All-Star Secret App

[oncecoolcoachnowmom]

I'm confused by this. I completely agree that parents should handle their own family's nonsense. IF they know about it and know the other kid.

But in this example, I sincerely doubt Suzie told her parents that she sent Bobby those pictures! And oncecoolcoachnowmom is not the principal, she's a COUNSELOR. So it is actually her job to get involved, isn't it?

Question: if "Bobby" was a 35 year old man and not an athlete from your school, you'd call the police, wouldn't you? And want them to throw every charge they had his way (including distributing child pornography). Why wouldn't you do the same here? It's against the law to distribute those pictures (unless susie is 18?), regardless of whether the sender is a creepy old man or a teenage boy.

If susie were my child, and she went to her counselor about something like this, I would hope they would help her.



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It's hard to explain as your hands are very tied with this and the law is not always clear when it comes to minors and photos on personal phones.

I can help with the counseling piece, we can talk about it, and I can have the principal look into it as far as legal ramifications, but it is on him to make the disciplinary call, and forward to the police if necessary (I want to say that he did in this case, but that Suzie did not want to deal with it because that would have involved telling her parents.)

The main point of the post is that Suzie will generally cry to me regarding wanting the photos to go away, and sadly, they don't.

I try hard to tell kids if you wouldn't want it on the giant billboard off of I-77, don't send it.

 

[Just-a-Mom]

I try hard to tell kids if you wouldn't want it on the giant billboard off of I-77, don't send it.

If you find the Holy grail of getting kids to listen to this... Let me know! I've had this conversation with my daughter more times than you can count. I don't think she's heard one ounce of what I've said.


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[King]

If you find the Holy grail of getting kids to listen to this... Let me know! I've had this conversation with my daughter more times than you can count. I don't think she's heard one ounce of what I've said.


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I have had this type of (mostly future looking) discussion with my wife. She wants to warn and prevent them from doing bad things. I am a bit more Machiavellian. I don't think you can ever really stop someone from doing anything. But you can try and show them the smarter choices, let them make those choices, and deal with the punishment with bad choices.

 

[Just-a-Mom]

I have had this type of (mostly future looking) discussion with my wife. She wants to warn and prevent them from doing bad things. I am a bit more Machiavellian. I don't think you can ever really stop someone from doing anything. But you can try and show them the smarter choices, let them make those choices, and deal with the punishment with bad choices.

Well, mine is almost 20. Right now I'm in the stage of watching her choices and seeing how I did. She makes some good choices, some bad. But I think at least something got through? She's had a rough year of learning about consequences, but if it doesn't actually put her in danger, I'm letting her fix her own problems. (eg little things like she didn't fill out her housing stuff on time and now is scrambling to secure a dorm for fall - not on the same level as having pornographic pics of herself, but still a minor crisis, seeing as I'm moving away and she will be homeless if she does not secure housing... But I want her to know that she IS responsible for her mistakes)

Her boyfriend is sketchy to say the least, but I'm zipping my lips and watching how it plays out. Sigh... Here's hoping that any advice sunk in...

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[TealShades]

The only apps I have on my phone is Facebook, YouTube, and some games my nieces and nephews play lol. I would never have known about "secret" if I didn't see it on here. Lol I feel old now

 

[TitanCoach]

Thus why parents need to let children make mistakes when they are little and the consequences are not life altering! Let them learn that all choices have consequences and that when they make a mistake they need to be responsible. Starting when they are little gives them the opportunity to learn without making a choice that could ruin their lives.

 

[Cheermom1969]

If you find the Holy grail of getting kids to listen to this... Let me know! I've had this conversation with my daughter more times than you can count. I don't think she's heard one ounce of what I've said.


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I'm happy that our gym put the word out to delete this account and other warnings they have put out in the past because I know my daughter, while she may not hear me, the thought of any coach coming down on her for something she's done scares the h*ll out of her.

It takes a village.

 

[chyeeaaa69]

I have had this type of (mostly future looking) discussion with my wife. She wants to warn and prevent them from doing bad things. I am a bit more Machiavellian. I don't think you can ever really stop someone from doing anything. But you can try and show them the smarter choices, let them make those choices, and deal with the punishment with bad choices.

