All-Star Attitudes At Practice/coaches Favorites.

[JulieP]

This thread is also in the High School section, I just wanted more people to see it.

Im at a new high school this year and I joined the cheer team. My coach is very old fashioned and favors 2 of our 3 captains.

These 2 captains get away with anything they want. They can come to practice late and pretty much do whatever. They cheat on conditioning, bail out of stunts, one of them flies when she very clearly should not, and they are ALWAYS the front of formations. every. single. time.

Ive cheered for an allstar gym for 8 years, and these girls haven't. Ive just had more experience than them, and at the risk of sounding high and mighty, have been performing for much longer at a much higher level.

For some reason, these two girls are unbelievably rude to me. Its always passive aggressive, little digs and comments that are almost always said in front of the coach. The comments are always in regards to how much I obsess over cheerleading, or something Ive said during that days/the day before's practice.

Theyve made me completely hate a sport I adore. I cant go to my coach about this because she favors them. Im at a loss for what to do, and I dont want to quit in the middle of the season because two bratty girls didnt like me.

Help ):

We live in a world where if you don't speak up, then you won't be heard. Further, if you don't feel strongly enough about something to speak up- then you don't deserve to be heard. Not trying to be harsh, but as a coach, I think its important for athletes to be able to approach their coach like an adult. Try not to sound like a know-it-all, and I wouldn't go in and make it sounding like an attack on the other two girls. She obviously likes them a lot, and it may sound like jealousy to her. Bring up your concerns in a way that is productive.

 

[cupieqt]

We live in a world where if you don't speak up, then you won't be heard. Further, if you don't feel strongly enough about something to speak up- then you don't deserve to be heard. Not trying to be harsh, but as a coach, I think its important for athletes to be able to approach their coach like an adult. Try not to sound like a know-it-all, and I wouldn't go in and make it sounding like an attack on the other two girls. She obviously likes them a lot, and it may sound like jealousy to her. Bring up your concerns in a way that is productive.

I agree that the coach should be aware of what's happening but I think she already knows.
My high school sponsor was very fond of our captain. When I politely asked to speak with her about the bullying I was experiencing (over a stupid boy that she liked that liked me) it made things worse. Some adults that work with kids are just a-holes and think they're back in high school with the kids they are teaching. Tread carefully about the way you approach this. It can sometimes make things worse with people that have already shown their cards and colors.

 

[Num1Stunta]

It sounds like they're threatened by you and your experience... sometimes people have a hard time admitting that they don't know something, and when you show up as the newcomer and you have a lot more credible experience and knowledge, you have to be careful with how you portray that. Sometimes people can take things the wrong way, or not really know how to handle someone coming in who comes from a different background. In the end, you have to decide if it's right for you or not, and if you're not happy and you're not being appreciated or utilized for the skills that you bring to the table, then you probably want to go somewhere else

 

[cupieqt]

It sounds like they're threatened by you and your experience... sometimes people have a hard time admitting that they don't know something, and when you show up as the newcomer and you have a lot more credible experience and knowledge, you have to be careful with how you portray that. Sometimes people can take things the wrong way, or not really know how to handle someone coming in who comes from a different background. In the end, you have to decide if it's right for you or not, and if you're not happy and you're not being appreciated or utilized for the skills that you bring to the table, then you probably want to go somewhere else

I was trying to quote you and I accidentally unliked it lol (I re-shimmied). I agree with all of the above except for going somewhere else. It's school and she's already an all star. She shouldn't be bullied out of cheering for her school.

 

[AllHeartxo3]

If you've done allstar then they are threatened that you might take their captain spot. People don't like it when you challenge their authority. Speak up for yourself. That doesn't mean you need to cuss them out, but it does mean that you need to get the point across that they can't mess with you. There are some things you can't control (your place in formations, the flyer situation) but you can control how they treat you. Other students at the school will notice that you are better than the girls in the front even if you are in the back.

 

[Num1Stunta]

I was trying to quote you and I accidentally unliked it lol (I re-shimmied). I agree with all of the above except for going somewhere else. It's school and she's already an all star. She shouldn't be bullied out of cheering for her school.

Well, sometimes it is what it is. I don't think she should be bullied out of her high school team, but I know where she's coming from. Especially the part about their comments about her "obsession" with cheerleading... I had the EXACT circumstance in high school, where I was teased, bullied, and mistreated by my teammates because I was passionate about the sport and constantly striving to learn more and make our team better. They weren't interested. I spent the better part of my years there working hard and pushing to be as good as we could be, but no one else was on board with that and it was just a major frustration.

If I had the option to go to allstars back then, I probably would have. By the end of my senior year, I had sworn off cheerleading altogether, planned on shaving my head in college, and becoming a militant lesbian lol... I was so lucky to have been recruited to cheer in college for a team with a competent coach who valued teamwork and all of the other aspects of our sport that make it great

 

[cupieqt]

It really depends on what you say and how you say it. This is actually their fight--they are the ones with the problem, not you. It would be so great if you could somehow make them respect you but that's not how high school girls typically behave. They've decided that you're on the outs so the only thing you can control is how you react and respond. Don't react with emotion--respond with intelligence.

