All-Star Confessions Of A Cheermom

[CricketCheerMom]

Someone needs to start a "People of Cheerleading" website like the Walmart one. We can post pics of competition horrors with those little black bars like they used to use in Glamour Magazine to hide their identity. But DO NOT take any pictures of a random cheer mom sleeping in her car or hiding in the cheap seats while her kids compete. I'm just sayin. Of course I couldn't contribute because we've already established I don't take pictures.

totally the competitions at the fairgrounds are the best ones to get those pics

 

[CricketCheerMom]

My husband blogs about the competition at the fairgrounds every year.....I must find a post and share it.

 

[CricketCheerMom]

MY HUSBAND's blog post from the fair competition 2011​

OTHER THOUGHTS AS I PONDER WHETHER CHET ENDED UP TELLING HIS PARENTS ABOUT GARY AND WYATT'S WILD WEEKEND . . . .​

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Get it on, got to get it on, no choice but to get it on . . . .​

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Once again I delved into the world of competitive cheer having sat through "The Girl's" annual tournament at the South Florida Fair. Since I am a keen observer of the human condition - a veritable Ken Burns documentary, if you must say - I once again indulge you with another installment of the Michael A. Rodriguez "Running Diary" version of "Random Ramblings of the Married Man." With my trusty BlackBerry's "Memopad" feature handy to record all of my observations, I embark on another attempt to record the actions, sounds, and sights of what's going on around me . . . if, but in a slightly askewed world view. These are the times where "The Mrs." wonders whether she should just leave me in a padded cell or not show me off in public. Of course, I'm just thinking, "Am I alone in having these thoughts in my head? Is this normal? If it isn't, what is going through the minds of all the other 'dads' who are sitting at these cheermeets with the same vacant stare that a hostage has during one of those videos aired by terrorists in the 1980s?" The stories you are about to read our true, with only the names of the innocent concealed to protect their identity:​

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6:01 - I hear screaming coming outside my bedroom door. It must be the weekly morning ritual of getting "The Girl" ready to depart for the tournament. I usually, and wisely, avoid these confrontations at all costs. All I can hear from outside my closed bedroom door is the voice of "The Girl" screaming, "Uh, mommy, it's Varsity! Duh!" I can bear no more and go back to sleep.​

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The author hard at work during the 2011 Florida Match Play Championships.​

8:11​

- I wake up to silence. "The Mrs." and "The Girl" must've left for the South Florida Fairgrounds. I roll over in bed to find "The Boy" cuddling his new "Pillow Pet." I have to wake him up to go to mass so that he can get his CCD Attendance Card (if you're not Catholic, go ahead and find a Catholic friend to explain it to you).​

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8:44 - I get a text message from "The Mrs." that I missed a "fight" at the site of the tournament between two moms. Now, most of you know that I've been waiting five years for the moment two cheer moms go "Biggie-Tupac" on us, and now I find out via text that this moment is actually happening and I happen to be in my car driving "The Boy" to church and not there to see it in person!! Oh, man!!​

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10:38 - Finally arrive at the Coral Sky/MARRS Music/Sound Advice/Tweeter/Cruzan Amphitheatre, the site of the "2011 Florida Match Play Championships." Now I'm looking around to find "The Mrs." and "The Girl." This is an impossible task as they all look identically alike . . . . and all the cheerleaders look alike too! Find "The Mrs." and "The Girl" sitting in the equivalent of a "suite". It's at this point that "The Mrs." tells me that the cheermom altercation I missed actually involved her and a cheermom from Miami. I don't know whether to feel pride or horror. I'm so confused.​

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10:45 - "The Boy" asks, "When are we going to the Fair?"​

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10:46 - "The Boy" asks, "When are we going to the Fair?"​

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10:47 - "The Boy" asks, "When are we going to the Fair?"​

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10:48 - I am now beginning to take trade offers for "The Boy." I'll trade him away for nothing at this point . . . cash considerations . . . even Peja Stojakovic's expiring contract!​

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10:51 - For the first time in the five years I've been coming to this tournament, the staff of the amphitheatre is actually caring about keeping the aisles free and clear of people. What?!?! Don't you know that aisles clogged with socializing cheerleaders and cheer tournaments go hand in hand. I'm beginning to sense this is going to be a losing proposition.​

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10:57 - Oh boy, here come the Cougars . . . and I don't mean the cheerleading team by that name!​

