All-Star Sex Offender Arrested At Cheer Comp

[CheerBank]

Really, hugs are off limits? What's next, no physical contact at all? I coached a Junior team last year, and all of my athletes hugged me after performances and after getting new skills and I don't think it's weird at all.

I know this is a serious thread, but y'all need Jesus.

And you need a reality check. The number of predators in this industry are extremely alarming.

 

[ErinS]

Really, hugs are off limits? What's next, no physical contact at all? I coached a Junior team last year, and all of my athletes hugged me after performances and after getting new skills and I don't think it's weird at all.

I know this is a serious thread, but y'all need Jesus.

You know...for every situation like this that pans out to be true...which is the lot of them

There's also the instance (I'm going to "cheer" this up for my point ) of little Suzy Lying and hollering sexual assault when she doesn't make point flyer, last pass on super duper coed 5655566655 and Coach Davey or Coach Mellie didn't as much as touch her.....oh but wait. There's that innocent hug picture. Yeah the one from when Suzy jumped up and hugged Coach Davey or Coach Mellie after Nationals 6 of the season ...and she buried her head in his/her chest and and wrapped her legs around their waist. Yeah it was totally celebratory and innocent. And it's also plastered on the Instagram, Facebook, snap chat, Twitter and Fierceboard fierce pictures thread

And when Suzy decides to lie and make that claim and investigators pull that picture for evidence....and Coach Davie/Coach Mellie are waiting to be exonerated.....you know what's not waiting? Their mug shot (any those pictures )that will be readily available on every news outlet...screenshot and saved for all of eternity, never leaving the Internet even after the charges are dropped because once it's on the internets....it's on the internet.



So no I don't recommend hugging, kissing and picking up athletes. I don't recommend putting yourself in any position that can easily be misconstrued. I don't even hug toddlers after storytime. I tell them to give themselves a great big "self hug"

Does a situation like this happen frequently? Yeah....but not in the world of cheer, to my knowledge. But can I name it happening to a female coach here in SC about 7 years ago that didn't DO ANYTHING wrong? Yep. Mug shot there...charges dropped. But all you see is her mug shot as the first hit in a Google search.

But yep. We need Jesus


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[oncecoolcoachnowmom]

You know...for every situation like this that pans out to be true...which is the lot of them

There's also the instance (I'm going to "cheer" this up for my point ) of little Suzy Lying and hollering sexual assault when she doesn't make point flyer, last pass on super duper coed 5655566655 and Coach Davey or Coach Mellie didn't as much as touch her.....oh but wait. There's that innocent hug picture. Yeah the one from when Suzy jumped up and hugged Coach Davey or Coach Mellie after Nationals 6 of the season ...and she buried her head in his/her chest and and wrapped her legs around their waist. Yeah it was totally celebratory and innocent. And it's also plastered on the Instagram, Facebook, snap chat, Twitter and Fierceboard fierce pictures thread

And when Suzy decides to lie and make that claim and investigators pull that picture for evidence....and Coach Davie/Coach Mellie are waiting to be exonerated.....you know what's not waiting? Their mug shot (any those pictures )that will be readily available on every news outlet...screenshot and saved for all of eternity, never leaving the Internet even after the charges are dropped because once it's on the internets....it's on the internet.



So no I don't recommend hugging, kissing and picking up athletes. I don't recommend putting yourself in any position that can easily be misconstrued. I don't even hug toddlers after storytime. I tell them to give themselves a great big "self hug"

Does a situation like this happen frequently? Yeah....but not in the world of cheer, to my knowledge. But can I name it happening to a female coach here in SC about 7 years ago that didn't DO ANYTHING wrong? Yep. Mug shot there...charges dropped. But all you see is her mug shot as the first hit in a Google search.

But yep. We need Jesus


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Yes!

So I'm texting Suzy outside of practice. I'm having her over for sleepovers. Taking her out for Polar Pop runs at 10:30 am. There are pics of us on instagram hugging. All innocent.

Then she doesn't make my team this year. She decides to tell her mom I sexually abused her.

We have me texting her outside of practice, having sleepovers with just her, hugging pics.

Mind you, these are all innocent. But all complaints of abuse are taken very seriously by the school. It doesn't look good for me because of what it APPEARS to me.

That, and an allegation is all the state needs to revoke my license to counsel. My life is over. All because I hugged kids and failed to maintain boundaries.

Worth it? Nope.

 

[Aussiekat]

The appearance of impropriety is why The Wiggles always do their wiggle hands in pictures with their little fans- you can ALWAYS see their hands in photos.

 

[cheer25mom]

I understand the necessity, but I find it truly sad that our society has gotten to the point that coaches have to watch their every move around kids for fear something will be taken the wrong way. It shouldn't be this way.

 

[CheerBank]

I understand the necessity, but I find it truly sad that our society has gotten to the point that coaches have to watch their every move around kids for fear something will be taken the wrong way. It shouldn't be this way.

Any male in any profession that works with children needs to be ultra careful. My brother is an assistant principal and my brother in law is a teacher. I run an agency that sends teachers to works with students in their home or the library.

