All-Star Stop The Bullying! Enough Is Enough.

[tumbleyoda]

I posted this on my FB page this morning. I am sharing it here in the hope that if it helps one person then it is worth it.

Yesterday I was heartbroken to hear that one of my former athletes and cheerleaders at our gym took her own life to escape the pain she was being subjected to by others thru bullying. Such a good sweet spirited child with a smile that would light up any room. Memories of her flipping her super long pony tail back after tumbling, numerous times we laughed together in private lessons, tumbling classes and open gym working on skills. Even though she had started cheering school, she still was and is a very big part of the fabric of our gym.

Today as I see the numerous posts, pictures and tributes to her from her classmates, friends, teammates, and the numerous posts for those that are bullied to please call the suicide hotline, my feelings have transformed. Today I am mad. I am mad that a beautiful soul has been taken from us way too soon. I am mad that a father and mother have to do one of the most unimaginable things possible for a parent. Today I am mad that a brother no longer has his sister to pick on him, to help him, to love him.

I am mad at anyone who thinks that bullying anyone else is ok. It is obvious that they do because things like this keep happening every day across the country. I am mad at those that believe that people are just too thin skinned and need to toughen up and learn to deal with it.Today I am mad at those who could of stepped in and stopped it but didn't. Today I am mad at the "these are good kids" and "we didn't see this coming" defense that is often employed when things like this happen. Today I am mad at teachers and administrators that don't take pleas for help seriously until it is too late, and then say if you need to talk to someone we are here. I am mad at those that use the addiction of social media to attack others using fake profiles, harsh words, then proclaim innocence. I am mad at trolls who pile on the bandwagons of bullying and hate. I am mad that don't and wont check their child's phones regularly to ensure they are not participating even unintentionally in bullying.

I am mad that a beautiful soul has been lost because people thought it was cool, funny and ok to bully her.

Most of all, I am mad that anytime this happens (whether here or anywhere in the country), we are quick to post the number to the suicide hotline but somehow the bully gets a pass. It is like we are blaming those bullied for not reaching out, instead of punishing the bullies that create the situation in the first place. What many fail to grasp is that when you are in that type of place where you believe that death is better than life, you do not believe anyone will hear you. That no one truly cares. The only thing that would make it better and stop the pain is for the bullying to stop. Stopping the bullying BEFORE it gets to that point is what we really need to do.

This bothers me because we have fast become a nation of people that gloat in our right to freely express whatever we want, YET we refuse to accept any responsibility for the consequences of those words. No matter what the subject matter is we want to say it unchecked and not be held liable for it. We want to be crass, brutally honest, speak our mind, let em have it, be transparent but in the next breath blame others if they can't handle it. When did it ever become ok to hurt others? When did it ever become ok to verbally assault them? When did it become ok to derive pleasure and laughter off the pain you inflict on others?

Never.

I have mourned and will continue to do so. I have prayed and will continue to do so. The family will need our prayers and support for a very long time. But now I am also mad. This must stop. We must do better. Our children need us to do better for them. Let's all work together to end bullying once and for all.

 

[catlady]

I am so sorry for your loss. You're right, we need to stop treating the victims as the ones with the mental health issues, and treat the bullies for the sick individuals they are. Mentally healthy people do not seek pleasure out of hurting and tormenting others.

 

[oncecoolcoachnowmom]

Strange that you would post this as a friend of mine from college teaches in a district in NE Ohio in which SIX students in the high school have committed suicide since school started.

SIX.

 

[tumbleyoda]

Strange that you would post this as a friend of mine from college teaches in a district in NE Ohio in which SIX students in the high school have committed suicide since school started.

SIX.

I was talking with a friend from Toledo today and they were telling me that they had that amount of youth deaths in that area due to suicide and other issues. Unbelievably sad.

 

[SL&AM]

I am so sorry for your loss. Bullying is no joke and I wish everyone understood the impact and most importantly, cared about it. I'm so sick of hearing about how things used to be---it wasn't right then either.

 

[cupieqt]

The zero tolerance policy’s school have implemented are a joke. If the students doing the bullying are popular or from an important family and the victim is an unusual kid or a strange kid or a weird kid, the social blindness is STRONG.

 

[tumbleyoda]

The zero tolerance policy’s school have implemented are a joke. If the students doing the bullying are popular or from an important family and the victim is an unusual kid or a strange kid or a weird kid, the social blindness is STRONG.

So many of these kids have second and third accounts where they do their negative activities so that when their parents look at their accounts all they see are the "clean" ones. And that is if their parents look - since so many parents are absentee in that regard. It is another reason they switch messaging apps so quickly. Once a parent catches on they look for a new one. I am most irritated with the schools that take a blind eye to this while professing as you say to be zero tolerance. If I tell you that this particular school has had several negative bullying incidents in the time that I have been here and every time something happens it is the same trite song and dance...we didn't know, what could we do. I am sick of it.

