All-Star Coaches Dating Athletes With Parent Approval

[MomOf2ThatsMe]

A lot of gyms pull coaches from their existing athletes, so let's say Jim and Sandy are dating, and Sandy gets asked to coach youth 2. Jim and Sandy are both on International 5, so by that account, Jim is an athlete, Sandy is a coach, why is it wrong for them to date?

I don't think that is the original scenario alluded to by the OP. What you described is way different in that there was already an established couple in a gym, both athletes, and one was asked to coach. That is a far cry from a 22 year old senior coach asking a 17 year old girl out.

Also, a question, because I'm not even 100% clear on the dating rules here (I know age of consent mainly applies to romantic relations). in the United States (now I know it's dependent on the state) is there a "legal dating age" per-say? I believe in Canada (now I might be a bit wrong here) a 14 year old can date a 19 year old, but no older, and should they decide to... make love... that 19 year old has now committed rape (as the age of consent here is 16, but like I said, I believe that only applies to romantic relations).

You are correct, it varies by state. You do have the "age of consent" for minors, which is usually around 15/16 I believe in most states. Then some states take it a step further and include an age difference in there. So, a 16 & 18 year old is technically "ok" in some places, but not 16 & 21. Sorry if that is confusing. I am at work and don't want to be googling absolute facts about statutory rape on my computer I know a guy a little older than I who is on the S.O. list because he met a chick in a bar, they went back to her place and her parents caught them. Apparently she was underage (17) IN A BAR and he still got branded for life. Nice.

 

[icecheermom]

Coaches should not date ANY athletes. Regardless of the age from either of them. Shame on gyms not having a Zero Tolerance Policy and having it in some sort of a handbook.

I agree 100% a coach should NEVER date an athlete. No exceptions!! If they want to date AND the athlete is over 18 then the coach should find another job. Way too many reasons this could go terribly wrong.

 

[ztaprincess]

What happens if say Sally and Brad are dating but Brad lives in a different state. Brad plans on going to the college that is by Sally's gym with Sally. Sally can super senior but Brad cannot. Now Sally's gym decideds to hire Brad as a coach of one of their mini teams, do you then tell Sally that she and Brad are no longer allowed to date? What I can see happening is a gym saying that this relatioship is alright and then others saying it is unfair that they are allowed to date when others aren't.
Could the same thing not happen to a coache being married to another coach in the gym and one of them doing the open team the other is coaching? Having coaches that are married in the gym can cause just as many problems as an 18+ athlete dating an 18+ coach.

I am just throwing these out as examples that could come up. I feel like it should be up to each gym to make their own rules about the situation.

 

[socratesofcheer]

I have to say I'm quite shocked at the number of responses that are ok with a coach dating an athlete in some form or fashion.

 

[WorkToWin]

I don't think that is the original scenario alluded to by the OP. What you described is way different in that there was already an established couple in a gym, both athletes, and one was asked to coach. That is a far cry from a 22 year old senior coach asking a 17 year old girl out.

the OP never specified.

 

[WorkToWin]

What happens if say Sally and Brad are dating but Brad lives in a different state. Brad plans on going to the college that is by Sally's gym with Sally. Sally can super senior but Brad cannot. Now Sally's gym decideds to hire Brad as a coach of one of their mini teams, do you then tell Sally that she and Brad are no longer allowed to date? What I can see happening is a gym saying that this relatioship is alright and then others saying it is unfair that they are allowed to date when others aren't.
Could the same thing not happen to a coache being married to another coach in the gym and one of them doing the open team the other is coaching? Having coaches that are married in the gym can cause just as many problems as an 18+ athlete dating an 18+ coach.

I am just throwing these out as examples that could come up. I feel like it should be up to each gym to make their own rules about the situation.

I agree with you 100%! I am not by any means saying a 17 year old should date her 25 year old coach. I'm saying there are exceptions, and to say it is ALWAYS a terrible idea is incorrect.

 

[ufomom]

I have to say I'm quite shocked at the number of responses that are ok with a coach dating an athlete in some form or fashion.

I think you have to look at the perspectives of the posters. To me...parent, it shows poor judgement on point of gym and coach. Do I want my kid to be in the hands of someone with poor judgment. And it trickles down. If true love* cannot be denied...move one of the players out of the gym. I married someone I met at work, so I get the true love thing. He quit, I stayed, we got married.

*true love and older than 18!

 

[Ashley]

Every company I have ever worked in has a rule against people in a relationship working in an employee/manager situation. Many of them have had rules against working in the same department, or same facility. It is common sense, if you ask me, because the company is just opening itself up to all kinds of allegations of favoritism, etc., if they allow it.

Personally, I would have a HUGE problem with an athlete dating a coach. However, I have also heard of places where the coaches have teams sleep at their houses, which makes me extremely uncomfortable as well, so I am probably more conservative than most.

And on the flip side, every company I've worked in has said that if you do date another employee in a superior position (as in not you direct boss or the the person who rates your performance) it's almost always okay as long as you bring it to the attention of HR. I couldn't date my manager (who's is married and middle-aged), but I could probably date a manager in another group at the same company.

I don't have a problem with it on an open team where everyone is adults. I don't agree with it on a senior team either, unless the athlete is a super senior and out of high school and the coach is not his/her coach. In both cases, the couple should speak to the owners of the gym to avoid any issues.

