All-Star So Now That The Season's Over, What Is The Big Deal With Changing Gyms?

[Mom2K]

While there were a lot of reasons we decided to switch gyms, our memories of our years there were still mostly good...until the reaction to our leaving by the owner/coach. To compare it to a bad breakup is spot on. I did unfriend the staff myself, because their level of anger was so out of proportion to the situation, I just didn't want them to know where we were going. But I do still have contact with most the parents I talked to, some who also left for different reasons. CP still sees some of the kids at school as well, and there is simply curiosity. We'll see if things change when competition season starts.

I don't think it was the breakup that upset them as much as that we were leaving for another gym. If we just decided to quit, I'm sure things would have been much more pleasant. But (in keeping with our breakup analogy), we left for "the other woman." That hasn't happened much here, and no one has ever left to go to one of the bigger gyms that is farther away.

 

[armycheermom]

I think it's hard on all parties regardless of how it is done. There is a bond that forms and despite logical reasons for leaving, it is sometimes hard to separate those "feelings" that are akin to a "break up". Our family has been on both sides of this. We have been the ones to move on to a new program and we have seen people leave our program for someplace else. It is simple if you are moving across the country, but for things like schedules, levels, distance etc. it can be a bit less obvious.

For the most part, I agree with everything said, but it is just as hard to leave a gym for a new gym, even if it is cross country. My daughter cheered at a small gym in Washington for about 13 months,then my husband received orders that we had to move to GA in 6 weeks,we had to pull her out mid-season, but I talked to the owner & her coaches in person, explaining why we were leaving, I always paid my bill on time and even left money on the books. We tried to leave the right way, the owner & her coach acted like it was a personal attack on them, and even told us not to come back, even though we still had 5 weeks before we left. It really hurt my daughter and I was extremely upset. It wasn't like we were leaving for a gym down the street, we were moving cross country and she had no say in the matter,but after they showed their true colors, I was more than happy to move to GA! But we did have easier transactions, after that one awful move...

 

[SharkDad]

For the most part, I agree with everything said, but it is just as hard to leave a gym for a new gym, even if it is cross country. My daughter cheered at a small gym in Washington for about 13 months,then my husband received orders that we had to move to GA in 6 weeks,we had to pull her out mid-season, but I talked to the owner & her coaches in person, explaining why we were leaving, I always paid my bill on time and even left money on the books. We tried to leave the right way, the owner & her coach acted like it was a personal attack on them, and even told us not to come back, even though we still had 5 weeks before we left. It really hurt my daughter and I was extremely upset. It wasn't like we were leaving for a gym down the street, we were moving cross country and she had no say in the matter,but after they showed their true colors, I was more than happy to move to GA! But we did have easier transactions, after that one awful move...

I am in the Air Force and can understand your situation. We have been at 4 gyms before settling where we are now, and very happy, but not all of the times I've had to move her have gone so well.

Owners and coaches have a choice in how they want to deal with athletes (who are kids, mind you) when we leave. We have a choice in how we want to speak of their business. I don't believe in revenge, but honesty only seems right in a situation like this.

 

[flyer4life]

I left my gym at the end of the 09-10 season and it was probably the best decision I've made in my whole life. I had very good reasons (which I'd rather no discuss) why I left. Let's just say the memories aren't pleasant. Anyways, my parents had everything paid, and it was all good. I did feel kind of bad because we were an extremely small gym (I'm talking maybe 30 athletes) and almost every single person quit or switched gyms, and the owner had to shut down her gym. But the same thing happened to me when the head coach unfriended all of us who switched to a different gym, and then some other crazy stuff happened (again, which I'd rather not discuss). As I said it was the best decision I've made in my life, so I say if you have that feeling in your gut that this gym just isn't right for you, by all means switch, but make sure everything is paid for and all that kind of stuff.

