Sot Bullying

[Mclovin]

I respectfully disagree with this.

That is why I took my daughter out of her old gym. I believe that everybody needs to be treated a bit differently. This by no means is to be misinterpreted as showing favoritism. Some children can handle being "yelled at" by the coaches. For some children, it could possibly help them by driving them to improve to prove that they can do a particular skill.

My daughter is not one of those children. If you yell at her, it breaks her spirit. It embarrasses her. Cheer is supposed to be fun. I pay the coaches to coach her, not yell at her.

To what I put in bold above...sounds like you and your child should just focus on rec sports then. Because competitive sports, regardless of what sport that is, is meant to be "competitive". While I agree that any competitive sport should be "fun" for the kids, it is also meant to teach them much more than just having fun. It teaches discipline, commitment, accountability, and also how to work hard and push through difficulties, how to learn skills above and beyond what they ever possibly imagined they could learn. In order to accomplish all of the above, you cannot take the approach of "just have fun". It is not even remotely possible to be 100% positive 100% of the time. Anyone who says you can is only fooling themselves. A coach is not perfect, we are going to make mistakes or say things we wish we hadn't said in the heat of a moment. We are going to yell sometimes.

I do agree, however, that a coach should find the age group they work best with personality wise. A hardcore coach who tends to yell a lot and expects constant focus and effort should probably NOT coach a mini team, or even a youth team. You wouldn't take a high school chemistry teacher and ask them to teach kindergarten or vice versa. I believe the same to be true with coaching.

One last thing...I have two daughters in cheer, and both have very different personalities. I have always had more of that hardcore, no excuses, kind of personality, even with my own children. My oldest could take it, even as young as 6 years old. If she wasn't practicing to my expectations, we would stay late, come in extra, I would yell, scream, etc. etc. until I got the results I was looking for. It worked for her. The more you tick her off, the better she gets. My youngest not so much. You scream at her and she breaks down and cries and it doesn't get better. The more pressure you put on her, the more she clams up and gets worse. She'll go into "mental block" mode. Both of them have achieved great things in cheer. Both are on our gym's worlds team and have multiple NCA titles under their belts. But while I never accepted mediocrity from either of them, I did have to approach situations much differently with one versus the other.

 

[BlockHead]

To what I put in bold above...sounds like you and your child should just focus on rec sports then. Because competitive sports, regardless of what sport that is, is meant to be "competitive". While I agree that any competitive sport should be "fun" for the kids, it is also meant to teach them much more than just having fun. It teaches discipline, commitment, accountability, and also how to work hard and push through difficulties, how to learn skills above and beyond what they ever possibly imagined they could learn. In order to accomplish all of the above, you cannot take the approach of "just have fun". It is not even remotely possible to be 100% positive 100% of the time. Anyone who says you can is only fooling themselves. A coach is not perfect, we are going to make mistakes or say things we wish we hadn't said in the heat of a moment. We are going to yell sometimes.

I do agree, however, that a coach should find the age group they work best with personality wise. A hardcore coach who tends to yell a lot and expects constant focus and effort should probably NOT coach a mini team, or even a youth team. You wouldn't take a high school chemistry teacher and ask them to teach kindergarten or vice versa. I believe the same to be true with coaching.

One last thing...I have two daughters in cheer, and both have very different personalities. I have always had more of that hardcore, no excuses, kind of personality, even with my own children. My oldest could take it, even as young as 6 years old. If she wasn't practicing to my expectations, we would stay late, come in extra, I would yell, scream, etc. etc. until I got the results I was looking for. It worked for her. The more you tick her off, the better she gets. My youngest not so much. You scream at her and she breaks down and cries and it doesn't get better. The more pressure you put on her, the more she clams up and gets worse. She'll go into "mental block" mode. Both of them have achieved great things in cheer. Both are on our gym's worlds team and have multiple NCA titles under their belts. But while I never accepted mediocrity from either of them, I did have to approach situations much differently with one versus the other.

My CP was on a rec squad for a year. They performed twice at local competitions. She loved it, but she did not like the lack of scoring. She prefers to be involved where she is truly competing. She just can't handle being yelled at every practice.