I think ultimately it lies in a balance of both. Honestly at a certain age you stop listening to your parents and you start to do certain things regardless of their feelings about it, but at the end of the day if your child can look back and say "maybe my parents were right about that" or "I learned this because my parents allowed me to" then I think, at least in my books, you've done your job as a parent properly. As I've stated on here in discussions about other topics, my parents allowed me to make mistakes, and let the consequences speak for themselves. They knew I was smart enough to learn from my mistakes, and I think more parents need to have a little more faith in their kids to do the same.

 

[oncecoolcoachnowmom]

Well, mine is almost 20. Right now I'm in the stage of watching her choices and seeing how I did. She makes some good choices, some bad. But I think at least something got through? She's had a rough year of learning about consequences, but if it doesn't actually put her in danger, I'm letting her fix her own problems. (eg little things like she didn't fill out her housing stuff on time and now is scrambling to secure a dorm for fall - not on the same level as having pornographic pics of herself, but still a minor crisis, seeing as I'm moving away and she will be homeless if she does not secure housing... But I want her to know that she IS responsible for her mistakes)

Her boyfriend is sketchy to say the least, but I'm zipping my lips and watching how it plays out. Sigh... Here's hoping that any advice sunk in...

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Good for you for letting her sort of "bump her head" if you will.

In my line of work, I've come across some moms who would like be the type to call the Residence Life/Housing office IMMEDIATELY and DEMAND that their child be moved to the top of the housing list (despite the fact that they turned in the form after the deadline.)

The boy thing is tough. i've had moms call me, telling me to talk to their children and try to convince them to break up with certain kids (I try to stay out of it unless they believe the guy is abusive and they or I have seen it.)

Just because Steve gets straight Ds and parties on the weekends, doesn't mean you need to have me convince her to break up with him. That is her choice.

 

[blyndreamalum]

A guy friend of mine was casually "talking to" a girl we went to high school with and I believe they hooked up once. He admitted he was desperate and really didn't want anything to do with her, but she didn't feel the same way. One night we were all hanging out and he whipped out his phone to show us that she had sent him a nude. He hadn't talked to her in weeks and this was apparently her way of trying to real him back in. I We were just coming out of our freshman year of college and all adults but still...


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[SL&AM]

I hate that stuff like this even gets released to begin with.

 

[Just-a-Mom]

Good for you for letting her sort of "bump her head" if you will.

In my line of work, I've come across some moms who would like be the type to call the Residence Life/Housing office IMMEDIATELY and DEMAND that their child be moved to the top of the housing list (despite the fact that they turned in the form after the deadline.)

The boy thing is tough. i've had moms call me, telling me to talk to their children and try to convince them to break up with certain kids (I try to stay out of it unless they believe the guy is abusive and they or I have seen it.)

Just because Steve gets straight Ds and parties on the weekends, doesn't mean you need to have me convince her to break up with him. That is her choice.

Disclaimer: I do have the added benefit of knowing that the housing thing will be fine, and that there is brand new student housing 2 blocks away. (her school is in downtown Chicago - student housing abounds.) The schools share housing, so she has a lot of choices. But I'm letting her, as my father would put it, "stew in her own juices" for a bit.

She always has horrible boyfriends, but so do I... So I'm sure 75 cents worth of therapy could sort that out and figure out where she got that from.

Im a big believer in teach them to make good choices, let them make some bad ones, and watch them learn from it.

Now as for this app... I'll check the 12 year old's phone. But I check her phone about once a week and she's still pretty boring. I guess dance and school really are keeping her busy? (that was my evil plan, so hopefully it's working!)

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[retiredl5cheer]

I'm going to date myself a tad, but this reminds me of the whole Juicy Campus site circa my college years-ish. Crazy. People anonymously posted whatever they wanted about particular people at school. It caused a lot of drama and some schools even expelled kids based on what was posted about them. Ex: Anonymous Annie posts an entire list of drugs that Suzie Student does and the classes she cheated in. Boom. Suzie is expelled from Duke/Yale/whatever.

Glad we went to college at the same time. I thought no one remembered Juicy Campus!

 

[Eyes On The Prize]

This thread is like birth control. Oh Lordy.

I could never deal with teenagers on a daily basis, especially as a career. Nope nope nope. Not even if they were my own. Nope.

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[TitanCoach]

This thread is like birth control. Oh Lordy.

I could never deal with teenagers on a daily basis, especially as a career. Nope nope nope. Not even if they were my own. Nope.

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I love working with teenagers!! I teach them, I coach them, and until very recently, I still had one at home. My favourite part of being with teens is the attitude...what they can dish out I can give back (can't do that with 5 year olds lol)