- May 10, 2011
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It would be awesome if everyone could learn all positions. Unfortunately some kids (like mine) are just too short/small to be a back or base. It's not now and has never been her decision or choice to be a flyer, I know she would base in a heartbeat if she was ever given the chance...it's just not something that a coach has ever considered. Maybe the day will come and if it does then awesome, the more experience she gets in all positions, the better all-around cheerleader she will be.
It is hard to hear the "Suzie's Group" comments if something happens at competition. I am sure no one on this board would ever make those comments, but I can tell you that a lot of parents/CPs on the team say it and they say right where my little CP can hear it. It's horrible, because sometimes it is her fault, but sometimes it is not. And honestly, I can't recall a time in the 5 years she has been cheering that I have heard someone say "Oh Betty Backspot's group came down". Because of this I will NEVER allow my CP to say "So and so had a tumble bust, or so and so didn't catch a foot so her stunt came down." No blaming any particular teammates if things don't go well. She can say "we (as in our team) had a tumble bust and we dropped a stunt"...always WE, because what happens to one on a team happens to all!!
If we want to stop identifying the flyer as some 'special' position on the team, then we need to start thinking about what we say, and who we blame if something goes wrong during a stunt. Because I can tell you that if you "feel" that the success or failure of a stunt falls squarely on your shoulders and yours alone (because that is what you hear year after year), then you are going to start to feel that somehow your position is different than the others on the team. If we want to see the Princess mentality disappear, we all need to help bring that little girl back to reality by recognizing that everything that happens in cheer happens on a "team level", not an individual level.
There was a conversation about this years ago where naming groups came up. There are places that name the group "Susie's group" based on the backspots and not the flyers. I just don't think it's terribly common. I think you have the right mentality but the kids have to have it too. Mine are the first to say "that was me!" "My bad" when a stunt falls and it was their issue. They're not the slightest bit shy about owning that. A few years ago CP16 got jumped by his coach in practice (like screaming in his face) because he dropped the handstand in the pyramid because he just flat missed her hand. Coach jumps onto the mat, cp16 says "that was me, that was my fault" and the coach jumped him in front of the team and told him to "stop taking up for his girlfriend!"
Yes, it was his girlfriend at the time but it was also his fault. He missed her hand and she can't levitate on her own, but that coach blamed the flyer anyway even when he tried to claim his mistake. That doesn't help the culture when it comes from a coach.
This is our ninth year so I've heard all the competition comments. I'm like you (although admittedly I'm feeling like people are assigning some weird flyer hate label to me in this thread which makes no sense since I have a flyer), I'll say we dropped a stunt or we had 2 busts and a bobble but I don't assign groups to it. It's not like everyone didn't see it. My god-cp11 is a center flyer and the one who does all the crazy stuff in pyramid. My kids are backspots. I can tell you most of the time when my son's coed doesn't hit it's because of his grip in the catch, not his flyer (and they're point coed stunt on the worlds team). So I get the stress of people pointing fingers.....especially when they don't know what they are talking about.
But the bottom line is that has to be a cultural mentality change that involves parents, coaches and athletes to 1) own their own mistakes 2) understand that $&@? Happens and it's okay if you made one 3) learn from it to make the next skill better. That won't happen at competition. That happens on the practice mat, in the car, in the parent section etc.
But sadly, until the Susie moms (bases, backspots or flyers) that think their child is flawless 100% of the time and raise their child to think the same thing are extinct from the sidelines, those hurtful conversations at competition are not likely to ever stop. People have to be willing to step up and take personal responsibility and on the whole our culture is completely devoid of this concept. I've seen mini moms (arguably the worst SM's if not the most vocal and uncouth anyway...I think worlds 5 moms are just as bad they've just learned how to be more ninja about how/when they say it) say those things about 7 year olds that made a mistake.
They're 7.
That's unacceptable to talk about them negatively because they made a mistake....they're SEVEN.
But, I ardently believe it starts with the adults. I also believe there's not an easy or obvious answer for how to change it, but it would surely make for amazing teams if we ever figured it out.
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