The gym that she is in now really does not yell much. They did warn me that they do yell if there is a safety issue, so the athletes understand that it is a serious matter. Yes, she has been spoken to sternly a few times about being tight in stunting. But she takes that much better than being literally yelled at in front of her peers. She is in a small gym now.....only 2 squads. Her old gym had 15 teams. It was a true business. I think she thrives better in a smaller gym. At least for now.

It may sound strange, but one of the things I liked when I checked out the new gym is that they have not won a competition since 2009 (at least they did not have any more recent banners hanging up). I don't believe that they will feel the pressure that winning is the most important thing. I truly want this experience to be as fun for her as possible. She might struggle with it a bit, because she is used to getting 1 or 2nd place at most competitions. I have already explained to her to not expect to place well, but to have fun out there and do her best. Right now, that seems to be what she wants.

I might be a little more relaxed in my parenting approach than you, because my daughter was never even expected to walk. Everything she does physically is icing on the cake for her and me! She couldn't sit up until she was a year old. Her first steps weren't until she was 2 years old. And now she is finally working on back handsprings? She is down on herself enough as it is, because things don't always come as quickly for her physically as it does for her peers (and no, she would not fit in on a special needs squad).

Luckily, there seems to be gyms out there that can fit the needs of just about any child. Good luck to your girls this year!

 

[Mclovin]

My CP was on a rec squad for a year. They performed twice at local competitions. She loved it, but she did not like the lack of scoring. She prefers to be involved where she is truly competing. She just can't handle being yelled at every practice.

The gym that she is in now really does not yell much. They did warn me that they do yell if there is a safety issue, so the athletes understand that it is a serious matter. Yes, she has been spoken to sternly a few times about being tight in stunting. But she takes that much better than being literally yelled at in front of her peers. She is in a small gym now.....only 2 squads. Her old gym had 15 teams. It was a true business. I think she thrives better in a smaller gym. At least for now.

It may sound strange, but one of the things I liked when I checked out the new gym is that they have not won a competition since 2009 (at least they did not have any more recent banners hanging up). I don't believe that they will feel the pressure that winning is the most important thing. I truly want this experience to be as fun for her as possible. She might struggle with it a bit, because she is used to getting 1 or 2nd place at most competitions. I have already explained to her to not expect to place well, but to have fun out there and do her best. Right now, that seems to be what she wants.

I might be a little more relaxed in my parenting approach than you, because my daughter was never even expected to walk. Everything she does physically is icing on the cake for her and me! She couldn't sit up until she was a year old. Her first steps weren't until she was 2 years old. And now she is finally working on back handsprings? She is down on herself enough as it is, because things don't always come as quickly for her physically as it does for her peers (and no, she would not fit in on a special needs squad).

Luckily, there seems to be gyms out there that can fit the needs of just about any child. Good luck to your girls this year!

We have a coach at our gym who's daughter had a brain tumor/surgery as a baby. They never expected her to do much mobility wise either. While she is a very "normal" child intelligently speaking, she does have some motor skills deficiencies. I remember when she was on a level 1 team and her mom thought she'd never go beyond that. Then she got her BHS and her mom thought she'd never move beyond that. Now she has standing 3 BHS. She is an amazing back spot! I will tell you, however, that she still gets her fair share of "being yelled at" by her mom and her coaches! lol

I think what you did by moving your child to a gym where winning is not the forefront of their vision was probably the very best thing you could do to suit yours and your child's needs/wishes. Good luck to ya'll too and I pray your season is all you hope for it to be!

 

[CheerMomNTx]

I have to respectfully disagree that coaching methods have to change according to the child. Nothing infuriates me more (and breaks down a team spirit) then when a coach coddles one cheerleader and then reprimands another athlete for the same infraction. JMHO

In a child's eye, the one's receiving the harsh reprimands will see that the coaches have favorites because little Susie doesn't receive the same punishment.

Bottom line, there are some coaches who shouldn't work with younger children but if your child is 9 or 10 on an older jr. team or a senior aged team, they can't expect to receive special treatment just because they are the youngest on the team.

