Is Intimidation Common Place?

[lucky217]

I'm new to this cheer thing, and am wondering if the way my kids are being treated is the norm. One coach is intimidating and very forceful with his tactics in handling the team. We have been told by the owner that his discipline is necessary to make the team focus, but my daughters feel intimidated by this guy. I don't parent like this. If they can't get something, I don't force it. I believe their skills, even physical strength they need for stunts, will come in time and there is no need for shouting and pushing well over their limits. Some moms tell me their kids are used to this method of training so they don't complain.

 

[Mamarazzi]

We have a coach who is very forceful and uses colorful language with his teams also. The things that I've had to teach my cp about this are:

1. Do NOT take it personally. He's an equal-opportunity shoe-thrower.
2. He doesn't get ugly until things get out of control. Mind yourself, put in effort, and he's fine.
3. No other coach, and I mean NO other coach, will show the team all the love in the world when they hit the floor at comps.
4. He lives for the teams he coaches and expects the same in return. He's just 100% in everything he feels.

A coach that pushes will ultimately bring out the most in your cp. Just think, a wishy-washy, relaxed coach may have their place (and we also have the soft-touch coaches) but the ones that get results are the ones that encourage an athlete to push to their limit and beyond. My cp has needed both of these types at some point or another, and I'm thankful she's had them. She was very intimidated by her coach when she started at the gym, for that matter I was too, but has grown to love and appreciate him, and even made the comment a couple weeks ago that she never wants to leave him.
As a last note, I'm not a pushy parent when it comes to skills, similar to you. And that's exactly what your cps need. Let the coach be the heavy. You can just be the good guy and buy them Frostys after a tough practice.

 

[CheerBank]

Is there a good cop/bad cop scenario set up? Sometimes you get one coach who is the in-their-face, take-no-nonsense screamer while the other one is a little more laid back in the way they handle the team, and together they complement each other.
Mushy, lovey coaches may work well with the younger kids but once those kids start geting close to puberty they need a coach with a stronger personality. We've found the best coaches are those who can enforce strict discipline yet show tough love, and in the process have earned the trust of the kids. Sometimes when coaches are pushing those kids to do something that you may think they're not ready for, the coach knows they 100% are. On the flip side though - if you feel a coach is destroying your cps' self esteem, it may very well be time to look for another gym.

 

[Mamarazzi]

On the flip side though - if you feel a coach is destroying your cps' self esteem, it may very well be time to look for another gym.

I see what you're saying here, and I don't disagree, but at some point in our lives we all have to deal with someone who could potentially "destroy our self-esteem." I'm thoroughly of the mind-set that these people exist and we have to learn how to deal with them. Plus, it helps kids work past that egocentric method of thinking they have. Not everyone is put on this earth to make YOU feel good. The vast majority of society doesn't give one whit how you feel, and that's life, plain and simple. The sooner they learn this, the stronger it will make them.

 

[CheerBank]

I see what you're saying here, and I don't disagree, but at some point in our lives we all have to deal with someone who could potentially "destroy our self-esteem." I'm thoroughly of the mind-set that these people exist and we have to learn how to deal with them. Plus, it helps kids work past that egocentric method of thinking they have. Not everyone is put on this earth to make YOU feel good. The vast majority of society doesn't give one whit how you feel, and that's life, plain and simple. The sooner they learn this, the stronger it will make them.

But it's MY job to destroy my cp's self esteem, not someone else's, especially not one I am paying . I get what you are saying though. You do need to learn to deal with all kinds of people, but sometimes, especially with the more inexperienced coaches, they do cross the line without realizing it.

 

[dawgshow]

How old is your CP? That will affect my answer to you.

 

[Mamarazzi]

But it's MY job to destroy my cp's self esteem, not someone else's, especially not one I am paying . I get what you are saying though. You do need to learn to deal with all kinds of people, but sometimes, especially with the more inexperienced coaches, they do cross the line without realizing it.

I don't think anyone that destroys self-esteem really realizes they're doing it. Inevitably, I'll screw my kids up, but I'd rather someone else be the meany, and I be the one they come to for comfort. Call me selfish. Therapy will take less time if it's about someone else than if it's about me.

 

[notyourcheermom]

We have a coach who is very forceful and uses colorful language with his teams also. The things that I've had to teach my cp about this are:

1. Do NOT take it personally. He's an equal-opportunity shoe-thrower.
.

"Shimmied", now I'll keep reading.

 

[cupieqt]

Mamarazzi 's wisdom is flowing like milk and honey today! You're better than a Will Ferrel movie for quotable one-liners.

 

[CheerDadof2]

Intimidation is very common as a form of coaching in most sports. Anytime you have someone who is passionate about what they are doing there is the possibility of "throwing shoes." <- Mamarazzi love that

I will say though we have been fortunate enough to have strong coaches that don't need to yell on a regular basis. When they do yell it makes for a bolder statement and makes them work harder all the time so they don't make him yell. I guess we've been lucky because my CP's had a couch for about a month that yelled all the time and they stopped progressing. It's just not a coaching style they respond well to.

If your CP's are uncomfortable with it then maybe it's not the coach for them. Age is a big part of this. Mine are both under 12 yrs old so to have an intimidating coach at 5 - 10 I feel wouldn't have worked well for them. If they were 13-18 it would be a different story.

Good luck

 

[FierceandFearless]

Mamarazzi you are on a roll today!
Your responses are like poetry to me..:cloud9:

 

[lucky217]

Thanks all. This helped a lot. All my girls are under 10 which is why I felt strongly that this may be the wrong approach for this coach. I guess he raised a lot of eyebrows because he was "spoken" to and is now gentler coach. Or maybe just a more appropriate, and thereby effective, coach for the little ones.

 

[crazeecheermom]

Wow. Really needed this advice too tonight. My cp is at a new and had her first personal experience with "the tough coach" .

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[Aussiekat]

Sometimes the tough coach only seems tough because in this sport we pile small children on top of other small children. We can't take it lightly or little bodies get hurt.

 

[crazeecheermom]

I always appreciated a tough coach but tonight my daughter wasn't feeling well and suffered her first full on asthma attack as well as it being the second week with a casy off after a fractured ankle and i was spoken to as though she were making excuses. Now i know.that this coach doesn't know my daughter well at and i have also been told tray she exposes crying which my daughter has never before done on the gym , she waits.til she gets in the car. But when i told this coach that it was my daughter s firest experience with a true asthma attack and had just been diagnosed her section was " o so now whenever she feels short of breath she's going to thinly its an asthma attack?" i told this coach that my daughter doesn't get this upset unless something is really.wrong. Which in the past has been the truth. She was always the kid the coach couldn't make cry. Also my cp frowns on others crying at practice for effect. So i spoke to a mom whose been at this gym for a while and asked her to "talk me.down" she did. Hopefully will learn how to handle herself differently next time she feels.short.of.breath so as not to upset this coach. I think my cp trying tough it out caused her to grab more attention than needed from her teammates and the distraction was pulling focus.
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