All-Star So Now That The Season's Over, What Is The Big Deal With Changing Gyms?

[Just-a-Mom]

Ok. For most of us, the season is over, and the new season is upon us. And, as many of you know, we are going to a new gym in town.

But I've "met" a few people on here that are also heading to the new gym. They are leaving programs they've been with for however long...I really don't know the story for most of them. But IT'S A NEW SEASON. So why all the drama? I've heard from soooooo many people that they can't say where they're coming from, haven't told their old gym, etc.

After our first season in cheer, we changed gyms (to a big gym from a small first-year gym). We finished all the competitions (except for my older one who was injured and couldn't compete--but she still "suited up" and went). We paid all our bills (on time). We left with written notice, after the season was over and before the new one began. I wrote a long, heartfelt letter to the coach, thanking her for the year my daughters spent there. I gave her an honest explanation of the reason we were leaving--mostly schedule conflicts, and that I felt like the new gym had more teams and would therefore be more likely to have a team at my older daughter's level (the small gym only had Senior 4, which my daughter was in no way ready for).

The thanks I got for leaving this way? Within 24 hours I was "unfriended" on Facebook by at least 10 people (not that this is the end of the world, but it's still rude). At the parade over the summer when we went to say hi to old teammates, we were ignored. It's been a couple years, and still these people act like we are persona non grata to them.

We talk all the time on here (and by talk I mean argue until the thread gets locked ) about changing gyms mid-season and releases and all that. And I'm sure you all know how I feel about that (for those that don't...I'm not a fan. Finish out your season and THEN move on). BUT THIS THREAD ISN'T ABOUT THAT...SO PLEEEEASE DON'T TURN IT INTO THAT.

What I want to know is WHY do people get soooo upset if you leave after the season? What is the big deal with making a decision that is good for my family? I've talked to a lot of these moms, and no one is bashing their old gyms...no one is trying to "steal" other families. They just saw a new program open up, thought it looked good, looked into it, and decided it met THEIR family's needs better. They're doing what we all say you should do...finishing out the season and then making a new decision. But still it has to be so hush hush...and when people find out? It's like they've committed a crime.

So, what gives with all the Susie's Mama Drama?

 

[WorkToWin]

hmm... did you leave for your gym's rivals? im not saying that would be right to be mad but i would explain their behavior a little more. maybe they felt betrayed, or someone started a rumor when they had no idea what they were talking about... I have no idea i'm just trying to guess

 

[Just-a-Mom]

(Oh...and sorry this was so long. They blocked Facebook at my job, so now I have even MORE FierceBoard time! Guess I used that time to type out this looooong post! )

 

[Just-a-Mom]

hmm... did you leave for your gym's rivals? im not saying that would be right to be mad but i would explain their behavior a little more. maybe they felt betrayed, or someone started a rumor when they had no idea what they were talking about... I have no idea i'm just trying to guess

Well, not so much a rival--they don't compete at the same comps even! But she did lose a LOT of people after that first season. But I just feel like that is to be expected. Really at the end of any season people move around from gym to gym, but after a first season I guess i would have just expected it--for any number of reasons (it wasn't what people thought it was going to be like, people expected it to grow overnight and it didn't, etc.). And she gained a lot of people too--she's still going strong!

But this new one here? I sort of get it, because I think there has been some drama surrounding the different coaches coming from other programs...but being new to the area, I haven't been privy to most of that. It just seems like so much drama over someone making a decision for their family. Why do other people care so much where my kids cheer (or any other family's kids)???

 

[KRECCheer]

The only thing that would upset me as the owner of the gym, coach, teammate, etc. is if the family left without saying anything. If they lead me to believe they are coming back for the next season and then I just happen to hear "oh, susie went to craptastic all stars" I get a little flustered. I want a reason, I want the truth, and I want to hear it from the kid as well. Then I'll know its not because the mothers ego is so flippin' large and has to have susie doing tic tocs on craptastics team (which she didnt wind up doing there either). I dont hate anyone that leaves. I need to know what didnt work out so I dont make that same mistake twice or can keep improving my program.