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Do you think they thought out the ramifications of their team's nickname?​

11:08​

- The first head-to-head match-up of the day (it's Match Play which means two cheer teams "face-off" against each other, but not in a ​

Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo ​

sort of way). Damnit, I had a "five-spot" riding on Boca Extreme winning the coin toss. I wonder what is the trend for teams losing the coin toss but then going on to win their Match Play? You know what . . . Teddy Covers in Vegas has this probably figured out to a science - like teams winning the coin toss are 25-14 after winning the toss in daylight Match Play, but only 15-10 at night. I bet the odds change if a team wins the coin toss, but defers and elects to go second - like teams that defer are 16-6. This prompts me and my father-in-law to yell from our seats like degenerate gamblers (or Tony Sporano on the sidelines), "Defer! Defer!!" after each coin toss.​

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11:09 - Top Gun from Miami wins the toss and elects to receive the kickoff . . . oops, force of habit, I meant to say goes first. The music in their routine flaunts their National Championship. Bah! There are over 500 national champions in just one calendar year in competitive cheerleading! This is a system that makes the BCS look like the fairest way of selecting a champion. And don't even get me started on the number of divisions and classifications - it's easier to decifer the weight classes in boxing.​

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11:31 - A cheer gym called "Freedom All-Stars" just took the stage and their team name is "Team Justice!" Ladies and gentlemen, our first Tea Party Cheer Squad!!!​

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11:33 - Holy crap! "Team Justice's" music is all 80s hits! OMD, New Order, Oingo Boingo, Wang Chung, Simple Minds - even throwing in a little Young MC's "Bust A Move." They've got me hooked. I'm up on my feet yelling, "NOBAMA! NOBAMA!! NOBAMA!!!"​

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11:39 - Another Match Play coming up which is being hyped by the MC as "The Battle For Wellington!" Oh yeah, this is just like the Bloods and the Crips . . . if the Bloods and Crips drove Volvo station wagons and wore riding pants.​

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11:48 - Someone just brought a "Deep Fried Reese's Peanut Butter Cup" to our table. I tried it and I have to say, it's pretty damn good. It's like the hot stripper version of a churro - both beautifully amazing and frighteningly dangerous all at the same time!​

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11:50 - Now they've brought a deep fried peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I cannot cross THAT line, though. I'm afraid that's the answer to a question that just wasn't asked.​

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11:52 - Wow! The "Triple Threat All-Stars" just took the stage with Skee-Lo playing over the loud speakers. NICE!! Maybe this is finally the year I hear more Old Skool at these things! Maybe this will give the "Triple Threat All-Stars" some good karma to fight off the "Five Tool All-Stars!" (I could probably count on one hand the people that got that joke . . . I digress, let's just move on).​

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"I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller, I wish I had a girl who looked good I would call her . . . ."​

12:03 ​

- Event Staff is back asking cheerleaders to clear the aisles and keep moving. I'm telling you, Skippy, keeping cheerleaders moving in the aisles is as unlikely as finding a black guy at a Rush concert.​

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12:08 - "The Mrs." has started a business making cheer bows. Our house is full of cheer bows in various states of construction. This now has me looking at all the cheer bows here at the meet and thinking to myself, "Self, that cheer bow totally sucks. My wife's bows are so much better!" Right now if "1993 Michael" walked up to "2011 Michael," he'd give "2011 Michael" a look of sheer and utter disappointment, and then kick "2011 me" in the nards! ​

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12:10 - Another one of "Top Gun's" cheer squads takes the stage. For those of you unfamiliar, "Top Gun" is the Cobra Kai of the competitive cheer world. Seriously, I swear I just saw Billy Zabka coaching them up offstage before this scheduled performance.​

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12:11 - Hey, look at that! "Top Gun" just dropped a flyer. Really!?!? I thought they were the National Champs and the best gym in the universe! Huh, well that just left me feeling like one of those wives on a Lifetime TV movie that found out her husband was living a double life . . . I just feel deceived.​

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12:22 - Wait?!?! You mean to tell me that the "Freedom All-Stars" (the Tea Party team) also have teams called "Team Faith" and "Team Liberty"!?!?!? Seriously, I can't make up poop as good as that!​