 

[Num1Stunta]

I don't think you should feel bad about it at all... I still have bonds with kids I coached at my prior gym, who either left right before I did or exactly when I did. I still keep in touch with their parents, still run into them at competitions, etc. It's not awkward for me, as I understand that they left the gym to seek out a better fit for their child's wants and needs.

It's important for coaches/owners to be honest about what kind of team/program they have. If you only have 3 or 4 level 4 kids, and they have no choice but to cheer on a level 3 team, they're going to want to explore other opportunities. If you have a few kids on your team who always show up for practice when half of the team gets a free pass to be absent, those kids are going to be seeking out a program that has a stricter attendance policy. If you have a 10 year old with level 5 skills, and you only have a Senior 5 at your gym, she's going to want to go to a gym with a youth or junior 5.

You have to know what you can and can't offer a kid, and always understand that it's usually not an issue of "well, I don't like you so we're leaving." As tinytumblersmom said, it's not an easy decision to leave any gym, let alone one you've been at for a while. Most of the time, coaches handle it in a mature way, but there are always a few coaches who will take things too personally.

I mentioned my niece in a "switching gyms" thread a while back, and her coaches absolutely did not handle the situation in a mature way. Defriending on facebook, talking smack to her friends at the gym (she's TEN), requesting that she turn in all of her uniform and practice gear that they paid for, refused to give them back fundraising money (she had an overage of $400 in her account which they used to buy a new tumbling mat),etc. Her stepmom was her former coach at this gym, and she chose my nephew's 6th birthday party to scream at my niece and have her father tell her "when you're here on my weekends, you're not going to cheerleading at this new gym." lovely, lovely people they are.... I missed the party because we were competing that weekend, but I wish I was there honestly because I would have had to fight this lady lol

 

[ctgatormom]

I'm not sure why people act the way they do...Crazy people are everywhere and cheerleading is no different. As far as being deleted from people's fb. Dont sweat it. They were never worth it anyway! When we left a program awhile back they not only deleted and blocked me but they did it to my cp too...Classy

 

[hopskipandjump]

As the owner of a non profit gym I will give you some of my reasons why I care:
1. When one of my assistant coaches with a child and could not pay the 20 dollars per month she paid at the time with us told me at the end of the season that she was trying something different. She did. She went to the largest most expensive gym in Maryland. And now she talks crap about me all the time. How I was holding her child back .... um she was 5.
2. When people don't pay us but go to another more expensive gym (almost every gym in America is more expensive than ours).
3. When a parent thinks their child is going to be a superstar at the next gym when that same child doesn't really want to cheer at all.
4. Because I do this because I love them, even the troubled ones. I never want them to leave. It hurts.
5. Because it does take some time to build a strong program. It doesn't happen overnight and I am old enough to remember some very large excellent programs now that were not so excellent when they started.
Having said this, I have had a very few that have left to go to another gym. But those that have, I wish them well and always want to hear about what is going on in their lives.

 

[Kami]

I understand what your all saying about leaving your old gym and the coachs being upset, but take it as a compliment. They wouldn't be upset if your child didn't enhance their program.

 

[hopskipandjump]

We went through this at the end of the 09-10 season, also, and the only thing I could come up with is this:

When you develop bonds, whether teammates or fellow moms or whatever, you create a heartfelt connection. When one person feels the need to "break" the bond - by leaving the gym, in this instance - it doesn't matter to those that are left WHY you decided to leave, they take it personally. That's how people are.

In essence, you broke up with them and said "It's not you, it's me..."

Or maybe they never really liked you to begin with and they were your fb friend because of the gym affiliation. Goodness knows, I de-friended people on fb after we left our old gym for that exact reason. I waited a little bit, though, so it wasn't quite so obvious...

Sometimes parents are afraid of what a coach/owner might say when they hear an athlete won't be returning. People don't like confrontation and don't want to have to explain themselves. They feel like they're turning their back on someone (or a gym) that helped their cp become the athlete they are now, and the parent may feel guilty for leaving.

