When A Coach Favors One Cheerleader Over All The Others?

[rose]

Ok well this is my first time on here, so here it is! Our volunteer coach at our middle school is playing favorites with one girl over all the girls. This will be the first time that our school goes to NCA Nationals and his comment to me is that if that one girl does not go with us to Nationals then the team will not WIN a title! He is now saying that he meant that he needs all the girls to go because they are a team. I beleive a coach has no right to say that about his team NO MATTER WHAT! AM I WRONG FOR TELLING HIM IS TOTALLY WRONG FOR SAYING THAT AND DO I TAKE IT TO THE SCHOOL ADMINISTRATION? I REALLY NEED HELP... and I used to be a coach and I would have never said that...

 

[Mom2Cheergirls]

First deep breath. Second maybe ask for him to explain his thought. Not saying what he said is right but something similar happened in our gym and what it was that the girl in question would put us in a different size (larger team versus small) and she also is an amazing tumbler --- but the coach was really talking about the group size and one mom took it to mean something else and a whole lot of drama came about. So perhaps a calm discussion to start with take yourself out of the parent sphere (assuming you are not a CP if you are then calmly talk to your parents about this) and try to cut the guy a little slack if possible. I mean first off middle schoolers even great ones can be a hard age group to work with and he is a volunteer coach and you all are going to NCA Nationals that is a lot for even a paid coach. It sounds like he tried to clarify and that everyone being a team is important to him and you know there is just so much more that it could be (that CP has money issues, many many many scenarios) so I would not freak out and go to admin.

 

[rose]

mom2cheergirls not he did come and say that without this young lady there is no way the squad could win, he came out and said that she is the only strong flyer and the other 2 flyers are not strong, he also said that without that girl there was no chance for the squad to get the max points. I told him well are we not suppose to expect the unexpected? he replied with no will not win! I in turn told him well what id GOD forbid something happen to that young lady sometime from now until nationals, what then? He replied with no we will not win!! The thing that bothered me was the fact that he was certain that the squad could not win at all if that girl would not go to nationals (fyi the parents do not have the money to pay for her to go). I understand that we need all the girls on squad, but to continue to say the squad would not win without one girl and that it has not no squad has ever won a national title with only 2 stunts in a 14 member squad is wrong!! but like I said I could be wrong...

 

[CheerBank]

Off with his head! If only it was so easy....Volunteer middle school cheer coach - the very combination of words strikes fear in my heart.
I agree with Mom2Cheergirls about not running to the administration yet - I assume you mean to the AD. Did he say this in front of all the girls or was it said to the parents at a parent meeting? Does he know this flyer is not planning on going to NCA?

 

[catlady]

Mom2Cheergirls speaks wisdom about taking a deep breath, re-grouping and calmly reapproaching. You said in your last statement the parents do not have the money to pay for her to go. His approach may not have been great, however, I appreciate the fact that he may be trying to be honest with the parents. Nationals are a big expense for families and it sounds as though your point fly can't go. I'm confident your coach realizes one girl doesn't make the team, however, does he have a flyer to replace her with? One that can pull all necessary positions, and hit? A 14 member group will need at least 3 stunt groups to be competitive on a National level. He is correct, you can not max that category without 3 stunt groups.

This my take on his comment, he's saying....Here's our situation. I don't think we will be able to pull off a win without this athlete. Nationals are expensive, I feel the need to be honest with you on where we will be without her compared to our competition on the score sheet. Do you still want to move forward with Nationals without her?

I think his point is every athlete is important and without her, or anyone else for that matter, your team is in jeopardy on the score sheet. This is not a matter for the school administration. This is a matter for parents to discuss, with each other, to find out if it is about the win or the experience. I admire his honesty and what appears to be respect for other people's finances considering the situation.

 

[Katie Strassberg]

I am not a parent so maybe my advice may not be as credible, however, in my opinion I think that you should not take this to the school administration. I would continue to encourage your daughter to do her best and be the best athlete she can become. Middle School is a crucial time for your daughter as far as flexibility, work ethic, teamwork and overall becoming a strong athlete. I am certainly not disagreeing with you that this coach was out of line. Cheerleading is a team sport. I just believe that if you focus all of your energy into your daughter's success individually the rest will work itself out. Best of luck!

 

[12stepCheermom]

As an administrator I can say you need to have thorough information and calm down before you break down my door or you're going to come across as "Susie's mom" and that will not get you anywhere....and I actually GET Cheerleading.

 

[Mom2Cheergirls]

mom2cheergirls not he did come and say that without this young lady there is no way the squad could win, he came out and said that she is the only strong flyer and the other 2 flyers are not strong, he also said that without that girl there was no chance for the squad to get the max points. I told him well are we not suppose to expect the unexpected? he replied with no will not win! I in turn told him well what id GOD forbid something happen to that young lady sometime from now until nationals, what then? He replied with no we will not win!! The thing that bothered me was the fact that he was certain that the squad could not win at all if that girl would not go to nationals (fyi the parents do not have the money to pay for her to go). I understand that we need all the girls on squad, but to continue to say the squad would not win without one girl and that it has not no squad has ever won a national title with only 2 stunts in a 14 member squad is wrong!! but like I said I could be wrong...