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12:38 - Now I'm stuck in the concession line getting "The Girl" some food before she goes on stage. Wow, they're selling beer at this meet. Oh yeah, watered down $8.00 beer is just what this event needs right now. Then again it got me thinking (and we all know how dangerous that can be), I wonder what it would be like to sit through one of these things while intoxicated? My mind just gave itself the creeps. I just lived Green Day's "Basket Case" right here in line waiting for hot dogs!​

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12:41 - I'm still in line! Now there are two Cougars at the head of the line complaining about the quality of their beers! Seriously?!?! You've got to be kidding me, right? Do you two women realize where you are and where you just bought your beer from!?!? Then again, the one in the boots is kinda hot. ​

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I swear that Ronnie from "Jersey Shore" was standing next to me in the concession line. Fist pumps! Fist pumps!​

12:54 ​

- Time for the first Awards Ceremony of the day (there are three of these scheduled . . . I kid you not!). The MC is trying to get all the cheerleaders organized on the stage. It's like herding cats, and he's losing the battle. I wish he had shown as much urgency today as the Golden Globes guy playing the "Get off the stage!" music.​

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12:59 - They're now throwing Mardi Gras beads on the stage to all the competitors. More mayhem on stage! Now they're throwing them into the crowd. Oh, c'mon, there has to be at least one tipsy cougar who's going to lift her top for a bead. C'mon, please!!! I'm in for $750.00 just to see one of them do it. C'mon, big money! Big money! No whammies!​

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"I'm one hundred cheerleaders on stage trying to catch one set of Mardi Gras beads thrown by a young and eager MC . . . ."​

1:01​

- While taking "The Boy" to the bathroom for the eighth time in two hours, I notice that the Wellington All-Star Jaguars parents and cheerleaders have t-shirts on featuring the logo of the NFL's Jacksonville Jaguars. That got me thinking (uh-oh, here we go again), "Hey, I don't think that's official licensed merchandise of the NFL!" Now, with competitive cheer being as cut-throat as it is (C'mon, they made a Lifetime movie about cheermoms in Texas committing murder!), how is it that another team out there hasn't placed an "anonymous tip" to the NFL licensing folks to rat them out. C'mon, it would at least be a quiet form of economic sabotage -- think of either the copyright issues they'd be fighting or the costs of replacing all those shirts! This is the dangerous place where the law and cheerleading converge.​

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1:27 - Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch's "Good Vibrations" is playing over the sound system as we wait for the next cheer squad to take the stage. Somewhere out there, Mark Wahlberg is screaming, "That's not me, damnit!! That's not me!!! I'm Dirk Diggler! I'm Sgt. Dignam!! I'm Micky Ward, goddamnit!!"​

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1:35 - Now Duran Duran's "Girls On Film" is playing over the sound system. Ooh, that's not an appropriate song to be playing here. Really?!?! I haven't heard something this inappropriate since convicted pedophile Gary Glitter's "Rock n Roll Pt. 1" was playing here three years ago.​

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1:46 - I've now been sitting here for over three hours and the closest I've come to fulfilling my wish that a squad play some Old Skool Rap is Skee-Lo's "I Wish." I know I say this every year that I wish some team would choreograph their routine to NWA, Run-DMC, 3rd Bass, Spoonie-G, The Treacherous 3, KRS-ONE and BDP or even Public Enemy but alas, just likeCar & Driver wishing every year that Mercury would release the Grand Marquis de Sade edition and the Turnpike Cruiser, my wishes will remain unfulfilled.​

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2:06 - The MC keeps making references to how close these two teams finished in the scoring - "Only nine-tenths of a point separated these two teams . . . " Seriously, buddy, how is this going to matter in my life . . . unless I were allowed to bet on these routines! Now, THAT would be something! Can you imagine cheer tournaments with betting on the point spreads?!!?! Oh my God, I'm breaking out into cold sweats just thinking about it! That's what this sport needs to attract more dads - or at a minimum have them more interested. Can you imagine how much fun it would be to come to these events to root on your daughter, and lay 2.5 points on Top Gun to cover the spread against Ultimate Cheer?!? ​

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2:21 - Would it be wrong for me to say that watching this squad do their routine is like watching a train wreck?!? They're dropping kids . . . they're off sync . . . that squad is like the passengers in Con Air - you just don't know what the hell's gonna happen with them.​

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2:47 - OK, now we're just seven minutes behind schedule pursuant to the timetable handed out at the start of this thing. We were 17 minutes behind about an hour ago. We must've caught a tailwind over Atlanta.​