 

[catlady]

Sometimes I have to remind myself it is no easy task to get 32 kids, no matter what age, focused and working to 100% of their capability every practice. I can understand your concern at 9 years of age, but I will share what our coach said to us parents concerning coaching:

Paraphrased: Parents bring their kids to our gym, because they see us win. It is our job to get these kids competition ready and keep them safe while doing it. I will first correct verbally, then correct verbally louder, and then turn blue in the face and go crazy on them, until they understand their job is crucial to the success and safety of our team. Many kids and parents expect me to shower compliments and sing praises and layer on encouragement, but that's your job (us parents). When we hand them back to you, you need to support them, you need to hug them, pick them up and brush them off after a tough practice, wipe the tears, and let them know how excited you are to see all of their hard work pay off at the competitions. If you tell your kids a coaches job is to make them the best they can be, you have set realistic expectations for us. If you have told your child a coaches job is to make it fun and should be full of compliments and encouragement, then you're probably at the wrong place.

 

[mecheermom]

In a child's eye, the one's receiving the harsh reprimands will see that the coaches have favorites because little Susie doesn't receive the same punishment.

Bottom line, there are some coaches who shouldn't work with younger children but if your child is 9 or 10 on an older jr. team or a senior aged team, they can't expect to receive special treatment just because they are the youngest on the team.

Agree 100%. And coaches have a responsibility to be a good role model so the older girls treat the younger ones with the same respect they would give a peer.

 

[Cheer Dad]

To what I put in bold above...sounds like you and your child should just focus on rec sports then. Because competitive sports, regardless of what sport that is, is meant to be "competitive". While I agree that any competitive sport should be "fun" for the kids, it is also meant to teach them much more than just having fun. It teaches discipline, commitment, accountability, and also how to work hard and push through difficulties, how to learn skills above and beyond what they ever possibly imagined they could learn. In order to accomplish all of the above, you cannot take the approach of "just have fun". It is not even remotely possible to be 100% positive 100% of the time. Anyone who says you can is only fooling themselves. A coach is not perfect, we are going to make mistakes or say things we wish we hadn't said in the heat of a moment. We are going to yell sometimes.

I do agree, however, that a coach should find the age group they work best with personality wise. A hardcore coach who tends to yell a lot and expects constant focus and effort should probably NOT coach a mini team, or even a youth team. You wouldn't take a high school chemistry teacher and ask them to teach kindergarten or vice versa. I believe the same to be true with coaching.

One last thing...I have two daughters in cheer, and both have very different personalities. I have always had more of that hardcore, no excuses, kind of personality, even with my own children. My oldest could take it, even as young as 6 years old. If she wasn't practicing to my expectations, we would stay late, come in extra, I would yell, scream, etc. etc. until I got the results I was looking for. It worked for her. The more you tick her off, the better she gets. My youngest not so much. You scream at her and she breaks down and cries and it doesn't get better. The more pressure you put on her, the more she clams up and gets worse. She'll go into "mental block" mode. Both of them have achieved great things in cheer. Both are on our gym's worlds team and have multiple NCA titles under their belts. But while I never accepted mediocrity from either of them, I did have to approach situations much differently with one versus the other.

. Were you your girls coach or did you do the extra work because you didn't think the coaches were doing theirs?



Cheer Dad = broke dad

 

[sports_girl]

Bottom line here is competitive cheer is NOT for EVERY child . This guy should have never titled the thread SOT bullying ... He Said himself that the owners were "great guys " . His problem was with the coaches on his daughters team . He felt she was "bullied" Perception is reality .... Especially to a child . Did he ever meet with her team coaches and discuss this ? Were these the same coaches the child has always had for the last 3 years ( when she blocked ) ? Did she jut start blocking this season ? ( I know this child and it is no ) He needs to reword the title in my opinion. because like a previous poster said what are you trying to "prove "by bashing a gym owned by "great guys ?" Or prove point that you felt your daughter was "bullied" by two level 2 coaches . I am still puzzled ! I am from a different school of thought on this ...if the parent witnessed this behavior "numerous times " why was it never addressed prior to quitting ? ( with the above mentioned coaches) ok I am off my soapbox .. I hope he finds a gym that fits his daughters needs ... There are plenty in the area ( I know people at all of them ) EVERYONE had a story ... EVERYONE of them !


