Sot Bullying

[cheermommaRN]

Okay...I'm trying to be anonymous but it's becoming really hard right now. My cp was standing in his cp's shoes a little over a year ago. What he's saying is not a "oh I'm just talking to Susie and Sally overheard" or "she's just being sensitive". It is consistent behavior. And I know the purple koolaid runs deep over there so I'm sure there will people who disagree with me but until it happens to your kid, until you gave to look at them and realize the people you trusted have destroyed their ability to believe in themselves...back off.
It took understanding coaches and months for my cp to recover from being told "you are useless to the team" "you have no job, why are you even here?" "I'm not spotting you because you won't get it anyway" "you'll never be level 5 why bother?"
Now she is a valued athlete on a senior 2. Her coach looked at me the last practice and said "I can't believe no one has ever had her base, she's a beast!" She main bases every stunt, basket, and pyramid. We may never win one comp this season but I don't give a frack.


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[Nikaa]

After reading first page I tought how the hell did I get into the parent section....:banghead:

 

[ufomom]

It's good to never drink the kool-aid too deeply no matter the color.


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[Beehive]

Tuan as a teacher and former collegiate athlete. Many coaches fail to realize that each child is an individual, what works well for one may not work well with others. We live in a age of 21st century learners, they've learned to consume information much differently than old school learners. So coaching methods have to change according to the child, age and ability. Also, if a program has grown quickly they may not have the quality, educated and experienced coaches needed to help develop the younger athlete. You know your child and just like any business, find one that fits the needs of your child.

 

[NJ Coach]

I hope you and your daughter find a gym that works for you. Every cheerleader should be somewhere they can grow and feel comfortable. You have a lot of options in your neck of the woods, hopefully after some time off she can find a new home.

 

[Tuan Nguyen]

Tuan as a teacher and former collegiate athlete. Many coaches fail to realize that each child is an individual, what works well for one may not work well with others. We live in a age of 21st century learners, they've learned to consume information much differently than old school learners. So coaching methods have to change according to the child, age and ability. Also, if a program has grown quickly they may not have the quality, educated and experienced coaches needed to help develop the younger athlete. You know your child and just like any business, find one that fits the needs of your child.

Thank you! That pretty much sums of the great advice that I have been given by many on this forum. Thanks again!

 

[cheerinatorXdad]

We are starting to use the word "bully" as loosely as we use the word "love".

This deserves a guh-zillion shimmies. I could get on my soapbox and go on about this but I won't.

...and not to be insensitive to the OP, because I can feel for his situation.

 

[Tuan Nguyen]

I hope you and your daughter find a gym that works for you. Every cheerleader should be somewhere they can grow and feel comfortable. You have a lot of options in your neck of the woods, hopefully after some time off she can find a new home.

Thank you! And yes I will be searching for a new home (gym) for her and I will definitely choose wisely. But right now I really look forward to her being 9 years old and do what girls her age typically do before allowing her to focus on cheer.

 

[HeyMom]

It is consistent behavior. And I know the purple koolaid runs deep over there so I'm sure there will people who disagree with me but until it happens to your kid, until you gave to look at them and realize the people you trusted have destroyed their ability to believe in themselves...back off.
It took understanding coaches and months for my cp to recover from being told "you are useless to the team" "you have no job, why are you even here?" "I'm not spotting you because you won't get it anyway" "you'll never be level 5 why bother?"
Now she is a valued athlete on a senior 2. Her coach looked at me the last practice and said "I can't believe no one has ever had her base, she's a beast!" She main bases every stunt, basket, and pyramid. We may never win one comp this season but I don't give a frack.

This^

After experiencing a very similar situation, I also get where this parent may be coming from. CP never had any fear or self doubt until last season. The same coach who praised her and encouraged her the season before absolutely destroyed her self confidence and self esteem. She went from the kid who said "my stunts will hit every time" to the kid who said "I hope my stunts hit today." When her coach caught her listening to the Wildcats music, he said "Wildcats?? Really, April??" It breaks my heart to know that the people I trusted did this to her. They made her believe she wasn't good enough.
Fast forward to 6 months later, new gym, awesome coaches, and she is slowly regaining her self confidence. She is flying in all the stunts, she's last pass and starts at the front and center of the dance. Last week, her coach asked if she could crossover to the J2 team. Win or lose, I don't care, I am just so happy to see her so happy.