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2:51 - Another "Top Gun" team is taking the stage and this time their introductory music is "Paradise City" by Guns N' Roses. By the way, "Cheer Tournament or Strip Club?" would be a riveting music game show.​

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3:09 - "The Girl's" squad is about to take the stage which means I've been thrown down into the "pit" to take pictures. Much like last year, I'm muscling my way to the front and throwing down elbows like Bill Lambier against the Celtics in the 1988 Eastern Conference Finals. I kind of like being the muscle in the pit. I feel like Jerry in that episode of Seinfeld when he faces down the Opera crowd.​

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"I kinda like this opera crowd, I feel tough... Anybody else got a problem?"​

3:12​

- Oh boy! "The Girl" has the "Eye of the Tiger" going. She was a "free agent" this summer and switched cheer gyms because her old gym wouldn't let her "fly." Now that she's "flying" at her new gym, she's set out to prove her old gym wrong for giving up on her. She's like LeBron James taking on the role of villain. I'm waiting for her to drop double nickels on Cleveland later this season!​

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3:23 - Hold it! Hold it! Hold it!! You mean to tell me there's a gym out there called the "Bay City Storm" and they're not dropping any Bay City Rollers in their routine!?!?!? WTF . . . and I don't mean "Wow That's Funny!" ​

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3:24 - Okay, the "Bay City Storm" just redeemed themselves by incorporating "Get Crazy" by LMFAO in their routine. What song is that, you ask? Well that's the theme song to Jersey Shore. Look at that, I can see Ronnie fist pumping on the side of the stage!!! Is that Sammi Sweatheart with him?​

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3:39 - The "Wellington Cougars" are on the stage now (the cheer squad, not the moms) and the music in their routine just said, "Cougar girls like to be on top!" Either their coaches have a sick sense of humor and being totally inappropriate, or they are just plain clueless. Another sad byproduct of this team are the "boyfriends" of their cheerleaders wearing t-shirts that read "I [HEART] COUGARS."​

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3:54 - "The Boy" is in full "meltdown mode" right now. It's DEFCOM 3 here. He's tolerated five hours of all this. Maybe it's time to take him next door to the Fair. Good timing, too, because I just realized I did something that I thought couldn't be done . . . . I reached the full memory capacity of the "Memopad" feature on my BlackBerry. WOW!​

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4:04 - "The Boy" has convinced me to ride the "Himalaya" ride with him. Bad idea! I haven't ridden that since the Immaculate Conception Carnival in Hialeah in 1985! All of my childhood psychoses and traumas are rushing to the forefront right now as my left shoulder is getting pressed into the side of the "car." All I'm waiting for is the stoned carnie to scream, "YOU WANNA GO FASTER!!!!!"​

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5:02 - We're back at the Coral Sky/MARRS Music/Sound Advice/Tweeter/Cruzan Amphitheater for the Awards Ceremony featuring "The Girl's" team. The anticipation mounts . . . .​

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5:18 - Huh?!?! They didn't "beat" the other team?!?!?!? Seven hours and just that?!?!? Time for me to walk over to the judges table and give them the Ronnie James Dio stinkeye . . . .​

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Second place? Really? Are you sure about that?​

Oh well, "The Girl" will bounce back from this and get back on her feet in two weeks for another meet. Where it is, I'm not sure because I won't be traveling with "The Mrs." and "The Girl" for that one. Yup, it's baseball season again and I'm about to embark in the great social experiment of having a predominantly Hispanic team of 7 and 8 year olds in a predominantly white League. We may not win every game, but our stands will be rockin' with tumbadoras, guiros, and maybe even a horn section.​

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Is there a moral to this story . . . . nah, I just like telling it . . . .​

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[NoDramaCheerMama]

L5cheermom I LOVE you for creating this thread! So happy to know I'm not the only cheap, bored, evil (wishing other stunts fall-no injuries of course), lush of a cheer parent out there...validation that there are others like me . I vote for a fierceboard section at all comps so we can do these things together....:chestbump: the majority of people at our gym are totally fuddy duds.

 

[cheermeup]

I have another confession, well three.

