but to let her actually see her team suffer for her mistake. This works wonders. I did this last year and my MINI level 3 (5-8yr old kids) dropped one time in 9 competitions last year doing high level - level 3 skills. Obviously we make it fun too but they know when its practice time---its time to go to work and its going to be a hard practice.[/quote]

I totally understand! My youngest was a flyer on an M3 last year. Our coach was very tough on them. These kids didn't understand that you are lifting a girl in the air above your head, you can't just let her fall down because your arms got tired. She pushed them and they learned. There was alot of encouragement in there too but she was definitely tough.

 

[Katybugmom]

As far as the "I am and extremely hard coach." I put a lot of pressure on my athletes at practice. I believe kids are very resilient. I have had a mini level 3 team for the last 2 years. These are kids who cant count to 8 at the beginning of the year and by competition season we are doing stunts and tumbling passes that varsity girls can do. I yell, in a constructive manner, I teach them if they make a mistake the whole team suffers on the score sheet so we practice that way. (i.e.---if a girl doesnt throw her pass in a full out run thru I'll make the whole team do push ups while that girl stands up and watches. Not to torment that child but to let her actually see her team suffer for her mistake. This works wonders. I did this last year and my MINI level 3 (5-8yr old kids) dropped one time in 9 competitions last year doing high level - level 3 skills. Obviously we make it fun too but they know when its practice time---its time to go to work and its going to be a hard practice.

I totally understand! My youngest was a flyer on an M3 last year. Our coach was very tough on them. These kids didn't understand that you are lifting a girl in the air above your head, you can't just let her fall down because your arms got tired. She pushed them and they learned. There was alot of encouragement in there too but she was definitely tough.[/quote]

I have a problem with this as a parent.My child was 10 and did not want the rest of the team upset with her so she threw passes she should not have for the fear of "letting her team down" Her set wasn't good in her tuck but she threw it anyway. She landed flat on her stomach to which the coaches responded move, instead of stopping the routine to see if she was ok. Afterwards her coaches told her that she could have paralyzed herself. She asked me, "mom what was I supposed to do?. I knew I was too tired but I couldn't let the team down, they were tired too. That is way too much pressure for a child. She has not been the same since. Her confidence took a huge hit. Sometimes I don't think the coaches realize how emotionally unstable preteen girls are. The self-doubt and belittling these kids do to themselves in a car on the way home from a practice is unbelievable. As soon as they are out of the coaches sight they burst into tears- YOU ARE TORMENTING THEM- you just don't know it. It would bring tears to most people. If you make a mistake as a coach would you like all the other coaches to do push-ups while you watch. How does that make you a better coach- it doesn't it just humiliates you. If someone is not hitting a stunt or throwing something then the coaches need to figure out WHY- not just scare them into doing it. I am a firm believer if a stunt doesn't hit, then the whole group does push-ups, not just the bases, not just the flyers- the whole team.. But to have a child watch while others suffer does way more emotional damage then you may think. I do not believe that this is what made your team not drop. I believe they had talent and worked very hard. I saw lots of emotional break downs that led to mental blocks on my child's team. Please think about this when you say it is not to torment them. Why shouldn't that child have to do the punishment too? Isn't she part of the team?

 

[CheerMomNTx]

Katybugmom you quoted my post when I think you meant to reply to acxjags however I will say this....to me it sounds like your coaches lack experience dealing with young girls. If they knew she was having trouble with tumbling, instead of risking injury, they should have taken her out and asked her to take another tumbling class or privates. Not just cross their fingers hoping she would land somewhat safely. It also sounds like they pushed a team into a level that team was not ready for.

Also, team conditioning, yes it should be team conditioning IMO but I have seen our coaches call out certain girls in front of the entire team. If they are talking or playing around during practice, they will get pulled to the side to condition. If they are just being plain lazy and not doing their job, they will get called out. The coaches know who their hard workers are and know when they aren't giving 100%. (It's not often that our kids have to condition but it does happen.)

A coaches job is to learn these kids attitudes and I think they push to the extent that they know they can. If they don't know your child's personality then shame on them.

