All-Star Where's The Loyalty?

[MissCongeniality]

As a parent I'm very worried about the direction our society has taken. My child is priority and loyalty involves a lot of definitions and situations. My issues stem from commitment. When you join a team you have made a commitment and it should be honored until the season is over. What an athlete and their parent choose to do after that is not of my concern, HOWEVER, I do believe that when that decision is based solely on winning and losing or the fact they think they are better is not always a valid and true reason. Now I'm not saying that this is NEVER a valid reason. I have seen some very poor programs on many levels that yes I would have left and I had stated previously that my child is a level 5 tumbler at the age of 9 and is on her 3rd season on a level 3 team because we only have senior level 4&5. Not enough younger athletes with those skills to form a team and the only gym to have these teams is 2 hours away. We stay because 1 she has been able to gain those skills at her gym so she's not being held back. 2 she loves her team and her coaches. They are family and she competes with confidence because she's consistent in her skills. I see too many kids that don't perfect a skill before trying to progress. The parents don't understand there is a progression that should be followed for success and when anyone tries to push that progression they think their child is being held back or stifled. I see parents get mad because their child is struggling in their pass or in a stunt and the coaches make a change but the parent doesn't see that change as what's best for the team to win and maybe give the child a chance to relax and work on the skill without the stress and pressure of doing it in competition. This world has turned into selfish and i want it now mentality and raising our kids this way is very dangerous. I wish parents would take a step back, curb the emotions and think about all aspects of the sport and what's really going on before making a decision.


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Hypothetically speaking...
What if your child was 12 and your beloved gym suddenly could field nothing higher than a struggling (and by that I mean only about half the team has true level 4 skills) level 4 team? What would you do then?

 

[Rahcheermom!]

Well first I would rely on her feelings about it. If we were thru with the season and she felt she was ready to move on then I would consider it but honestly until she is old enough and ready to possibly make a team that goes to worlds what is the point? Maybe I'm naive. But my child at 9 is a leader in her gym as well as on her team. She is growing and developing skills that will make her successful in life not just cheer and that is what's most important to me because cheer will eventually come to an end and she won't compete for life.


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[MissCongeniality]

Well first I would rely on her feelings about it. If we were thru with the season and she felt she was ready to move on then I would consider it but honestly until she is old enough and ready to possibly make a team that goes to worlds what is the point? Maybe I'm naive. But my child at 9 is a leader in her gym as well as on her team. She is growing and developing skills that will make her successful in life not just cheer and that is what's most important to me because cheer will eventually come to an end and she won't compete for life.


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Everything you mention here is about your daughter and what cheer brings to her. I have no issues with that at all. That is how it should be. Your loyalty is to your child and what she is gaining...not to the team she is on. Right now that also means being "loyal" to her team/program...but in the future those paths may diverge.

I'm just using your post as a jumping off point but I think and the following is totally not directed at you...
Too often on here we see parents of mini and youth age kids speaking in absolutes about things like - if teammates were doing drugs that would be an automatic goodbye to the gym- or being loyal with 8 year old Susie on the youth 2 team when she could be on a youth 5 if only the closest one weren't totally across the entire country ... So many others on here with older kids now were there in the past and have realized it isn't always so easy to speak in such "absolutes" as your child gets older.

 

[Rahcheermom!]

And I don't disagree but for our area and our gym it's slightly a different beast. My issues are not with changing programs if that's what's best but our gym could have those teams. We have had good athletes with good teams that if they were able to keep it together for the most part it would grow into a powerful level 5 team but sooo many of the younger ones don't understand what it takes to be a level 4 or 5 cheerleader and neither do their parents. For example. There's 1 parent that has a child that is on a level 1 junior team and she will age out after this season. The parent says to me her child is aging out of level 1. Everyone tries to explain this but they don't get it. Or how about that child that starts at 4 on a tiny team and by her 3rd season she's still at level 1 skills and put on the mini team but the parent thinks she should be on a youth or junior (probably because she wants her to fly) but the child isn't mature enough. Then they leave. We are struggling more right now with younger lower level athletes and it's primarily because it's not about learning and progressing in the right way which is beneficial for everyone but they want their child to be front and center flyer and a team they are just not ready for. Yes the things I speak about are what's good for my child but because she has progressed and perfected her skills and has been coachable and I as a parent have listened and trusted in the coaches my child is good for her team and would be good for any team she pursued. Why is it wrong to think of this as teaching and growing hard working team oriented kids into successful good hard working adults? I just believe there is more to it than winning. Is it not success if each competition the team improves. And some of the gyms that we have lost athletes to don't go to competitions that are even competitive and that's not winning to me. It has to be a challenge.