 

[chyeeaaa69]

Regardless of whether the OP was talking about the situation I put forth, it's something that comes up. An athlete, in that case, is still dating a coach at the gym.
I'll end with this, if the coach does not coach the team that the athlete is currently on, I see no issue, regardless of age (providing that it is legal, and that there is parental and gym owner's consent. I don't just mean parents of the athlete/coach, I mean other gym parents as well). If the coach is a coach of that athlete's team, and the team is a senior team, I don't agree with it. The athlete is generally mid teens, and isn't at an age where they've had the relationship experience to be able to deal with it should something go wrong. I have NO issue with age differences (I dated someone 9 years older than me for a while at the age of 17), as long as both parties are mature enough to handle it if something goes wrong. If it is an open team (I say this loosely, after all, open 5 only requires an athlete to be 14), I have no issue with it, as some of the athletes are around the same age as the coach, or older. I don't see how two people who love each other should be forced to stop doing something they love because of it. It is their business, and as long as their relationship is not brought into the gym, I see no issue with it. Who are we to tell someone that they cannot be with someone else simply because they do a sport? Is a gym not a perfect place to meet someone? I'm not saying young girls should go looking for a boyfriend at the gym, but if a 30 year old athlete meets a 35 year old coach at the gym, they are probably going to have common interests, so why is it anyone else's business if they decide to date? It's not.

 

[Ashley]

And on the flip side, every company I've worked in has said that if you do date another employee in a superior position (as in not you direct boss or the the person who rates your performance) it's almost always okay as long as you bring it to the attention of HR. I couldn't date my manager (who's is married and middle-aged), but I could probably date a manager in another group at the same company.

I don't have a problem with it on an open team where everyone is adults. I don't agree with it on a senior team either, unless the athlete is a super senior and out of high school and the coach is not his/her coach. In both cases, the couple should speak to the owners of the gym to avoid any issues.

Also, while I'm okay with it in the case of an open team, I don't agree with it in a college team, even if there are multiple coaches - like an all-girl coach and a coed coach - and the athlete is interested in the other coach. An open team is usually a bunch of adults doing it for fun, where the other coaches in the gym are likely their peers on the team. In a college team, the coaches are usually in more of an authority role.

That being said, we've had this issue on my open team, kind of. A coach at the gym, and athlete on the coed open team, started dating another girl on the team. This year he became coach of the open team, and she was taken off of the coed team and placed on all-girl.

 

[ryann3794]

If the athlete is over the legal age of consent for that state (which is many states is 16) and there is no rule against it at the gym then there isn't much that can be done about it. If it is not causing problems within the gym I would probably ignore it. It would be weird if it were that athletes coach (for their team) but I would probably just ignore it the best that I could.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/c/c1/Age_of_Consent_updated_for_Canada.png

I know in michigan the age of constant law goes out the window if the older person is an authority figure. So It would be illegal for me to date a coach over the age of 18 even though I'm 17.

 

[libertycoach]

Isn't it the same as a teacher dating a student? A senior in high school could be of legal and consenting age but that doesn't mean they can date a first year teacher who may be 22 0r 23 years old. It's conduct unbecoming a professional. I wouldn't want to send my child to a gym that would condone or allow such behavior. I send my child to a team practice to learn and hopefully be mentored by the coaches, not looked upon as a possible mate.

 

[cartwheels&cupcakes]

I don't think that is the original scenario alluded to by the OP. What you described is way different in that there was already an established couple in a gym, both athletes, and one was asked to coach. That is a far cry from a 22 year old senior coach asking a 17 year old girl out.

You are correct, it varies by state. You do have the "age of consent" for minors, which is usually around 15/16 I believe in most states. Then some states take it a step further and include an age difference in there. So, a 16 & 18 year old is technically "ok" in some places, but not 16 & 21. Sorry if that is confusing. I am at work and don't want to be googling absolute facts about statutory rape on my computer I know a guy a little older than I who is on the S.O. list because he met a chick in a bar, they went back to her place and her parents caught them. Apparently she was underage (17) IN A BAR and he still got branded for life. Nice.

What a smart girl bringing the guy back to her PARENTS' place. That sucks for the guy, he probably didn't think she was underage especially since you'd have to be 21 to even get inside the bar, not 18. G

 

[cupieqt]

Actually, there are serious repercussions no matter if the child is 16,17, or 18. They just have different names for it in the court system.

I'm curious if folks would let their kid cheer at a place where it is "ok" for the coach to date a kid on her team.

There are two very successful (read, winning) coaches in our area that dates/dated their athletes. One was forced to sell his all-star company and coach in another city 50 miles away for 5 years after he carried on with TWO of his 16 and 17 year old all-stars (he was 28 at the time). The other was a high school/all-star coach that was banned from the high school down the road for having an inappropriate relationship. He continues to coach the middle school (that feeds the high school team he's banned from) and coach all-stars. He also continues to bring his underage all-stars out to bars and opens tabs for them to drink. I am baffled as to why he is allowed to continue with this behavior. I am more baffled that no one is bothered enough by both coaches history and allows them to continue to work with young girls. I guess winning is more important.

 

[Rudags]

I too am so shocked to see how many people are okay with athletes and coaches dating. Athletes that are on an international team that are over 18, I see no problem with. EVEN IF you have a 18 year old coach dating an 18 year old athlete - I am still not okay with that. The posters that are okay with coaches dating athletes - are you okay with coaches drinking and smoking with athletes? I come from an area where that kind of stuff happens ALL THE TIME at gyms in our area. The area I coach in also is quite known for coaches and owners hooking up with athletes. There are gyms and coaches NOTORIOUS for inviting athletes over, getting drunk, and doing illegal drugs. So I feel that if your okay with coaches dating athletes, you are okay with the other stuff. I don't think there is room for ANYONE in our industry that is okay with that.