My Daughter Wants To Fly. Suggestions?

[KDCheerMom]

I don't want to deviate from the original topic too much - but I would just like to caution a few words used here...and unintended consequences of those words around body image for girls and boys. The original post mentioned the daughter was asking if she was "too fat" to be a flyer - rather than her hearing the message that she is a "strong" base. It is unfortunate that this is the message she has taken away and I am sure you are not endorsing this. Based on what you said - she is clearly a healthy weight for her height and age.

I have also seen words such as skinny and scrawny used here and I think these words imply an unhealthy body image as well. Kids can be rather sensitive to these descriptions. Remember - there are a wide range of ages generally on cheer team and likely, depending upon age and height, most are a reasonable and healthy body weight.

Just my thoughts...

 

[Cheermom31]

I understand and agree with most of what everyone is saying. There is no way to know how a girl will do her first time out and probably best to put her on a lower team. So far she has impressed many people and seems to have progressed rapidly. Personally the area I think she shines is her tumbling. She almost has her tucks on floor and is working some on her punch front. I don't think she will give up on wanting to fly no matter what I say. I don't really want to discourage her from working hard but hate to see her dissapointed as we'll. As far as larger gyms with more teams that have more members does that provide a better chance? She wanted to start at a larger gym but this year I told her to start small because I wanted to make sure this is something she wanted long term. She has proved that she is serious so we are considering the move. Since I am new to this I really don't know to expect or what I am getting into lol

 

[Cheermom31]

I agree KD. At this age girls shouldn't be worried about that. I would have rather terms such as strong used as opposed to "built like a base" or "too heavy". And your right same goes with skinny. Those terms could be seen as negative depending on the person

 

[dawgshow]

I understand and agree with most of what everyone is saying. There is no way to know how a girl will do her first time out and probably best to put her on a lower team. So far she has impressed many people and seems to have progressed rapidly. Personally the area I think she shines is her tumbling. She almost has her tucks on floor and is working some on her punch front. I don't think she will give up on wanting to fly no matter what I say. I don't really want to discourage her from working hard but hate to see her dissapointed as we'll. As far as larger gyms with more teams that have more members does that provide a better chance? She wanted to start at a larger gym but this year I told her to start small because I wanted to make sure this is something she wanted long term. She has proved that she is serious so we are considering the move. Since I am new to this I really don't know to expect or what I am getting into lol

Not necessarily. Yes, larger gyms have more teams, but they also have more kids to place so proportionally it may be equal. It's definitely worth checking out, if for no other reason to get the feel for the gym since every gym is different. Big does not always equal better.

 

[DropAndRun]

This is something seemingly every single new cheer mom goes through. You just have to be realistic about the team your child is on. In our gym, in order to fly on junior 2 this year, your child would have to be 7 or 8 years old and 60lbs or less. Best potential/most experienced flyer on the team but 13years old and 90lbs? Well, you're still not flying, because there are only 16 on the team and those 7 year olds can't hold you up. Welcome to main basing.

I would suggest that you do not encourage your daughters pursuing a specific spot on the team, be it flyer or not. If you want her to last in cheer, she is going to have to learn to be gracious and excited to go in the spot that's best for her teams success, end of discussion.

Keep her in flight school, but also understand that it sounds like she's excelling there in coed stunting with a coach, which is very different than flying on her team.

There's a big learning curve here so stick around. Encourage your kid to be the best she can be in the spot that she's in and remind her that flying is not any more important than basing.

Welcome to fierceboard!

 

[HeyMom]

Definitely keep her working on the flexibility and the stunting, like many others have said - you never know what may happen if she tries out next season. Praise her for all of her hard work and success in all aspects of the routine - all the pieces have to come together to make it work. Something I read on here and CP's coach reinforced this with the kids the other night - it is better to have a wide range of skills - tumbling, choreography, jumping, stunting - don't just focus on being a flyer or point jumper, etc. She told the girls when they try out next season, when they are asked about what role they are interested in tell them "Wherever you need me!" Having strengths in several areas will almost guarantee placement on a team - don't limit your possibilities.

