High School Putting Out Fires

[Tealxblack25]

My use of "Putting out Fires" is a mere figure of speech,

I would love to hear input on what High School coaches do to alleviate situations and to prevent them from happening in the future.

This is not a complaint at all. I know being a high school coach it comes with the territory but my question is when does it become too much? It gets to the point where I get so stressed out I cant breathe and get severe chest pain and want to cry in my bed. SO, what do you say to your parents and kids so not to sound like you don't care about whats going on or that you don't want to hear it. Almost daily I have an athlete or parent emailing me with an issue or a "fire to put out" or its "can I talk to you for a second" and when they talk to me some of the things they want to talk about are either typical catty hs drama, or something in my opinion they should be handling themselves.

As coaches, we should give kids the feeling like they can come to us with anything and be comfortable to talk to us if they need someone to talk to.
Unfortuantely with high school girls personalities are so strong.
I find myself saying "It's always something" or saying "why is this even an issue?"
I've even compared coaching to trick candles. Once you put one fire out another one starts.

Does anyone run into this type of situation with your team?
How do you handle it and what types of methods do you use to instill a positive open door environment but not getting too stressed out while dealing with constant situations??

 

[FamousxMindset]

This is more prevalent with high school teams vs. allstar because HS girls are in close proximity for 8+ hours a day, allowing more time for petty drama to arise. I've also seen that those with all star backgrounds are MUCH more disciplined in almost all aspects than girls with only HS cheer backgrounds. However, if you feel this taking a serious toll on your health you may need to consider bringing in an assistant or possibly even stepping down.

 

[Tealxblack25]

This is more prevalent with high school teams vs. allstar because HS girls are in close proximity for 8+ hours a day, allowing more time for petty drama to arise. I've also seen that those with all star backgrounds are MUCH more disciplined in almost all aspects than girls with only HS cheer backgrounds. However, if you feel this taking a serious toll on your health you may need to consider bringing in an assistant or possibly even stepping down.

I have an assistant ! We pretty much deal with all of this together, I guess I should say we both feel this way lol where its so constant we just tend to look at eachother like what even is this and why is this a problem?

I'll use this as an example:

We wear black ankle socks with our uniform and we have had parents email us about it becuase thats not what the coach last year said we wear with the uniform and their not paying 11 dollars for a pair of black nike socks. This coach isnt coaching anymore and the coaches this year decided it looks athletic with the socks and thats what we asked for. This is just an example of some of the things we get pressed about. SOCKS!

I dont feel like its affecting my health I was just being slightly dramatic lol It does bring out the love hate relationship I have with cheer lol

 

[cheer25mom]

From a 10 year veteran high school teacher:
You need to stop letting kids and parents push you around. YOU are the coach. YOU set forth the requirements. If they don't like it, they don't have to cheer, period. Tell them that they have to work out the petty drama for themselves. Make is clear that they need to come to you for bigger issues (things that are unsafe or illegal, a girl they thin is really in trouble, serious violations of school or cheer rules) but that you won't referee personality conflicts. It isn't your job to keep everyone happy, its your job to run a cheer program. If you try to satisfy everyone all the time you will burn yourself out. In the words of Frozen "let it go" and tell them to handle their own drama, and that what you say goes.

 

[AScheer]

I have an assistant ! We pretty much deal with all of this together, I guess I should say we both feel this way lol where its so constant we just tend to look at eachother like what even is this and why is this a problem?

I'll use this as an example:

We wear black ankle socks with our uniform and we have had parents email us about it becuase thats not what the coach last year said we wear with the uniform and their not paying 11 dollars for a pair of black nike socks. This coach isnt coaching anymore and the coaches this year decided it looks athletic with the socks and thats what we asked for. This is just an example of some of the things we get pressed about. SOCKS!

I dont feel like its affecting my health I was just being slightly dramatic lol It does bring out the love hate relationship I have with cheer lol

I feel like this is the first year growing pains. Every year gets better and after a few seasons, things like that are non-existent.

