Sot Bullying

[FierceandFearless]

Thank you! And yes I will be searching for a new home (gym) for her and I will definitely choose wisely. But right now I really look forward to her being 9 years old and do what girls her age typically do before allowing her to focus on cheer.

Definitely allow her to be a part of this decision too. Of course you will have the final decision, but see what interests her as far as what gym. What gym does she feel like she will be comfortable at. Also, don't be afraid to maybe do an open gym at a few different gyms and see which one feels like "home" to her! best of luck!

 

[FierceandFearless]

I have to respectfully disagree that coaching methods have to change according to the child. Nothing infuriates me more (and breaks down a team spirit) then when a coach coddles one cheerleader and then reprimands another athlete for the same infraction. JMHO

I don't think the entire overall coaching method should change completely with each athlete, I think that it should rather be adjusted when working or addressing something with that individual. I don't think any coach should ever play favorites or coddle an athlete, but you can always have a different approach within the same style of coaching, if that makes sense..?

 

[FierceandFearless]

Sometimes I have to remind myself it is no easy task to get 32 kids, no matter what age, focused and working to 100% of their capability every practice. I can understand your concern at 9 years of age, but I will share what our coach said to us parents concerning coaching:

Paraphrased: Parents bring their kids to our gym, because they see us win. It is our job to get these kids competition ready and keep them safe while doing it. I will first correct verbally, then correct verbally louder, and then turn blue in the face and go crazy on them, until they understand their job is crucial to the success and safety of our team. Many kids and parents expect me to shower compliments and sing praises and layer on encouragement, but that's your job (us parents). When we hand them back to you, you need to support them, you need to hug them, pick them up and brush them off after a tough practice, wipe the tears, and let them know how excited you are to see all of their hard work pay off at the competitions. If you tell your kids a coaches job is to make them the best they can be, you have set realistic expectations for us. If you have told your child a coaches job is to make it fun and should be full of compliments and encouragement, then you're probably at the wrong place.

LOVE

 

[FierceandFearless]

Not at a "big name" gym, but it have also been dealing with a coach that doesn't know how to talk to kids.


This year I have had the same coach tell my child "you need to be more like _______( insert name of other CP here). "You don't need to work on a BHS in your tumbling privates. Your back walkover isn't perfect", "you are fine. Cut the drama" when my 10 year old got a black eye saving a stunt. and the kicker. We had a performance this weekend. She went to the last practice before said performance sick because she didn't want to let the team down. By the second to last full out she was having obvious respiratory issues but wanted to push through the last 2 full outs. She coughing, breathing heavily, and was holding back tears, but said nothing to the coaches and I didn't intervene. Same coach looks at her and says " what's your problem? Why are you crying? If you can't handle it, go sit down" CP just told her she was fine, because it was clear from the coach's tone she was angry. Same coach told CP in performance warm up to "stop coughing and don't die". It's not always what she says, but often the tone she uses is condescending and just plain angry.
Do I think it is bullying? No. Do it think it is the wrong way to talk to anyone, much less a child? Yes. Do I think it is unprofessional and immature? Yes. She is young, and thinks she knows everything. No one can tell her a better way to do things, and anyone who tries is out to get her. I have said something about this particular coach several times, and it just doesn't seem to be sinking in that the problem is not getting fixed. Management says something to her and it gets better for a while, but then it is back to same old same old. There are parents at our gym that refuse to have her coach their kids. problem is that she is friends with the gym manager and owners. We love this gym and every other coach here so we are just chalking it up to experience dealing with people who choose to be less than nice. She is one person my child has to deal with, and she will not force her to give up something she loves to do.


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First, I don't EVER think that it is EVER okay to compare an athlete to another.
Second: I think it's absolutely sad that with your child feeling so awful and clearly having a difficult time, that she didn't feel comfortable asking to sit out for a minute or to sit the next full out, so she could catch her breath. No coach should EVER make their athletes fear that.
Third, "the stop coughing and don't die" remark I've had coaches tell me (and others) in a JOKING!!!! matter (that we would ALL laugh about)!! If that's how the coach meant it, then I don't see it as wrong, BUT if the coach meant it in a way that she was truly angry that the kid was coughing, then that's pretty ridiculous.
Lastly, good for you and your child not allowing one person to ruin a potentially amazing lifetime experience. I only wish, for your sake, that the higher authority would do something about it.