 

[Just-a-Mom]

The only thing that would upset me as the owner of the gym, coach, teammate, etc. is if the family left without saying anything. If they lead me to believe they are coming back for the next season and then I just happen to hear "oh, susie went to craptastic all stars" I get a little flustered. I want a reason, I want the truth, and I want to hear it from the kid as well. Then I'll know its not because the mothers ego is so flippin' large and has to have susie doing tic tocs on craptastics team (which she didnt wind up doing there either). I dont hate anyone that leaves. I need to know what didnt work out so I dont make that same mistake twice or can keep improving my program.

then I wish we'd started at your program...

(my Susie will never do tic toc's...lol)

 

[flyergymgirl125]

I so know what you mean Just-a-Mom. And I don't have the answer. It's like that with gymnastics also. It's crazy because people will decide to leave after their season is over and go to "the new gym". Then all of a sudden there is all this "drama" and "hating" on the previous gym they were at! WTF?? And it's not that there were problems with the previous gym either. So, I just don't get it.

Part of the issue also, is that some coaches feel that since they have invested so much time coaching them that it feels like betrayal when they leave (for whatever reason). Personal feelings can get involved and there is a lot of trust that goes into coaching kids. But the bottom line and the thing to remember is when you are paying someone to coach your child, you are paying for a service and then it becomes a business transaction. And for whatever reason you have complete freedom to take your business elsewhere if need be. But, coaching is very personal and feelings and attachments can get in the way when the "relationship" is broken.

 

[KRECCheer]

But this new one here? I sort of get it, because I think there has been some drama surrounding the different coaches coming from other programs...but being new to the area, I haven't been privy to most of that. It just seems like so much drama over someone making a decision for their family. Why do other people care so much where my kids cheer (or any other family's kids)???

This is one of my pet peeves. I still dont understand why people who run a recreation team would be so concerned with what is going on with my all star team. But, thats the beauty of cheerleading and the people in it. You get all this crazy drama to laugh about with all the wonderful people you meet in this silly cheer world of ours.

 

[Mamarazzi]

We went through this at the end of the 09-10 season, also, and the only thing I could come up with is this:

When you develop bonds, whether teammates or fellow moms or whatever, you create a heartfelt connection. When one person feels the need to "break" the bond - by leaving the gym, in this instance - it doesn't matter to those that are left WHY you decided to leave, they take it personally. That's how people are.

In essence, you broke up with them and said "It's not you, it's me..."

Or maybe they never really liked you to begin with and they were your fb friend because of the gym affiliation. Goodness knows, I de-friended people on fb after we left our old gym for that exact reason. I waited a little bit, though, so it wasn't quite so obvious...

Sometimes parents are afraid of what a coach/owner might say when they hear an athlete won't be returning. People don't like confrontation and don't want to have to explain themselves. They feel like they're turning their back on someone (or a gym) that helped their cp become the athlete they are now, and the parent may feel guilty for leaving.

 

[lakerfantlc]

Ok. For most of us, the season is over, and the new season is upon us. And, as many of you know, we are going to a new gym in town.

But I've "met" a few people on here that are also heading to the new gym. They are leaving programs they've been with for however long...I really don't know the story for most of them. But IT'S A NEW SEASON. So why all the drama? I've heard from soooooo many people that they can't say where they're coming from, haven't told their old gym, etc.

After our first season in cheer, we changed gyms (to a big gym from a small first-year gym). We finished all the competitions (except for my older one who was injured and couldn't compete--but she still "suited up" and went). We paid all our bills (on time). We left with written notice, after the season was over and before the new one began. I wrote a long, heartfelt letter to the coach, thanking her for the year my daughters spent there. I gave her an honest explanation of the reason we were leaving--mostly schedule conflicts, and that I felt like the new gym had more teams and would therefore be more likely to have a team at my older daughter's level (the small gym only had Senior 4, which my daughter was in no way ready for).

The thanks I got for leaving this way? Within 24 hours I was "unfriended" on Facebook by at least 10 people (not that this is the end of the world, but it's still rude). At the parade over the summer when we went to say hi to old teammates, we were ignored. It's been a couple years, and still these people act like we are persona non grata to them.

We talk all the time on here (and by talk I mean argue until the thread gets locked ) about changing gyms mid-season and releases and all that. And I'm sure you all know how I feel about that (for those that don't...I'm not a fan. Finish out your season and THEN move on). BUT THIS THREAD ISN'T ABOUT THAT...SO PLEEEEASE DON'T TURN IT INTO THAT.