"When you develop bonds, whether teammates or fellow moms or whatever, you create a heartfelt connection. When one person feels the need to "break" the bond - by leaving the gym, in this instance - it doesn't matter to those that are left WHY you decided to leave, they take it personally. That's how people are."
So perfectly stated.

 

[gymncheercoach]

Well, not so much a rival--they don't compete at the same comps even! But she did lose a LOT of people after that first season. But I just feel like that is to be expected. Really at the end of any season people move around from gym to gym, but after a first season I guess i would have just expected it--for any number of reasons (it wasn't what people thought it was going to be like, people expected it to grow overnight and it didn't, etc.). And she gained a lot of people too--she's still going strong!

But this new one here? I sort of get it, because I think there has been some drama surrounding the different coaches coming from other programs...but being new to the area, I haven't been privy to most of that. It just seems like so much drama over someone making a decision for their family. Why do other people care so much where my kids cheer (or any other family's kids)???

I had a very small program in a small city. I was the only program in the city, but there were larger gyms in neighboring cities. I had a limited number of kids and could only offer 2 teams. If kids chose to leave due to scheduling conflicts or because their child needed a different level of team to make use of their talents- I completely understood.
I will tell you what would tick me off though. I had kids that would come from one of the neighboring gyms that didn't make the cut at tryouts because they 'couldn't do a back handspring' and the parents would be very upset that the gym basically didn't care about any child who couldn't do a back handspring or tuck. I didn't do any cuts so I would take them on the team and once they got their handspring or tuck- they magically vanished off the face of the earth for the bigger gym that wouldn't give them a glance before. I was well known for being able to teach any child any tumbling skill as I have a very strong gymnastics background. I felt used over the years as I had a lot who only came to get their skills up enough to get on the 'big' team, but such is life I guess. I couldn't fathom why someone would take their child back to a gym that didn't care enough to teach their child unless they met their standards.

The nice thing is that the 'bigger gym' has a better coaching staff than they did a few years ago and they now take kids in from the ground up and develop them where as before they literally showed them the door if they didn't have the tumbling skills they were looking for.

 

[armycheermom]

I am in the Air Force and can understand your situation. We have been at 4 gyms before settling where we are now, and very happy, but not all of the times I've had to move her have gone so well.

Owners and coaches have a choice in how they want to deal with athletes (who are kids, mind you) when we leave. We have a choice in how we want to speak of their business. I don't believe in revenge, but honesty only seems right in a situation like this.

Last I heard, the gym closed and has been closed for quite some time, but even when they were still open, I bit my tongue & refused to say anything negative about the gym,since a lot of the kids & parents were as sweet as they come, but if someone asked me my opinion about the gym, I told them that I wasn't happy with the way we were treated while we were moving, but I tried to balance out the bad with the good.....I understand that the owner is running a business and you have to do what is best for the team and the gym, not just one child and if they would have asked her to step down off them team, so that they could put another girl in her position and re-work the routine, I would have understood, as she has had to do it before, and I would have put her in tumbling classes & fly classes, as always. I also don't believe in revenge and was actually a bit sad when I heard they've been closed for a while, but I was happy that I wouldn't have to talk about the gym again...why beat a dead horse?

 

[ellen495]

Ok. For most of us, the season is over, and the new season is upon us. And, as many of you know, we are going to a new gym in town.

But I've "met" a few people on here that are also heading to the new gym. They are leaving programs they've been with for however long...I really don't know the story for most of them. But IT'S A NEW SEASON. So why all the drama? I've heard from soooooo many people that they can't say where they're coming from, haven't told their old gym, etc.

After our first season in cheer, we changed gyms (to a big gym from a small first-year gym). We finished all the competitions (except for my older one who was injured and couldn't compete--but she still "suited up" and went). We paid all our bills (on time). We left with written notice, after the season was over and before the new one began. I wrote a long, heartfelt letter to the coach, thanking her for the year my daughters spent there. I gave her an honest explanation of the reason we were leaving--mostly schedule conflicts, and that I felt like the new gym had more teams and would therefore be more likely to have a team at my older daughter's level (the small gym only had Senior 4, which my daughter was in no way ready for).