Part of it is parents & cheerleaders likely only knew the way of the coach before you, and likely had no clue it could/should be done differently. My first season was stressful and emotional. You couldn't pay me all the money in the world to relive it! I took over a parent ran program, so every decision I made and every word I said was questioned. I learned the hard way not to feed the dragon. I explained every decision instead of just saying I'm the coach, I do what I think is best for this team, I know where this program is going, and this is the decision I've made. Period. Occasionally something is big enough to deserve an explanation, but socks... it's because I say we are wearing black socks.

The other part is communication. It's not worth your headache to throw out last minute stuff. Especially your first season. If you told them back in April that they would need black socks for cheer that's one thing. If you told them last week to go grab some black socks because you suddenly decided that they needed them, then hate to be blunt but that's on you. To most people it's just socks, but depending on your area they may truly not be able to spare an extra $11 right now. The more notice you can give about anything, the better. Unless it's truly necessary, avoid last minute things, it's extra drama and headache that you don't need. Maybe black socks is something you can put in your required item list for next season. If you spell it all out for them prior to tryouts, then no one can complain months later that they didn't know or don't want to.

My drama/teenage girl policy is that if you need me or my other coaches, we are always here. That being said we don't tolerate any drama. I don't care what happens at school that day, when you step on our floor its gone. Follow through on whatever punishment you feel fits the situation. I've sat girls, sent them home from practice with an unexcused absence, threatened to remove them from the team, and actually did remove one girl once. The others will fall in line real quick when they see you truly won't tolerate it. They will also start keeping each other in check. Don't be afraid to publicly call them out either. In my experience being called out on the spot in front of their peers for drama, attitude, fighting, etc is the best way to nip it in the bud.

 

[KPep]

I feel like this is the first year growing pains. Every year gets better and after a few seasons, things like that are non-existent.

Part of it is parents & cheerleaders likely only knew the way of the coach before you, and likely had no clue it could/should be done differently. My first season was stressful and emotional. You couldn't pay me all the money in the world to relive it! I took over a parent ran program, so every decision I made and every word I said was questioned. I learned the hard way not to feed the dragon. I explained every decision instead of just saying I'm the coach, I do what I think is best for this team, I know where this program is going, and this is the decision I've made. Period. Occasionally something is big enough to deserve an explanation, but socks... it's because I say we are wearing black socks.

The other part is communication. It's not worth your headache to throw out last minute stuff. Especially your first season. If you told them back in April that they would need black socks for cheer that's one thing. If you told them last week to go grab some black socks because you suddenly decided that they needed them, then hate to be blunt but that's on you. To most people it's just socks, but depending on your area they may truly not be able to spare an extra $11 right now. The more notice you can give about anything, the better. Unless it's truly necessary, avoid last minute things, it's extra drama and headache that you don't need. Maybe black socks is something you can put in your required item list for next season. If you spell it all out for them prior to tryouts, then no one can complain months later that they didn't know or don't want to.

My drama/teenage girl policy is that if you need me or my other coaches, we are always here. That being said we don't tolerate any drama. I don't care what happens at school that day, when you step on our floor its gone. Follow through on whatever punishment you feel fits the situation. I've sat girls, sent them home from practice with an unexcused absence, threatened to remove them from the team, and actually did remove one girl once. The others will fall in line real quick when they see you truly won't tolerate it. They will also start keeping each other in check. Don't be afraid to publicly call them out either. In my experience being called out on the spot in front of their peers for drama, attitude, fighting, etc is the best way to nip it in the bud.

 

[Twinklestars]

I mostly agree with @AScheer.

Unless, you are wearing black socks with white shoes…I cannot, in good conscience, agree with that.