 

[cupieqt]

Well, sometimes it is what it is. I don't think she should be bullied out of her high school team, but I know where she's coming from. Especially the part about their comments about her "obsession" with cheerleading... I had the EXACT circumstance in high school, where I was teased, bullied, and mistreated by my teammates because I was passionate about the sport and constantly striving to learn more and make our team better. They weren't interested. I spent the better part of my years there working hard and pushing to be as good as we could be, but no one else was on board with that and it was just a major frustration.

If I had the option to go to allstars back then, I probably would have. By the end of my senior year, I had sworn off cheerleading altogether, planned on shaving my head in college, and becoming a militant lesbian lol... I was so lucky to have been recruited to cheer in college for a team with a competent coach who valued teamwork and all of the other aspects of our sport that make it great

I had a similar experience (except for shaving my head and becoming a militant lesbian haha) but it was more half and half. Half of us wanted to be good. The other half wanted to wear the skirt.

I hate hearing about school cheerleaders being bullied by their own teammates. It's the antithesis of cheerleading!!

 

[MNCheerMom]

My daughter had this same experience at her high school cheer a few years back. She was in 7th grade at the time and she made varsity due to her all-star skills and experience. When my daughter was brave enough to speak up about anything, they would immediately dismiss her and roll their eyes and say "this isn't all-star cheer". She was prejudiced before she even opened her mouth. There was nothing she could say that would have made them listen to her with an open mind because she had that all-star label hanging over her head.

I agree with the advice already given regarding "welcome to the real world". Unfortunately, this is how life works. There will always be a teacher who favors students, there will always be a coach who favors cheerleaders, and there will always be an employer who favors certain employees. Heck, I'm 39 year old paralegal who works in a corporate environment and my boss definitely favors certain co-workers over others.

I don't agree with the advice that you should just ignore it. If you don't speak up, it will continue to bother you. If you can speak with the coach in an adult manner and give examples to back up your concerns, you will at least have shown that you have more class and maturity than the girls that are giving you grief. Good luck and keep us posted on how it goes!

 

[cheerloveincali]

I'm a current high school coach and I hate seeing stuff like this happen. I would be lying to you if I didn't say I enjoy coaching other girls more than others, but when it comes down to it I don't tolerate any disrespect to myself or other teammates. No one should feel uncomfortable when they are at practice to speak up because of being shot down by other girls. It's a coaches' responsibility to make sure the environment isn't hostile. What really bothers me is the coach is making exceptions for the CAPTAINS and leaders of her squads. If anything they should be held at a HIGHER standard than others. My captains know that for them on-time is 5 min earlier than anyone else.

I actually went through a similar situation when I was in high school, which is actually the same school I coach at. I was bullied because of my passion for the sport, especially one girl who went on to be captain the year after I graduated. It's not a fair situation by any means, but when it comes down to it you need to find a way to brush it off. It's definitely important to have a conversation to the coach to make sure she's aware of it, but there might be a chance she won't do anything about it because of her favoritism. This was my situation exactly so I just found ways to cope with it. My mom always told me the girl was jealous of me and I never understood it until now. They are most likely threatened and jealous of YOU so try to brush it off and be the bigger person.

Your passion is never something to be ashamed of, and it will take you far in life whether it comes to cheerleading or not.

 

[mollymags]

Welcome to life, honey. This will probably happen a million more times before you die. Not that it should, but it will.
The sport isn't doing this to you, these girls, and the coach, are. So don't bother hating something you've always loved because of them. The only thing you can reasonably do is sit back and watch the show. Guaranteed, they'll bring themselves down. Remain sweet and knowledgeable, repectful and great at what you do, and they can't say a word. Just because they want to be ugly, doesn't mean you have to be.

There's a lot of good advice on this whole thread, but I think this is some of the best. You're in a situation where fighting what's happening may just set you back more. Take this as a time to learn how to really kill them with kindness. It might be hard, but just do what you can to be nice to them. Focus on the other girls on your team. If you're bonding well with everyone else, maybe their attitudes will change. Use your knowledge and skills to be the best that you can be and to help whoever IS willing to listen to you be the best they can be. You'll stand out in a positive way.

 

[cupieqt]

@AllstarObsession you're getting some great advice from people that have actually been there done that. I wish I had fierceboard when I was in HS!

 

[Mamarazzi]

@cupieqt , but if we did, we would never have learned all this.

"Stuff" will get thrown at you all the time. You have choices with how to deal. You can build a brick wall around yourself (=quitting the team,) and you block the stuff, but you block out the goo, tood. You can scream and holler at the stuff but then you end up hoarse with a mouth full of stuff that they keep throwing anyway. Or, you can just learn to duck, and spot the stuff when it starts flying. Eventually, the stuff won't hit you anymore, and if it does, you'll just brush it off. Cuz hey, you've probably been hit with worse stuff before.

 

[kristenthegreat]

The most beautiful makeup on a woman is passion- Yves Saint-Laurent

Just consider that for a moment..

 

[east2westandbackagain]

Allstar Obsession - Are you sure that you are not coming off as a know it all or a 'we used to do it this way at my gym' girl? For girls that are not allstar girls that can be annoying and they might think you are being the rude one, if they are the captains they must have been used to doing it their way for a while, not to say its the right way but it is the way they have been brought up to practice on that team. May I ask why you dont do allstars anymore if you don' t like HS cheer?