 

[FierceandFearless]

I think a big issue with "though" coaching is what you're yelling about. I've had coaches yell at us to be sharper, ask us why we dropped a stunt and had to do it 10 more times, punish us with conditioning for messing up counts, and tell us we were practicing like a second place team. With those coaches, we've gone on to be stronger as a whole, push for better, improved ourselves, and placed well. The year I won Nationals was the year I had a coach that never backed off if we were preforming under our potential, and my favourite coach of all time.
When coaches get personal though, I find it much harder to accept what they are saying, and use it to make me better. "Why am I not surprised" isn't teaching an athlete work harder, it's telling them that failure is what's expected of them. Calling someone out for being loose in a dance is not the same as telling someone they look like a flailing animal when they try to dance. That's how insecurities are formed. It's so important IMO to focus on what is being done and why, leaving out any personal or just plain snide comments. It's literally difficult to look at someone when they make you feel bad about yourself, and almost impossible to form a bond with any coach like that.
I've had a coach dismiss me by excluding me from learning new skills, dramatically emphasizing that she was using me as a backup to her first choices, and telling me I wasn't capable of the very skills I threw the previous year. Though I wouldn't call it bullying, it wasn't just "tough coaching." My skills regressed over the year, and I felt excluded from the team whenever I stepped foot on the mat. I stuck through it though and this year on the same team, and a different coach, I'm flying level 6 baskets and pyramids for the first time. Instead of being told "I don't think you can do that" or "you don't do baskets," our new coach tells us when we're ready to try something new, and stays upfront if we're not up to par with her expectations. She yells way more than last year's coach, but it's about things that will make us better, not passive aggressive comments that just bring down our morale.
I think you need to be able to accept criticism if you want to participate in a competitive sport, but to be a coach, you also need to filter your criticism if you want good results.

I ABSOLUTELY agree. A coach should NEVER make it personal.

 

[FierceandFearless]

Also, I just wanted to say something that I forgot to say earlier... If this had happened a week before competition, and it was SO bad that my mom and I both agreed that it wasn't worth putting up with til the end of the season, I definitely would have given the owner notice that I would compete at the competition this weekend, but after that I no longer would wish to remain a part of the team/program. If I could put up with it and tolerate it for the season, I would definitely do so and finish out the season for the TEAM. But that's just me, and I'm definitely older than 9.

 

[momma2mycheerprincess]

Saw this on my local news website this morning....some adults in this world really are sick. SMH

Adult Cyber Bullies Pick On Edmond Toddler - News9.com - Oklahoma City, OK - News, Weather, Video and Sports |

 

[LongHairDontCare1]

crazy!! i totally agree that you shouldn't compare athletes to one another. although were all trying to achieve the same goal, not every athlete can go about it the same way. that's the exciting thing about coaching, getting to know how to mold all your kids differently.

 

[alliej45]

 

[cheer25mom]

First, I don't EVER think that it is EVER okay to compare an athlete to another.
Second: I think it's absolutely sad that with your child feeling so awful and clearly having a difficult time, that she didn't feel comfortable asking to sit out for a minute or to sit the next full out, so she could catch her breath. No coach should EVER make their athletes fear that.
Third, "the stop coughing and don't die" remark I've had coaches tell me (and others) in a JOKING!!!! matter (that we would ALL laugh about)!! If that's how the coach meant it, then I don't see it as wrong, BUT if the coach meant it in a way that she was truly angry that the kid was coughing, then that's pretty ridiculous.
Lastly, good for you and your child not allowing one person to ruin a potentially amazing lifetime experience. I only wish, for your sake, that the higher authority would do something about it.

Oh, she meant to be ugly. Definitely. NOT joking from what CP said. I do find it sad that she is scared to ask this coach to sit out. She would NEVER put herself in the coach's line of fire by doing so however, because there is sure to be some sort of comment about not being able to cut it. I hate that no one does anything about it, but it's not going to happen because the coach puts on another face when they are around and anyone that complains is " exaggerating" according to her. The management doesn't see her treat the kids this way, and she blames it on psycho parents exaggerating. Other parents won't speak up for fear of being labeled a problem so it continues. She is one person playing the system in an otherwise great gym, and she is doing a good job playing it. She has a wonderful private coach that is doing great things for her tumbling and her self esteem, and there are lots of other great coaches at the gym. She won't be with this one forever, so we don't worry to much about what "mean coach" says.


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[Rudags]

My princess Hotmess has a coach who I have heard some say is a "bully" he is not nor has he ever been. This coach is hard on the kids and treats all kids whether they are level 5 or level 1 the same. There is yelling once in awhile but not too much. I love this coach's style and I love that no matter what team he is coaching he coaches them the same way. I do think my daughter needs yelled at and sometimes I think coaches are little easy on her and then other days I have to remove myself from the gym for a bit because I think they are being too tough, but I pay the gym and the coaches to be hard on her and to make her the best cheerleader she can be. All the tough times in practice are always worth it even to my Princess Hotmess when they get out on the floor and do well.

