All-Star Advice/discussion On Avoiding Mama Drama

[Trolldance]

I've been both a coach and a cheer mom. Yes, for the most part, the coaches know what is going on out there if not just from reading "drama mama's" body language. I do believe that if things are really getting out of hand that it should be handled by the gym owner. It's a matter of damage control to keep the environment as healthy as possible. Really no matter what there is going to be mama drama. There is no stopping it, but I think it can be kept in check.

There was a mom at our previous gym that did an excellent job of keeping separate yet cordial with "those" parents. I could tell when the talk was getting negative out there because she would either get up and leave or turn her back on them. I always really respected her restraint.

On another note, I was at my daughter's rec soccer game the other day and realized its not just cheer moms...it's everywhere!

 

[Mom2Cheergirls]

Become a drop-off/pickup mom

As I said that is not an option due to a variety of reasons (including a medical condition with one of my daughters) and my kids enjoy me being there for them to watch them so I will never be a drop off/pick up mom.

 

[CheerMomNTx]

Try to sit far away from the momma drama and maybe even turn your back to the nonsense. Yes a book, iPod/iPad with earbuds are great deterrents in kindly saying 'leave me alone' and at the same time you can watch your child practice. Good luck!!!

 

[5-6-7-8]

...

On another note, I was at my daughter's rec soccer game the other day and realized its not just cheer moms...it's everywhere!

That is so true! I have seen some baseball moms that blow away the worst cheer moms and some football dads who actually made me uncomfortable (as in screaming at his kid and telling him loudly to only listen to him, not the coach...these boys were 5-6. Doubt any NFL coaches were scouting.)

 

[Jersey Cheer Mom]

Girl! Stay out of that parent room! I agree with what the other moms are saying, if you and your CPs are happy, don't leave. I know you want to watch them and they want mommy there, but stay out of that parent room! I was gonna suggest an iPad and earbuds, but at this point, since you are sensitive to the situation, you will still be able to pick up on the 'vibe' and negative energy in the room! You do not want to be in the middle of this, I would immediately start my exit...stage left!

I love our gym and the parents, which is why I stay out of the parent room! Our practices are closed, so I only go in when there is a meeting or I have to pick up something. I have no clue on what, if any, drama is going on in the gym and I prefer to keep it that way. It's best to smile, pay and keep it moving!

Maybe you can take the time during practice to run errands, go grocery shopping, read, clean out the car - anything to avoid going in that room. This is certainly not just a cheer thing - it happens whenever parents have the opportunity to sit together and watch their children competing with and against other children. When my CP was in dance we had closed practices so parents sat outside the rooms and the same thing happened. I learned early to drop off and go! If I have absolutely nothing to do, I will sit in the car or meet one or a few parents for coffee, dinner, etc.

Unfortunately, this situation probably won't get better on its own - especially once the competitions begin. You don't need this drama weighing you down - get out of that room, do something you like and focus on the positive. Cheer can be great, but cheer drama is be pure HELL!! Make this a fabulous season for you and your CPs!! Good luck my dear!!!

 

[Jersey Cheer Mom]

As I said that is not an option due to a variety of reasons (including a medical condition with one of my daughters) and my kids enjoy me being there for them to watch them so I will never be a drop off/pick up mom.

I was typing my response when you sent this. Sorry that you have a medical issue! I can totally understand your frustration - this isn't an easy situation. Well, since you can't be a drop off/pick up mom - probably the ear buds - really good ones - or just tuning them out will be the solution. Definitely not going to be easy. Again, I wish you and your CPs luck in this situation!!!!

 

[Mom2Cheergirls]

Thank you all. I feel like I should say to the drama mamas when they try to pull me in - well it sounds like "insert gym owner or coach name is aware of the situation I'm sure it will all get worked out" or " gym owner or coach must have had a reason to make that decision maybe you should ask them" and leave it at that. I have no where to move if I want to see my girls (it is an incredibly small parent space). I tried this week redirecting them - staring out and saying - "Wow did you just see what your child did" Or talk with the other non drama mama about how good the team is looking. I just came home so exhausted from it all (and disheartened it felt like chaos and it was all mom stuff)- and it had such toxic feel compared to last year. Maybe it was going on a lot last year as well and I just wasn't a sounding board from those who stir the pot - they pretty much ignored me last year and I was very fine with that. I was sad to see an extremely frustrated and nice mom come in and pull her child - partly due to the feel in the gym.
I very much appreciate the advice and will bring a pair of ear buds to stick in my ear - even if I have them turned off. Wish me well with next practice this week - kind of wish we could miss it right now.