 

[BlockHead]

I understand and agree with most of what everyone is saying. There is no way to know how a girl will do her first time out and probably best to put her on a lower team. So far she has impressed many people and seems to have progressed rapidly. Personally the area I think she shines is her tumbling. She almost has her tucks on floor and is working some on her punch front. I don't think she will give up on wanting to fly no matter what I say. I don't really want to discourage her from working hard but hate to see her dissapointed as we'll. As far as larger gyms with more teams that have more members does that provide a better chance? She wanted to start at a larger gym but this year I told her to start small because I wanted to make sure this is something she wanted long term. She has proved that she is serious so we are considering the move. Since I am new to this I really don't know to expect or what I am getting into lol

Flying at a larger gym just depends on their needs. My CPs first year, she flew. But she was 7 years old on an exhibition team that was for ages 7-14. The next season, she was on mini 1. There were 18 other kids on her squad. She was the 5th smallest, but she was selected to base. She was disappointed, but she continued with it because it was "fun." This year at her old gym, she aged into youth 1. There were 30 girls on her squad. So many girls to choose from to fly. When she decided to quit her squad at the end of July, even though she was the smallest, they still weren't sure if she was going to fly or not. This made her so embarrassed. She stopped eating for several days (for several reasons). I ended up removing her from the program. It was not a healthy situation for her at the time. She needed a break from it all.

I wish she could just base. I know that in the long run, that will be her position if she continues to want to cheer. We just have to wait for her height to come close to evening out with the others.

 

[Cheermom31]

I didn't mean to make it sound like my daughter is only concentrating on the flying aspect of cheer. Her first focus when she got in this was her tumbling which I think is her strongest area. After she got really good at that she moved on to working her jumps and is currently the point position in her teams jump formation. She is often been told her dancing is very sharp. I have had several parents and even kids on the older teams that comment on how good she is. So she isn't just focusing on flying and at this point seems pretty well rounded which I know is important. My kid is the kind that would be in the gym everyday if she could. She wants to excel at every element of this and thinks if she keeps working on it she can excel at flying as well if given the chance. I an very proud of her and supportive. It is just hard when she comes to me upset and doesn't understand why she isn't given a chance when she sees the current flyers struggling. Like I said before she is not the biggest on her team AT ALL and I think just by looking there is probably only 3 maybe 4 girls (3 of which are the flyers that are smaller than her) and they are only smaller in weight not height. She is a very observant child and is able to notice the weight difference between her and the current flyers. She has brought this up to me (without me saying anything at all) and I usually try to avoid the size subject because I don't want her to get a complex. But when she tried out for flyer tryouts and it was basically said she was "built like a base" and other size comments it got to her a bit. She also comes to me and says how the girls that are flying don't want to fly and are scared and says to me "I am not scared mommy." I hurt for her. It doesn't matter to me what she does because I think she is amazing but it matters to HER. And I do emphasize that every position is important and that if she is going to be a base she should strive for being the best base she can. I do believe she does the best she can and has been told she is good at it. But lets be honest whether a kid does the best for the team at the position they are given you cant expect them not to have a preference or desire for something else. My daughter doesn't like to base at all. She has a lot of muscle strength in her legs but not so much in her arms. She is always saying it hurts her shoulders really bad. I know there are accidents and injuries are bound to happen but when its every stunt every practice she has girls falling on her constantly because they cant stay in the air and she is doing her best to hold them up it makes her more nervous. I think after the thing with her neck it has really gotten to her. And its not just a concern for my daughter I would think it would be a concern for the flyers as well. One of them came straight out of the air and landed on her back. My daughter doesn't complain to the coaches or anyone but she came home to me after the neck thing and was in tears and in pain for almost 2 weeks. That is why I came on here to ask others because I don't want to ask the coaches or look like I am starting drama so I just leave it alone. Although I don't think I am the only parent up there that has this concern.... Either way you cant really tell a child not to strive for something they want that bad. I do tell her there are no guarantees and I flat out asked her if she still wanted to cheer if she never flew and she said yes but seemed sad about it the thought of never flying. And Sherry I am so sorry your daughter felt that way. At this age no child should feel anything less than beautiful.

 

[DaniV]

As a youth coach this is a very frequent thing I have come across with the kids and the mothers. Very few youth kids don't want to fly and don't want to tumble.