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[cheerisloving]

Yes the things I speak about are what's good for my child but because she has progressed and perfected her skills and has been coachable and I as a parent have listened and trusted in the coaches my child is good for her team and would be good for any team she pursued. Why is it wrong to think of this as teaching and growing hard working team oriented kids into successful good hard working adults? I just believe there is more to it than winning. Is it not success if each competition the team improves. And some of the gyms that we have lost athletes to don't go to competitions that are even competitive and that's not winning to me. It has to be a challenge.

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What I've seen in the sport is that accepting the program's success, good or bad, can make or break how an athlete's mentality grows overtime. The girls from my gym, stayed even when we lost and many of them never progressed. Some of the best athletes decided to stick it out at home but grew complacent in not being able to use their skills and lost interest in the sport. The girls who left for better opportunity thrived for the most part. I had a friend who left for a bigger program, and was on J5 team. Program was acquired by another big name, and she quit before ever making a world's team because she didn't like the gym that brought out the program, and she had no other feasible options.

 

[Rahcheermom!]

Ultimately I think there are a lot of things to consider and I wouldn't judge anybody that was doing what's right for their child and family as long as it was done for the right reasons and not simply because they are not fully understanding the sport levels and skills and not solely because they in their mind think their child is the super star being held back.


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[SL&AM]

And I don't disagree but for our area and our gym it's slightly a different beast. My issues are not with changing programs if that's what's best but our gym could have those teams. We have had good athletes with good teams that if they were able to keep it together for the most part it would grow into a powerful level 5 team but sooo many of the younger ones don't understand what it takes to be a level 4 or 5 cheerleader and neither do their parents. For example. There's 1 parent that has a child that is on a level 1 junior team and she will age out after this season. The parent says to me her child is aging out of level 1. Everyone tries to explain this but they don't get it. Or how about that child that starts at 4 on a tiny team and by her 3rd season she's still at level 1 skills and put on the mini team but the parent thinks she should be on a youth or junior (probably because she wants her to fly) but the child isn't mature enough. Then they leave. We are struggling more right now with younger lower level athletes and it's primarily because it's not about learning and progressing in the right way which is beneficial for everyone but they want their child to be front and center flyer and a team they are just not ready for. Yes the things I speak about are what's good for my child but because she has progressed and perfected her skills and has been coachable and I as a parent have listened and trusted in the coaches my child is good for her team and would be good for any team she pursued. Why is it wrong to think of this as teaching and growing hard working team oriented kids into successful good hard working adults? I just believe there is more to it than winning. Is it not success if each competition the team improves. And some of the gyms that we have lost athletes to don't go to competitions that are even competitive and that's not winning to me. It has to be a challenge.


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Honestly, this sounds like a communication issue with the younger parents. I've been around a few blocks with the Tiny and Mini aged kids and parents and I've found that parents understand things once they've actually been explained to them. Yes, you'll still have Susie Superstar who just HAS to move gyms to be 'higher' but those are more of a rarity. Perhaps I'm just naive or haven't experienced enough gyms, I'm by no means all knowing, but I do think all parents need some sort of 'intro' into cheer to understand that Level 1 Mini and Level 1 Senior is still Level 1.

 

[Mom2Cheergirls]

Well first I would rely on her feelings about it. If we were thru with the season and she felt she was ready to move on then I would consider it but honestly until she is old enough and ready to possibly make a team that goes to worlds what is the point? Maybe I'm naive. But my child at 9 is a leader in her gym as well as on her team. She is growing and developing skills that will make her successful in life not just cheer and that is what's most important to me because cheer will eventually come to an end and she won't compete for life.


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About a thousand times yes. There are many skills you can get that come beyond cheer skills. We had a debate this year of switching to a bigger gym and had to also equal in the needs of multiple CPs in our home. What it came down to was which program would provide the most growth for them as children growing into adults. The teams they would have been on are winning more than where we are, but when I look at my kids and what they have gained 1st their skills are still progressing but more importantly they have each gained real life growth through a variety of experiences (some great some not so great) that came with us staying where we are. So no you are not naive... wins are great but there is so much more and it becomes much more substantial when parents recognize and nurture that growth as well.