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[Cheer Dad]

To what I put in bold above...sounds like you and your child should just focus on rec sports then. Because competitive sports, regardless of what sport that is, is meant to be "competitive". While I agree that any competitive sport should be "fun" for the kids, it is also meant to teach them much more than just having fun. It teaches discipline, commitment, accountability, and also how to work hard and push through difficulties, how to learn skills above and beyond what they ever possibly imagined they could learn. In order to accomplish all of the above, you cannot take the approach of "just have fun". It is not even remotely possible to be 100% positive 100% of the time. Anyone who says you can is only fooling themselves. A coach is not perfect, we are going to make mistakes or say things we wish we hadn't said in the heat of a moment. We are going to yell sometimes.

I do agree, however, that a coach should find the age group they work best with personality wise. A hardcore coach who tends to yell a lot and expects constant focus and effort should probably NOT coach a mini team, or even a youth team. You wouldn't take a high school chemistry teacher and ask them to teach kindergarten or vice versa. I believe the same to be true with coaching.

One last thing...I have two daughters in cheer, and both have very different personalities. I have always had more of that hardcore, no excuses, kind of personality, even with my own children. My oldest could take it, even as young as 6 years old. If she wasn't practicing to my expectations, we would stay late, come in extra, I would yell, scream, etc. etc. until I got the results I was looking for. It worked for her. The more you tick her off, the better she gets. My youngest not so much. You scream at her and she breaks down and cries and it doesn't get better. The more pressure you put on her, the more she clams up and gets worse. She'll go into "mental block" mode. Both of them have achieved great things in cheer. Both are on our gym's worlds team and have multiple NCA titles under their belts. But while I never accepted mediocrity from either of them, I did have to approach situations much differently with one versus the other.

Am I misunderstanding you or are you saying because sherry thinks cheer should be fun and coaches are paid to coach and not yell her kids should do rec cheer? Maybe a better way to think is how good is a coach if they can only get the kids to do what they want by yelling? IMHO a coach who can only get performance by telling, shouting, etc... needs to evaluate if they are a good coach or role model for that fact. Am not saying coaches can't go off on occasion but of the need is constant then something is wrong.


Cheer Dad = broke dad

 

[Mclovin]

. Were you your girls coach or did you do the extra work because you didn't think the coaches were doing theirs?



Cheer Dad = broke dad

Well, I have taught gymnastics since I was 16 so I was "coaching" them long before we ever stepped foot in an all star gym. But I also coached them in "individuals" on my own for years. I was our gym's "individuals" coach if that makes sense so I coached them in that way. Until this year, I have never actually coached a "team" that they were on. In my girls' 9 years of cheering, I have never felt their coaches weren't doing their jobs. Through tough times and through great times I have supported their coaches 100%. I didn't always see eye to eye with them in regards to certain things, and there have been many times my girls have gotten in the car and got "additional" coaching from me, lol, but I would never undermind them.

 

[BlockHead]

Am I misunderstanding you or are you saying because sherry thinks cheer should be fun and coaches are paid to coach and not yell her kids should do rec cheer? Maybe a better way to think is how good is a coach if they can only get the kids to do what they want by yelling? IMHO a coach who can only get performance by telling, shouting, etc... needs to evaluate if they are a good coach or role model for that fact. Am not saying coaches can't go off on occasion but of the need is constant then something is wrong.


Cheer Dad = broke dad

Everybody has their own comfort zone. I sat next to a mom during practice last year who said, "I don't understand why the parents get mad when the coaches yell. I pay them to yell at my kids." I probably just gave her an awkward smile. It was her own opinion, which does not make it wrong. She is just personally comfortable with it. She had 2 girls in the program and they were very good at cheer.

Yelling at my daughter....unless she is being careless and putting others at risk of injury...is not ok with me. My daughter will probably never be an elite cheerleader. She will probably always be hidden in the back during most of the routines. So we try not to take it too seriously. She knows she has to do the routine to the best of her ability and work hard to get the best results. She understands that her team is depending on her. That is why we do not miss practices. But she is only 9 years old. If she wants to be in an extracurricular activity, I want it to be fun. Yes, it is supposed to be stressful at times, but I think patience from a coach (instead of yelling) can go a long way.

