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[piglet]

you never know whose hands those types of photos could enter.

Yes! Like my parents who hid away their naughty (for back then) on-their-honeymoon-in-bed photos that were found, by me, all those years later, when they fell out of a paperback as I was putting all their old books together for their "estate sale." Though I wish I'd never, ever found the pictures (my BRAIN, my BRAIN!), my mom said it was better me than the neighbor. Not so sure about that, Mom . I'd guess my parents weren't exactly thinking about their estate sale when they were 21.

Social media has such speed and power. It's a particularly fraught landscape out there for teens, and I just hope we can provide athletes with tools to at least help them navigate social media and protect themselves. I applaud the gyms who are taking a stand and saying, no, not going to tolerate it. As a parent, I appreciate the attention and effort when gym owners are paying attention and speaking up.

 

[Klynn641]

Neither of my girls have heard of this one as of yet. Now that they're aware they will not go near it (my older one is over all the social media crap anyway; it's almost-14 cp I need to stay on top of more.)

As for the schools being pulled into nonsense that should be resolved between parents and their spawn, I remember cp being called down to the dean's office in 6th grade and was questioned about a nasty text war going back and forth between two of her friends. I did feel the school was out of line to ask cp if she had seen the texts and if she had them on her phone. She did, but she told them she had deleted them.


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I'm not interested in derailing this discussion about bullying but I have a comment that's a little off topic. I have a very real issue with schools that feel it's okay to interrogate a minor that has done nothing wrong without first speaking to the parents. I recognize that circumstances may necessitate involving parties that are not primary to the matter at hand, but I feel the parents should have the opportunity to be there when their child is called in and questioned by school officials (i.e. teachers, admin.). To do otherwise is wrong on so many levels. So many negative ramifications can result from approaching kids in this manner. If it's information they want who better to get the information out of the minor than those who know them best.

best.


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[Hodiestoe]

Gasp!!! He assaulted you?!!!

Yes, he didn't like that I didn't believe his lies and wanted to get out of the room so he tried to push me over. Luckily in my school we multiple cameras in every room (joys of inner city teaching), so it was all caught on camera. His nan couldn't argue with video footage of an unprovoked attack-she tried to until we showed her the video!!!!


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[12stepCheermom]

Yes, he didn't like that I didn't believe his lies and wanted to get out of the room so he tried to push me over. Luckily in my school we multiple cameras in every room (joys of inner city teaching), so it was all caught on camera. His nan couldn't argue with video footage of an unprovoked attack-she tried to until we showed her the video!!!!


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I've had people argue with the video before...including the mom that got into a fight with school officials in front of a camera. "That ain't me."

Really? Who else is wearing leather pants 14 sizes too small and a big gold hat that looks exactly like you and the outfit you're wearing right now?

And to the comment about "interrogating innocent kids" first (really not being negative to the OP but I get this a lot so it struck a chord), it's the best example of how society has shifted against schools/teachers etc. When I was growing up kids said "please don't call mom!" And parents first reaction to a phone call home was "Susie! What did you do?!" Now, it's teachers against the world. Kids lead with "go ahead! Call my momma! You'll see!" And even in the face of hard video evidence parents assume their kid is 100% in the right first and the evil school staff is out to get them. Were on defense with flack jackets first. I can't tell you the number of times I've been screamed at, cussed out, threatened (to the point of having my resource officer stalk my office in case it got physical...which it has occasionally) because SM refused to believe her child could EVER do anything wrong. Teachers have little respect from kids because their parents (and society as a whole) generally believe were incompetent, wrong and/or malicious first and their precious perfect child could never ever be anything but precious and perfect.

As to the kids who aren't involved...In thoroughly trying ensure we have the whole story on a situation we frequently have to talk to kids on the fringe who may have useful information to help us resolve the issue and/or keep the school safe. It's not unlike a cop asking a witness what they saw when those cars wrecked. How is that not okay? I'm not sure why I'm such an ogre that it's not okay for me to ask Janie what she knows about the situation with Susie and Sally. Especially if she's not involved or only involved tangently. But one thing is certain, if I had to contact every Janie parent, ask permission to speak to their child and set an appointment and wait for mom and dad to be present before I could ask them one question....I would never resolve any issue in the school with any kind of speed to ensure it stays as safe as I can make it.



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[Just-a-Mom]

Yes. I am a HS counselor and I have had this conversation more than I'd like to.

The scenario plays out like this:

Bobby dates Suzie.
They are "in love like forever ever xoxo."
Suzie sends suggestive photos to Bobby for 2 month anniversary.
Suzie and Bobby break up 2 weeks after that.
Bobby texts said pics to entire baseball team after argument.
Suzie comes to my office crying about it.
Bobby is reprimanded (as much as we can per school policy, but usually he is suspended in some way for cyber bullying.)
Suzie is still devastated because while we can punish Bobby, the PICS ARE FOREVER. I cannot un-send them. Or make them go away. Even when you're my age with a family, they'll still be there.

