All-Star Coaches That Have Relationships With There Kids

[Babs]

As far as friendships go ... where do you meet your friends? School, work, shared activities or interests, and for us parents at our kids' activities. I think there is room for a lot of healthy friendships between coaches and athletes or former athletes.

Problem is where do you meet your romantic partners? School, work, shared activities or interests, and for us parents at our kids' activities. The romantic relationships open up more possibilities for the relationship to not be healthy, but that's certainly not necessarily true in every case.

 

[JusTellingItHowItIs]

Manipulation has alot to do with this... It's really messed up. Alot of coaches take advantage of how a cheerleader "looks up" to them and manipulates that into something (morally) that it shouldn't be... 19-20 yo, granted isn't much of an age difference. However the moral in that is setting the example. Have some class to have that relationship outside of the cheergym for a while after he/she graduates. I've known older coaches that have dated and/or been married for a long period of time and you didn't even realize it because they never showed their relationship at the gym. Later, kids/adults would say to themselves "omg, they've been dating for years now??"... It's called discipline and class.

However a 40+ y/o to an 18-19 y/o who use to cheer for them?!... Immoral, creepy, and shameful in every sense of the word. They were 20 when his/her partner was *just* being born. If a 40+ y/o is going to stoop to the maturity level to date a younger teen of that age, then they have some serious control, confidence and self-esteem issues...

 

[tumbleyoda]

this

I'm not quite 40..but yeah, I think a 19-20 yr old is different than someone my age. Especially if they were former teammates or something like that beforehand.

I understand the age difference may make it more acceptable, especially in this day of lower restraints. However whenever you are in a position of authority over someone, I would say it is better to resist any such relationship beyond the coach/athlete relationship. Having been a young coach once myself and having had plenty of the gymnasts that I coached infatuated with me and wanting to date me, I deemed my job and reputation in the industry more important than a date. I did not have to be threatened with the loss of a position to take this view, it is simply what made sense to me. The gym and by extension the gymnasts parents were paying me to be their coach not their boyfriend. Because I was their coach I understood that the level of trust and respect made it easier for them to be "interested in me" because I was so much different than boys their age. I was mature. I had a decent job that I loved. I "caught" them when they fell and encouraged them when they were having a bad day. It was easy for them to have a crush. The right thing was for me to squash that and say no.

I know - I am strange.

 

[JusTellingItHowItIs]

I understand the age difference may make it more acceptable, especially in this day of lower restraints. However whenever you are in a position of authority over someone, I would say it is better to resist any such relationship beyond the coach/athlete relationship. Having been a young coach once myself and having had plenty of the gymnasts that I coached infatuated with me and wanting to date me, I deemed my job and reputation in the industry more important than a date. I did not have to be threatened with the loss of a position to take this view, it is simply what made sense to me. The gym and by extension the gymnasts parents were paying me to be their coach not their boyfriend. Because I was their coach I understood that the level of trust and respect made it easier for them to be "interested in me" because I was so much different than boys their age. I was mature. I had a decent job that I loved. I "caught" them when they fell and encouraged them when they were having a bad day. It was easy for them to have a crush. The right thing was for me to squash that and say no.

I know - I am strange.

Again.... It's class

 

[kaylaxlaylaa]

Does it take a lot of energy to Type Like This?



Their*

Thank you for saying that, thats the first thing I thought of when I read this title.

 

[TheUltimateFan]

Am I The Only One In The Cheer World That Thinks Its Kinda Strange That Some Coaches Have Relationships With Some Of The Kids Once They Graduate?! Even Though They Are Adults As Of Then .... I Do Think Its Still Weird And Shouldnt Be Done!

It depends on how you define 'relationships'. Jac had a coach for quite a few years that became very close friends with our entire family. We all kept in casual contact after she moved to UA and we all still consider him a friend today.

I consider him the person (outside of family) that had the most influence on both her skill development and the development of her personal values and cheer ethics (sportsmanship, hard work, etc.). He is a part of the person she is today. I would want him to be at least a small part of our lives for a long time.

This relates back to the post on the small gym vs. big gym decision. This coach was able to work with 'his girls' for several years because it was a small gym. He encouraged them to move on when they reached the limits of what that gym had to offer. He had a positive influence on their lives in and out of the gym. In a larger gym he probably would have been the best coach they ever had for one year, maybe two.

It's a shame that the motivations of so many good male coaches have to be questioned because of the actions of a few. It's necessary, but it costs us too.

 

[cfboy2012]

It depends on how you define 'relationships'. Jac had a coach for quite a few years that became very close friends with our entire family. We all kept in casual contact after she moved to UA and we all still consider him a friend today.

I consider him the person (outside of family) that had the most influence on both her skill development and the development of her personal values and cheer ethics (sportsmanship, hard work, etc.). He is a part of the person she is today. I would want him to be at least a small part of our lives for a long time.

This relates back to the post on the small gym vs. big gym decision. This coach was able to work with 'his girls' for several years because it was a small gym. He encouraged them to move on when they reached the limits of what that gym had to offer. He had a positive influence on their lives in and out of the gym. In a larger gym he probably would have been the best coach they ever had for one year, maybe two.

It's a shame that the motivations of so many good male coaches have to be questioned because of the actions of a few. It's necessary, but it costs us too.

I mean im saying like the kids graduate then they date!