I met some of my very best friends to this day on cheer social media. Before Fierceboard and before ProX there was a yahoo group called CheerParentsRUs or something equally as cheesy. OMG, I've just aged myself... I don't know how it happened because it was all email, but I formed friendships with mstealtoyou ufomom ACEDAD cheer2win TheUltimateFan and others who no longer post here. I consider these people among my best friends and talk with at least one of them daily. Only the kids that were super young when we were in that email group are still young enough to cheer. We've been together and stayed together through our kids aging out. Cultivate your friendships on here, they are very real.

I hate that I can't edit my post on here when I have a typo. It bugs me more than it should.

My recon methods; I've called gyms when they didn't list teams on their website to see if they had a team in our division. I haven't done this, but a dad from an opposing team sent me a friend request on Facebook. I accepted it because of his profile picture. I creeped out his profile and the next time I logged on he had unfriended me and his profile was on lockdown. I feel bad for him, because I'm the mom who doesn't take pictures. I think that friend requesting is kind of creepy, but I will like a gym or teams page.

 

[CricketCheerMom]

So, who is going to the competition at the South Florida Fair?? Need someone to hang with! lol!

 

[BeFIERCE365]

I'm not a parent, but a coach. I will say after 4 years of being with my husband, he followed me to my college competitions and has been following me to my all-star teams comps for the last 3 years. Before that, he followed his sister around in high school. He is very very well versed in cheerleading, knows the rules, what's illegal and what's not, and knows when a team is terrible. He is not shy at all about voicing it either What makes it better? He's a football coach!

 

[DeadVolvo]

Okay I'm definitely not a cheer mom but reading all of these confessions really made my night! Best thread I've read in a while.

Me too - 7 years of elite gymnastics but first as allstar cheer and starting at level 5 so I am learning it all by the seat of my pants! Hilarious and DEFINITELY different from gymnastics. I am making notes all over my ipad.

 

[bestbackspot]

Hope the EP's don't see this thread!

 

[L5cheermom]

Hope the EP's don't see this thread!

I'm sure there are no surprises here. Lol

 

[CheerDadof2]

MY HUSBAND's blog post from the fair competition 2011​

OTHER THOUGHTS AS I PONDER WHETHER CHET ENDED UP TELLING HIS PARENTS ABOUT GARY AND WYATT'S WILD WEEKEND . . . .​

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Get it on, got to get it on, no choice but to get it on . . . .​

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Is there a moral to this story . . . . nah, I just like telling it . . . .​

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THAT was awesome!!!!

 

[momma2mycheerprincess]

While taking a picture one time, I was about to be busted. I started talking to the phone like I was using the handsfree "hey, hold on you're on speaker, I am looking for the button. Ya ya hold on."

Been there! The lady was glaring at me and walked over I said I'm texting my daughter to see where she is so she can look at the pictures with me, and right at that moment, CP walked up. Best timing EVER!! lol

 

[mstealtoyou]

When DragonCon was held at the Omni in '89, I was on the Staff and working Security. The Con suite was on the top floor in one of those balcony room, and the view was AWESOME. I can totally see putting a couple kids on a blow up mattress out there, it'd be a nice place for them. Could get a bit noisy if there was a celebration going on, but mostly I think it could be good.

There are 8 years between my oldest and my youngest so for most of those years little was competing at the crack of dawn and oldest was literally sitting at awards at 11:45 pm. Our day's started very early and ended very late........Hurricane Jammy could have come through and they would have had no idea. LOL

 

[cheermominar]

--I don't like watching my kids compete from the VIP section. I think you can see better from further back--
I agree with that, my husband seems to like it, he is also more social then I. It's hard to see when they are smack in your face or you have to bob your head around someone else s head. Then their is the entire what side to stand on, since they are so smack in your face. Do you choose the left right or middle (which means I have the coaches head to deal with). My cp moves from all of those three sports during the routine. Then if your cp is in the back you aren't going to see them.

 

[cheermeup]

--I don't like watching my kids compete from the VIP section. I think you can see better from further back--
I agree with that, my husband seems to like it, he is also more social then I. It's hard to see when they are smack in your face or you have to bob your head around someone else s head. Then their is the entire what side to stand on, since they are so smack in your face. Do you choose the left right or middle (which means I have the coaches head to deal with). My cp moves from all of those three sports during the routine. Then if your cp is in the back you aren't going to see them.

Something that annoys me about VIP is all the kids from the gym are little and fast and run and get all the front row seats. I used to ask them to let me sit down since I was paying the bills.