Exactly.

It always astonishes me how much parents try to put the school in the middle if things that aren't "school" issues. This is one (and the school can't punish a kid if what they did had nothing to do with school nor impacted it in any way) and custody cases....
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I'm confused by this. I completely agree that parents should handle their own family's nonsense. IF they know about it and know the other kid.

But in this example, I sincerely doubt Suzie told her parents that she sent Bobby those pictures! And oncecoolcoachnowmom is not the principal, she's a COUNSELOR. So it is actually her job to get involved, isn't it?

Question: if "Bobby" was a 35 year old man and not an athlete from your school, you'd call the police, wouldn't you? And want them to throw every charge they had his way (including distributing child pornography). Why wouldn't you do the same here? It's against the law to distribute those pictures (unless susie is 18?), regardless of whether the sender is a creepy old man or a teenage boy.

If susie were my child, and she went to her counselor about something like this, I would hope they would help her.



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[cheernerd5678]

I'm confused by this. I completely agree that parents should handle their own family's nonsense. IF they know about it and know the other kid.

But in this example, I sincerely doubt Suzie told her parents that she sent Bobby those pictures! And oncecoolcoachnowmom is not the principal, she's a COUNSELOR. So it is actually her job to get involved, isn't it?

Question: if "Bobby" was a 35 year old man and not an athlete from your school, you'd call the police, wouldn't you? And want them to throw every charge they had his way (including distributing child pornography). Why wouldn't you do the same here? It's against the law to distribute those pictures (unless susie is 18?), regardless of whether the sender is a creepy old man or a teenage boy.

If susie were my child, and she went to her counselor about something like this, I would hope they would help her.



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We had a girl on our cheer team in this situation and her parents didn't know for a good two years. She went to the police and asked them not to tell her parents (not sure exactly how that worked, I think they just scared the boys into not sending them around). Her parents didn't know until later, when people started sending them around again, and our coach found out and suspended her for a week and she had to explain to her parents why she wasn't cheering that week. The original incident was 8th grade and it was brought back up when we were sophomores. I don't think it's unreasonable to go to a counselor for help.


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[CheerBank]

I've had people argue with the video before...including the mom that got into a fight with school officials in front of a camera. "That ain't me."

Really? Who else is wearing leather pants 14 sizes too small and a big gold hat that looks exactly like you and the outfit you're wearing right now?

And to the comment about "interrogating innocent kids" first (really not being negative to the OP but I get this a lot so it struck a chord), it's the best example of how society has shifted against schools/teachers etc. When I was growing up kids said "please don't call mom!" And parents first reaction to a phone call home was "Susie! What did you do?!" Now, it's teachers against the world. Kids lead with "go ahead! Call my momma! You'll see!" And even in the face of hard video evidence parents assume their kid is 100% in the right first and the evil school staff is out to get them. Were on defense with flack jackets first. I can't tell you the number of times I've been screamed at, cussed out, threatened (to the point of having my resource officer stalk my office in case it got physical...which it has occasionally) because SM refused to believe her child could EVER do anything wrong. Teachers have little respect from kids because their parents (and society as a whole) generally believe were incompetent, wrong and/or malicious first and their precious perfect child could never ever be anything but precious and perfect.

As to the kids who aren't involved...In thoroughly trying ensure we have the whole story on a situation we frequently have to talk to kids on the fringe who may have useful information to help us resolve the issue and/or keep the school safe. It's not unlike a cop asking a witness what they saw when those cars wrecked. How is that not okay? I'm not sure why I'm such an ogre that it's not okay for me to ask Janie what she knows about the situation with Susie and Sally. Especially if she's not involved or only involved tangently. But one thing is certain, if I had to contact every Janie parent, ask permission to speak to their child and set an appointment and wait for mom and dad to be present before I could ask them one question....I would never resolve any issue in the school with any kind of speed to ensure it stays as safe as I can make it.



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I disagree. If it something that happened in relation to school (in any way, shape or form) then I agree. Call my child down, ask her what she knows about the incident, yadda yadda yadda. But when it's not a school related incident (a social media girl fight over a boy with many nasty back and forth texts was the situation cp was on the fringes of) why is it okay to pull my child out of a class, question her and ask to see her phone without my knowledge?


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[12stepCheermom]

I disagree. If it something that happened in relation to school (in any way, shape or form) then I agree. Call my child down, ask her what she knows about the incident, yadda yadda yadda. But when it's not a school related incident (a social media girl fight over a boy with many nasty back and forth texts was the situation cp was on the fringes of) why is it okay to pull my child out of a class, question her and ask to see her phone without my knowledge?