It's like my job as a team mom, I know which kids need that extra pep talk right before they step on that mat to perform. I know which child to get pumped up because when she is pumped up, she will pump up the team. I know who needs that quiet hug and a simple 'good luck' because she is 'in the zone'.

I really hope your child's bad experience hasn't taken away her love of cheer. Good luck!

 

[acxjags]

I totally understand! My youngest was a flyer on an M3 last year. Our coach was very tough on them. These kids didn't understand that you are lifting a girl in the air above your head, you can't just let her fall down because your arms got tired. She pushed them and they learned. There was alot of encouragement in there too but she was definitely tough.

I have a problem with this as a parent.My child was 10 and did not want the rest of the team upset with her so she threw passes she should not have for the fear of "letting her team down" Her set wasn't good in her tuck but she threw it anyway. She landed flat on her stomach to which the coaches responded move, instead of stopping the routine to see if she was ok. Afterwards her coaches told her that she could have paralyzed herself. She asked me, "mom what was I supposed to do?. I knew I was too tired but I couldn't let the team down, they were tired too. That is way too much pressure for a child. She has not been the same since. Her confidence took a huge hit. Sometimes I don't think the coaches realize how emotionally unstable preteen girls are. The self-doubt and belittling these kids do to themselves in a car on the way home from a practice is unbelievable. As soon as they are out of the coaches sight they burst into tears- YOU ARE TORMENTING THEM- you just don't know it. It would bring tears to most people. If you make a mistake as a coach would you like all the other coaches to do push-ups while you watch. How does that make you a better coach- it doesn't it just humiliates you. If someone is not hitting a stunt or throwing something then the coaches need to figure out WHY- not just scare them into doing it. I am a firm believer if a stunt doesn't hit, then the whole group does push-ups, not just the bases, not just the flyers- the whole team.. But to have a child watch while others suffer does way more emotional damage then you may think. I do not believe that this is what made your team not drop. I believe they had talent and worked very hard. I saw lots of emotional break downs that led to mental blocks on my child's team. Please think about this when you say it is not to torment them. Why shouldn't that child have to do the punishment too? Isn't she part of the team?[/quote]
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Your coaches are tormenting them if they Force them to throw a skill they are not comfortable throwing. Which is BAD COACHING. Im tallking in practice when people elect to not throw a pass or a skill THEY HAVE. If they balk in any skill all the time then it does not go on the competition floor. If your child was too tired to throw a skill in the routine---then they were not conditioned BY THE COACHES to throw that skill in that specific part of the routine. Again BAD COACHING.

I teach accountability. If your child has a skill mastered---and they don't throw it---that's a problem. If your child is too tired or only lands the skill at practice at that point in the routine 50% of the time----IT SHOULD NEVER BE IN THE ROUTINE TO COMPETE. I would never set a child up in a position to fail. That is bad coaching. I teach my kids in a positive manner that if they HAVE a skill they have to throw it and if they elect to not throw it----they need to see the consequences. This makes them see the effects of not doing something they CAN do. I will stress again----If your coaches made them throw something they CAN NOT do then that's bad coaching. Teaching your kids accountability is a very valuable LIFE lesson. I don't care how young they are. They have to learn the value of if you promise to do something---you have to carry thru. I would never Torment a kid and that is not coaching. But making a kid throw a skill they absolutely have 100% of the time is a different story and this coaching method is not a method to use if the kid balks one time and its a never happened before type thing. Its for the kids who do not understand how important it is do do what you are supposed to do. Parent PAY alot of money to be on a team and when they lose or don't place well because of one kid they get upset and any good coach will make the necessary adjustments so they don't set ANY kid up to fail.

 

[xoxbeastbackspotxox]

My mom sees it as something that I enjoy and love with all my heart. Also after being a bullying victim both my parents see it as something that has given me back all the self-confidence I lost. Also they see it as something that saved me from bullycide. Both my parents have said it's worth it because it's given me self-confidence, happiness and has taught me to work my hardest through everything.