 

[CheerMomNTx]

Okay...I'm trying to be anonymous but it's becoming really hard right now. My cp was standing in his cp's shoes a little over a year ago. What he's saying is not a "oh I'm just talking to Susie and Sally overheard" or "she's just being sensitive". It is consistent behavior. And I know the purple koolaid runs deep over there so I'm sure there will people who disagree with me but until it happens to your kid, until you gave to look at them and realize the people you trusted have destroyed their ability to believe in themselves...back off.
It took understanding coaches and months for my cp to recover from being told "you are useless to the team" "you have no job, why are you even here?" "I'm not spotting you because you won't get it anyway" "you'll never be level 5 why bother?"
Now she is a valued athlete on a senior 2. Her coach looked at me the last practice and said "I can't believe no one has ever had her base, she's a beast!" She main bases every stunt, basket, and pyramid. We may never win one comp this season but I don't give a frack.


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Well when you come to a forum to express yourself, people normally don't back off. They freely express their opionions based on the information given. Personally I don't really care for Kool-aid.

 

[sports_girl]

Ok where to start my CP was at one of the above names gyms as "reputable "There is no bigger "bully"in the world then the so called "worlds coach ". It was march before May tryouts and my daughter asked if he could spot her in a toe back ..he responded "why ?" She responded "I want to be in 4 next year " he responded "what are you going to do base ?" ( she was 65 lbs and 9 years old ) she stood there and looked at him . He called to apologized personally to me on the phone .. And I said thank you he explained that he said it very nicely. It really didn't matter how he said it it was WHAT he said .I knew at very moment my CP would NEVER cheer for that person EVER !! At the end of the season we left that gym and went to another gym .
Now on to discuss what bullying is (to me ) he is not a bully he is just a Jerk ! He did not bully my kid I wouldn't have NEVER allowed it. I agree that laughing in a child's face ( or laughing at a child ) is NEVER acceptable ! That should have been addressed on the spot ! ( I know the practices are closed ) but as soon as the child got to the car . You could have sent an email or called to discuss with coaches . And you say the main owner .. from my understanding that gym is co owned 50/50 .Correct me pls if I am wrong . I am not debating that ANY of this happened I am saying it happens at MOST gyms on some level and it is up to the parents to stand up for their children . That is OUR job . It is their job to coach our child the way they best see fit for TEAM . If we as parents are scared to ask or approach a coach or owner there is a problem .

What I do know to be a FACT is I was an athlete growing up an in HS and played sports outside school and some if the coaches that were the toughest on me (called me out in front of my whole team when I missed a shot, called out my mistakes in front if the whole team the next day watching film) . I had the most respect for in these coaches in the end. I also believe they taught me the most and
prepared me for the difficult road ahead called life.


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[Cheergrandma]

Tuan as a teacher and former collegiate athlete. Many coaches fail to realize that each child is an individual, what works well for one may not work well with others. We live in a age of 21st century learners, they've learned to consume information much differently than old school learners. So coaching methods have to change according to the child, age and ability. Also, if a program has grown quickly they may not have the quality, educated and experienced coaches needed to help develop the younger athlete. You know your child and just like any business, find one that fits the needs of your child.

I have to respectfully disagree that coaching methods have to change according to the child. Nothing infuriates me more (and breaks down a team spirit) then when a coach coddles one cheerleader and then reprimands another athlete for the same infraction. JMHO

 

[Cheer Dad]

I have to respectfully disagree that coaching methods have to change according to the child. Nothing infuriates me more (and breaks down a team spirit) then when a coach coddles one cheerleader and then reprimands another athlete for the same infraction. JMHO

I don't think they are saying to coddle some and not others but will agree that all kids react to different methods and one set fast way of coaching is not always the best.


Cheer Dad = broke dad

 

[cheermommaRN]

There is a huge difference between how you coach a teenager and how you coach a younger child. No there shouldn't be favorites but just like a teacher needs to adjust their teaching style to different kids the same can be said for coaches. You can't yell or belittle a 9 year old, maybe it isn't "bullying" but it is unacceptable.
Personally I think gyms have become so focused on winning to bring in more athletes that they lose sight of the kids. My kid has no problem with a tough coach, she got that starting at 4 in gymnastics but he never told her she was "useless".
Yes the gym he is referring to is co-owned and they are awesome. They are tough but they always had praise for the kids when they hit and hugs when they needed it. It was some of the coaches they employ that were the problem.

 

[BlockHead]

I have to respectfully disagree that coaching methods have to change according to the child. Nothing infuriates me more (and breaks down a team spirit) then when a coach coddles one cheerleader and then reprimands another athlete for the same infraction. JMHO

I respectfully disagree with this.

That is why I took my daughter out of her old gym. I believe that everybody needs to be treated a bit differently. This by no means is to be misinterpreted as showing favoritism. Some children can handle being "yelled at" by the coaches. For some children, it could possibly help them by driving them to improve to prove that they can do a particular skill.

My daughter is not one of those children. If you yell at her, it breaks her spirit. It embarrasses her. Cheer is supposed to be fun. I pay the coaches to coach her, not yell at her.