The thanks I got for leaving this way? Within 24 hours I was "unfriended" on Facebook by at least 10 people (not that this is the end of the world, but it's still rude). At the parade over the summer when we went to say hi to old teammates, we were ignored. It's been a couple years, and still these people act like we are persona non grata to them.

We talk all the time on here (and by talk I mean argue until the thread gets locked ) about changing gyms mid-season and releases and all that. And I'm sure you all know how I feel about that (for those that don't...I'm not a fan. Finish out your season and THEN move on). BUT THIS THREAD ISN'T ABOUT THAT...SO PLEEEEASE DON'T TURN IT INTO THAT.

What I want to know is WHY do people get soooo upset if you leave after the season? What is the big deal with making a decision that is good for my family? I've talked to a lot of these moms, and no one is bashing their old gyms...no one is trying to "steal" other families. They just saw a new program open up, thought it looked good, looked into it, and decided it met THEIR family's needs better. They're doing what we all say you should do...finishing out the season and then making a new decision. But still it has to be so hush hush...and when people find out? It's like they've committed a crime.

So, what gives with all the Susie's Mama Drama?

Same thing happened to us. I still love the kids from my old gym and cheer them on, but the owner unfriend my daughter! When we see them at comps, I always say great job to them (coaches and kids) and get the same back from the kids -but the owners refuse to ever say good job to my child. One owner even went up to her this past weekend and told her all about how well her own team did, but didn't say a word to cp her about how well she did (first place I might add). Her feelings were pretty hurt.
I'm glad it's been a full year now since we left. I will always cheer on the kids from past gym and wish them the very best. We made the right move for us - philosophy is a better fit.
Good luck with your new season!!

 

[lakerfantlc]

It's weird to me...it would be like unfriending someone for liking in and out burgers more than mc'donalds...it's a product and we are consumers...sheeeesh....in the end...that is the reason most of us leave nasty gyms...they are more concerned with their own egos and "unfriending" people than being worried about the product they put on the floor...so we leave....no drama....that's life...move on...IMO

 

[cheer97]

I'm still not sure why it's such a big deal. I know feelings are hurt, but in the end you have to do what is best for your cp. Maybe the gym you are at hasn't progressed, but your cp has, then you have to take them to a gym where they can grow even more. I know the grass isn't always greener on the other side, but sometimes it is greener, you just have to make the jump. If you do it after the season and your obligation to that team is over, I see no problem with it. And like most have posted, if you lose friends from your old team for it, then clearly they weren't friends to begin with. I have plenty of friends who cheer for other gyms and had no problems when we made the jump and we are still friends today.

 

[cheermuse]

There are some folks who have to feed the need for drama. I so hate this time of the year when one season ends and another begins. I know the following cheer drama is coming:

a. Who's leaving and who's staying?
b. so n so went to (rival gym)
c. If my cp is put on a level_ again, where leaving.
d. If my cp is not a flyer, (granted child lacks any flying skills and parent is not willing to take stunt lessons, parent feels her child should fly because she is 4"7 and weights 65lbs)

My cp has cheered for 6 years in all-star and I have seen folks come and go and I still dont understand why folks get so nasty about a family leaving one gym for the next. I do understand how owner & coaches can be upset when a family leaves and goes to rival gym in the same town. But when a family makes a decision to leave one program for another and its a valid reason.

(Not because they feel their cp should be on a level 5 team or point at jumps & dance or have the last tumbling pass and the new gym promised her all this if they leave gym A) It should be respected.

I have always respected their decision, although I miss them. As said if you were friends while at the same gym, your friendship should not stop because your not part of the same program anymore. I just hate when families leave a program and go to a rival program and when you see them at a comp in the future they are now trashing your gym. I have always said, if you decide to leave and explore other programs its your perogative, just dont feel like you have to continue to validate your decision every time we see each other.