And 100% to what @ErinS said. Coaches can't afford to give anyone anything to potentially validate false accusations and shouldn't be naive enough to think it could never happen to them.

 

[cheer25mom]

Any male in any profession that works with children needs to be ultra careful. My brother is an assistant principal and my brother in law is a teacher. I run an agency that sends teachers to works with students in their home or the library.

And 100% to what @ErinS said. Coaches can't afford to give anyone anything to potentially validate false accusations and shouldn't be naive enough to think it could never happen to them.

Oh, I know but I find it sad that it has come to that point.

 

[SL&AM]

I'm pretty uncomfortable with calling it preference. Though I suppose in some ways, it boils down to a preference for exploitation. But sexual offenders of almost all types, be they predators, rapists or offenders are more often interested in, or aroused by a power dynamic more than simply having a preference for a body type, etc. The unfortunate truth is that a large number come from a background where they themselves experienced abuse as well, and all sorts of traumatic events have the ability to cross wires in our brains.

My heart does go out to you both though.

I didn't say body type though; preference is far more generalized like age or gender. I'm sorry I didn't write that more clearly---I typed out a lot more than what I posted before deleting and posting a very small portion. I also don't disagree with you that power/domination are huge motivating factors for a lot of sexual offenders, but you can't exclude the population of offenders who truly believe what they're doing is natural/acceptable.

Speaking as a victim, one of my offenders fell into that category. What I think is vital for all parents to understand what grooming is and what that process looks like because for most, sexual predators aren't reactionary individuals; they will wait and build the relationship up so that by the time they strike, that child isn't going to be talking. So many walk around with the, "It's never going to be my child..." "Won't happen to us..." air that they're shell shocked when they find out it had happened to them and the very red flags they rolled their eyes over prior, were all there in the making.

Really, hugs are off limits? What's next, no physical contact at all? I coached a Junior team last year, and all of my athletes hugged me after performances and after getting new skills and I don't think it's weird at all.

I know this is a serious thread, but y'all need Jesus.

Like you, I don't practice the same severity some take anti-touching rules but I do think there is a line between being realistic and being too cavalier. I think your post came off as the latter though I'm not sure that is your intention.

As someone who's experienced the very real consequences of these types of acts, I'm often torn between being too lax with my daughters or too harsh with them. At our last competition of the season, my CP asked our owner/coach if she could take a picture with them and the owner scooped her up and held her between them for a picture. As an outsider, I'm sure that would alarm a lot of people or make them uncomfortable, but I don't have a problem with it. Much in the same way that I don't have a problem with the hugs that my girl's received in preschool, Kindergarten and 1st grade---maybe it's location or age (I don't remember ever hugging a teacher after elementary school) but they don't bother me yet. One day my stance will likely change, but ensuring safe guards are in place for your safety shouldn't be out of the realm of things to consider. At our original gym, our owner hired in an ex-all star, 21 year old guy and he was not even allowed to be on the coaching staff of the senior team because he was too close to their age.

 

[Michael White]

I didn't say body type though; preference is far more generalized like age or gender. I'm sorry I didn't write that more clearly---I typed out a lot more than what I posted before deleting and posting a very small portion. I also don't disagree with you that power/domination are huge motivating factors for a lot of sexual offenders, but you can't exclude the population of offenders who truly believe what they're doing is natural/acceptable.

Speaking as a victim, one of my offenders fell into that category. What I think is vital for all parents to understand what grooming is and what that process looks like because for most, sexual predators aren't reactionary individuals; they will wait and build the relationship up so that by the time they strike, that child isn't going to be talking. So many walk around with the, "It's never going to be my child..." "Won't happen to us..." air that they're shell shocked when they find out it had happened to them and the very red flags they rolled their eyes over prior, were all there in the making.



Like you, I don't practice the same severity some take anti-touching rules but I do think there is a line between being realistic and being too cavalier. I think your post came off as the latter though I'm not sure that is your intention.

As someone who's experienced the very real consequences of these types of acts, I'm often torn between being too lax with my daughters or too harsh with them. At our last competition of the season, my CP asked our owner/coach if she could take a picture with them and the owner scooped her up and held her between them for a picture. As an outsider, I'm sure that would alarm a lot of people or make them uncomfortable, but I don't have a problem with it. Much in the same way that I don't have a problem with the hugs that my girl's received in preschool, Kindergarten and 1st grade---maybe it's location or age (I don't remember ever hugging a teacher after elementary school) but they don't bother me yet. One day my stance will likely change, but ensuring safe guards are in place for your safety shouldn't be out of the realm of things to consider. At our original gym, our owner hired in an ex-all star, 21 year old guy and he was not even allowed to be on the coaching staff of the senior team because he was too close to their age.

I 100% agree with the age thing. I wouldn't hug a senior age kid, just in case, because others will see it as sketchy, even though my motivation would be 100% innocent. I think there's a difference between that and a 9 year old hugging you though.