 

[oncecoolcoachnowmom]

So many of these kids have second and third accounts where they do their negative activities so that when their parents look at their accounts all they see are the "clean" ones. And that is if their parents look - since so many parents are absentee in that regard. It is another reason they switch messaging apps so quickly. Once a parent catches on they look for a new one. I am most irritated with the schools that take a blind eye to this while professing as you say to be zero tolerance. If I tell you that this particular school has had several negative bullying incidents in the time that I have been here and every time something happens it is the same trite song and dance...we didn't know, what could we do. I am sick of it.

Ah yes, the FINSTA.

I've mentioned this before but dealing with this type of bullying is basically my job in the building and I was on the task force that created the policy for our district.

The thing is: The zero tolerance policy is only as good as the ADMINS WHO ENFORCE IT.

 

[blyndreamalum]

Strange that you would post this as a friend of mine from college teaches in a district in NE Ohio in which SIX students in the high school have committed suicide since school started.

SIX.

I work about twenty minutes from this school and have coworkers with children in the district. Apparently the bullying issue within the district has been an issue for years and is often swept under the rug for the sake of athletics. Even with these recent tragedies I’ve been told the school doesn’t believe it’s a bullying problem. Somewhat unrelated, the same school also had a student threaten to “Columbine” it this week.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Emily]

Every time I read a story like this my heart breaks a little.
I was severely bullied in school and even though my teachers knew about it, except for a talk with the class that lasted about 20 minutes, exactly nothing happened. The adults in my life knew what was happening - and everyone just stood there and watched, but didn't do anything about it.
The only thing I'm glad about: there was no social media back then, so I was left alone during the afternoon (I was out of school at about 12/1 each day). If things were different back then and I also would've had to endure the bullying in the afternoon and on the weekends through social media - I honestly don't know if I would still be alive.

If you want to know why nothing is done by the admins/other parents/etc.: because it is hard. You have to start calling people out for their behavior. And you have to start early with that one. It starts with mean remarks about others - the ones where most people say "oh, you just have to get over that" to the victim. If you don't start there, those remarks will get said more frequently, and then comes the point where you - as an adult - aren't sure anymore whether it's already bullying or not. You will then have to talk to the parents and the bully - maybe even about therapy for the bully (because behavior like that isn't normal). But what kind of parent would like to hear that their precious kid has a problem that needs to be addressed? My experience is that it is often the kids that are well liked by the teachers that do the bullying (because they can get away with it). Which teacher likes to call in the parents of that straight-A student that is also very active in the church and the community to tell them "well, there might be something wrong with your kid"? It is simply easier to ignore the problem. Because, you know, the kids will leave school at one point or another in the future and then it's not your problem anymore.

From personal experience, I can tell you that it is super hard to do the right thing. If you want to call people out for their behavior you have to be prepared that they do the same with your behavior. You also have to be prepared that there are people that don't want to spend time with you anymore. Calling others out for what they say/do makes you feel super uncomfortable - and people don't like being uncomfortable. They like to take the easy way out.

 

[tumbleyoda]

@Emily - I understand. I was bullied too and I do get it. Thankfully I was able to move away to a different state and get away from them. Funny thing is now some of the same ones want to be my friends on social media - which shows they had no idea of the negative impact they had on my life way back then.

The advance of social media and the callousness we have allowed to become the new normal makes it even harder to do the right thing in this generation.

 

[Official OWECheer]

The zero tolerance policy’s school have implemented are a joke. If the students doing the bullying are popular or from an important family and the victim is an unusual kid or a strange kid or a weird kid, the social blindness is STRONG.

This. I'm also tired of certain kids being able to get away with devious behavior by showing one face to their parents, friends' parents, teachers, coaches and even the parents of the kids they bully... but showing another face to their peers (especially those they bully). But ask most people about him/her and it's "OMG she is the sweetest girl!" or "he's a nice guy".

Slightly impertinent but Chris Lilley's Ja'mie, Private School Girl details this dynamic perfectly.

 

[alpaca]

tumbleyoda I am sorry to hear of the loss of this young athlete. I'm sure that their absence will be felt by so many forever.

I just want to add that some schools are facing this head on. My youngest (middle school non-CP) was one of many subjected to a 'roast' on snapchat. When the roast started, students screenshotted it, showed it to their parents who then contacted the school. During the same time, older students saw younger students making fun of a classmate and they reported the behavior. (One of the bullies had been running for class president! She did not win btw) The school contacted all parents in the grade within a day of learning the details. I am encouraged that students are starting to feel empowered to report hurtful behavior. Knowing that your administration will take your claims seriously and without retribution is so helpful. Hopefully more school administrations will act swiftly and foster an environment where bullying is not tolerated.

 

[dat.jpp]

Bullying/suicide is becoming a norm. Like hell to the f**king no, hurting people, suicide should NEVER EVER be "normal". My bf and some of my friends are suicidal. It hurts that I cant be there for all of them 24/7. This s**t needs to stop! (sorry for my language but for real)