I am only called a "bully coach" until the kids get a jacket or win grand… then Im the best coach ever! LOL! Double standard really. I consider it a HUGE compliment you notice I coach my Junior 1's just like my Senior 5 Worlds team. Thank you.

 

[LabbyGirlMOM]

I am only called a "bully coach" until the kids get a jacket or win grand… then Im the best coach ever! LOL! Double standard really. I consider it a HUGE compliment you notice I coach my Junior 1's just like my Senior 5 Worlds team. Thank you.

It always bothers me when you are called a bully and then when the team does well all of the sudden they would not trade you for anyone. I was so excited back in May when I heard you were Princess Hotmess coach and watching all summer and then doing well at the first 2 competitions really confirmed how excited I am and she is that you are coaching her. Thanks for being an awesome coach.

 

[Rudags]

It always bothers me when you are called a bully and then when the team does well all of the sudden they would not trade you for anyone. I was so excited back in May when I heard you were Princess Hotmess coach and watching all summer and then doing well at the first 2 competitions really confirmed how excited I am and she is that you are coaching her. Thanks for being an awesome coach.

My junior 1 parents have been THE BEST! Not one single complaint from any parents all year (at least to my face or to the people that sign my paychecks) and I am tough on them! But we also went from a like 3 Back Walkovers to almost full squad and also the kids are disciplined. I hope the discipline and acknowledgement of consequences have carried over at home from cheer and thats why the parents just let me do my thing. Ive had problems with my other teams parents complaining about my coaching style, but again, the team that complained the most is now undefeated - and now I get emails treating me as a Saint! LOL! It bothers me too, but at the end of the day I just remember that myself and the athletes and the parents all want the same thing. We want to win, we want the kids to get better and we want to have a little fun…. And we want to frog jump and bear crawl.

 

[Tuan Nguyen]

Hello everyone. Wanted to thank everyone for there feedback on the post I put up in October. Katie has taken a break from cheer for the last 6 months and has just joined a new gym. The break has done wonders for her spirit and mind. It is so good to see her smile and bouncing around like her old self when tumbling or stunting. We all want the best for our kids and want to see them have fun and love what they do.

I did want to clear one thing up in regards to the post. After much reflection I do regret creating the post with the title of SOT Bullying. The fact is Katie's coaches did make a mistake in the way they handled Katie however I made a mistake in which I dealt with the situation. I truly still believe that the owners of SOT are good guys (Brett and Brad) and have upmost concern for all there athletes. Of course I can not take back what has already been done however I can admit fault. All the coaching staff at SOT have been great for Katie over the past 4 + years and have taught her the spirit of competition and how to work hard. Her coaches of last year may have had a bad day at the office or just became frustrated with the situation and I really should have handled the situation differently. For this I am sorry.

I have the upmost respect for SOT and what they do for all there athletes. The best of luck to them and hope to run into them at future competitions.

 

[Pebbles49]

Hello everyone. Wanted to thank everyone for there feedback on the post I put up in October. Katie has taken a break from cheer for the last 6 months and has just joined a new gym. The break has done wonders for her spirit and mind. It is so good to see her smile and bouncing around like her old self when tumbling or stunting. We all want the best for our kids and want to see them have fun and love what they do.

I did want to clear one thing up in regards to the post. After much reflection I do regret creating the post with the title of SOT Bullying. The fact is Katie's coaches did make a mistake in the way they handled Katie however I made a mistake in which I dealt with the situation. I truly still believe that the owners of SOT are good guys (Brett and Brad) and have upmost concern for all there athletes. Of course I can not take back what has already been done however I can admit fault. All the coaching staff at SOT have been great for Katie over the past 4 + years and have taught her the spirit of competition and how to work hard. Her coaches of last year may have had a bad day at the office or just became frustrated with the situation and I really should have handled the situation differently. For this I am sorry.

I have the upmost respect for SOT and what they do for all there athletes. The best of luck to them and hope to run into them at future competitions.

Wow, I really do admire a person who can sit back and acknowledge the errors in their ways, I wanted to expressed how much this gesture changed my initial thoughts and ideas of your posting and as a parent, but on the hand, I agree with your actions and I acted in the same way, by removing my cp from her similar situation... I do not totally blame the gym for their actions of a misguided coach, but the gym owners must realize that an employee (coach) is the face and representative for their gym...:chestbump: