Tough Coach-advice/opinions

[sassyonthesidelines]

Not that'd I'd actually call it being tough but I couldn't think of a better name for the thread. Anyway!
!!Sorry this is so long!!!
I'm a senior in school this year and this is my second year cheering football cheer and I made Varsity. (And not just because I'm a senior either) Anyway, the Varsity cheer coach is an acquired taste.
For our tryouts at my school, they're in late Early May and it's 2 days of 3 hour clinics where we learn a dance, a cheer, and a chant and preform those for 5 random judges along with jumps, a chant we made up, and tumbling/double jump the next night and we get scores that add up to Varsity, JV, and Freshman level. Pretty much the most stressful thing ever.
Anyway, the next day after learning I made Varsity, the Varsity coach called me and demanded that I needed to meet with her on Tuesday to talk things over. So I did. And she told me that she didn't think I was "good enough" for Varsity and that I wouldn't be cheering under those friday night lights until she said so, even though my tryouts squares equaled Varsity level, meaning I'd sit in uniform beside her instead of cheering. She forced me to meet with her every tuesday and thursday through all of June and half way through July because she was leaving on Vacation, for an hour each day. At those "Private" practices, she asked me to do chants and cheers that I remembered from last season and basically pointed out every single flaw and told me that I didn't try and reminded me time and time again I wasn't good enough for Varsity. On these tuesdays and thursday's, we also had open practices for freshman which she made me go to that were 2 hours long and was up my a** the whole time instead on focusing on help freshman who understood nothing about HS cheer. This went on for all of June and July and she didn't bat an eye at any of her other new varsity members and it sort of broke my confidence as a cheerleader. (She also told me that she'd make me cheer JV if I "didn't get it together even though my tryout is varsity level)
Tomorrow we start conditioning and preparing for camp from 8 in the morning till 11:30 for 2 weeks straight until camp starts and then the same time until the 13th of August for just regular practice. Don't get me started on how our conditioning gives no gains. But i'm honestly afraid of going to cheer practice because I have left every open practice until this crying. Last year during camp week, she broke out a ladder (yes you read that right, a ladder) to stand on to look over all of us while we practiced our camp dance and screamed out every flawed. We did that dance so many times a few girls came close to passing out. She once yelled at us so loud a teacher on the other side of the building heard her and she's actually very proud of that moment and tells us it all the time.
I need advice. Should I put up with her until I can get to basketball season (football ends October 30th) and enjoy myself and my senior year with extremely nicer coaches or should I quit because it's honestly making me so miserable?? I love cheerleading, it's my heart and soul and passion and I wouldn't trade it for anything, but it's hard to take when you're told you basically suck at the sport you've spent seasons perfecting.
*My high school team is not competitive, we do no stunts or tumbling, we are a strictly sideline team

 

[Pebbles49]

I think you need to search your own heart and answer your own question. Based on reading your detailed post I can tell you what I would do.
As a Mom, I will be extremely upset that a coach was bullying my child. Yes, what she is doing is called Harassing, Bullying and Intimidating and in every school there is a HIB Dept that deal with this issue. As for my child, I will not hesitate to have a discussion with this coach and a Principal or Athletic Director (her bosses) and we all can have a real discussion about whom is really qualify to be on Varsity...Btw, based on these things you posted and seriousness schools are prosecuting using the Clementi Law, this coach can lose her job...She is not a Sue Sylvester...js
PS:
But seriously, have you discussed this situation with your parents?

Correction: In NJ it is called HIB, but in other States you will find the same law called Anti-Bullying...

 

[oncecoolcoachnowmom]

1. Could you possibly break this up into paragraphs?

2. Are you the only person being asked to do these "private practices?" Are your parents aware? I have issues with that in the sense of safety. As a school employee, it's just not good professional practice to be working with athletes alone all the time without a third party. Even when I do privates in a gym setting, there is more than one adult in the building. I know that if someone told me that I needed to have my son practice tee ball/soccer with them alone (and I didn't specifically ASK for a private), it would raise eyebrows. Depending on your state guidelines, she may not even be allowed to.

3. Is there an athletic director or at least another coach you may speak to about this? ADs tend to brush kids off at times, but I know my AD's ears would perk up if a kid mentioned that the cheer coach was requiring her to meet alone.

4. Why does she even bother to have a tryout if she has issues with the results to the point of all of this extra practice? She needs to trust that her panel has chosen the best athletes for the team or choose the team herself.

5. Only you can answer whether you can handle football season or not. Good luck to you.

 

[sassyonthesidelines]

1. Could you possibly break this up into paragraphs?

2. Are you the only person being asked to do these "private practices?" Are your parents aware? I have issues with that in the sense of safety. As a school employee, it's just not good professional practice to be working with athletes alone all the time without a third party. Even when I privates in a gym setting, there is more than one adult in the building. I know that if someone told me that I needed to have my son practice tee ball/soccer with them alone (and I didn't specifically ASK for a private), it would raise eyebrows. Depending on your state guidelines, she may not even be allowed to.

3. Is there an athletic director or at least another coach you may speak to about this? ADs tend to brush kids off at times, but I know my AD's ears would perk up if a kid mentioned that the cheer coach was requiring her to meet alone.

4. Why does she even bother to have a tryout if she has issues with the results to the point of all of this extra practice? She needs to trust that her panel has chosen the best athletes for the team or choose the team herself.

5. Only you can answer whether you can handle football season or not. Good luck to you.

1. Yeah I probably could, sorry about that!
2. I am the only one being asked to do private practices. And my dad does know! But at the parent meeting she sat down with me and my dad and talked to us about me doing stuff in summer to get ready for conditioning and me coming to open practices they had. I agreed to do the open practices but not privates and she told me she wanted me to start meeting with her at 5. I agreed at first but I learned I didn't like them at all but she wouldn't let me stop going to them because she "didn't know what else to do". Another coach didn't show up until after our private was over. We were usually the only ones in the building because most everyone leaves at 3:30 and privates started at 5. (But my school is huge so I can't be for sure we were the only ones)
3. She told us the athletic director is fine with what she does and also will give her names of athletes who make complaints and I don't know if it would cause a bunch of drama between coaches and teammates. Cheer is not taken very seriously at my school at all.

 

[Pebbles49]

1. Yeah I probably could, sorry about that!
2. I am the only one being asked to do private practices. And my dad does know! But at the parent meeting she sat down with me and my dad and talked to us about me doing stuff in summer to get ready for conditioning and me coming to open practices they had. I agreed to do the open practices but not privates and she told me she wanted me to start meeting with her at 5. I agreed at first but I learned I didn't like them at all but she wouldn't let me stop going to them because she "didn't know what else to do". Another coach didn't show up until after our private was over. We were usually the only ones in the building because most everyone leaves at 3:30 and privates started at 5. (But my school is huge so I can't be for sure we were the only ones)
3. She told us the athletic director is fine with what she does and also will give her names of athletes who make complaints and I don't know if it would cause a bunch of drama between coaches and teammates. Cheer is not taken very seriously at my school at all.

Excuse me, athletes complaints are going unheeded... Look up Clementi Laws and check your school district handbook for HIB Dept... This is a federal law and if your school ignored these complaints a lot of people can lose their jobs and I doubt this AD will be willing to lose his livelihood for this Cheer Coach.

Correction: In NJ it is called HIB, but you may be able to find the rule under Anti-Bullying Law, if you live in another State...

 

[Cheerfun2]

She sounds like an absolute freak. If you were my child, I would be meeting with her bullying self, along with the AD, principal and the school superintendent! Along with my district school board member! There is no reason for her to treat you like that. Honestly, her obsessive interest in you strikes me as rather creepy. Please see if your parents can assist you. Someone needs to knock her off her ladder.

 

[Eyes On The Prize]

She sounds like an absolute freak. If you were my child, I would be meeting with her bullying self, along with the AD, principal and the school superintendent! Along with my district school board member! There is no reason for her to treat you like that. Honestly, her obsessive interest in you strikes me as rather creepy. Please see if your parents can assist you. Someone needs to knock her off her ladder.

"Obsessive interest is creepy" is right...