I have always appreciated it when the parent has pulled me aside to explain the frustrations/pain/boredom they are hiding from me. Sometimes all I say is "thank you for letting me know, I will try to look for that next practice" and sometimes I have to explain to the parent why their child is in the position or doing the things that they are. I would suggest filling the coach in on what she is telling you at home, it sounds like your daughter is a very hard worker and probably wouldn't let her frustrations be shown at practice. If needed, the three of you could have a little meeting to discuss everything and get it all out on the table. This way your daughter could find out what she needs to keep working on at home and at flyer class for next season and the coach will probably explain why the flyers are still flying this year. Same goes for tumbling, she might have skills that she gains throughout the year but it would take too much re-choreographing to add them in to the routine this year.

One thing to keep in mind though, is to not keep badgering the coach to let your daughter fly after that meeting. My biggest pet peeve is the mom or child who keeps asking me if she can fly today at practice. "Patience little one, we've already talked about it and I know that you would like to fly". If she is attending flyer class, stretching at home, and comes to practice ready to work and continues to progress at a fast pace - the coaches will notice.

My team is in a similar situation that Sherry's daughter is in - I have 13 kids on my Youth 2 team. 3 of them are teeny tiny and could not base on that team. One of them hates flying, one is super flexible and very talented, and one is flexible but a noodle. There are other girls who cross up to a senior team as flyers who base on youth and there are girls who were flyers last year and wanted this year but unfortunately, I have to use them as a base because I don't have enough girls. I do let her switch in and out or if someone is sick she can fill in, but she is not a competition flyer this year.

 

[Cheermom31]

Thank you for your input Dani and yes I can see how it all depends on who is on the team. And see that's the thing I don't want to hassle the coach at all about this. At the beginning of the year I inquired why she was placed on a level 1 team instead of 2 since she had the skills. I honestly didn't know why and was not rude at all. I politely asked what determined the placement and was told I should just be glad my daughter made a team. She was really rude to me and also told me of course your daughter isn't going to fly she is built like a base. That was the last time I asked anything....My daughter has asked 1 time why she couldn't at least try flying and was told she was too heavy. Which I don't get that because outside of practice I have seen several girls just practice for fun and lift her in the air no problem. I told my daughter to please not ask anymore about flying. I have confided in one person up at the gym that I feel comfortable with and asked if she ever had a chance to fly with this gym and was basically told her chances were very slim. They pretty much just use the same flyers every year from what I am told. That is why I was asking because we are considering moving gyms. I understand you should let the coach do there job and coach but when you don't even feel comfortable asking questions you honestly don't know the answer to and you get responses like that it becomes an issue.

 

[Cheermom1969]

Thank you for your input Dani and yes I can see how it all depends on who is on the team. And see that's the thing I don't want to hassle the coach at all about this. At the beginning of the year I inquired why she was placed on a level 1 team instead of 2 since she had the skills. I honestly didn't know why and was not rude at all. I politely asked what determined the placement and was told I should just be glad my daughter made a team. She was really rude to me and also told me of course your daughter isn't going to fly she is built like a base. That was the last time I asked anything....My daughter has asked 1 time why she couldn't at least try flying and was told she was too heavy. Which I don't get that because outside of practice I have seen several girls just practice for fun and lift her in the air no problem. I told my daughter to please not ask anymore about flying. I have confided in one person up at the gym that I feel comfortable with and asked if she ever had a chance to fly with this gym and was basically told her chances were very slim. They pretty much just use the same flyers every year from what I am told. That is why I was asking because we are considering moving gyms. I understand you should let the coach do there job and coach but when you don't even feel comfortable asking questions you honestly don't know the answer to and you get responses like that it becomes an issue.

I've stayed out of this discussion because I got me a Supa Base (ok, back spot) lol but I do agree with you that you should be able to talk to the coach without a smart *ss answer or someone being rude. Now, we all know there's a fine line between talking to a coach about a concern and becoming a Susie's Mom and having the coach run away every time they see you. But if you've done what you described above, politely tried to inquire and got a rude response, yeah, I would probably be looking for another gym - if this is the type of environment that's in your gym.

Even at my cp's gym where b*tching or even seeming like you're complaining is a major no-no (as it should be), I know I can talk to my daughter's coach if it's really important, and she would never be rude. Now, someone might give you a response like Dani said - a "thank you so much for your input" - but at least they're being polite.