If she was a paid athlete, I could understand dramatic reactions from the coaches. But I am paying them. Like I stated earlier, luckily there are plenty of gyms out there to choose from!

 

[Mclovin]

Am I misunderstanding you or are you saying because sherry thinks cheer should be fun and coaches are paid to coach and not yell her kids should do rec cheer? Maybe a better way to think is how good is a coach if they can only get the kids to do what they want by yelling? IMHO a coach who can only get performance by telling, shouting, etc... needs to evaluate if they are a good coach or role model for that fact. Am not saying coaches can't go off on occasion but of the need is constant then something is wrong.


Cheer Dad = broke dad

You are not misunderstanding. I don't not think a parent who doesn't want their child "yelled" at should enroll their child in any competitive sport. Being truly competitive requires a lot of hard work, discipline, and accountability. I do not know of a single coach, that coaches any sport, that is able to get the product they wish to achieve by calmly and quietly asking an athlete to perform a certain task. Maybe the first few times you speak to an athlete you would speak calmly, but when they are failing to perform to their ability level over and over, voices are going to raise. So, if you don't like that, don't join competitive sports. That's what recreational sports are for....fun fun and more fun.

 

[cheermuse]

I think the term bullying is used a lot because there is no other way to describe some situations. Here is a scenario:

Athlete 1- is a flyer has been cheering for 4 season and a flyer for the same amount of time. Has been flying on Sr3 for 2 seasons. age: 13
Athlete 2- is also a flyer has been cheering 3 seasons, 1st season flying on Sr3 age: 12

Both athletes have struggled with flying during practice. Athlete 2 has potential to be really great flyer with training. You can tell coaches see that in her. Athlete 1 has struggled all 4 season flying.

Coach constantly yells at athlete 2, all the time, tell her she sucks at flying in front of team. Meanwhile Athlete 1 continues to struggle coach just smiles at her when she continues having the same issues.

I wouldn't call this bullying, but it's definitely favoritism!

 

[Mclovin]

I think the term bullying is used a lot because there is no other way to describe some situations. Here is a scenario:

Athlete 1- is a flyer has been cheering for 4 season and a flyer for the same amount of time. Has been flying on Sr3 for 2 seasons. age: 13
Athlete 2- is also a flyer has been cheering 3 seasons, 1st season flying on Sr3 age: 12

Both athletes have struggled with flying during practice. Athlete 2 has potential to be really great flyer with training. You can tell coaches see that in her. Athlete 1 has struggled all 4 season flying.

Coach constantly yells at athlete 2, all the time, tell her she sucks at flying in front of team. Meanwhile Athlete 1 continues to struggle coach just smiles at her when she continues having the same issues.

I wouldn't call this bullying, but it's definitely favoritism!

A coach should NEVER tell an athlete they "suck" at anything. They may say, it's been 4 years and you're not really getting better, or they may "yell" (lol) at that athlete a lot and express frustration that they aren't getting better, but I draw the line at calling names or telling someone they "suck".

 

[Cheer Dad]

Well, I have taught gymnastics since I was 16 so I was "coaching" them long before we ever stepped foot in an all star gym. But I also coached them in "individuals" on my own for years. I was our gym's "individuals" coach if that makes sense so I coached them in that way. Until this year, I have never actually coached a "team" that they were on. In my girls' 9 years of cheering, I have never felt their coaches weren't doing their jobs. Through tough times and through great times I have supported their coaches 100%. I didn't always see eye to eye with them in regards to certain things, and there have been many times my girls have gotten in the car and got "additional" coaching from me, lol, but I would never undermind them.

That makes sense After being a coach myself and seeing what kids go through at all levels I have come to realize some of the best coach/child relationships are the ones that leave the 'coaching' in the arena. Glad it works for you this way. On coaching my kids I had to leave it in the arena and couldn't take it to the car.


Cheer Dad = broke dad