 

[FierceandFearless]

Thank you all. I feel like I should say to the drama mamas when they try to pull me in - well it sounds like "insert gym owner or coach name is aware of the situation I'm sure it will all get worked out" or " gym owner or coach must have had a reason to make that decision maybe you should ask them" and leave it at that. I have no where to move if I want to see my girls (it is an incredibly small parent space). I tried this week redirecting them - staring out and saying - "Wow did you just see what your child did" Or talk with the other non drama mama about how good the team is looking. I just came home so exhausted from it all (and disheartened it felt like chaos and it was all mom stuff)- and it had such toxic feel compared to last year. Maybe it was going on a lot last year as well and I just wasn't a sounding board from those who stir the pot - they pretty much ignored me last year and I was very fine with that. I was sad to see an extremely frustrated and nice mom come in and pull her child - partly due to the feel in the gym.
I very much appreciate the advice and will bring a pair of ear buds to stick in my ear - even if I have them turned off. Wish me well with next practice this week - kind of wish we could miss it right now.

GREAT idea.

 

[mstealtoyou]

I like the re directing the drama mama's into talking about positive things that they team or their kid is doing. It takes some effort and I can see where it might get exhausting for you. LOL I also like to say that unfortunately I am not privy to the gossip that the drama mama wants to discuss so maybe a quick email to the coach would help answer her questions.

All of this coming from someone who is very rarely at the gym anymore. LOL It's not fun to sit upstairs and listen to the same people droning on and on about essentially the same things every week. I just want to watch, cheer for my kid and the team and go home. MrTealy handles that now a days. (or her driving age sister) It amazes me how much "gossip" he doesn't hear and he's sitting right there in the middle of it all. Difference in men and women I guess.

It's kind of fun though to not see the team every week because when it's time for showcase I love having that "OMG we are going to be amazing" reaction. Sometimes my CP will invite me if she wants me to see something and of course I'll go then. Otherwise..................LOL Good luck with this. I hope it works out for you!!

 

[cheermuse]

Me personally I would go to the gym owner and let them know that the lobby atmosphere has become a toxic area. Especially if this change was made and its been longer than 2 weeks and the talk is still in its toxic stage. I would stay on my point of how you don't have the option of being a drop/run parent and you enjoy watching practice. In the end, the drama mama's leave the gym fine and everyone else ends up ingesting the after effects of their crap.

No gym owner wants their lobby to be so bad parents cant stomach to sit through a practice. No you cant control all the lobby drama. But this sounds like a case were there is no end in sight until the owner takes some control. Those parents need to voice their gripes with the owner and get it all out. So others parents are not forced to endure their negativity.

If you feel this way I'm sure the majority of the other parents share your feelings. Is it worth it to loose kids next season over something that could have been addressed now?!!?

Humans promote what they permit!

 

[Tosh]

CLOSED PRACTICES!!!! This is about the kids and all they need are their coaches. This is the best thing about practices when I coached.....took this year off.....The only time parents are allowed in the Gym is after practice and if your CP got something new like a stunt they've been working or a tumble pass, etc. then mom/dad are allowed in the back so their CP can show them....Other than that practices are closed! Now that I am not coaching, as a coach I can go and participate in the practices, but I must tell you the amount of time I have to get things does is amazing....so take this time to get your mani/pedi, grocery shopping, a bath, watch a TV show you want to watch and not because it is what the kids want to see, etc.....I love my free time? For 12 years did not know there was such a thing.....

 

[Rudags]

As I said that is not an option due to a variety of reasons (including a medical condition with one of my daughters) and my kids enjoy me being there for them to watch them so I will never be a drop off/pick up mom.

I was only half serious. Every coaches dream is a gym full of pickup and drop off parents! lol!

 

[Mom2Cheergirls]

I was only half serious. Every coaches dream is a gym full of pickup and drop off parents! lol!

After what I have seen this last few weeks I can believe it.

 

[Rudags]

After what I have seen this last few weeks I can believe it.

Haha. Im glad one of you gets it

 

[mybabywantstotumble]

Haha. Im glad one of you gets it

oh i get it too. our new gym the parents bang on the glass, make hand gestures, mouth things to their cp and even open the door and yell to their cp to throw "x" skill - DURING PRACTICE!

i have never seen anything like it in my life. it's a shame because this makes me want to run back to our old gym. and the worst part is that i have met parents briefly who tell me that they can't stay for practice because they can't stand the parents that do all of this. so not only are those types of parents runining it for the kids & coaches but they are ruining it for the parents who just want to sit and watch their kids. ugh. rant over.