Sounds like you've got a pretty good perspective on things. Ride the season out and see how things progress for your daughter. And if you're not satisfied and she's not happy, no reason you can't switch gyms.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[Cheermom31]

Don't worry I am not one of those crazy mommas lol, but being new to this it is expected I would have some questions. I really shy away from conflict so unlike some mothers I just back out of these situations and look for answers elsewhere. I would never want to embarrass my daughter like that and again I am just along for the ride here. The only thing I look at is if you are going to pay the amount of money for activities like this you want your child to be happy. I am happy as long as she is happy.

 

[piglet]

Welcome! I'm so sad to read your daughter keeps being told she's too heavy to do something, and that you're being told that you should just be happy that you're allowed to pay them money every month. Um, no.

Something that I've really liked about our gym's philosophy at the entry level (and prior to competition season) is that everyone will learn and have rotated through the roles so each athlete understands what each spot is all about. In an effort to help bases better understand what their top girls need, the bases have actually flown and remember, oh, yeah, it's so hard to pull this when being grabbed by the socks and rocked over to the left! Better to grab her here and leave her socks out of it....

Some gyms love tall flyers. Some gyms prefer short flyers. Some teams take whatever they can get. I think it also really depends on the age and composition (co-ed, ages, etc) of each year's team. It can also be really arbitrary, and I definitely would encourage your daughter to go to as many open gyms as possible to get experience flying with the older athletes! So much fun and it would not only give her in air experience, but also show those who said she's too heavy, that she's nothing of the sort. It just depends on so many factors, and it seems like one of the last things we'd want to encourage in our daughters is body image issues. Ugh, hot topic for me!

My best advice would be to truly listen and look with your eyes open at what the gym owner and coaches are saying and doing. For my athlete, it's her enjoyment, her encouragement and development in cheer are really huge to me as a parent. If it doesn't feel like a good fit with the gym, go with your instincts. I don't tolerate rudeness very well, and I refuse to pay people to be rude to me or anyone in my family.

 

[Just-a-Mom]

Just my 2 cents (or 4 cents really) :

I find it interesting that the majority of the advice in this thread has been "the whole team matters most" and "tell her being a base is just as important", yet every single person whose child is a flyer made sure to get that info into their post. No wonder people new to the sport think being a flyer is the end all be all of cheer - from day one, everyone they meet is "Oh all the positions are equally as important. My CP is a flyer of course, but yours doesn't need to be!"

For what it's worth, OP: my CP was not a flyer. She was a back spot, and it took her quite far. One thing you and CP can remember: For every flyer on the team, they need 3 people under her. Quick math means on a small team they need 5 flyers and 15 bases. Therefore it's a whole lot easier for a base to move up to higher levels than a flyer, simply because there are more openings on the team. My CP made it all the way to a level 5 team based on stunting.

Not as lofty and angelic a way of looking at it, but probably more motivating than "you should just be proud you get to be there to hold my baby up while she shines."

Yes, the whole team matters, but it's ok to care about your child more. We all do - just no one admits it.

The Fierce Board App! || iPhone || Android

 

[dawgshow]

Just my 2 cents (or 4 cents really) :

I find it interesting that the majority of the advice in this thread has been "the whole team matters most" and "tell her being a base is just as important", yet every single person whose child is a flyer made sure to get that info into their post. No wonder people new to the sport think being a flyer is the end all be all of cheer - from day one, everyone they meet is "Oh all the positions are equally as important. My CP is a flyer of course, but yours doesn't need to be!"

For what it's worth, OP: my CP was not a flyer. She was a back spot, and it took her quite far. One thing you and CP can remember: For every flyer on the team, they need 3 people under her. Quick math means on a small team they need 5 flyers and 15 bases. Therefore it's a whole lot easier for a base to move up to higher levels than a flyer, simply because there are more openings on the team. My CP made it all the way to a level 5 team based on stunting.

Not as lofty and angelic a way of looking at it, but probably more motivating than "you should just be proud you get to be there to hold my baby up while she shines."

Yes, the whole team matters, but it's ok to care about your child more. We all do - just no one admits it.

The Fierce Board App! || iPhone || Android

Not true. Plus quite a few who did mention it said that their child fly a one time and but now does something else. I think it was mainly to prove the point that things change.