 

[xtremeteal4life]

I understand the age difference may make it more acceptable, especially in this day of lower restraints. However whenever you are in a position of authority over someone, I would say it is better to resist any such relationship beyond the coach/athlete relationship. Having been a young coach once myself and having had plenty of the gymnasts that I coached infatuated with me and wanting to date me, I deemed my job and reputation in the industry more important than a date. I did not have to be threatened with the loss of a position to take this view, it is simply what made sense to me. The gym and by extension the gymnasts parents were paying me to be their coach not their boyfriend. Because I was their coach I understood that the level of trust and respect made it easier for them to be "interested in me" because I was so much different than boys their age. I was mature. I had a decent job that I loved. I "caught" them when they fell and encouraged them when they were having a bad day. It was easy for them to have a crush. The right thing was for me to squash that and say no.

I know - I am strange.

I don't think that's strange... The scenario you paint is quite understandable. I'm just saying that (hypothetically since my daughter's still little) if my daughter was on a coed team or even an all-girl team within the same gym and she was 16, but a member of the coed team "graduates" cheer and moves on to coach at the same gym (maybe at 18), I wouldn't freak out if they dated. Considering that these kids grew up together, cheered together, were a part of each others' lives in some way, shape, or form for a number of years, I wouldn't be surprised or think it creepy. I'm 35 and wouldn't consider it to be an issue of "lower restraint" necessarily (depending on the context, like the one I'm describing), more so that I could see how their lives would be easier intertwined..especially considering that most of these kids eat, sleep, and breathe cheer. It can often be hard to find a guy outside of the industry who is as passionate about this sport as you are (and even vice verse for guys..plenty of girls outside of the industry might find it weird). Is it harder to keep the boundaries professional at work for kids this age? I'm sure in many cases yes. Can it be done? I think so. I'm sure quite a few senior aged teammates date. Let's suppose they were dating prior to the coach obtaining his/her position. Should they be required to stop their relationship bc one is now a coach? I think I'd have more of an issue as parent with making sure that there weren't any special favors given to the person still cheering. It might even be that the particular coach wouldn't even be coaching said athlete, but a different team all together; in which case I really wouldn't see the problem.

 

[AaronHilton]

I think it also depends on the age difference between the coach and the athlete. A 19 year old coach is diff than a 40 year old coach.

yes if the coach is like 20 - 25 and the former athlete is 18-20 there should be no problem with their relationship. I dont find it a problem if a 20- 25 yr old coach is dating an 18 year old althete butt its almost borderline.

 

[tumbleyoda]

I don't think that's strange... The scenario you paint is quite understandable. I'm just saying that (hypothetically since my daughter's still little) if my daughter was on a coed team or even an all-girl team within the same gym and she was 16, but a member of the coed team "graduates" cheer and moves on to coach at the same gym (maybe at 18), I wouldn't freak out if they dated. Considering that these kids grew up together, cheered together, were a part of each others' lives in some way, shape, or form for a number of years, I wouldn't be surprised or think it creepy. I'm 35 and wouldn't consider it to be an issue of "lower restraint" necessarily (depending on the context, like the one I'm describing), more so that I could see how their lives would be easier intertwined..especially considering that most of these kids eat, sleep, and breathe cheer. It can often be hard to find a guy outside of the industry who is as passionate about this sport as you are (and even vice verse for guys..plenty of girls outside of the industry might find it weird). Is it harder to keep the boundaries professional at work for kids this age? I'm sure in many cases yes. Can it be done? I think so. I'm sure quite a few senior aged teammates date. Let's suppose they were dating prior to the coach obtaining his/her position. Should they be required to stop their relationship bc one is now a coach? I think I'd have more of an issue as parent with making sure that there weren't any special favors given to the person still cheering. It might even be that the particular coach wouldn't even be coaching said athlete, but a different team all together; in which case I really wouldn't see the problem.

I understand your pov but I guess I am too old school in that regards. I believe you dont play where you get paid. No matter the job type or age. The fact that in some jobs there is more interaction, communication, relationship building, and possible friendships that occur simply because of the nature of the job do not change that for me. I would be a more than a little upset if my daughters started dating one of their coaches. I would not only question them but the coach for being involved with their student, and the owner for allowing it to occur. To me that is just a no no. The age don't matter. The position of authority is. When you take a position of authority you cant disregard some of the challenges that come with that job simply because you don't like them (or that guy or girl is really hot - which is usually the case)

I have been coaching volunteer since 16 and for pay since 18 so trust me I was once that young coach you describe. I was close in age to my older gymnasts, was in great shape (was being the operative word here - rofl) had the same taste in music, we talked all the time in the gym, (I did not give my athletes my number and still don't like to give them my number even though that is the primary way they communicate)I was immersed in the gymnastic industry, was a pretty decent tumbler and high bar worker, was trusted to run the gym in the absence of the owners even over older employees, had my sights set on running my own gym by the time I was 30 (I was doing it at 25) and I was not a party animal. In short I was a young man in college with good grades, with a job that was different and exciting, career goals, physically fit, dressed good, had my own car and all my teeth I could of dated several of the older gymnasts I worked with (they sure asked) as I described in my first post on this thread but restraint - not because it wouldn't be understood, worked through, or because I was told not to - told me that was not a good choice for me, the athlete, the parent or the gym. You can't escape the drama, no matter what you do to keep it professional stuff happens, and perceptions of favoritism even if not true in reality, are often the foundation of much negative gossip in any gym.

 

[Mcfierceburger]

COME ON GUYS if your all seriously that naive its pretty sad, the term in "relationship" for this particular thread is pretty black and white... and its as if its really that uncommon that you'd eventually hear or speak about it. Doesn't even have to be coach, could be a teacher etc. Personally There is 6.5 Billion people in the world, Seriously find someone else to date!!