I think he actually has a point not because of the talent (although a strong consistent flyer is an important factor for a win) but because size and number of stunt groups really is a factor. Score wise 2 stunt group doesn't pull the points a 3 stunt group would. After calming down and researching this some maybe ask him how this could be a rallying point for the team. I know you said you were a coach - was it for cheer? if so could you offer to help work with the flyer? Is there a local all-star gym near-by where you all could get some team time and fresh eyes on how to build up the other 2 flyers up and perhaps come up with a plan if this young lady does not attend... or is he trying to get everyone together on fundraising. I would perhaps approach this from how can you all as parents help versus an adversarial approach.. like I said there could be more going on. Maybe you should also ask him or someone on this board to discuss the scoring system. I know there are plenty of knowledgable coaches on here and a thread about how that may be beneficial to you in understanding his view as well as continuing the conversation with the coach,

 

[Tosh]

JMO. I do not see this as the coach is playing favorites. However, if his comment is true and it may verywell just be the fact, then maybe the squad is just not ready for Nationals and should consider not going. But I know how some parents will react to that, even if they know they do not have a chance, they still want to go. If this is the case and you all want to go, in the best interest of the team, if you are able to, make a donation to the one person that can not afford it and give the girls a fighting chance. this is what I got from the comments you said the coach made.
He wants to give the girls/squad a fight chance....regardless of the outcome, they will know the gave it their best shot and thats something to be very proud of.

 

[catlady]

... or is he trying to get everyone together on fundraising.

Great point! If there is time, what a great way to bring a team together!

 

[rose]

Off with his head! If only it was so easy....Volunteer middle school cheer coach - the very combination of words strikes fear in my heart.
I agree with Mom2Cheergirls about not running to the administration yet - I assume you mean to the AD. Did he say this in front of all the girls or was it said to the parents at a parent meeting? Does he know this flyer is not planning on going to NCA?

To girls and parents, well he wanted the parents to pay for the young ladies way to nationals and the parents voted against it because the girls parents had not helped with any of the fundraisers and did not pick up sponsors and does not want to pay her daughters way! The parent has said why does she have to pay when then team is the one that needs her daughter to win! But I blame the coach for that because he kept telling the mother and girls that they can not win without that one girl

 

[rose]

Well all I have to say is I have token everyones advice on here and have found it very helpful. Yes I have been a cheer coach and yes I have offered my help. I do not want to go to the school Admn. but the parents do want him off the squad so with that being said we shall see what happens... I BELEIVE IN OUR GIRLS WITH OR WITHOUT THIS YOUNG LADY!! I have seen teams with 30 girls be reduced to 10 and still win a championship and I KNOW OUR GIRLS CAN WIN!!

 

[CheerBank]

To girls and parents, well he wanted the parents to pay for the young ladies way to nationals and the parents voted against it because the girls parents had not helped with any of the fundraisers and did not pick up sponsors and does not want to pay her daughters way! The parent has said why does she have to pay when then team is the one that needs her daughter to win! But I blame the coach for that because he kept telling the mother and girls that they can not win without that one girl

This sheds a whole different light on everything.

If the parents voted down paying for the girl because of the reason you mentioned above, and if the team still plans in going to this comp, it seems that the only logical response would be to remove this girl from any spot that would affect the rest of the team. Let her nugget in the back during everything for the rest of this season, give her a tumbling pass that can be easily taken out for NCA, and so be it.

If the coach refuses to do this then it would make sense to either re-evaluate your competition schedule for the season and/or look into replacing the coach, which may not be an easy feat since it is a volunteer position. Or hey, suggest he pay for her out of his own pocket since he seems to be so focused on the team needing her, and then get rid of him after the season. (Really kind of kidding on the last one - a little).

Good luck - I think my head would have already exploded if this was my cp's team.

 

[Mom2Cheergirls]

To girls and parents, well he wanted the parents to pay for the young ladies way to nationals and the parents voted against it because the girls parents had not helped with any of the fundraisers and did not pick up sponsors and does not want to pay her daughters way! The parent has said why does she have to pay when then team is the one that needs her daughter to win! But I blame the coach for that because he kept telling the mother and girls that they can not win without that one girl

I am in now way excusing the parents I am just going to say tread carefully. There could be more there. A family illness, a lost job, abuse, so so so many things. It cold also be that they feel entitled - but I think there can be more going on that is not being shared with the parents out of respect of privacy and protection for the girl. I hope all goes well for your team.

 

[Aussiekat]

I mean no disrespect, but the children who often need the help of fundraising the most usually have parents that are not present or active in their lives. I understand it can be very frustrating for the other parents of girls on the team and I wouldn't never dream of asking anyone to foot the bill for someone else's child, but fundraising should help those who need it the most, not just those who are able to participate the most.