What I want to know is WHY do people get soooo upset if you leave after the season? What is the big deal with making a decision that is good for my family? I've talked to a lot of these moms, and no one is bashing their old gyms...no one is trying to "steal" other families. They just saw a new program open up, thought it looked good, looked into it, and decided it met THEIR family's needs better. They're doing what we all say you should do...finishing out the season and then making a new decision. But still it has to be so hush hush...and when people find out? It's like they've committed a crime.

So, what gives with all the Susie's Mama Drama?

I am with you....we left a gym...tried to do it the right way....the owner and director were beyond rude....but what hurt the most is how one of my daughters coaches treated them at comps this season...he is supposed to be an adult....so sad for the kids...Im a grown up...I get it...but the kids do not....we did everything right...and we still were made out to be monsters Happy to be where we are though...even though it is a 2 hour drive each way....

 

[CheerMomNTx]

Well of course there are always bitter feelings when kids leave to go to the competitor but also some people see it as a loyalty thing. I have heard, how do you people expect our program to grow and get better if people keep gym hopping. Sometimes you have to try on a few different pair of shoes before you find the right fit.

I guess cheer will never be all puppy dogs and rainbows ( @ShoWStoppeR )!!

 

[Just-a-Mom]

Sometimes parents are afraid of what a coach/owner might say when they hear an athlete won't be returning. People don't like confrontation and don't want to have to explain themselves. They feel like they're turning their back on someone (or a gym) that helped their cp become the athlete they are now, and the parent may feel guilty for leaving.

Oh I soooo felt this way when we left the first gym. That woman changed my daughter's life. My daugher was such a troublemaker before she found cheer...always running with the wrong crowd, disappearing for hours at a time, etc. I went to sign up my younger one and the gym owner suggested I bring in the older one for just one practice to see how she liked it...she hasn't looked back since. I really lost sleep over leaving...I cried when I finally made the decision. Which it was that much more hurtful when it got so ugly.

I am with you....we left a gym...tried to do it the right way....the owner and director were beyond rude....but what hurt the most is how one of my daughters coaches treated them at comps this season...he is supposed to be an adult....so sad for the kids...Im a grown up...I get it...but the kids do not....we did everything right...and we still were made out to be monsters Happy to be where we are though...even though it is a 2 hour drive each way....

This. ^^^^^ Definitely. It broke my heart when I saw how my girls were being treated by their former coaches. They were so sad...they cried after that "parade incident".

 

[notimeforthat]

When we left our small gym a year ago I feel we did it the "mature" way. We spoke to the owner and the coaches before we even visited the new gym. We explained that our daughter had taken all she could from the program and the level and teams they could offer was not a good fit for daughters age/ability. They were upset we were leaving.... I was very close to them and unlike a business it was more of a family. Businesses do not have their customers helping remodel their gym, help with uniform design and fittings, plan and man company picnics etc. But a family does. Most small gyms have a family mentality.
The truth of the matter is the old gym was sad to see us go but understood and gave us their blessings! We are still close with them to this day and always support them at any comps we share and attend open gyms there when we can.
I think if everyone is reasonable and not a Suzy Mom or Dead beat cheer parent gym switching can be not the end of the world.

 

[cheererinIL]

I look at it as there being a reason you left. Whether that reason was personal (as far as personality clashes, disrespect, etc.) or because the new gym in town was closer to your home and now you're able to eat dinner with your kids 2 more nights a week, will define that relationship. Unfortunately, the rumor about why you left will also define that relationship.

I'm not sure why there's hostility formed, but I do agree with @Mamarazzi .. it's like a break up, or a divorce (if you've been there long enough!) It may be uncomfortable at first, and it may always be uncomfortable. It's frustrating to think that some girls may be at differeny gyms, but attend the same school and it would affect their relationship outside of the gym. I think the maturity of all involved definitely will directly affect the post-leaving relationship.

No conclusion, just my thoughts!

 

[kayleigh]

When i left my old gym they knew i was going to the gym i'm at now. They were nice but then after a few months it turned into talking bad about our teams, cheering for the 1st place team obnoxiously when we got 2nd, giving me dirty looks whenever i'd go to open gym and all this crazy stuff.
I really don't understand why they are being so rude after i left because they knew by around december of the 08-09 season that i was going to my current gym for the 09-10 season.