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Oh I agree with that I'm only talking about stuff related to school. You can bet your bottom dollar I'm not getting involved one little bit in anything that's NOT related to school. I've got enough on my plate without adding stuff that doesn't have to do with me. That's when I call the parents of those involved (only) and say "this is what were. Aware of just wanted you know know so you can deal with it." But investigating it...That's the job of a police officer not a school official.


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[OLDCHEER]

I am also a school counsellor. Anything that happens on or with private property is a gray area for schools. It's outside of our jurisdiction unless it negatively impacts the learning environment. It usually does so a student may be suspended but this is more a police matter.

With the supreme court ruling that search warrants are needed for cellphones a schools ability to intervene is going to be affected

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[12stepCheermom]

I am also a school counsellor. Anything that happens on or with private property is a gray area for schools. It's outside of our jurisdiction unless it negatively impacts the learning environment. It usually does so a student may be suspended but this is more a police matter.

With the supreme court ruling that search warrants are needed for cellphones a schools ability to intervene is going to be affected

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Another thing to consider @Just-a-Mom is counselors are bound by confidentiality with students. If that girl goes to her counselor for help but refuses to allow her to disclose any information to the parents then she's pretty much got her hands tied. She can only break confidentiality if the student is a danger to herself or others. She can encourage her to go to the police but a school can't file charges, that has to come from an officer or the family. Schools have significantly less power in basically anything than people tend to think.


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[Just-a-Mom]

Another thing to consider @Just-a-Mom is counselors are bound by confidentiality with students. If that girl goes to her counselor for help but refuses to allow her to disclose any information to the parents then she's pretty much got her hands tied. She can only break confidentiality if the student is a danger to herself or others. She can encourage her to go to the police but a school can't file charges, that has to come from an officer or the family. Schools have significantly less power in basically anything than people tend to think.


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The boy is a danger to others.

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[12stepCheermom]

The boy is a danger to others.

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Welcome to the frustration on working in a school.

Unfortunately that's not in the schools jurisdiction. If she can't convince the girl of that to allow her to disclose it to the parents so they can follow with legal action, nor can she convince the girl to go to the SRO then she is stuck. She's a school counselor, not a law enforcement officer. The best she can do is counsel.

Now if the girl in the course of their conversation makes some comments about self-harm because of the situation then all bets are off and she can call mom and dad (she's actually required to at that point) regardless of confidentiality.


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[Just-a-Mom]

Welcome to the frustration on working in a school.

Unfortunately that's not in the schools jurisdiction. If she can't convince the girl of that to allow her to disclose it to the parents so they can follow with legal action, nor can she convince the girl to go to the SRO then she is stuck. She's a school counselor, not a law enforcement officer. The best she can do is counsel.

Now if the girl in the course of their conversation makes some comments about self-harm because of the situation then all bets are off and she can call mom and dad (she's actually required to at that point) regardless of confidentiality.


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Sorry, I'm still confused. (don't mean to hijack but I do really think this is useful information)

Is it because the boy is also a minor? (I'm actually asking - I don't know) Because I genuinely think if he was a 35 year old man, there would be no question.



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[12stepCheermom]

Sorry, I'm still confused. (don't mean to hijack but I do really think this is useful information)

Is it because the boy is also a minor? (I'm actually asking - I don't know) Because I genuinely think if he was a 35 year old man, there would be no question.



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The minor thing plays a role but the bottom line is how do you bust 35 y/o man (or a minor) to the authorities without also busting the girl who's picture it is when she's the one that told you about it but won't give you permission to tell anyone else. There's no way she doesn't go down with him regardless of his age.

Now if it didn't come to the counselor through her and one of her friends came and told that's different. The friend would most likely agree to let the xounsor say something and although the girl would be "outed" the counselor didn't violate any specific confidentiality with her.

The complicating factor here is the counselor only knows about it in the first place because she was told by the girl herself in a confidential counseling setting.


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[kristenthegreat]

Oh the joys of middle/high school. Yeah- I've dealt with counselors in these weird sort of situations. It's rough.

I was verbally sexually harassed for WEEKS on end by a kid on my bus. I know for a fact they brought other kids in to talk about it (who weren't involved but were on my bus) once my mother insisted I tell the VP after I came home crying one day. Pretty sure they didn't ask for parent permission on that one, but it required a bit of speed as I'd have to be back on the bus that afternoon.

In terms of nude pics and their potential spread- I was a sophomore in college. I got a naked pic of a girl's body part that apparently belonged to some girl from a random town back in my home state. I think she was in HS- apparently she sent it to a boy she was dating, who went to my old HS, who sent it to a BUNCH of people in the school/elsewhere and someone decided to send it to me. Why? No idea. I freaked out hardcore once I learned what it was. Talk about scope- don't send them. Trust me.

Several states (including California) now have/are debating 'revenge porn' laws which forbid sending those pictures with the intent to harm/without permission. Seeing as I doubt those are going away (even for the older set for whom it's legal), might as well do something to tackle the problem on the other end I suppose.