Our coach tried to get the girls to wear crew socks last year. Basic white ones that had to be bought from Varsity. This was on top of over $700 per girl that we (the parents) had to shell out for camp clothes, warm-ups, shoes, etc… The girls didn't want to wear them and,frankly, I didn't want to pay for them. It wasn't discussed at any of the mandatory meetings as an expense.

I do get that you are the coach and have the right to make some uniform decisions, but, if your entire team is against this, maybe you need to reconsider.

I don't know what to tell you about the girls coming to you with issues--maybe it is a problem they could deal with if they had the ability to do so. Some kids aren't being taught how to deal with issues/problems and what they are told is to go to a trusted adult.

 

[Tealxblack25]

I mostly agree with @AScheer.

Unless, you are wearing black socks with white shoes…I cannot, in good conscience, agree with that.

Our coach tried to get the girls to wear crew socks last year. Basic white ones that had to be bought from Varsity. This was on top of over $700 per girl that we (the parents) had to shell out for camp clothes, warm-ups, shoes, etc… The girls didn't want to wear them and,frankly, I didn't want to pay for them. It wasn't discussed at any of the mandatory meetings as an expense.

I do get that you are the coach and have the right to make some uniform decisions, but, if your entire team is against this, maybe you need to reconsider.

I don't know what to tell you about the girls coming to you with issues--maybe it is a problem they could deal with if they had the ability to do so. Some kids aren't being taught how to deal with issues/problems and what they are told is to go to a trusted adult.

The socks was basically just an example lol.. but thank you for the input lol!!

I guess I worded this wrong or didn't explain it very well.. I was basically just looking for ways to teach kids to be more self sufficient. Also, how to explain to parents that sometimes we need time to get things approved before we make announcements or schedule things so yes sometimes things are going to be last minute and it is out of our control.

I agree with @AScheer - Im just going to take everything that has come up this season and work it into our handout material for Basketball season and explain things a little better

 

[oncecoolcoachnowmom]

One of my biggest mentors in my early teaching and now counseling life once said:

Remember that "No." is a complete sentence.

It needs no follow up.

Example email: "Suzie needs to leave practice an hour early for her hair appt on Thursday. Is that okay?"

Response: "No."

Simple as that. A follow up is not necessary.

Also, don't be afraid to refer the most inane of questions to either the contract you gave them or to another kid or parent.

Example:

Parent: "What bows are the girls wearing for pictures?"
Response: "Please check the weekly calendar email and check in with another parent if you have questions."

 

[CheerItFullOut]

I have complete nervous break downs at home on the daily because of cheer! (Note Skirt-gate of 2015 in separate thread) However (and this is a HUGE however) after I'm done throwing my fit... Pulling my hair out and completely cursing the day I decided to get into coaching... I remind myself that at the end of the day... The REASON I first got interested in coaching was because someone inspired me to inspire others. -And I don't mean just to be a cheer coach, but to be a better me... And to go out there and make better "others". I remember my coach made me think about who I was vs. Who I wanted to be... How what I do and did made a difference in others and that I had the ability to be anything I wanted to be. I wasn't the favorite cheerleader, the most talented or the most spirited... In fact I was so busy being involved in everything else ,Cheer was really just another activity for my college application ... But I grew to truly value the sacrifice and experience ...knowledge and personal growth; I really feel like one can only experience in a sport like this. Cheer and my coach taught me to look outside of myself and to have a greater sense of community and trust for others. When you feel like it's too much... Think of the 1 individual you might be making a difference in. When someone is getting on your last nerve and your patience is completely shot... Take the time to appreciate YOURSELF then take that a step further and realize while there may always be fires to put out... You may also be the fueling flame in many of these kids lives.

 

[haylsv3]

I have a contract at the start of the year with all the rules, including a drama section. No drama allowed, all parents and athletes must sign. That way I only hear about big issues and no little catty stuff

 

[purplecheer]

Oh good, I clicked on this thinking there had been some big fire in America. Well it's not good but you know what I mean.