OP it sounds like she's singling you out for some personal reason - one that probably has nothing at all to do with you. I'd definitely try to talk to someone above her in the school and make your concerns heard. If that doesn't work, I don't think anyone would pass judgement if you decide to not continue on with football and wait until basketball. Sometimes people will continue to act the way they do no matter how many steps have been taken to correct their behavior. It sounds to me like she's on some power trip and nothing you do will please her. She sounds like a very toxic person to be around (especially in a position of leadership) and if it's affecting you this much, it's ok to get out of there. You, or anyone, shouldn't have to put up with that.

But I would definitely bring your concerns to the attention of someone regardless of your decision. This lady doesn't sound like she should be in a position of leadership. Especially for young people.

 

[oncecoolcoachnowmom]

She sounds like an absolute freak. If you were my child, I would be meeting with her bullying self, along with the AD, principal and the school superintendent! Along with my district school board member! There is no reason for her to treat you like that. Honestly, her obsessive interest in you strikes me as rather creepy. Please see if your parents can assist you. Someone needs to knock her off her ladder.

Seriously. It's LIKE A LIFETIME MOVIE waiting to happen.

1. Yeah I probably could, sorry about that!
2. I am the only one being asked to do private practices. And my dad does know! But at the parent meeting she sat down with me and my dad and talked to us about me doing stuff in summer to get ready for conditioning and me coming to open practices they had. I agreed to do the open practices but not privates and she told me she wanted me to start meeting with her at 5. I agreed at first but I learned I didn't like them at all but she wouldn't let me stop going to them because she "didn't know what else to do". Another coach didn't show up until after our private was over. We were usually the only ones in the building because most everyone leaves at 3:30 and privates started at 5. (But my school is huge so I can't be for sure we were the only ones)
3. She told us the athletic director is fine with what she does and also will give her names of athletes who make complaints and I don't know if it would cause a bunch of drama between coaches and teammates. Cheer is not taken very seriously at my school at all.

The thing is, if you were "so awful" you wouldn't have had the scores to make Varsity. That's what I don't understand about this woman's deal.

I would discuss this with your dad. It appears that he agreed to the open practices. I'm sure he didn't agree to you meeting alone with this woman. When you talk to your dad, make sure you tell him that this is different than what he agreed to, and how uncomfortable you are with the situation. Like I said before, if my kid came home and said someone asked him to meet with them alone, I'd have some questions.

Your coach may SAY your AD is cool with this, but I doubt that he would be. He may not take cheer seriously but if you (or even better) your dad came to him with a complaint that smacked of abuse, he'd listen. Everyone's ears perk up when a parent has a legitimate complaint.

If you don't think the AD would listen, try your building (lead) principal. I know that the principal at my place of employment doesn't deal directly with athletics, but he WILL bring something to the AD's attention (especially if that person's behavior is bring parental complaints to the school. Trust me, school administrators hate parental complaints.)

 

[cheer25mom]

I am a teacher and have coached before. This is 100% unacceptable. You need to go to your principal NOW, and take your parents. Frankly, she is treading on breaking the law here. She cannot harass you in this manner. The open practices are one thing, but she is emotionally abusing you. That cannot continue. I don't care how "terrible" she thinks you are, she has no right to treat you this way. Please, stand up for yourself and do something. If your school does nothing about it, tell them you will be contacting a lawyer. That will get their butts in gear. It sounds like you have enough for a harassment case.


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[dawgshow]

I can't get past the fact that the coach is insisting on one on one time with no other adult present. That would raise my mom radar. Your parents need to get involved RIGHT NOW!

 

[catlady]

Excellent coaches never demean or belittle, they never give a critique without a way to improve. Unfortunately, it sounds like your coach is not only making this personal but, is getting some kind of sick enjoyment out of trying to justify her ability to make you feel insecure as a person which is really concerning. Protect yourself mentally and emotionally always.

 

[Official OWECheer]

Write down and date the stuff that she says to you. Evidence is very useful.

 

[Keep_Believing]

Requiring one on one time with you does not sit right with me. Are other staff also present during these times?

 

[Cheer Dad]

Sounds like she is just trying to scare you so you don't go to the AD. Get mom and dad and go immediately. Nothing she is doing is acceptable.


**Official dog paTROLL of Fierce Board**

 

[crazzyeyesassypants]

I'm sorry but I cannot get pass the fact that she wants to meet alone with you! Please talk to your parents again...


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