Also, I don't text my athletes (or any athletes for that matter) outside of practice. I'm not going to run into a situation where there's a picture of a hug, AND text messages, AND polar pop trips.

This exact problem is why you'll rarely find a male kindergarten teacher anymore. It's because everyone assumes that if a male teacher is working with young kids, he's automatically a pedophile. That's society, but it's sad.

 

[HighPonyFTW]

Background checks only work on the creeps who have been caught.

 

[amy1k]

Background checks only work on the creeps who have been caught.

And prosecuted, right? I know of a coach who was caught having inappropriate contact with a 15 year old and it wasn't reported. She was fired and I don't think she coaches any longer. The parents wanted to keep things private.

Eta: I think, in this case, less was done because the victim was a boy and the predator was a pretty, younger woman. I think it's easier for people to assume you can identify a predator visually...humans are less-likely to feel threatened by attractive females (or any attractive people, really). We like our creepers to look like creepers.

 

[Michael White]

And you need a reality check. The number of predators in this industry are extremely alarming.

I understand the risk is real, but treating every individual like a predator is wrong too. The parents trust me with their children, and I don't go over the line with any of them. This label is the same reason any male who's working with young kids is instantly labeled a pedophile, and I think it's a failure of our society.

 

[Michael White]

You know...for every situation like this that pans out to be true...which is the lot of them

There's also the instance (I'm going to "cheer" this up for my point ) of little Suzy Lying and hollering sexual assault when she doesn't make point flyer, last pass on super duper coed 5655566655 and Coach Davey or Coach Mellie didn't as much as touch her.....oh but wait. There's that innocent hug picture. Yeah the one from when Suzy jumped up and hugged Coach Davey or Coach Mellie after Nationals 6 of the season ...and she buried her head in his/her chest and and wrapped her legs around their waist. Yeah it was totally celebratory and innocent. And it's also plastered on the Instagram, Facebook, snap chat, Twitter and Fierceboard fierce pictures thread

And when Suzy decides to lie and make that claim and investigators pull that picture for evidence....and Coach Davie/Coach Mellie are waiting to be exonerated.....you know what's not waiting? Their mug shot (any those pictures )that will be readily available on every news outlet...screenshot and saved for all of eternity, never leaving the Internet even after the charges are dropped because once it's on the internets....it's on the internet.



So no I don't recommend hugging, kissing and picking up athletes. I don't recommend putting yourself in any position that can easily be misconstrued. I don't even hug toddlers after storytime. I tell them to give themselves a great big "self hug"

Does a situation like this happen frequently? Yeah....but not in the world of cheer, to my knowledge. But can I name it happening to a female coach here in SC about 7 years ago that didn't DO ANYTHING wrong? Yep. Mug shot there...charges dropped. But all you see is her mug shot as the first hit in a Google search.

But yep. We need Jesus


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I understand all of your points, but I think it's sad that it's something I need to concern myself over. Treating everyone like a predator IMO perpetuates the biased treatment of most particularly males (since most athletes in this industry are female). The same thing can be said for other male teachers in the same situation, in another sport, or even a school setting.

 

[MomMomMamaMom]

Adding to the blame the victim culture in America, Her roommate at the time convinced the housing authority to evict our friends daughter because she was basically acting as a prostitute because she had sex with 2 strangers. [emoji15]



**Slip n Slide. Official sponsor of Worlds 2016**

This freaks me out. I hate society sometimes!

 

[Weezy]

Yes!

So I'm texting Suzy outside of practice. I'm having her over for sleepovers. Taking her out for Polar Pop runs at 10:30 am. There are pics of us on instagram hugging. All innocent.

Then she doesn't make my team this year. She decides to tell her mom I sexually abused her.

We have me texting her outside of practice, having sleepovers with just her, hugging pics.

Mind you, these are all innocent. But all complaints of abuse are taken very seriously by the school. It doesn't look good for me because of what it APPEARS to me.

That, and an allegation is all the state needs to revoke my license to counsel. My life is over. All because I hugged kids and failed to maintain boundaries.

Worth it? Nope.

There is a big difference between having sleepovers and hugging someone and the pic of such on IG. As already has been said, predators "groom" their victims. I don't have an issue with innocent hugs, the wrapping the legs around your coach is extreme and not smart on the coaches part and they should nip that immediately. However, if you as a parent are not comfortable with even an innocent hug, that is your choice.

The first line of defense is the parent (s). The parent and child should establish and have continued conversations about what is appropriate behavior with their coach and what is not. The parent needs to communicate with their child that no matter what any person says about threatening you if you tell (kill mommy and daddy, no one will believe you, etc.), they can always go to the parent when they feel uncomfortable and God forbid been abused. Communication is key.

There are many parents who drop and leave and use activities as a babysitter. Even with my carpool, there was always a parent who stayed with the girls at practice. None of us were drop and runs. You also have parents who are "afraid" to say anything about a coach for fear of their child losing their spot and/or being bumped down to another team. If you are afraid to speak up at your gym, then you are in the wrong gym.